// drawn to Islam but facing difficulties
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« on: Feb 13, 2009 05:14 AM »


I am 23 and would like to convert to Islam, in fact ive been researching for months. I have two problems.
One is that my parents are non-practising christians and would never accept me becoming muslim. I may have already converted if i wasnt so anxious about hostility from my friends and family.
My second concern is about marriage and being accepted within the muslim community. Im not sure how to approach others for support and i dont want to offend anyone. Also do brothers consider marriage to converts? Or do they prefer to only be serious about someone who is muslim from birth and who has a muslim family?
Thanks in advance Smiley

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« Reply #1 on: Feb 13, 2009 01:49 PM »

As salaamu alaykum
I became Muslim over 20 years ago. My family had a hard time with me becoming Muslim too. They began to accept it after about 5 years. I understand you be anxious. While it is true that they were not pleased- the open hostility never happened except a couple of times. Most were perplexed but then saw how I became a better person as a result of being Muslim. Read about Prophet Ibrahim- may God give you the strength He gave to him.
Brothers do marry converts. I have been married twice to born Muslims...lol... and i am no beauty- just average looking with a major body flaw! So Allah swt will provide you with a mate if it is good for you.

Once you are sure Allah swt is the only God and Muhammad is the prophet- you should become Muslim- you have no idea when you are going to die- and it would be terrible if you don't become Muslim because of other people and your perceived thoughts of how they are going to react.  Become Muslim because your heart already knows the truth.

I did not tell my parents I became Muslim right away. There were positives in this and negatives in this.

"Allah surely knows the warmth of every teardrop... " Jaihoon
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« Reply #2 on: Feb 13, 2009 10:48 PM »

Assalamu Alaikum
I converted 5 years ago. I pretty much told my family right off and they were shocked and not exactly supportive but they came around, especially when they saw how much my life had actually changed for good.  They were very caught up in all the stereotypes, especially regarding Muslim women, so I had did my best to educate them.

My husband and I were already engaged when I converted, so I don't really know much about that aspect, but I do know many, many revert sisters and come to think about it most of them are married!! As for the community, I did have a hard time "fitting in" at first, but over time I found a good group of sisters to consider friends.

You are describing something I think almost every convert faces. Know that you are certainly not alone in this and may Allah reward you for your struggles.

I agree with sister Kathy, you  should make your shahadda asap and inshallh, make dua, and the rest will fall into place.

Stephanie
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« Reply #3 on: Feb 13, 2009 11:29 PM »

As-salam-mu-alaikum! (Peace be on to you)

Congratulations on the fact that you have gotten this far, we can only imagine the struggles you have endured to get here.

The last few steps will be hard, but rewarding, inshallah (God Willing)

The devil is playing games with you.

Your parents and family WILL accept you for who you are - at first they may have issues, but when they see the change in the person you are, how you are helping America become a better place, and ultimately appreciating your parents for all the love and care they haven given you - they will appreciate it, inshallah (God Willing).

Secondly, about marriage. It's not an easy process -  Muslim or not - this society is anti-marriage by design. However, from my personal experience of being a facilitator at a Islamic Marriage Assistance Program in Toronto, I can tell you that the brothers AND sisters who had converted did not have to worry about proposals at this program - and inshallah (God Willing) you wouldn't have to as well.

Finally, I would recommend that you join a support group dedicated to new Muslims. There are people who've gone the same path you're about to go on - See if there are any in your area, or you can contact the one in Toronto - it's called Paradise for Ever or p4e, their website is http://www.p4e.ca/ to see if they have resources available in your area.

You're on the right path - why? You're confused because the world is so dark, noisy and unconfortable. You even may be inpatient. It's because your in a cocoon right now, waiting and not knowing when the time is right to open the cocoon and to spread your wings and become a beautiful butterfly and be free to explore the world in ways you ways you haven't imagined before...

But you, and only you, will know when the time is right, Inshallah (God Willing)... and we'll be waiting for you - we're all here to be your family and support you when you need it, inshallah (God Willing)

Give us your burdens - lets work on this together.

As-salam-mu-alaikum (Peace be on to you)

Your heart will not truly open until you understand Surah 21 : Verse 92  (Al-Anbiya: The Prophets)

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« Reply #4 on: Feb 15, 2009 08:16 AM »

Asalaamu Alaikum  bro

Alhamdulillah, some very good advice from all of the above.

May Allah make things easy for you sister.


Quote
I am 23 and would like to convert to Islam

Out of interest, was there any one thing which brought you to this stage or was it something which just evolved over the course of time?

Say: "O ye my servants who believe! Fear your Lord, good is (the reward) for those who do good in this world. Spacious is God's earth! those who patiently persevere will truly receive a reward without measure!" [39:10]
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« Reply #5 on: Feb 18, 2009 10:10 PM »

Quote
My second concern is about marriage and being accepted within the muslim community. Im not sure how to approach others for support and i dont want to offend anyone. Also do brothers consider marriage to converts? Or do they prefer to only be serious about someone who is muslim from birth and who has a muslim family?

I think these are very valid concerns.  Many communities are very supportive of new muslims and are easy to approach in general.  I think it would take some assertiveness on your part to approach them, even at this stage, to learn more about Islam and get a feel of how helpful and supportive the community is toward people who are interested in Islam.  You'll find not all muslims a re the same and not all are able to help. Focus your efforts on those who show interest in helping you.

take care
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« Reply #6 on: Feb 19, 2009 10:42 PM »

Asalamualaikum wrt wb,


All praise be to Allah.



I am very happy to hear that you are interested in accepting the truth and becoming a Muslim.  You are doing the right thing by searching for the truth and coming to this message board to ask your questions.  The difficulties that you are facing are caused by the Evil One, the Shaitan, who wants to keep you away from the truth.  But seek refuge in God from him, and do not delay, for our time in this life is short.

Regarding your parents, in Islam we are commanded to obey our parents and be kind to them, as long as they do not call us to disbelieve in Allah or to associate partners with Him.  If this is the case, then we have to go against their wishes.  But it does not mean we should be harsh towards them, or cut them off.  Rather, it means that you, as an adult, have the right and duty to make a decision that will affect you not only in this world, but also in the afterlife. 

Try to remain positive with them always, and show them the beauty of Islam, through your character and kindness towards them.  Maybe you can buy them gifts that show the beauty of Islam, like a book of Islamic poetry, or a wall calendar with beautiful Islamic architecture.  Try to show them the true picture of Islam, since they probably only know what they have heard in the news. 

Emphasize the fact that Islam is a continuation of the previous scriptures, and that Muslims love Jesus, as they love Abraham, Moses, and Muhammad, pbut.  Teach them that Islam is not a new religion, rather it is the teaching of Abraham:  To worship God alone.  Teach them about the afterlife, and that true happiness is in entering the Paradise with the righteous.  Explain to them that Muslims believe in the Day of Judgment, therefore they do not harm others, and practice honesty, kindness, and justice towards others.

Please do not be discouraged by your past or your fears about marriage.  I know you may feel that certain things took place in your past that you do not want to bring with you in your Muslim life, and the good news is: once you become Muslim, those things are erased.  It will be as if they never happened, since the Prophet Muhammad, pbuh, said: "Islam wipes out what came before it."


As for your concerns about marriage, you do not have to worry about telling your prospective husband about your past, and in fact, you shouldn't.   


As for getting married, a righteous husband will be looking for a righteous wife.  He will be interested in seeing how eager you are to learn the religion, and how committed you are to living a life according to the Quran and Sunnah, with your ultimate goal of being successful in the afterlife.  If you meet these conditions, inshaAllah you will find a very nice husband, inshaAllah.


Trust in Allah, and hasten to accept the truth that you have become convinced of, and we are here to help you along your way, inshaAllah.


And Allah knows best.



Be merciful to those on earth, and the One in the Heavens will be merciful to you.
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« Reply #7 on: Feb 20, 2009 05:09 AM »

Hi
I have posted before on the Anoynomous board. I love this woman who is a muslim and intend to marry and convert. Until this very day, her family, being born muslims, cannot accept the fact that we are in love and that we want to get married and live life the Islam way. Any comments on this? 
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« Reply #8 on: Feb 24, 2009 01:59 AM »

May I ask why your converting? Did you make this decision or is someone trying you to do it? Upon converting will it make you feel different. The reason I ask, is I'm married to a muslim and I'm catholic, and I really thought about to doing it and went to classes, but in the long run I will still be the same person convert or non convert. I believe in the name above and very moral.  Good luck in what you do.  purplehijabisis

I just would like to learn as much as I can. I would like help cooking arabic dishes also learning the culture.
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« Reply #9 on: Feb 24, 2009 04:06 AM »

peace be upon you

May I ask why your converting? Did you make this decision or is someone trying you to do it? Upon converting will it make you feel different. The reason I ask, is I'm married to a muslim and I'm catholic, and I really thought about to doing it and went to classes, but in the long run I will still be the same person convert or non convert. I believe in the name above and very moral.  Good luck in what you do.  purplehijabisis

Will you be the same person? Those who are good before converting, become better.

Then there is belief. How can two beliefs be equal? It is not the same to think that God has a begotten son, and to think that God has no children.

Not the same to believe in Trinity, and not to believe in it.

It is not the same thing to believe that the Pope is infallible, and not to believe in that.
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« Reply #10 on: Feb 24, 2009 05:40 AM »

Assalamu'alaikum,

Abt converting and marriage. Finding a husband is not smt that I would worry about. Fending off a husband wanna-be is.

The trouble with a too-soon husband...

When you become Muslim, inshaAllah, you're entering a new life. It will have its ups and it will hv its downs. Being a Muslim is not a 100m sprint. Its a lifelong journey of discovery, steadfastness, maturity and courage. There'll be new things to discover - more so, about yourself than the diverse Muslim community. Putting a man in the equation would only complicate things.

Some may disagree with me. But, to me, the relationship with my Creator comes utmost. For everything else...
let the Owner of time and space deal with it.

May Allah bless you with guidance and faciliate your affairs. Ameen.
Take care Smiley 
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« Reply #11 on: Feb 26, 2009 12:51 AM »

Peace be on the followers of guidance,

All praise be to God.


Welcome emanify, I am very happy to hear that you are interested in embracing Islam.  Do not delay, for this world is short, and your success in the afterlife lies in following Islam.

Let me explain why you may be facing difficulties in your desire to marry this Muslim sister:


1.)  In Islam, it is not permissable for a man to approach a woman romantically for for the purpose of marriage without the involvment of her family, such as her father or brother.  The fact that you formed this relationship with a Muslim woman is not permissable in Islam.


2.)  You state that you are not yet a Muslim.  In Islam, it is absolutely Haram (forbidden) for a pure, honorable, Muslim woman to be wed to a non-Muslim.


3.)  Requesting a Muslim girls hand in marriage means that you have to get the permission of her father, by proving to him that you are religious, ready to start a family, and worthy of his daughter.


My suggestion is for you to know that Islam is the truth from Allah, which was revealed to all of God's Prophets, from Abraham, Moses, Jesus, Muhammad, and many others.  There is no doubt about it.  Accepting Islam is easy:  One simply says: " I bear witness that their is no god worthy of worship except Allah, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His Messenger."  Then you should continue to increase your knowledge about Islam.


Once you have accepted Islam, you may then approach this Muslim sister's family, and express your desire for marriage.  If you truly desire to spend the rest of your life with this sister, then you should be ready to commit yourselve to living Islam and raising your children to be pious Muslims.


I ask Allah to guide you.  If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to ask.


And Allah knows best.

Be merciful to those on earth, and the One in the Heavens will be merciful to you.
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« Reply #12 on: Feb 26, 2009 11:27 AM »

Assalamu alaikum.

I suggest what our brother should do is to overlook what others may say or do. You know, one could never satisfy everybody in this world especially the unbelievers. Since Allah Has shown you the truth, dont feel shy to follow it, He will depenately be your Guide. Read about companions like Mus'ab bn Umair, Bilal and others, they good models in that respect.

Wallahul Musta'an.

"Whoever rejects false deities and believes in Allah has grasped a firm handhold which will never break." Q 2:256"
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« Reply #13 on: Mar 02, 2009 06:05 AM »

Dear All

Thanks for the updates and advise. As I had mentioned, I love this woman alot and would intend to make her my wife one day. Rest assured, I will embrace Islam as my religion before doing so. At the moment, I am doing my own learning and research on the Islamic faith on line. The one thing I must admit, never had I had so much of support from you people eversince I joined this site.

Thank you!
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« Reply #14 on: Mar 02, 2009 08:37 PM »

Hello emanafy,


I am very happy that you are learning more about Islam, you are certainly doing the right thing.  Let me share a story with you from that one of the scholars, Sh. Muhammad Hassan.  It is very important that Muslims listen to the scholars, and not follow their nafs and opinions, since this is from the Shaitan, the devil.

He says, "I was in Los Angelos in a Masjid, giving a Khutbah, and two Syrian brothers came up to me, with an American non-Muslim.  They said, "he wants to take his Shahadah (ie. become a Muslim)."

I said to myself, this is a great blessing.  When the man came next to me, I said "Before you take your Shahada, can you tell me, what brought you to Islam?"

He told me, "I was tired of life."

The shaykh said, "Yes, tell me how did you first hear about Islam?"

He said, "These two Syrian fellows work for me, I am the owner of a company.  One day, I walked into the bathroom, and I saw this man with his foot in the sink. 

I said, "what are you doing?  We use the sink to wash our hands and face!"

He said, "I am performing abolutions." 

I said, "for what?" 

He said, "for our prayers."

I said, "Why do you pray?"

He said, "We pray to Allah, as He commanded us."

I said, "Who is Allah."

He said, "He is the Creator of the Universe."

I said, "What religion are you?"

He said, "I am a Muslim."


So I became interested in Islam, and that is how I ended up here.



Shaykh Muhammad said, "I told him the words of Shahadah.  He was stumbling over each letter, as if he were moving a huge rock from one mountain to another.  I never realized the weight of the Shahadah before that moment.
When he finished his shahadah, he started trembling.  I told the brothers to leave him.  He said to me, "I have never felt this way before, I feel so happy.  What is this that I am feeling."


I told him, "This is the expansion of your heart and chest with the Light of Allah."


This man was a millionaire, he has a huge mansion that I visited.  It is on the ocean.  Even though I have been to rich homes before, I have never seen anything like it.

Inspite of all that, he grew weary of life, until he learned about Islam, and took his Shahadah, and that is how he found true happiness."




And Allah knows best.

Be merciful to those on earth, and the One in the Heavens will be merciful to you.
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« Reply #15 on: Mar 05, 2009 09:59 AM »

Asalaamu Alaikum  bro


Quote
The one thing I must admit, never had I had so much of support from you people ever since I joined this site.

Thank you!


Your more than welcome.

We may have the odd disagreement here and there but I believe we all have our hearts in the right place.  bro


InshaAllah I hope you embrace Islam and marry within the religion soon.  bro

Say: "O ye my servants who believe! Fear your Lord, good is (the reward) for those who do good in this world. Spacious is God's earth! those who patiently persevere will truly receive a reward without measure!" [39:10]
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