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Author Topic: Why Men Dont Help With Chores  (Read 4262 times)
blackrose
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« on: Apr 21, 2008 04:14 PM »


http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24206284/
Faizah
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« Reply #1 on: Apr 21, 2008 11:45 PM »

As salaamu alaikum

Thanks for sharing this, although it is doubtful that it comes as any big surprise that men are generally less prone to doing domestic chores.  Now perhaps upbringing has a lot to do with it, although sometimes I really think there is something miswired in the male brain that causes them to believe that they don't have to do anything around the house or that their obligation ends after they have helped produce a child.  Or another possibility is that men act helpless and hopeless when it comes to these things simply to get out of doing it; of course that would suggest that they are then outsmarting us women and I just won't hear of such a thing.  I'm known for teaching lessons under the guise of helping.  Case in point, when I was away at college there was one boy that claimed to not know how to do laundry and figured he'd play on the sympathies and kindness of the hearts of us girls and get us to do his laundry for him.  Intead, he got a lesson in how to do laundry, of course we didn't realize just how clueless he really was; we didn't tell him "unroll socks before placing in washer" and needless to say he didn't and then couldn't figure out why his socks weren't clean.  It is obvious that his mother did him a grave disservice by doing everything for him.

As the author so clearly states, her husband does the things he does because he doesn't have a choice.  So remove the choice and men will actually do something.  Even if the wife is a stay-at-home one doesn't mean she won't appreciate some assistance and for the working woman the assistance is a requirement.

I live by the belief that "many hands make light work" and have been known to inquire if "one's hands are broken" or "if they are blind" when one refuses to do something, sits around and asks/demands everything or walks past something that needs to be moved or addressed and doesn't bother.  My 10 year old son is finding out the hard way that I'm not the maid.  In fact all of my children have grown up hearing "the maid quit and the slave ran away" or "hold on, let me prepare your bill".  They catch my point.  As a single working mom I'm not about to come home and wait on them like the servant and besides once they are out on their own there won't be anyone to do things for them unless they happen to be filthy rich in which case I have my list of demands  Smiley for all my years of unpaid work.

As salaamu alaikum

Fa'izah
BrKhalid
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« Reply #2 on: May 04, 2008 07:30 AM »

Asalaamu Alaikum  bro

Quote
Now perhaps upbringing has a lot to do with it

Maybe it should be mothers have a lot to do with it?

Do mothers shy away from granting their sons household chores to do if they have daughters?

If you had a son and a daughter, would you get them to do the same sort of chores around the house?

If you had only sons, would you get them to do any household chores at all?


Okay that’s enough questions from me  bro

My point being that men probably need to be ‘helped’ for the want of a better word in doing these things from an earlier age so it doesn’t seem like such a hurdle in later life.

Say: "O ye my servants who believe! Fear your Lord, good is (the reward) for those who do good in this world. Spacious is God's earth! those who patiently persevere will truly receive a reward without measure!" [39:10]
Fozia
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« Reply #3 on: May 04, 2008 09:21 AM »

salam

I agree with Br. Khalid, unfortunately mothers (at leastthe ones of my own mums generation), tend ot treat their sons like littel kings and expect daughters to pitch i nwith the household chores.

I don't do this, as far as I'm concerned anyone within the vicinity with a body in working order who expects to be fed, watered, clothed and sheltered pitches in with whatever needs doing, I ask my nephew to run errands as much as my daughters, children actually enjoy it.

And I hate hate hate, this 'help out' attitude that we have whenever a male does something around the house, it's not 'helping out', it's pitching in to make life and home a nice place to be. If a female cooking, cleaning, and other billion chores around the house is not 'helping out' then neither is it when a man does it as far as I'm concerned.


Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #4 on: May 04, 2008 04:03 PM »

As salaamu alaikum Sr. Fozia

I laughed with the line about "anyone expecting to be fed and watered etc."

I have only one son and two daughters and my son is the youngest.  He's now 10 but when he was 8 he was taught how to wash dishes and was taught to sort laundry and how to load/unload the dryer since he was 7.  This is about the same age that the girls were when they learned.  All of them were taught to clean up their own messes and put away their own clothes and if they couldn't reach the closet rod at least put the clothes on hangers and I'd do it.  My eldest can cook and clean and has been able to do so since about 15 (cleaning started first then I was comfortable enough with her cooking); the middle child just turned 14 but can cook some things by herself already.  My son wants to learn but so far he's only allowed to use the microwave.  They all know about yard work and can each pump gas into the car.  If anything they are more capable than former spouses at actually doing something and doing it in a decent manner.  So the answer to the question is "Yes."  Having both girls and a boy each is has been taught and the lessons will continue because I'm a busy mom and will not spend the rest of my time and energy saddled with all the domestic responsibilities; even if I was a stay-at-home mom I won't live with a bunch of pampered pansies.

Growing up there was the philosophy of "many hands make light work" and as I mentioned before I'm quick to say "the maid quit and the slave ran away".  Indeed we have to teach both boys and girls these necessay life skills otherwise they will not have an easy time as college students nor as adults.  Anyone that treats their sons like kings is reflecting the cultural norms they were brought up with and so continue it; I don't fault them because it is what they know but it does a grave disservice to males and makes females believe that is all they are worthy of no matter how much education/intelligence they have nor what their career path is.  Pregnancy and childbirth are the only things that men cannot actively participate in...... if only Smiley

As salaamu alaikum

Fa'izah
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« Reply #5 on: May 13, 2008 11:59 PM »

salaam

its sad , how can you make a man out of a boy if you dont teach him responsiblity, if you dont teach him hard work, if you dont teach him how to fend for himself. Forget if you are not a single mom, even if you are in very good circumstances you never know when things can change.
My son loves to tie himself in the highchair and I encourage him to learn how to open  his belts because what if one day I fall and am not able to get him out, what if one day somebody breaks in?
not knowing how to do the laundry? For Gods sake my three year old son unloads the dryer and put s out laundry away including folding all the towels ect, makes his bed, folds his blankets, lines the shoes, cleans his room, gets himself ready, unloads the dirty trash bags in the rooms and bathrooms and puts new bags w/o ne helps. mashAllah
why not let your child do what they can do, it is said you are hurting them if you do for them what they already know how, ofcourse there are times when you can help , how else will your kids learn compassion and how to help others?
teaching them , giving them chores, help s them gain confidence , believe in themselves and feel like they are also contributing to their home.
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