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Author Topic: anyone else hooked on facebook?  (Read 14912 times)
shareislam
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« on: Feb 01, 2009 11:07 AM »


do any of you sisters have an account? If so, PM me and I'll give you my name so we can be "friends". No bros. please. duh. oldshaykh

salams
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« Reply #1 on: Feb 02, 2009 01:10 AM »

I hate facebook for a million reasons. Unfortunately everyone uses it these days to post local events, get togethers, discuss things, etc etc... I can't get off arghhh. The best I can do is deactivate for long periods of time...

BTW FYI Facebook owns everything you put up and it doesn't delete the stuff either!!

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« Reply #2 on: Feb 02, 2009 03:29 AM »

salaamz

I think facebook is the kewlest thing ...old friends united, new friends do not part , gr8 to keep updated on everyone..I think facebook generation is leading people to understand each other and learn about each other and bond with each other. I think it will lead to stronger connections and ties and love...

where did you get the info about it owning the things?
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« Reply #3 on: Feb 02, 2009 04:17 AM »

wsalam,

it's in the privacy agreement when you first sign up. watch: http://www.albumoftheday.com/facebook/

http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2008/jan/14/facebook

Quote
Facebook's privacy policy

Just for fun, try substituting the words 'Big Brother' whenever you read the word 'Facebook'

1 We will advertise at you

"When you use Facebook, you may set up your personal profile, form relationships, send messages, perform searches and queries, form groups, set up events, add applications, and transmit information through various channels. We collect this information so that we can provide you the service and offer personalised features."

2 You can't delete anything

"When you update information, we usually keep a backup copy of the prior version for a reasonable period of time to enable reversion to the prior version of that information."

3 Anyone can glance at your intimate confessions

"... we cannot and do not guarantee that user content you post on the site will not be viewed by unauthorised persons. We are not responsible for circumvention of any privacy settings or security measures contained on the site. You understand and acknowledge that, even after removal, copies of user content may remain viewable in cached and archived pages or if other users have copied or stored your user content."

4 Our marketing profile of you will be unbeatable

"Facebook may also collect information about you from other sources, such as newspapers, blogs, instant messaging services, and other users of the Facebook service through the operation of the service (eg, photo tags) in order to provide you with more useful information and a more personalised experience."

5 Opting out doesn't mean opting out

"Facebook reserves the right to send you notices about your account even if you opt out of all voluntary email notifications."

6 The CIA may look at the stuff when they feel like it

"By using Facebook, you are consenting to have your personal data transferred to and processed in the United States ... We may be required to disclose user information pursuant to lawful requests, such as subpoenas or court orders, or in compliance with applicable laws. We do not reveal information until we have a good faith belief that an information request by law enforcement or private litigants meets applicable legal standards. Additionally, we may share account or other information when we believe it is necessary to comply with law, to protect our interests or property, to prevent fraud or other illegal activity perpetrated through the Facebook service or using the Facebook name, or to prevent imminent bodily harm. This may include sharing information with other companies, lawyers, agents or government agencies."
shareislam
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« Reply #4 on: Feb 02, 2009 04:56 AM »

OK so Jannah's out, anyone else Kiss
BTW I wouldn't recommend putting up any personal info that could be used maliciously on any site.
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« Reply #5 on: Feb 02, 2009 10:19 AM »

Wasn't that the same controversy when gmail first came out?  I'm on facebook .. I don't hate it, but I don't love it either. Some of the stuff I find out about people on there, makes me very uncomfortable - people use it as an autobiography.

Like the married friend who posts her relationship status as "it's complicated", and then changes her status on a daily basis to say things like, "today is the worst day of my life" after which people make undesirable comments.  Or the friend who used to wear hijaab way back when I knew her, and has now posted pictures of herself in a bikini on a trip she recently went on, or the kid who's family I know would have a heart attack if they saw pictures of him "in da club" with a fishy looking drink in his hand and a barely dressed girl on his arm. That stuff is bound to get people (and relationships) in trouble --

but it's so hard to stay away from that kinda thing on fb.

I try not to read through people's profiles who I haven't seen in years.  It's always kinda dissapointing (and I get this sort of restless, heartburn-y feeling) to realize that they didn't become the successful broadway star I thought they would.

Does anyone else know THAT feeling?
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« Reply #6 on: Feb 02, 2009 11:06 AM »

I'm on there. I love it for the (word) games and also for finding people from way back when and looking at how they are all grown up now. If anyone wants to friend me, pm me with your user name and I'll add you.
I'm just really careful with the stuff I put up there as far as privacy goes. Nothing is 100% safe on the internet and after my sister had a really REALLY bad experience where someone messed with a photo of her online (they took her head and superimposed it on a very very dodgy photo and then posted it all over the place) I am very careful about my pictures. That said, there are pics of me and my kids on Facebook.  Roll Eyes
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« Reply #7 on: Feb 02, 2009 01:12 PM »

I'm not on facebook.  I have always been almost anti-facebook, not sure why exactly though.  The way I see it is that I'm in contact with all the people that I want to be in contact with already, so I don't see much point of jumping onboard the facebook wagon.  As for people you haven't heard from/seen in years, hm, have you become closer to them through facebook?  Otherwise to me it just seems very superfical, like hey I have 100+ friends, though I don't really know all of them that well, etc, which makes me think, so you manage to find out all these things about them through their updates, yet your relationship hasn't become more intimate/grown at a deeper personal level, and really, is that what I want?

I am also very private, so I doubt very much that I would put much on there.  If I want people to know something, I tend to tell people myself on an individual basis, which I think makes the news more personal and special.  My only other concern is that I can get addicted to things very easily.  So even if I rarely updated, I know I would still spend hours on facebook, because I think it's just one of those things that you can just end up spending so much time on, without even realising what the time is.

So many friends have asked me to join, and I've been continuously refusing.  I think it's because no one has convinced me yet as to why it's such a good thing.  And when I've questioned friends as to how they really feel about it, they've given responses like sis Justone and Jannah, which do nothing in helping me to sway towards joining.

Sorry sis shareislam, I didn't mean to divert the topic.  I guess at the moment I can't seem to figure out the appeal of facebook.  However, if I ever do sign up, will let you know what persuaded me in the end Smiley.

'If he woke up and had enough food for the day and shelter (a roof over his head) and he does not fear for his safety, then it is as if he has been given the dunya.'
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« Reply #8 on: Feb 02, 2009 08:07 PM »

ws,

gmail's controversy was about targeted ads. basically the big google computer automatically reads your email and then puts related ads to the side of your email. sooo of course no one wants even a computer to be reading their private emails!! i'm not sure if i like gmail over yahoo mail but they both have nice features.

as for the things justone mentioned totally agreed those are definitely some of the reasons why i don't like it Sad wish we could go back ten years to when there was just email and aim...
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« Reply #9 on: Feb 03, 2009 05:39 AM »

I am there, I am very cautious about adding friends, I am intimdated and overwhelmed by it.  I joined because a friend and colleague of mine in Geneva insisted and wouldn't give me a break until I joined. 

I am very careful about what I post.  Most of my family members are there too.  My younger son, nieces and nephews.  Among my friends - are colleagues, current madinates, former madinates and from outside work. I think the fewer the friends, the better.  I like to have people I am comfortable with, care about as friends and can easily interact with rather than have so many who will remain strangers. I get friendship requests from people I don't even know!  That is weired to me.

I rarely visit and when I do, it is because I got a notification on my email if someone posted something or sent me a message.

Yeah, everybody is there nowadays and I think you learn a lot about people and stuff on Facebook.

The Almighty Allah says,

"When a servant thinks of Me, I am near.
When he invokes Me, I am with him.
If he reflects on Me in secret, I reply in secret,
And if he acknowledges Me in an assembly,
I acknowledge him in a far superior assembly."

- Prophet Muhammad (SAW), as reptd by Abu Huraira
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« Reply #10 on: Feb 03, 2009 07:06 AM »

Asalaamu Alaikum  bro


On a more practical level, I was talking to someone yesterday about “Bookface” as he calls it, and how his company routinely checks FB profiles when interviewing people and is always amazed by the stuff he finds on there.


I wonder if our kids will grow up considering online social networking as the norm as opposed to just playing with friends in the neighbourhood???

Say: "O ye my servants who believe! Fear your Lord, good is (the reward) for those who do good in this world. Spacious is God's earth! those who patiently persevere will truly receive a reward without measure!" [39:10]
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« Reply #11 on: Feb 03, 2009 11:48 AM »

salam


I've used places like facebook, myspace etc to chase old student debts for years, people seem to forget that a page on the internet is open to all.... having said that I keep my profile private, nothing to see on it, but I'm not having anyone snoop either....
It just takes a little bit of common sense really.

On the other hand, I'm not about to post something on the internet that I would feel uncomfortable for the whole world to see, that imo is a disaster waiting to happen.

Similarly to Sr. JO's experience a friend discovered a cousin had posted up questionable pictures of himself on his facebook, it's a pretty good way to check out rishtas imo.
I've also discovered friends break ups and one particular make up... a marriage as I remember anounced on FB way before the person (lets just call her Sr JO) officially told us!!!!



Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #12 on: Feb 03, 2009 01:04 PM »

Assalamo elikuim
I am also on fb - it helps if you have family in different continents of the world Smiley
But just like in real life, we should be careful about who we make friends on internet.And I agree with Sr.JustOne,Jannah and Sr.Fozia, its very disappointing and sad to see some of the pictures and profile of people you know in real life.

Wasalam
tq
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« Reply #13 on: Feb 03, 2009 01:08 PM »

salam,
I do have a facebook account but hardly do I visit the site, I've even tried to deactivate the account once
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« Reply #14 on: Feb 03, 2009 02:15 PM »

Facebook has been wonderful as well as an eye opener for me. It has opened up a whole new insight to our peoples.

I love Facebook for the little incidents happening in peoples lives that are memorable but often missed in this hectic world. I only have real time for about 4 close friends, however in facebook I can keep in cybertouch with those who are dear to me...but I just don't have time for. I love the photos people post of their growing children, holidays and even the artistic photos.

The worst thing about Facebook is our Muslims. Almost daily there are posts of inappropriate behaviors. Then I am caught in a dilemma. What is my responsibility? If I see suggestive pics of one of our girls- do I ask her about it, tell her mom or ignore it? I read the irresponsible responses of 'those who know better aunties' who seem to have no problem with the teenagers activities. For example- the other day a hijabi  college sis says she is going to join some kind of Bhangra? dance company at her college. After I google to see what this is I am mortified. She comes from a respectful family...what is she thinking? So I message her...after a lot of thought on what to say, weighing each consequence of my words... "It is going to be hard to find an audience of just mahrams!" The sad thing is then a 'pillar' of our community write- "I am sure you will be good at it".... What? So then the rest of the night and till today I am thinking about these posts.  What is my responsibility? What is not any of my business?

Another bad part of facebook usage is pictures. I am talking about the multitude of party/wedding pictures being posted where the females are make upped, brides unveiled, and worse the poor unsuspecting hijabi sis at a masjid event in the social hall who is uncovered. Actually it does not bother me if the sis is normally uncovered-this is her choice. What bothers me is the sis who is drinking beer, dancing or in real tight hug pics with other guys. While so many do it... why are they so free from shame that they advertise their short comings?

I have been so saddened at moms' replies when I tell them their hijabi daughters are uncovered on facebook, or the single sis who is looking for a hubby and her posts, pictures and activities are shameful. I am beginning to feel like a busybody... but before Allah swt- what is my responsibility? Even though you take great effort to approach someone in a kind way... it only backfires.

I am also hating to see the real way families are behaving. I now look at masjid executive respectful families with such a hypocrite feeling. I also get angry at how so many of them were so strict with me and my kids programs- to the point that I just gave up...and then I see what they are doing and soooo much worse?? HMPH...

Looks like I am beginning to rant and rave... before you know it I will be spilling all the dirty garbage... don't they realize all of their garbage is public?

"Allah surely knows the warmth of every teardrop... " Jaihoon
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« Reply #15 on: Feb 03, 2009 04:36 PM »

 salaam
WOWZERS, I had no idea facebook evoked so much emotion from people.
I have a confession. I am the mother to 3 going on 4 young children. I do not like crowds, and often feel awkward in social situations around people I don’t know that well. For these reason, coupled with the fact that I work 3rd shift, I don’t get out to the community events as much as I should. So FB has been a wonderful way for me to keep in touch with sisters that I know. There is a freedom in being able to communicate with people in cyberspace, as opposed to calling them on the telephone or visiting. Maybe that's dysfunctional, but it's better than sitting at home with little contact to the outside world.
 
Yes, I have been in contact with people from way back when. It has been a delight to see their children and family etc. A couple of them are back in my life in a meaningful way that otherwise wouldn’t be. I also use it as a dawa opportunity as at least half my friends are non-muslim and I like to post a lot of Islamic articles etc.
I also like keeping in touch with family members that I don’t see that often. My brother is in India and has posted some wonderful pics.
I haven’t experienced seeing people (muslims ) in bad situations or pics. Most of the sisters I am friends with are fairly religious, and the couple that aren’t are older and respectable, etc.  I’m pretty picky about my friends, I only have 30 or so, and I avoid adding younger sisters to my list cuz I really don’t want to know.

My biggest complaint is when guys request to add me as friends. I don’t feel comfortable with that and I know my husband wouldn’t like it, so I have to be rude and not accept them as friends. Most of them are non-muslims from high school, so I doubt they really care anyway.
Contrary to the tone and length of this post, I’m not trying to “convert” anyone to FB, I just think it is quite a lot of fun.

Stephanie
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« Reply #16 on: Feb 03, 2009 04:46 PM »

salaam,

I have an account. I dont really care either way. It's just a web site. Some people use it too much though. People don't need to know my every move! Secondly, you have to be smart.  Dont post stupid things of yourself. I dont understand why young people can't figure that out yet. I don't see the point in that. Perhaps they have too much time on their hands. Or for that matter, easy access to their computers. Read or play with a toy or something. Doesnt anyone do puzzles anymore?

Sr. Kathy, I'm sorry that you see those community members reacting in a different way than you thought. People are people- you can't forget that. And yes, you can't judge them as that's not your place. You have your view and they have theirs. If you think they are hypocrites then so be it. Perhaps the ones that are drinking etc, dont see that sort of behavior as a shortcoming? Ever thought of that? You see it as such, but they dont necessarily feel that way. (I'm making an assumption here).

On the bright side of things, I can keep up with my little cousins in jersey (who I see like once a year).

And yes, when i'm interviewing a new candidate here at work, I do google/search etc for them. (just to be safe).

Peace
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« Reply #17 on: Feb 03, 2009 05:15 PM »

salaam

I forgot to mention its also good to keep in touch with relatives who live in diff countries!

oh sis Kathy I just want to mention that those girls who wear hijab and may have posted pics without hijab are probably just showing their pics to girls! not everyone can see your albums you know.. you can set it up to where you only have certain people see it

Also I agree with you sis Kathy about how its annoying when some are so strict and then you see them doing things. We have a revert who was like our mentor but she was always so strict with us girls while her boys are doing all kinds of stuff. it was incredibly annoying.

And I agree with Jannah and Justone how it is dissapointing to find out people have this 'boyfriend' or this 'girlfriend' or are drinking and wearing nothing in their pictures.. Therefore I agree with Brother Khalid and I think facebook is a good thing because you can see the reality and somtimes see who the person really is so gr8 for rishtas! Especially for guys. Because there are many girls who seem so good but the guys never really know. And for girls also ofcourse.. but aside from that noone is perfect we really do need to keep educating the youth and helping them.
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« Reply #18 on: Feb 03, 2009 05:52 PM »


I joined Facebook when I started uni -when I found I'd be missing a whole load of stuff like:

-Oh are you coming to the Eid party tomorrow?
-Nooo, I didn't know about it...
-Ohh I sent out invites on Facebook, check your mail, it's got all the details..
-Umm I'm not on Facebook..
-Whaaaaaaaaat?? ??
.................

Seriously, all the events, announcements, meetings are all planned via Facebook!

And yeah, also the thing about keeping in touch with school friends -although some photos can be complete shockers (I get that heartburn thing too)

Right now in our family, it's only us elder siblings who have an account and we try and not talk about it in front of the younger ones so they don't get all excited about it, even though all their friends are on, because SERIOUSLY it'll end in obsessed kids sitting zombie-like infront of the computer screen (like me) instead of doing normal kid stuff like playing, reading, climbing trees, tearing each others hair out or whatever we used to do when we were little.


Wassalam
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« Reply #19 on: Feb 03, 2009 06:17 PM »

Quote
Perhaps the ones that are drinking etc, dont see that sort of behavior as a shortcoming? Ever thought of that?

Actually no, people say i am naive and I like being that way...especially when it comes to Muslims. Are there Muslims who feel no guilt when drinking?

"Allah surely knows the warmth of every teardrop... " Jaihoon
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« Reply #20 on: Feb 03, 2009 11:43 PM »

ws, kathy i know exactly how you feel!!

there is this one boy in our community who is constantly using the f* word and other bad language all over his profile and posts. he also sexualizes everything he says in a disgusting way. i have been shocked for months over this. this kids is like 17 and comes from a very well known outstanding family. his father is one of the best ppl in the community. but what could i do?? so i waited a while and when he started posting pictures of himself next to some 'inappropriately dressed 'bimbettes'' from his school. I contacted his cousin who is young too and was like 'dude you need to do something'. And he said they have all tried.. everyone in the family but that they just can't change him. i was like what about the dad or the mom, he said they are working all the time and there are numerous 5+ kids in their family and they just can't deal with all the kids. so then months went by and he's still the same. one day he posts some kind of disgusting remark using words like "sl*t" etc etc... so I wrote to him privately and I was like your little sister is reading this don't you have a little shame, you come from a good family, please try to curb your words as you are a muslim. and i was soooooo nice and said i'm only saying this as ur teacher and friend. and he wrote back and said it's none of your business i can do what i want blah blah and then went on to defriend me. thank God because i don't think i can take it anymore. i don't add any of the younger kids anymore it's just more than i want to see. they'll find their own way in life i think. we can't be their parents. i just defriend anyone that i find messed up. what's the point of seeing all their unislamic garbage? in real life people can hide their sins and we can be unaffected by it. but when ur daily deluged by peoples inappropriateness i think it's the same as in real life, eventually you get affected if only to be desensitized about it.

so now you know 1 more of the million+ reasons why i dislike fb...
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« Reply #21 on: Feb 04, 2009 01:19 AM »

I dont know I think that alienating these kids is the worse thing we can do and I think facebook is good because now you know the kids more and understand them.. before it was behind closed doors but now people know..so they really have no excuse not to help and educate. also gives us a more understanding of the youth.
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« Reply #22 on: Feb 04, 2009 04:36 AM »

Asalaamu Alaikum  bro

Quote
but when ur daily deluged by peoples inappropriateness i think it's the same as in real life, eventually you get affected if only to be desensitized about it.


I think the desensitisation point is not an insignificant point.

There's one thing to know *bad stuff* happens amongst Muslims but to hear and see the exact details cannot be a good thing.

Some things should really just stay between a servant and his/her Lord. Otherwise instead of encouraging others to good, we may inadvertently be encouraging others towards completely the opposite direction!!


Who'd be a parent in this technological age I tell ya?






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« Reply #23 on: Feb 04, 2009 10:59 AM »

I don't think finding out about the unislamic garbage is a good thing.  We've been told to hide our sins for a reason - so that we don't become an example for others. 

So if some kid has pictures of himself with a girl, that's like a double whammy - a sin, and an advertisement of the sin.

Lots of people I know will end up saying things like, "well, I don't have anything to hide."  Maybe that's not really the point.
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« Reply #24 on: Feb 04, 2009 11:56 AM »

as salaamu alaykum,

I too have this love-hate relationship with facebook, depending on the day of the week and what I am looking at, and for all the reasons that were mentioned.  I live abroad so facebook is a way for me to keep in touch with ppl, but I always get that sad/heart-broken feeling JustOne mentioned when I see certain people's stuff, especially previously-hijabi sisters without hijab, or similar things.  Even when people have stuff up that is not necessarily 'bad', it's just too much information sometimes.  There is definitely good too - recently some people have posted up photos from the RIS conference, of all the different shuyukh, and that was really really nice... and definitely being able to keep in touch with so many different people is nice.

I know that in terms of tazkiya 'mixing with people' too much is considered one of the things that hardens the heart from remembering Allah... I think facebook is the virtual form of that... knowing everyone's business, what they are doing, what they are wearing, their opinions etc etc... it's too much for the heart and soul sometimes.

If I could do it again I would defriend about 75% of the people I am friends with on there who are more like acquaintances and who I added probably just out of nosiness...Tongue and try to keep my visits to small, occasional doses Smiley
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