// Help cant have a conversation with my husband?
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Anonymous
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« on: Jan 07, 2010 06:15 AM »


help my husband doesnt open up,and doesnt say when he is going to come.i want to cook and prepare myself for him but he always finds me in my sleeping clothes coz he doesnt alert me when he is going to come coz we are two wives.i tried telling him thought he understood but hasnt changed.he is so difficult to have a conversation with he either ignores you or doesnt answer you or sleeps or gets annoyed.how do you get through to a person lyk this.i try n talk to him in the most humble way possible,stil it doesnt help.i want to talk to him about dividing days and trying to be fair with us but am afraid of how he is going to react especially because he married me without telling his wife so i choose to keep quiet about the whole thing but its quite disturbing what do i do how do i come about talking to him about this?


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Blessedgrandma
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« Reply #1 on: Jan 07, 2010 07:41 AM »

Sometimes I think women who act timid and excuse bad behavior
get walked over the most.
Do you have family close by?
If so maybe you can go visit them when you think your
husband is coming over and not be so 'available' to him.
That may not be considered a very 'Islamic' type response but  Grin

You have the right to be treated fairly, equally and with love and respect.
Stop being so timid and talk to that man.
(Talk, not beg or whine)
By the way if he married you without telling wife #1 didn't that clue you in
that his repect for wife (wives) may not be so great?
And will he tell you about #3? Shocked
JustOne
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« Reply #2 on: Jan 09, 2010 05:24 PM »

Please don't wear your sleeping clothes even if you aren't sure whether he's coming or not...

I mean - to some extent I agree with blessedgrandma - and you don't have to be physically absent from your home to indicate to him that you have a life other than him. I don't know what your daily activities are, but they should DEFINITELY include showering, getting dressed, doing some exercise, preparing food and eating - and hopefully some sort of vocation.

Dress up every single day... prepare dinner everyday.... for yourself - and if he comes home one day and you don't have enough food - well, you guys can just eat less, or he can learn to inform you.

Try to get HIM to converse with YOU. Dont know how... but maybe food is the best place to start.
CountlessBlessings
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« Reply #3 on: Jan 14, 2010 12:14 AM »

Sis, he married you behind his first wife's back, he doesn't divide the days fairly, he comes and goes as he wishes whenever it pleases him, he doesn't feel he's obligated to inform you, he doesn't care too much about having a conversation with you, you try to talk as humbly as possible and he still gets annoyed or upset?
Have you asked yourself what exactly you represent in his life?
Does he really want a life with you?
If he can't treat you with dignity is this the situation you want yourself in?
What does hiding from his first wife and family say about how he treats women?
Sorry this sounds so harsh but you've been put in a very unfair situation, you need to know what your rights are and demand them.  If you can't be given them then ask yourself whether you're where you want to be in life.
peace
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« Reply #4 on: Jan 14, 2010 10:05 AM »

Dear sister you have by mistake chosen to represent your self as a brother in the side bar that tells about the gender of the post writer........change it or you will not be taken seriously........I dont know what much to say in your situation........its unfair definitely.....pray to Allah..........and tell your husband in a loving but firm manner that you need to talk.........
And think for yourself if u really want this relationship or not........
JustOne
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« Reply #5 on: Jan 14, 2010 02:07 PM »

i think "anonymous" is always male, regardless of the poster....

like it's not a person who chose the nickname "anonymous"... but various people using the "anonymous" board to post anonymously.
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WWW
« Reply #6 on: Jan 14, 2010 08:28 PM »

wsalaam,

yes anonymous is just anonymous... could be a sister or brother.. i removed the gender in case there was some confusion...

ws
Jaihoon
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WWW
« Reply #7 on: Jan 17, 2010 06:49 PM »

I have heard that when Rasool and companions were on the way when returning from a war, a messenger would be sent to inform their families about the arrival.

Suprises may sound cute in a relationship, but not in matter of arriving at home. It's a religious obligation, I guess.

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