// non-muslim family
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Christine_1208
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« on: Oct 02, 2009 11:23 PM »


Assalam alaikom,

I have a situation in which I can use some advice. My family is not "happy" about my conversion. I have 2 kids ages 8 and 5 they are babysat by my Grandmother. My children also spend 50% of their time with my ex-husband. The problem I am having is my family feeds my children pork. I have said something till "blue" in the face. It is to the point I will not leave them alone at my mother's house, so I can monitor. I can't do this at their father's and my grandmother is the only able to help watch the children afterschool. My kids are young enough that they don't know what things have pork in them except the obvious, like pork chops, ham and sausage. It is so frustrating to me. Why can people respect my wishes on raising my children. I guess that is the main issue. I am just annoyed because I just spoke with my son and he said we had hotdogs and baked beans..... OMG! I am trying to teach them, but till then what should I do?? Any suggestions. I will beheld accountable to Allah (swt) I need to fix this.

I believe in Islam like the sun rising, not because I see it but because by it, I see everything else.
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« Reply #1 on: Oct 03, 2009 12:27 PM »

salam

The only thing I can suggest regarding your grandmother is to find a Muslim childminder, or one who will respect your wishes regarding your children's dietary requirements.
I wouldn't leave them with my family if they refused to listen to me about what they should eat.

Alternatively can you pack them a snack for when they're at your grandmas? So they only eat what you have packed.

This behaviour of your grandmother is actually mean to your children.


Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
ume bilal
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« Reply #2 on: Oct 04, 2009 02:18 AM »

Assalam Ailkum,
I can emphasise with you. I converted to Islam 45 years ago. I was in a similar situation. I had grown up with relatives as I had been orphaned at a very young age. I lived abroad for some years and the we returned to the UK to settle. While I was away I corresponded regularly with my family. On returning to the UK we settled in a major city therefore I thought it would be good for the children to leave the city polluted air and have fresh air in the country.

I accompanied them thinking eventually they could spend the summers there. After a few visits and the constant arguments over dietry matters I gave up the idea. It just did not work as they flatly refused to comply with anything Islamic. While it then meant that my children spent their summers in inner city play schemes as my husband and I both worked and we could not afford to take them on holiday. It was a very hard decision at the time, but one that I do not regret. Incidentally my family did not seek any contact with my children, following this.
As you may have no other choice than sending them to the grandmother, then the best option may be to provide them with packed lunches.
May Allah find a way for you.
Salaams.

Umme Bilal
Christine_1208
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« Reply #3 on: Oct 05, 2009 06:30 PM »

Yes I think I will try that. I buy vegaterian baked beans and non-pork Items for my nana's house. I will just have to monitor them better. Thanks

Jazzaka Allahu Kheiran

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« Reply #4 on: Dec 03, 2009 07:56 AM »

Thats a difficult situation indeed.....Allah must be pleased with you for not giving up and trying to work out a way. The best way i think is to provide them packed lunches as others have suggested. and as your ex is concerned since u cannot control what they get there not only in diet but also in values and mannerisms the best way to counter it is to spend quality time yourself with the kids, teach them Islam through audio visual means, make friends with Muslim families that have children and visit them frequently with your kids. As they grow you must make sure that they are really really close. if they are close to you it will become very easy to inculcate your values (Islamic) in them. And this can happen only when you communicate with them well, be a good listener and always place yourself in their shoes when dealing with their issues. Ad never say a bad word to them about their father no matter how much u dislike him..for this they will grow to respect you.and even after years if you feel that no Islamic influences are stronger on them be patient because if you make them close to you and set a good example one day they will definitely turn to the right way......all the best......its a long way ahead...pork is only a small problem........and congratulations for being such a courageous woman......
doninapond
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« Reply #5 on: Dec 03, 2009 10:55 AM »

[slm]

Christine

Shouldn't you be telling your children not to eat any meat there?
Pork isn't the only Harram.
Or if it is Islam which is the problem, can't you just tell her that your children are vegetarian for health reasons?

I don't think I can advice on the issue because Hallal meat is everywhere in the UK. My children's school only serves Hallal. In the past I used to tell my daughter not to eat meat outside of the house. But then people started telling me if we didn't make use of school meals, they might become Harram again.
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