// I feel like such a misfit around other muslims
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Author Topic: I feel like such a misfit around other muslims  (Read 2699 times)
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« on: Jul 01, 2009 01:12 AM »

Is it because I don't wear a head scarf? Is it cause I'm Caucasian?
I do wear long skirts or dresses and a modest blouse.
When I give Salaams they either look away, looked shocked or hesitantly (rarely) give
salaams back. It makes me feel a little sad and a bit of a misfit.
« Reply #1 on: Jul 01, 2009 02:19 AM »


Don't take it personally, because the lack of "Salaam reciprocity" probably has nothing to do with your race, clothing, or any other factor which you can control.  Go to any on-line Muslim discussion board and you'll find plenty of other people wondering the exact same thing.  I don't know why so many Muslims neglect to return the Greeting, but some reasons might be:

-  Ignorance of the rewards for giving Salaams

-  Distraction (They don't realize you are even there until they've already passed you on the street)

-  The person is of the opposite sex and will not speak to "strange" women (this one can be quite baffling. It kills me that some bros will not acknowledge a Muslim woman's salaam and won't even return it with a nod, but  they seem to interact with non-Muslim females just fine.)

-  Cultural reasons - some ethnic groups just seem to be more likely to return the greeting.

So ... don't feel bad. Keep giving the Greeting and reaping the blessings. If the Greeting is returned, so much the better!  purplehijabisis
« Reply #2 on: Jul 01, 2009 10:00 AM »

As-Salaamu Alaikum,
 I had this discussion varies times with people and my response is always the same. It is a right a muslim has over another muslim that their greeting is returned. The thing that comes into question is do the muslim who is giving the greeting give up their right, when there is no signs of them being a muslim on them. For me living in USA it is hard to
recognize muslim men from non-muslim men so when I am greeted I return the greeting unless I know for a certainty that a person is not muslim then I would just say "how you doing." But unfortunately, (and may Allah Forgive me if I'm wrong) for muslim women I do judge whether or not to return a greeting depended upon their being dressed according to what is commanded. Please do not get me wrong I am not saying if you are not dressed according to what is commanded that you are not muslim, I'm just saying how would I know that you are muslim. I have ran across non-believers who gives the greetings just to be doing it. And we know in that case we are only suppose to say "wa aliakum." So sister do not feel sad or a misfit but help us (your Muslim family) to recognize you better so we can give you the rights you deserve. Try wearing the head scarf. (ALLAH Knows Best)
« Reply #3 on: Jul 01, 2009 11:37 AM »

Assalaamualaikum Sister...

OK - now I am waiting for you to return my greetings :-)
« Reply #4 on: Jul 03, 2009 06:52 AM »

W' Alaikum Salaam  (Hopefully I spelled that correctly)  hijabisis
Thank you brothers and sisters, my heart feels happy reading your responses.
« Reply #5 on: Jul 03, 2009 07:34 AM »

Asalamualaikum wrt wb,

All praise be to Allah.

Honorable sister,

It is the right of a Muslim, if he or she extends salaam to another Muslim, to have this salaam returned.  However, it appears from your question that you are somewhat new to Islam, and still learning about some aspects of the religion.  

First, congratulations on coming to the truth, and I am very happy for you my sister.

Let me give you the following advice:

1.)  Be patient and continue to learn about Islam.  The shaitan is very eager to turn you back to disbelief.  You must struggle against these whispers, and hold on to your Imaan and Aqeedah, the truth about the Oneness of Allah.  Do not let the whispers of the shaitan make you go back on the progress you have made.

2.)  A Muslim woman covering her beauty and charms from the eyes of men is a requirement in Islam.  This includes covering the whole body except the hands and the face with loose-fitting clothing.  You can wear western style clothes as long as it fits this description.

3.)  Don't let the shaitan put ill-feelings between you and your sisters in Islam.  They are your sisters, actually they are closer to you then your real sister, since you will be with them in Paradise.  Try to learn from the senior sisters and let them teach you about hijab, and I am sure they will be very happy to offer you support and advice.

In the end, I congratulate you for the facing these struggles to hold on to the truth, laa illaha illa Allah, there is no god but Allah, for the Prophet said:

"Worship in the times of religious oppression is like making hijra to me."

And Allah knows best.
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