Bismillahir rahman ir raheem
Sh. Hassan: Love is the Water of Life
Asalamu alaikum wrt wb,
All praise be to Allah, the One Who did not take a child, and has no partner in dominion, the One who has no helper, that is because Allah is the truth, and what they call on other than Him is falsehood.
I bear witness that there is no god other than Allah, single in His actions; He has no equal, no partner, no wife, no parents, nor children.
And I bear witness that Muhammad is His Messenger, the best of Prophets in rank, and speech, who lifted the hardships from the people, and who was sent with guidance and the religion of Truth before the coming of the Hour. Allah sealed His Divine dispensations with him, and opened blind eyes, and unsealed closed hearts, and left us on a clear manifest guidance, its night like its day.
Oh Allah reward Prophet Muhammad, and bless him, and his family and companions, and all those who eagerly seek his way of life until the Day of Judgment.
Say: Allah is One, Allah is the Sustainer of the Universe, He has no children, nor parents, and there is nothing like Him.
Welcome my brothers and sisters, and thank you for your efforts. I ask Allah who joined us during this blessed hour to join us with the Imam of the Prophets in the Gardens of Paradise.
Lessons in Aqeedah and Tawheed, based on the Hadith of Jibreel, and the questions and answers that take place between the Prophet pbuh and Jibreel.
Ibn Umar said, my father narrated to me: “While we were sitting with the Prophet, pbuh, a man suddenly came upon us, his clothes were extremely white, and his hair extremely black, and he had no signs of travel upon him. He sat next to the Prophet, and said, ‘Teach me about Islam…’”
My honored friends, we continue in a series of programs on the Tarbiyyah (Upbringing) of Children in Islam, based on the words of Ibn Umar: “My father taught me...” in this hadith.
I don’t speak to Muslims in the Muslim World only, I speak to the Muslims living as a minority in the West, reading or seeing this program on the Internet. Today will be a summary of what we have said in the past.
We spoke on the 10 causes of improper upbringing, then we mentioned the basis for good upbringing, first, a good example, seeing their parents doing all the good actions that we want them to acquire, rather, we see that they have so many negative examples set forth for them, singers and actors, put forth for them to emulate.
Imam Ahmed narrated a hadith: “There will come a time when foolish people will speak in public places, and hold high esteem in society.”
And our children are living in a world of contradictions, they are drowning in an ocean of desires and doubtful matters, and he sees bare skin on the Internet, and his hidden desires are provoked, rather, they are set a fire, or if he sees a program on TV. If he is able to escape from this, he falls into doubtful matters in his religion.
He is swimming in an ocean of desires and doubtful matters, so dark, it is as if he extended his hand in front of him, he couldn’t see it. Or worse, if a scholar, or a righteous person extends his hand out to him, there are other hands that push them away, from those who don’t want the children of Muslims to be raised on the Quran and Sunnah, which is the desire of the enemies of Islam.
Our children need examples, and how can a child learn truthfulness, and he sees his parents lying. Or how can a girl learn modesty, and her mother does not dress modestly. Or how about staying away from cigarettes, yet he sees his teacher smoking?
These actions plant the seeds of hypocrisy in the hearts of children. The Quran says, “Do you command others to goodness, and forget your own selves.”
And I want to spend time on this important issue of Tarbiyya, because I know every household among the Muslims needs to learn this principle of “My father taught me,” since it is foundational and lost, in homes and even in schools.
Tonight, I want to speak about a new principle, I have many to mention, even Tarbiyya by punishment, but that will be the last topic, since it should be the last resort, always.
I want to speak about a beautiful principle: It is the raising of children by love: and you might say: How can a sheikh, who wears a cloth on his head, and has a big thick beard, this fundamentalist, what can he know about love?! No, with love, life becomes clear. No love is the water of life, no it is life itself, it clarifies the soul, and if it wasn’t for love, the clouds would not cry and send water to the earth, and the spring would not bring with it new life and blossoms.
Without love, life would stop, and the bee would leave the flower gardens, but what keeps the hearts from this love, is that all of our values and meanings have changed, and now betrayal is called love, and our houses are attacked every night by a flood of sexual promiscuity in the name of love, and betrayal of spouses, and this is called love, as we see on all the TV channels.
Love, if it is touched by the hand of betrayal, becomes a wicked quality. So will love have any value one day, if it becomes absent of purity?
Yes, we talk about love from its foundation, its pure form, love of Allah, the Prophet, the Parents, the Sahabah, the Family of the Prophet, the righteous, the scholars, wife for the husband, husband for the wife, children for the parents, parents for the children, love for mercy, and good qualities.
No we refuse to call betrayal love, and what we see of the promiscuity in TV series, no we refuse to accept such a definition.
And I say with my whole being: No one tastes true love except the one who loves Allah and the Messenger, and whose heart is filled with Imaan.
My Shaikh ibn al Qayyim said there are 50 names for love, in the book (Garden of the Lovers), and the Arabs say love is purity, and the one who tastes is not like one who knows, and Ibn Al Qayyim lived what he wrote.
The Arab say about an extremely white tooth, (A beloved tooth), love means purity, and clarity. It is cleanliness, thus love is Purity, and sacrifice. Meanings that are subtle.
I speak about parents raising their children with love, and it is a lost method. Most parents think harshness is the most successful way to raise children. Yes, discipline might be the most beneficial at times, with its conditions, like a doctor who performs surgery.
And I tell you my children, your parents don’t discipline you except out of love, and harshness might be from love many times, and it could be from wisdom, for the Prophet said, pbuh, when some wanted him to intercede on behalf of a woman from a noble tribe who stole: After praising Allah, “Those before you were destroyed because if an honorable person stole, they let him go, and if it was a poor person, they would punish him. By Allah, if Fatima, the daughter of Muhammad stole, I would amputate her hand.” So this was from the wisdom of the Prophet, harshness, in its proper place.
But Tarbiyya by Love is missing from many homes, from mothers and fathers, from scholars and Sheikhs, and Imams and teachers, and leaders of countries. They think harshness is the means for successful upbringing.
No, I say that it is the most important means, after teaching by example. You will never win the heart of your child through presents. Perhaps your child will say, after you leave the room and go to your car, he will say: “Now I am free to do what I want.”
So the child will like to enjoy your wealth and not you as a person. But what a difference when a father enters and house, and the children run to him, and hug him. And those families where the children run to their rooms when they hear the sound of their father’s car when he gets home!
What a difference, between love and harshness. Love does not always have to be expressed in words, it could be in the tears in one’s eyes, or truthful words, or actions.
I want to get to the heart of the matter, for I am sure many of you agree that love is the most important principle after setting an example, but: how? How can I show my child that I love him?
Maybe my child thinks that I don’t love him, or don’t need him. No, by Allah every parent wants good for his child. But how do we show our child this love?
Let me set down a methodology that:
1.) Showing Mercy Towards Our Children. This is the first step in nurturing love in the hearts of children, I speak to parents, to teachers, to scholars and Imams, to journalists, to leaders. This is a Prophet principle, and foundational. No, not always harshness, and coldness. If your child does a good deed, kiss your child, hug him, reward him, and no don’t feel that you are too important for that. No, you are not better than the Prophet, pbuh. Yes, he was busy with Dawah and striving in the way of Allah, but he kissed children.
Aisha narrates: A group of people came to the Prophet pbuh and said: Do you kiss your children? They saw him kissing Hassan and Hussain. “I have 10 children and I never kissed any of them.” The Prophet said, pbuh, “What can I do if Allah deprived you of mercy. One who shows no mercy will not be shown mercy.”
When is the last time you kissed your children? This is mercy for our kids.
Aisha narrates: A woman came to her and asked her for charity. Aisha said, "I could not find anything except a single date.”Yes this is the house of the Prophet, nothing to except one date. And we throw how much food in the waste basket, and children are starving in Gaza. And we should all be ashamed, for the sadness of this state of affairs has been exposed to the world.
So she gave the date to her, and she split it in half, and gave half of it to each of her two children.
The Prophet pbuh said, “Whoever of you takes care of these daughters she will be a shield for him from the Paradise.” In Saheeh Muslim, “Whoever takes care of two daughters until they reaches maturity, I and he are like this is paradise, like two fingers in closeness.”
I was on Hajj, in Tawaaf around the Kaaba, and I was shocked when I heard the words, “Funeral Prayer for a young girl.” It was as if my heart was set ablaze. Can you imagine, the Tawaaf around the Kaaba stops for a young girl? Yes, this Ummah is the Ummah of mercy.
The Prophet pbuh, when he used to pray and hear a child crying, he would shorten the prayer, out of fear for the child and his mother, for his mother would be sad and scared for her child. This is why. The world has not known love and kindness like that of the Prophet. He shortens the prayers for a crying child, out of fear for his mother, so she would not feel sad.
So my dear brothers and sisters, we have to show kindness and mercy to our children. By Allah, I only speak to you out of love. No, I don’t speak to you like a doctor curing a patient; these words come to me first.
I warn those fathers who are kind to their sons, but harsh to their daughters. There remains many homes were the daughter is prevented from her inheritance, and wronged, and they will be accountable for this in the hereafter, no, even in their graves they will be held accountable.
Your daughters are soft and sensitive, and she will be a shield for you from the fire. Why this oppression. Why don’t you nurture her love for you? By showing her mercy, by honoring her, and not belittling her, or accusing her, even if you searched her bag, or room, or asked about her friends, but you don’t do this accusingly. But there is nothing wrong with looking in her bag, and asking, “My daughter, why is there makeup in your school bag. Why the tight pants, the body suit. No, don’t believe those who say it is covering. No, even if you cover your hair, it must be covering, long, loose, non-transparent, not attractive or perfumed, or else you are a fitnah for the young men, in the streets and school.”
2.) How can I nurture this love?
Through playing and kindness, and joking with the child, and each age group has its own games and playing. I play with my daughter Salamah, but different than Yusuf, who is older, and different from Asmaa.
So this playing and joking is good, but with the condition that it is true. The Prophet pbuh used to joke with the Sahabah, but only with truth. It is haram to to mock others to make people laugh.
The Prophet pbuh said what means, “Whoever describes people by which they are not will be punished in the fire.”
The Prophet pbuh used to joke with an old woman who came and said, “Make dua that I will be in the Paradise.” He said the old will not enter the Paradise. She was surprised and saddened, and then he told her the good news, everyone will be young in Paradise.
Another woman came, and complained to the Prophet pbuh about her husband. He said, “Does your husband have whiteness in his eye?” She said, no. He meant the whiteness that all people have in their eyes.
The Prophet had the best character. There was a boy named Abu Umair who had a little bird. So the Prophet used to visit him, and ask him, “Oh Abu Umair, what has the little bird been doing?”
See, why are you arrogant towards children? Talk to them and ask them and play with them.
I remember when I was a little boy, six years old, and I used to make adhan in the Masjid, before they had microphones, and I saw a man come to our mosque with a huge beard, and if it wasn’t for him, I would have lived my life afraid of men with beards. His wife was covered.
He came in to pray Asr, and I said, “This man looks like a Sahabah.”
Why don’t you smile to your children, or to the kids you see playing in the mosque? Your smile is not Awraa, and we all make mistakes, we are not prophets, the age of infallibility is over, we all make mistakes, even the scholars. So of course a child, who doesn’t know, he makes mistakes. So if we don’t have love in our hearts, how can we give it to them?
Jafar bin Samurrah said, “I prayed the Friday prayer with the Prophet, and when he finished, he received the children in the mosque, one by one, wiping his hands over their cheeks. So when he wiped my cheeks, his hands felt so cool and comforting.”
We will complete this point, next time, about raising children through love, playing, joking, and kindness, Insha’Allah.
After you have read this, please communicate it to your friends and family, for I have no doubt that every Muslim household is in need of this lost Prophetic methodology, teaching through love.
Asalamualaikum wrt wb.