as salaamu alaykum,
I sense some communication issues between you two and would highly recommend a book called "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". Sometimes the messages we think we're sending are not understood the way we intended, and sometimes we interpret actions or words from our husbands in ways that they never really meant! subhanAllah. I found this book really beneficial in helping to understand some of these differences and putting things in context. It even has pages of "translations" - what you say and what they hear and vice versa... it is very interesting.
For example, you mentioned that sometimes you are rude to your husband as a response to the way he treats you, as a way for him to know that you dislike his distance, and his not talking to you about important matters etc. From my experience, I am pretty sure that he has NOT made that connection, and doesn't see any relationship between the two. Really, men have a hard time making these kinds of connections and need things to be expressed clearly. I remember a lecture by Sh. Abdullah Adhami (who is one of the most sensitive and amazing scholars out there when it comes to gender relations and womens issues, mashaAllah) where he was joking about this trait in men - how they don't see the link between events and so there is an argument between a couple at home in the morning and when the husband comes home at night and his wife doesn't hug him he's like
what does this have to do with that?
My point is that you both have to commit to understanding each other and giving a little bit. Divorce is huge. HUGE. It's there as an option, but why not try all other possibilities before going that route. And why wait for him to make the initial move? what do you have to lose by setting aside your anger and resentment for a little bit and giving of yourself for a short time, if it resolves the issues in your marriage? Its one of those things - lose the battle but win the war you know what I mean
May Allah make things easy for you and guide you to the best decisions in regards to your family life, and grant you a home of sakeena and tranquility,