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Author Topic: Taking off the Hijab: Was putting it on a mistake?  (Read 11343 times)
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Fozia
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« Reply #25 on: Apr 16, 2010 09:03 AM »

salam


First off, I'm not really rabid about wearing a scarf ok.

Secondly, instead of wearing your abaya, could you not wear long lose dresses instead to avoid having a million layers in this heat? As for me I always have an abaya on in summer but only when I'm commuting between places otherwise if I step out of work at lunchtime I'm in long dress and head covering, I get heat stroke very very quickly, which is also the reason why I have to cover I am more susceptible to it when directly exposed to sunlight!

Have you experimented with different types of hijabs and different methods of typing them on? You don't necessarily have to have swathes of material wrapped around your throat, I find it cooler in summer to wear a hijab because I have (actually had) knee length hair, it was far easier to coil it into a chignon and tie it back with a headscarf, when out a pashmina draped across your shoulders would cover your torse too, job done!

Alhumdulillah for your understanding husband.

Btw clothing restirctions for men;
they are not allowed to wear silk
not allowed to wear gold
have to wear their trousers hitched above their ankles
have to have beards and no moustaches
not allowed to wear red (OK not terribly sure about this one tho)
I've heard that they should wear their hair short (this would upset me more than wearign hijab, being told how to wear my hair!)

There are rules for both men and women, just different ones. Don't abandon hijab completely, it will upset you more than anyone else you know.

BTW, as for the sisters having a case of the vapours because you removed your headscarf for medical treatment, I removed a heck of a lot more when having my first child, and I had an emergency crash team in my labour room at one point I think they were mostly men too, the specialist assigned to me was most definitely a man, a big black dude with size 7 hands (yes I heard them in the dreamy fog which I was drifting away in, searching for extra big gloves for him), at one point and this was very surreal I had a teaching class walk in and discuss my labour, whilst there I was wondering whether any of this was real, and not actually giving a damn about what I wasn't wearing...oh I wasn't wearing a head scarf at that point either Roll Eyes I'm sure tho Allah will understand that one!



Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #26 on: Apr 16, 2010 11:28 AM »

(Just a small point... I don't think men have to wear their hair short -- the Prophet (saw) had longish hair, from what I understand.)

Shahida... I think the thing is... I wear the abaya and head scarf because it is a requirement here... and I love it... but the difference is that I haven't made the solid intention to start wearing hijaab yet. 

I think we should not compare our situation to that of mens'... period.  It can always seem unfair from that angle.  I had similar issues... I used to spend every summer in Africa with my dad, volunteering at refugee camps or hospitals.... like gritty field work... it can get REALLY hot there, and dirty too.... and it's just impractical to wear anything other than khakis or linen pants. And while I kept my hijaab on, I would trade in my skirts for practical reasons.  And I felt like such a hypocrite. 

Then when I finally started working (in a similar field), I was referred to as a "heathen western woman corrupting our sisters and daughters" (on microphone at a masjid at Friday khutbah!) when visiting this village full of crazy people in Pakistan.  I was wearing  a loooong kurta and was draped with a huge chaddar... my only crime was wearing jeans on the day that I was flying in to the village (and yes I should have been far more culturally sensitive... but I can't travel in shalwar kameez)... I was sitting outside in the compound drafting a report, and I asked the cook to translate the khutbah for me (it was in pushto) because that was the primary way the elders communicated to the people of the village, and was necessary for my report.  The poor guy was too embarrassed to translate this part... but he did. 

So you know what.... to each his own... but within the bounds of Islam. And it is soooo subjective.  I have a friend that adamantly justifies (using references) that hijaab is NOT fardh. And one that justifies that niqaab is. Frankly, I used to be easily persuaded, but I don't agree with either perspective anymore.  If I stay with my in-laws in Pakistan, I can't walk around the house without my dupatta on - I believe it to be custom, but my mother-in-law has justified it with religion (there aren't any men at their home, my FIL only comes home on weekends).  In my parents' home in Pakistan, I can hang out in a t-shirt and capris, and no one thinks it's weird, even though I have two brothers.       

I think the reaction to your brain scan is uber weird... I would shrug off opinions like that, but again, that's just my opinion. 

So you know what... it's really confusing.

Wasalaam.
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« Reply #27 on: Apr 16, 2010 02:09 PM »

Assalamo elikuim
Sr Christine , big hug for you. Please dont take seriously what the sisters said - I am suprised being your friend, they were more   concerned about your hijab than your brain scan Sad Sad
I always make a point of going to female doctors(even for when I was expecting  I wanted female only practice so that if my doctor was not on call at the time needed, I made sure that the oncall doctor was female ( the practice where all the doctors were female were pretty far from my house ,always made barely  in time for my babies Smiley )
But couple of years ago, at my regular checkup my doctor found a growth and she was concerned about it and wanted it removed ASAP- the only surgeon available was male. That was necessary and was medical reason. The point of all this blah blah i.e. my life story Smiley was that isnt there is a hadith that if needed for life/health reason alcohol, which is haram can be taken too.!

About summer and hijab, yes it gets too hot and I can definitely understand when you said that husband in shorts, kids in half sleeves ,shorts/caprice , but I guess the best atlernative would be to wear breathable material i.e. cotton( linen would be too, but I am low maintenance person and linen require serious ironing that I can do without Smiley). Try different style and material of hijab and see which one feels better for you during summer. Also as Sr.Fozia said long cottony dressess or skirts would be more cooler and in style too Smiley.
Hang in there sister Smiley


Quote
(Just a small point... I don't think men have to wear their hair short -- the Prophet (saw) had longish hair, from what I understand.)
Sr.Justone is right (My oldest has been quoting this all the time since he wants to grow hair  and I prefer short hair on boys:( - I hope teen years passes soon before I loose my mind and hair too Smiley )

Wasalam
tq
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« Reply #28 on: Apr 16, 2010 02:17 PM »

salam

I think the hair thing is that its not so long as a man can be mistaken for a woman.

How long does your son want to grow his hair? He'll soon get fed up with it when he figures just how much maintenance long hair requires to look decent. Let him pay for his hair care products from his own pocket money, he'll need to get it trimmed regularly to prevent it from looking ratty too (unless the ratty unwashed look is what he's aiming for!!).

Wasslaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #29 on: Apr 16, 2010 04:14 PM »

salaam

Actually I believe long hair is not just something a man 'can' do its actually 'sunnah' because the Prophet pbuh had it. But if you read the description, like sis Fozia said it should not look like a girls (like a lot of bikers have) I think in the description it was cut shorter where the ears are and longer at the back so you look pure male.

You are right there are diff opinions on the whole hijab deal especiallly about wearing pants. One of the reasons that they say its not allowed is because we are not suppose to 'imitate' men but in this day and age there are 'girl' pants and there are 'boy' pants Allahu alim.

mashAllah sister Christine I agree alhumdlilah for you to have such an understanding and supportive husband (he said he will cover more)
About being forced. The only way he can force you is by physically putting it on, everything else remember is always our choice. Yes there is a wrong and a right but as human beings we are given a 'choice' whether we will do the wrong or the right.

Where hijab got really annoying for me also in the beginning because I had a baby that I was nursing and the ex was at work so every time someone knocked I had to go put on a whole outfit basically. (I would most likely wear capris and sleeveless or short sleeve top(or whatever else I wanted) at home which was suitable in the heat and nursing and doing everything else)  A lot of times while rushing to put clothes on the person would leave.
Each time I had to go check mail or go for a walk or chill outside had to do the same thing. Back at home I was very used to going outside and playing or helping my dad alot in a short sleeve tshirt and jeans so it kinda sucked.
So Christine I kinda understand (its always good to have a backyard w a fence lol)

JustOne oh megosh yes even with girls only many in Pak wear a dupatta around their house. My chachi told me they go for dars (learn religion from some lady and she told them they should because of the gins and islamically we are suppose too?Huh?

About wearing it around the father  we were not required to wear a dupatta but yeah still had to wear jeans and no sleeveless but also in my inlaws my mother n law wanted us to wear a dupatta around the house and in pak many people wear it around their father.
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« Reply #30 on: Apr 16, 2010 04:33 PM »

but its interesting that it doesn't seem that way in Arab culture they seem to wear whatever they want at home or with the ladies

Like if they don't wear hijab then they can go around in shorts, ect. The one arab girl told me her dad allowed her to wear short shorts when she was with him only or else she had to wear capris ect.

Even if you go to an arab ladies parties when they shed their jilbabs they are wearing beautiful backless dresses and stuff.
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« Reply #31 on: Apr 18, 2010 09:30 AM »

Salam alaikum

You know, I have no idea what the big deal is with wearing pants?  I find them to be utterly practical!  And more of a necessity when you think of hiking up several flights of stairs or even getting on a bus...while men are able to do all these things in a lungi, and show their calves along the way, the same would not be ok for a woman!?  Surely? 

I dont mean skinny jeans with a short top that hardly covers anything, but I dont know why anyone would say that women are not allowed to wear pants, period.  or that you are a heathen because of the pants?  subhanAllah...

I hardly wear shalwaar khamises, but they have pants as half the outfit!  Or would an open sari be better, cuz there's no pants? oh come on...

Even under my abaya, I still wear pants...the wind comes along and up it goes, and there for all to see are my legs? I dont think so...

Sorry girls, but the pants thing really gets to me...my advice: take everything with a pinch of salt.  As long as your outfit is comfortable and if you wear hijaab, suitable to the norms of hijaab, then go for it. 

Salam
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« Reply #32 on: Apr 18, 2010 12:10 PM »

salam



I agree totally with that, actually has nobody else noticed that shalwar suit designs reflect western clothing trends?

Right now churidars are soooo in, which are very skinny jeans or leggings style aren't they? Actually I nearly died laughing a while ago, when a friend gave me an outfit as a gift, oh my it's sooo pretty, it's all black with beading on it, the kameez and shalwar however are completely and utterly see thro, which didn't register with me as I was thinking I'll just have to have a lining put in or wear a slip, and then my mum saw it and went, 'I'll make you some black trousers to go with that kameez, you cannot possibly wear that shalwar it's completely see thro!!!' and she's right it is!!!

I don't particularly mind skinny jeans or leggings either worn under a suitably long top I don't think it really matters, unless one objects on grounds of good taste. But fitted clothing is horribly oppressive in heat, I can't risk fainting on my commute in to work, it was really embarrassing when it happened last year!



Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #33 on: Apr 19, 2010 03:11 PM »

slms...
dear sis christine...wish i could give you a hug...just hang in there:)
its human nature to rebel against a direct order...we cant help it.....but i think its sad that we end up retreating from something ppl try to shove on us...when, if they just leave us...we will probably go towards, anyways...
i guess the trick is to say- hold on. this is actually the right thing and im woman enough to acknowledge it, even if i dont like the source.

easier said than done!
ive had plenty of bad scarf days- where i loathed it with every atom...but still wore it. my sister thinks its better to remove it and be in a happy frame of mind...than wear it and be itchy or angsty.
i told her that... its one of the few things im proud of. that despite my intense loathing on those days, i kept it on. that...hopefully, somewhere....that action should count for something.
because we can all be nice when we want to. and we can all do good things when we want to.
theres no virtue in that.
its just..a form or manipulation. but being nice or doing something good when every atom aches with that torture of submission...then. i think that counts for more. because then theres nothing sweet or consoling to keep you doing it. then you...do it because its whats in your core, like a red hot painfully branded stamp.
and yet you did it.
i dont know. thats just my whimsical opinion cos i dont want to think that all my actions were wasted. plus ...my sister cant be right!nohooooo!
lol:))

as for the gp's etc...dont stress. im in the health professions myself...and there were times in theatre when i had to be dressed a certain wway that i didnt like at all. yes, i had on baggy scrubs that could have housed a dozen pygmies...but i still felt exposed because my forearms showing. but at that moment..the patients well being came first.and i happened to be assisting nonmuslim surgeons who stood very close to me, and when necessity arose, actually wiped their faces on my shoulder. the first time this happened, i was appalled. turns out the surgeons cant touch their faces because of contamination issues. so they use their assistants as ...towels. or end up asking them to scratch theeir noses/eyebrows/reposition their goggles etc.
:|
that being said....it REALLY upsets me when a muslim surgeon does that to me. He should know better. or do it to someone else, lol...
so your friends would probably have a stone fest for me...
as for wearing clothes within the confines of your home....lol. touchy subject. my mum is always shouting me for being like the west...because i wear jeans under my cloaks. want to know the funny thing? ive never taken my cloak off at home. but she still insists that im dressed worse than her because she sees it peeking out from my hem!
to me..thats like telling someone youre naked under your clothes.
i know my parents are very conservative- so i live in a cloak even at home. when i was younger, it used to drive me crazy..but now, its a small enough thing to give to my father out of respect. my parents have done so much for me..so...this little thing , if it eases their mind, is fine.
(and yes. i really miss my days of being glammed up and looking cute and modern funky......but i guess it can wait!)
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« Reply #34 on: Apr 19, 2010 05:04 PM »

salaam

cloak at home? That is hard very hard, especially if you do household chores. Hope you meet the man who excels your standards xx
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« Reply #35 on: Apr 19, 2010 08:30 PM »

Salam alaikum

Sparrow...I *must* know you!!! I never became any kind of surgeon precisely because of the dress code, and I used to be covered and HOT all the time, and I used to tell whoever was wanting to wipe his brow off on my shoulder, that they should use the scrub sister instead!! Tongue cuz those sisters used to gossip about my scarf and long sleeved t-shirt!  hey, IM me:)

As for cloak at home, it's do-able, but man, so not practical?  Home is the place where you can be free to dress the way you want...

Take care all, Salam
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« Reply #36 on: Apr 19, 2010 09:29 PM »

slms sis shahida...
i got thrown- and screamed at- out quite a few times for covering my forearms.... though my scarf was never a problem, alhamdulillah:) at least when you're operating, you have the other sterilised gown on, so thats properly covered... but for now, my theatre days are a thing of my university past...
i know what you mean about getting hot...lol...one day i fainted on the patient ... at the time, i was mortified but afterwards could see the humour..... and it made me...perhaps...a little lax then? i think i might have taken on a 'what happens in theatre stays in theatre' approach.
i dont know anymore. my minds all to pieces....

p.s want to know the really hysterical thing? it was the muslim haafidh surgeon who ended up asking me for a back rub whilst he was working! hows THAT for cracked?
(and no..i didnt oblige....despite the theatre sister going on about how lazy and selfish i was not to help the poor dear...*blah*)
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« Reply #37 on: Apr 27, 2010 06:09 PM »

salaams.

We know the word of Allah swt..and what is said regarding 'hijab'. With that said..I'm sure we can all agree that the best 'hijab' is with our character..and how we really are deep down, on the outside (character wise) etc. So no scarf you wear, abaya, niqab, jilbab or what have you will MAKE your character any better than it really is...turn inward and you would have the answer to all your questions. Turn inward and you will know if the clothing aspect of hijab is for you or not. It's all good. Love you all regardless Smiley

And in case you are wondering...do I wear the head scarf or any form of those cloths...NO. Do I ever think of doing it...Frankly no. Do I feel guilty Islamically for not doing it...No. Do I care if anyone else does.. Nope:) As I said...It's all good Smiley

much love
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« Reply #38 on: Apr 27, 2010 06:22 PM »

Speaking of Hijab and what not... check this out... haha we need a WHAT THE HEY??? thread



She can't show her hair, but she can show her punk soul!
http://www.buzzfeed.com/mathieus/punk-muslim-girl-8q4
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