// Is It Better To Not Know ??????
    Peace be upon you,
    Welcome to Madinat Al-Muslimeen, the City of the Muslims. Please feel free to visit the different hot spots around the Madina and post any discussion, articles, suggestions, comments, art, poetry, events, recipes, etc etc. Basically anything you would like to share with your sisters and brothers!! Non-muslims are also of course quite welcome to share their comments. If this is your first time here, you need to register with the city council. Once you register you have 15 days to post your mandatory introduction and then you will be upgraded to a Madina Citizen, God Willing. Please note that our city does have regulations which are listed in the city constitution. Read them carefully before moving in. P.S. - You can also post anonymously if you wish. P.S.S. - Also be sure to check out our ARCHIVES from 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006 & 2007. :)

Random Quote: Oh, man! We killed Mr. Burns! Mr. Burns is gonna be so mad! - Homer
Pages: [1]   Go Down
Author Topic: Is It Better To Not Know ??????  (Read 2643 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
« on: Nov 03, 2009 11:05 AM »

We  As Muslims Should Adjust Our Lives According To Islam And Not Adjust Islam According To Our Lives . . .

As-Salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakaatuhu..

Yaa Akhawaat, Yaa Akhawaan,

Here are my thoughts on this situation: As a Muslimah and a wife we put up with a LOT!! And we are told to be patient, and understanding. I take things to Allah...but I needed to vent.

Read on!!!!

I am married to a Brother who is much younger then me. I am in my 40's and he is in his 20's. He seems to feel that as long as he provides for me that anything emotional I bring on my self. I love my husband ONLY for the Sake of Allah!!! I love My Lord more. I can only give him so much Daleel on this and no I do not want to loose my marriage over this.

The thing is that my Husband does have dealings with women at his job.Now this particular one picks him up for work every morning and I have noticed he goes to the drivers side door and gets in. Now I am no fool by any stretch of the imagination. I also know that when you are married there is no reason for you to be out all night, other then going to the other wifes house, of which there is no other wife. I have seen pictures of her on his phone, they see each other at work all day then feel the need to be on the phone after work. I have asked him about this on numerous occasions and he told me that yes they like each other but she does not want to be Muslim and Allah Knows Best. By him being much younger then me he wants children, but do not let that be your excuse for being in all these womens faces.

I have also told him that he needs to get out of her face!! As well as MANY others. If you know it is wrong and you do it because you can (his words), then that is between you and Allah!!!

He gets very angry so I know that there is something going on and maybe he does not want to or feel the need to tell me. Again that is between him and Allah !!

InshaAllh anyone with more Daleel on this?Huh??
« Reply #1 on: Nov 03, 2009 12:22 PM »

Asalamualaikum wrt wb,

All praise be to Allah. 

Your husband should not be alone with another woman, or look at her if she is not his wife or close relative (mahram).  He should lower his gaze and guard his private parts from haram.  You should seek to educate your husband on Islam and ask him to attend the masjid and spend time with righteous brothers in the community.  You must remind him to fear Allah and that its is forbidden in Islam to have girlfriends or casual relationships with the opposite sex.

At the same time, if he is responsive, you should try to beautify yourself and keep him chaste through the halal relations that Allah has provided between husband and wife.

May Allah guide him and recitfy him.

And Allah knows best.
« Reply #2 on: Nov 03, 2009 04:00 PM »


You know it's my pet hate sitting in the passenger side of a car with a person of the opposite gender when only the two of us are in the car, I'd rather take the bus!
I really do not know how you should approach this. Is there a person whom your husband looks up too?

You need an objective (muslim) third party who will sit and mediate between your husband and you, and your husband has to see that socialising with non-mahram women is not on, he wants to socialise and talk, he has you, he can go out with you and his friends.

And quite honestly if he has said he likes this woman, he's got to leave her well alone and start walking to work, or taking the bus or the train or the tube or he could look for another job. Altho that last is insane, one cannot go thro life unable to control ones nafs, that way lies madness.

And make lots of dua, I dunno about patience mine ran out on me a while back!

« Reply #3 on: Nov 03, 2009 10:18 PM »

AA - questions to you from a brother...

1. Is your husband out late at night? If so, why? Can the work not be brought home?
2. Why does your husband a picture of another women / any women on his cell phone?
3. Why does he get a ride from a girl? Is there no other forms of transportation?
4. Was he aware that you may or may not be able to have children when he first got married?
5. Why is it necessary for him to talk to other women, on the cell phone? Is he a sheikh who needs to answer questions of the ummah? Is he a doctor?

Brothers view point:
If it looks like a rat, smells like a rat, sounds like a rat, and acts like a rat, does it mean that it IS a rat?

You have to tell him the perception this situation is creating. I'm not saying something is wrong, but sometimes the perception creates confusion - not just within the family unit, but with others people in the community.

This perception is threatening to destroy the trust of this family unit. Your husband cannot be in the dark and must be aware of the consequences of this...trust can never be rebuilt.

« Reply #4 on: Dec 03, 2009 05:22 AM »

I don't mean to sound cruel or judgemental but as a woman in her late 40's having
grown sons 30 and 31
I cannot help but wonder why on earth you'd enter into a marriage with a man young enough to be your son
and wonder how you could not of seen the mountain of potential future problems with this marriage.

Other than feeling in my heart that needed to be said, I do not feel it is right for men to be driving with
non related women to work or anywhere else for that matter or visa versa. And to be on the phone after work Huh? Sad
As to is it better to not know?
I'll answer with a few words
Temptation, opportunity, STD's, AIDS,
need I say more?
I fear he is playing with fire yet you'll be the one burnt (heart wise)
« Reply #5 on: Dec 03, 2009 08:37 AM »

Have you thought about giving him a halal alternative?
What I mean is he wants children, you might not be able to provide them. He can't marry the other woman because she is Kaffir and doesn't want to become Muslim.
So how about if you try and find him a second wife closer to his own age?
That would bring children in to your household, giving your husband what he wants.
« Reply #6 on: Dec 03, 2009 04:31 PM »


Forty is not too old to have kids at all, I've friends who've had happy healthy children over the age of forty. He doesn't sound mature enough nor a good role model to have children at all.

The fact of the matter is, if he doesn't want to change he won't.

He could have all four positions filled but he's not a terribly good husband to one wife, why one earth inflict him on another muslimah?

Anon who talked about temptations is right, any idea how horrendous it is to walk into a GUM clinic when the only man you've ever been with is your husband?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
Jump to: