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Author Topic: How to tell a friend that her kids is beating my kid without breaking friendship  (Read 3467 times)
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Anonymous
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« on: May 29, 2009 08:14 PM »


Salam
We go to Masjid everyday for my kids Quran class. Everyday we mothers sit together either read or talk Smiley.
Yesterday while we were sitting I heard my 4 year old daughter crying and then my friend's 5 daughter came in and told us that Z is crying because another friend's daughter doenst want to play with her. My daughter was crying pretty badly (she ussually dont cry in public and keep all this excitement for home Smiley ) so I went and saw that my baby was holding her face and crying Sad when I asked her what happened she didnt say anything but another girl said that the 5 year old hit her on the face. I asked maybe it was an accident and the first girl said that no she hit on the face . I just said to the 5 year old not to do this since all of them are friends. I carried my daughter back in the room with me. While on the drive back I was told that this has happened couple of times and that my daughter was hit on the face and got her hair pulled by this 5 year old. Me and her mom are good friends but I dont know how to approach her. The thing is that 5 year old is my friend's youngest and obviously very much dear to her and ofcourse my 4 year old is my youngest and very much dear to me and her Baba. My husband was furious that I let his baby got hit and didnt say anything to the mother. I am thinking from now onwards I will try to keep my daughter with me or just let her play where I can see . But he thinks I need to say something to the mother since this happened couple of times at the masjid and at other friend's houses. I thought I was done with fighting once my boys were older but I guess not Sad girls fight too ?
Any pointers if and how should I approach my friend ?

Jazak Allah khair
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #1 on: May 29, 2009 10:29 PM »

I have a friend whose daughter is bullied in school too. She told her daughter to make sure to tell the teacher, speak up, and if the other girl did hit or punch her, to tell her to stop, yell or even hit back if she had to. Some parents have really spoiled kids i mean really spoiled. They'll do nothing and get upset at you and make a big drama out of it. Some don't of course. But I think it's better to train your own child on how to deal with things like this.
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #2 on: May 30, 2009 12:38 AM »

salam

I think the best way is to get your daughter to tell your friend once this happens.  If the little girl slaps her, then she should go and tell the mother of that girl that her daughter hit her.  Watch how the mother reacts to this. Then you can bring up the issue saying that it is not the first time and you didn't know what to do. 

I don't think it is right for you to watch your child being bullied for fear of hurting your friend's feelings.  Your first priority is your child.  Being bullied by other kids has a damaging effect on a child's psyche. 

I hope this helps.



Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #3 on: May 31, 2009 10:20 PM »

Yeah I agree with the above 100%.

You can also tell your daughter to come to YOU when she gets hit and to say it loudly ... "so-and-so hit me." Then you can say, "oh did she hit you AGAIN?? Come let's go tell her to play nicely."  Make sure your friend hears it.

You have to teach your child to stand up for herself, and now is the time to do it, of course with the watchful parental eye.  Also, getting the OTHER friends to stand up for your daughter and to tell the other girl not to hit is a great option.  Bullies will always be bullies until their peers teach them not to behave in that manner.
Approaching her mom could yield 2 different results: a) either she'll believe you, b) or she won't. 

You have older kids???!!  Get them to stand up for her!!!  I was bullied in first grade by a female classmate of my BROTHER.  For months I was tortured, taunted ... she would restrain me on the ground, hide my books, steal my lunch, pull my hair, pull down my pants, pull up my skirt... I mean you name it... it happened.  My brother knew it was happening, but he didn't intervene until my mom MADE him.  But seriously.... my brother just stood up for me ONCE, and the bullying stopped.

So yeah... good luck ... and a big hug to your daughter.
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #4 on: Jun 01, 2009 12:52 PM »

Jazak Allah khair for all the wonderful advice.
I have told my daughter to tell the my friend - 5 year old mom when she hits her. I have also asked the other girl in the group who is 6 to stop the 5 year old if she hits my daughter.

My older kids are older and in the boys section in masjid  Smiley I have told them not to do anything(they were making plans of terrorizing the kid who is bothering their baby sis ) since if they interfere, it will be like big kids bothering/bulling small kids Smiley

 
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #5 on: Jan 27, 2011 04:43 AM »

Salam
We go to Masjid everyday for my kids Quran class. Everyday we mothers sit together either read or talk Smiley.
Yesterday while we were sitting I heard my 4 year old daughter crying and then my friend's 5 daughter came in and told us that Z is crying because another friend's daughter doenst want to play with her. My daughter was crying pretty badly (she ussually dont cry in public and keep all this excitement for home Smiley ) so I went and saw that my baby was holding her face and crying Sad when I asked her what happened she didnt say anything but another girl said that the 5 year old hit her on the face. I asked maybe it was an accident and the first girl said that no she hit on the face . I just said to the 5 year old not to do this since all of them are friends. I carried my daughter back in the room with me. While on the drive back I was told that this has happened couple of times and that my daughter was hit on the face and got her hair pulled by this 5 year old. Me and her mom are good friends but I dont know how to approach her. The thing is that 5 year old is my friend's youngest and obviously very much dear to her and ofcourse my 4 year old is my youngest and very much dear to me and her Baba. My husband was furious that I let his baby got hit and didnt say anything to the mother. I am thinking from now onwards I will try to keep my daughter with me or just let her play where I can see . But he thinks I need to say something to the mother since this happened couple of times at the masjid and at other friend's houses. I thought I was done with fighting once my boys were older but I guess not Sad girls fight too ?
Any pointers if and how should I approach my friend ?

Jazak Allah khair




Salam,

You can always approach her. Say it properly and in a nice manner. Being polite and being sincere should be your key. Tell her like "Hey, I'm sorry but I noticed your daughter is bullying mine. Can you please advice her not to do so?". Or you can ask her older brother or sister to defend her at school when it happens. There's always a better way to solve problems. Since you are already friends with her mother, that's a good sign. You shouldn't blame her for that since she was also her youngest. Parents sometimes give everything to the youngest child making her act like a spoiled child. Some parents find it hard to discipline their children that is why some of them sent their children to boarding schools. Some parents discipline well and that's a good thing. But in your case, you should approach her as soon as possible to stop whatever kind of bullying her daughter is applying on yours.
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