// Parental Alienation (continued from old board)
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peaceman
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« on: Jan 16, 2008 12:51 AM »



> Please help.  I am divorced and single mother of three, 10 years old girl,
> 4 years old boy and 2 years old girl.  As of last week I was awarded custody
> of all three children.  My ex is very angry with me and he is turning my oldest
> against me.  It is a long story which I can not elaborate right now.
>
> I need help in dealing with my daughter, I was told to get a good counsel for
>her.  Can any one help!!!!!!!!!
>
>JKH

   


     peace be upon you

    Honorable sister,

    You can counter the falsehoods that your ex is telling your kids about you, by yourself
personally being of good character and disposition. Your kids will notice these traits about
you, and will not accept and believe the falsehoods that your ex is saying about you.

   In order to be of good character and disposition, you have to always obey the ordainments
of Allah, and follow the way of prophet Muhammed saw and strive to educate yourself and
your children of the ilm.  If there were actually some sins that you had committed before, you
should repent and have the earnestness not to commit them again in the future. This repentance
would serve as an example for your children, and they will follow your footsteps in the obedience
of Allah.

   For your daughter, you should try to put her in an environment where she is around muslims
and the obedience of Allah. Instead of going to  proms and dances, she can attend the programs
and classes that may be offered in the masjids.

   And Allah knows.

   peace be upon you

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May Allah increase you in knowledge.
Take a look at my site:  http://www.tajwid.info

Also a good site with several mp3 durus of beneficial knowledge from our ulema, fiqh explaining the book "bulgh Maram" , Q&A, http://www.imamfaisal.com
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« Reply #1 on: Jan 22, 2008 08:14 PM »

Dear brother
I appreciate your advice it isand  sincere.  As I indicated in my post my children are 10 year old girl, 4 year old boy and 2 year old girl.  My oldest is attending an Islamic school.  I do not think any parent in their right mind will let a 10 years old go to a dace or proms.  She is the environment where I thought Islamic.  It turns out to be a nightmare for me.  I do want to discuss about it because what I have to say would be one sided and it is not fare for the school.

I attended a program called “what about the children”, and this seminar was the best thing that happens to me.  I learnt a very valuable lesson. In the midst of anger and dislike that I had for their father this seminar made me realize that once a divorce is final it is not about me and him it is rather about a healthy relationship the children deserve with me and a healthy relationship that they deserve with their father.  They have a right to keep the bond and I have to make that happen in a healthy and smooth way unless he is dangerous to them, which he is not.  They love their father and I owe them that much. 

I know I have to keep my part with clear intension.  Al-hamdulilah, I am trying, I did not say it is easy but I am trying.   
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