// Taking off the Hijab: Was putting it on a mistake?
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« on: Mar 12, 2010 08:36 AM »


Question

I understand that hijab is required, and I’ve been wearing it for some time now but I feel like putting it on might have been a mistake.  I don’t feel like it’s made me become a better Muslim, and I feel almost like I’m deceiving people because they look at me as an example even though I’m still struggling with a lot of things. Also, if I take it off, is it really something Allah will punish me for? It seems like such a petty thing. Isn’t the most important thing having a clean heart?

Answer

Assalaamu `alaykum dear questioner,

Thank you for asking this question which opens up a number of important issues, and for entrusting us enough to share with us some of what you’re struggling with. I ask Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala – exalted is He) that He makes the words that I write beneficial to you and others who are reading, and that He leads you to the best decisions.

I’d like to start by addressing what I believe is the least important factor in this equation, and that is ‘what other people might think.’ It should never be the case that we alter our practice of Islam or our worship for the sake of other people, or what they might think or assume. People may be quick to judge or jump to conclusions, but whatever thoughts or opinions they have are strictly their responsibility, and not something we should be overly concerned with.

You said that you’re worried that wearing hijab may be deceiving, because people see you as better than you really are. But in truth all of us are sinners, and it is only from Allah’s mercy upon us that He is as-Siteer - the One who veils our faults and our flaws, and makes us seem better than we really are in others’ eyes. One famous scholar said, “If sins had a smell no one would come near me because of the stench!” Every single one of us has deficiencies and weaknesses, has made mistakes, has taken missteps or is presently taking them. We only do the best that we can, and any good deed that Allah grants us the opportunity to perform should be considered a blessing that we take advantage of. Instead of worrying about not being good enough, we can instead consider this as an opportunity to be thankful to Allah for concealing our negatives, and pray, “O Allah, forgive me for what they do not know about me, and make me even better than what they think.”

You will be hard-pressed to find anyone on this earth who can be considered ‘worthy’ of being a representative of Islam, because everyone has one dimension or another in their faith or practice in which they are lacking. However that doesn’t mean we should stop encouraging each other by whatever means are available to us.  There is a very beautiful hadith related to this issue:

Anas relates that, “We asked the Prophet saw, ‘O Messenger of Allah saw, shouldn’t we refrain from calling others to goodness if we don’t practice all good things ourselves, and shouldn’t we refrain from forbidding wrong things until we ourselves have abstained from all the bad?’ ‘No,’ he replied, ‘You should call others to goodness even if you don’t do all good, and you should forbid bad things even if you don’t abstain from all of them yourselves.’” (Al-Tabarani)

Remember that by wearing hijab you are not saying to others ‘I am Islam’, but simply that ‘I am a Muslim’, meaning – I am someone who is trying to follow this religion, who accepts it as truth, sees beauty in it and hopes to beautify myself with it.  I remember a quote attributed to Yusuf Islam: “Islam is not a state of being but it is a process of becoming,” – becoming more, become better, striving to reach that state of perfect submission and connection with Allah Most High, and May He help all of us achieve that, ameen.

You also said that you feel hijab has not really made you a better Muslim. A lot of times when a person first starts performing a good deed they feel an iman ‘rush’, a feeling of happiness at doing something good for the sake of Allah and energy to do more, improve themselves, etc. However, after some time, when that action starts to become just another part of a daily routine, it loses that power, and that increase in iman and excitement dissipates.

What a person needs, instead of focusing on those ‘rushes’, is a steady and constant diet of good deeds and spiritual nourishment. We cannot rely on one particular deed to ‘make’ us better Muslims. Instead, we have to take the reigns and make sure we are doing things regularly that increase us in iman, like recitation of the Qur’an, performing salah with consciousness and focus, dhikr, and so on. Wearing hijab can definitely be one of those things, but it is only one part of a whole that needs to be constructed. Just like exercise is important for good health, yet it has to be combined with eating right and many other things in order for the person to see the desired results in the end.

Also know that there is a direct relationship between a person’s actions and their inner state. We know that when someone is in a high state of iman it’s natural for him or her to start performing more good deeds. However, we may overlook the fact that the opposite is true as well – that just performing good deeds, even if one may not be ‘feeling it’, can affect us and change us. The limbs are inroads, and performing good deeds with them can soften a hardened heart, bring enlightenment to a closed mind, and give a person a feeling of rejuvenation and desire to come closer to Allah and do more positive things. I heard a scholar say that if one is feeling troubled, confused or in a low state of iman, “go quickly to action”; because good deeds can bring about that inner reawakening one may need. If we don’t see a change happening in us when we do a good deed, that doesn’t mean we should stop it but that perhaps we need to supplement it with others in order to gather the momentum needed to see results.

Thirdly, you are absolutely correct when you say that the most important thing is for us to have purified hearts. Allah (swt) emphasizes this in the Qur’an when He states that on the Day of Judgment nothing will be of benefit to the servant except “one who brings to Allah a clean, sound heart” (26:89). The question is, how does one achieve that? What purifies us and cleanses our hearts?

In our times we find that some people feel that we’ve reached a more ‘enlightened era’ in which spirituality can be derived solely from philosophy and ideas, and need not be bound by rituals and details of religion. However those who propound this notion forget that Allah did not create us as minds and souls alone – but coupled them with our physical bodies. We cannot deny the fact that we are body and soul, content and form, together, and each has its own needs and specifications for refinement. This is a sunnah of Allah in the way that we were created, and why prayer, fasting, and all our spiritual endeavors have very specific physical components. These forms house within them dimensions of meaning, but it is only from enacting them precisely that a profound spirituality can be achieved.

Purifying our hearts is the goal, but the means to reaching that goal is through the very real and specific physical prescriptions and commandments that Allah (swt) has given us. It is through His obedience and through following the teachings of our deen that we clean and polish our hearts. It is for this reason that I have to say that hijab is not something trivial. Anything that leads us to spiritual awareness, elevation, and purification – that helps us come closer to Allah – cannot be considered trivial or petty. Perhaps it is more likely that there are hidden depths within it that we do not perceive, or that we are not putting it in the proper context of its deeper purpose and meaning.

About punishment from Allah: a better way of looking at this issue is not considering the smallness or pettiness of the sin, but the greatness of the One whom we are sinning against. From His infinite wisdom, all-encompassing knowledge and vast mercy, in accordance to His Law – which is at its core about attaining benefit and warding off harm – He has instructed us to perform this action. In the Qur’an Allah says, ‘It may be that you dislike something and in it is goodness for you’ (2:216); ‘It may be that you dislike a thing but Allah brings about from it a great deal of good.’ (4:19) If someone chooses to step away from a prescribed action knowingly, we cannot deny that this is a sin, and that Allah holds us to account for our sins. However we always have hope in and pray for Allah’s mercy and kindness, as we know He can forgive all sins if He chooses.

In closing, I want to leave you with a beautiful quote from a Hadith Qudsi. Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala said:

“My servant draws not near to Me with anything more beloved by Me than the religious duties I have enjoined upon him.” (Bukhari)

Know, dear questioner, that if you feel far from Allah, the solution is not to stop what you are doing and find a different way, but to persevere and continue on the path you are on, even though it is hard. This will make you beloved to Allah, and one who feels the happiness of being close to Him and being shaded by His Loving Mercy and care.

May Allah enliven and enlighten our hearts and grant us closeness to Him. May He make us people who love to worship Him, and through our worship become close to Him and gain His love. May He make our hearts firm and steadfast on our deen, and grant us strength and bravery in our spiritual struggles. May He guide us to the best decisions and make easy for us the path of khayr [goodness]. Ameen ya Rabb.

WAllahu a`lam – and He alone knows best.

Wasalaamu alaykum.

---

from http://www.suhaibwebb.com/personaldvlpt/taking-off-the-hijab/
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« Reply #1 on: Mar 12, 2010 09:48 AM »

This was a beautiful response and I actually initially saw it on Suhaib Webb's site yesterday. This is a great lesson for all of us - men and women.
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« Reply #2 on: Mar 12, 2010 08:40 PM »

It is beautiful! Before I started wearing hijab it was a HUGE issue for me. It was by far the hardest thing ever. When I found out it was a command that women did in Islam I was like, I can't convert. It was jihad for me, big internal war. But anyway, it makes me feel closer to Allah, there are times I want to take it off, I get very annoyed with stares and comments. I miss the days of just going somewhere and no one notices. I get more attention now then I ever wanted. Arabs hit on me, the rest give looks/stares and the occasional comment. But I have to remember alittle test a friend and I did last summer. My friend sarah is non-muslim and beautiful. We went out to the waterfront (shopping mall) While at panera we did this little test I would ask random guys is they would go on a date with my friend. EVERY single guy was like.. Yeah man, she is beautiful. She then would do the same for me, one or two said yes, most said no. She then she would say why? They would say, Well I don't really know her, I would have to know her. It was interesting to me. Yes,  you have to get to know me, I am more than a pretty face. My friend Sarah actually learned alot that day too. I saw hijab in a very very different way after that. That I was actually forcing people to respect me as a person and not an object. Try this one day see what experience you have. Allah Alam!

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« Reply #3 on: Mar 13, 2010 08:58 PM »

  Assalam alaikum,
    Putting on Hijab by our Muslim sisters has NEVER been, and will never be a mistake. Those comments offered by some members of this forum have been excellent and looked at the matter properly...I only wish to add that the Hijab has 7 virtues viz:-
 
    1.The Hijab is Iffah-modesty
    2.The Hijab is Tahara-purity
    3.The Hijab is a shield
    4.The Hijab is Taqwa
    5.The Hijab is Haya-bashfulness
    6.The Hijab is Gheerah-justifiable jealousy, and
    7.The Hijab is an act of obedience to Allahu Tabaraka Wa Ta'ala
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« Reply #4 on: Mar 14, 2010 06:46 AM »

Asalaamu Alaikum bro

Quote
A lot of times when a person first starts performing a good deed they feel an iman ‘rush’, a feeling of happiness at doing something good for the sake of Allah and energy to do more, improve themselves, etc. However, after some time, when that action starts to become just another part of a daily routine, it loses that power, and that increase in iman and excitement dissipates.

What a person needs, instead of focusing on those ‘rushes’, is a steady and constant diet of good deeds and spiritual nourishment. We cannot rely on one particular deed to ‘make’ us better Muslims. Instead, we have to take the reigns and make sure we are doing things regularly that increase us in iman, like recitation of the Qur’an, performing salah with consciousness and focus, dhikr, and so on. Wearing hijab can definitely be one of those things, but it is only one part of a whole that needs to be constructed. Just like exercise is important for good health, yet it has to be combined with eating right and many other things in order for the person to see the desired results in the end.


MashaAllah very true and equally applicable to all good deeds we perform.

Say: "O ye my servants who believe! Fear your Lord, good is (the reward) for those who do good in this world. Spacious is God's earth! those who patiently persevere will truly receive a reward without measure!" [39:10]
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« Reply #5 on: Mar 15, 2010 09:21 AM »

salaam mashAllah thanks for posting

Growing up I saw lot of people take the big step and put on hijab. Now that I am grown up I am seeing a lot of people take it off....
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« Reply #6 on: Mar 22, 2010 09:27 PM »

salaam mashAllah thanks for posting

Growing up I saw lot of people take the big step and put on hijab. Now that I am grown up I am seeing a lot of people take it off....


I'm finding a lot of sisters now taking off their hijabs as they reach the age of 30... particularly early adopters of the hijab... I would say it has surpased about 5% of the hijabi population, on the other hand there are these teenagers who are going niqabi, also approaching 5% of the hijabi population..

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« Reply #7 on: Mar 23, 2010 01:13 PM »

salams,

5% bro??? that figure is very low if you ask me. among my friends the rate is currently 25% and approaching 50%!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 not even kidding at all. it is a very serious problem. 10 years of islam-bashing has definitely taken it's toll. odd to think that 9/11 would result in a trend like this 10 years later. of course there are many other factors involved as well like self-esteem issues, feeling like ur not good enough to wear it, not believing it's required, not being able to find a spouse wearing it, not being able to get a job, wanting to blend in etc etc etc... a very complex issue.
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« Reply #8 on: Mar 23, 2010 02:58 PM »

salams,

5% bro??? that figure is very low if you ask me. among my friends the rate is currently 25% and approaching 50%!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 not even kidding at all. it is a very serious problem. 10 years of islam-bashing has definitely taken it's toll. odd to think that 9/11 would result in a trend like this 10 years later. of course there are many other factors involved as well like self-esteem issues, feeling like ur not good enough to wear it, not believing it's required, not being able to find a spouse wearing it, not being able to get a job, wanting to blend in etc etc etc... a very complex issue.



Sister Jannah,


Your right, it's getting close to 25% here... I didn't want to count all the sisters I know in the community, but an interesting fact is that most of the sisters that I know that took it off come from the South Asian population (India, Pak, Bang)...  and there's been a shift in sects ... Shia girls earlier in the decade and now mainly sunni girls are taking it off...


Three recent cases (all in their mid 20's to mid 30's)
1.) One sister took it off after she was carjacked in her own garage after coming home from school late one night
2.) One sister took it off after she got a divorce (long marriage, married young)
3.) One sister took it off after she said she was wanted to do something different after wearing it all her life



    ?
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« Reply #9 on: Mar 24, 2010 02:51 AM »

Salaam

Lol so it was interesting, I think there might have been two people who asked me.. so are you going to take it off now,.. and I was like what?  They are like the hijab...I was like 'no' why? And one was like oh because we noticed some people when they get divorced take it off..

I never thought of it... but I do think I actually REALLY think that I was denied a job because of it.
I think seeing other people take it off so easily leads the trend to more people taking it off

One thing about the job is that I remember Imam Siraj Wahaj (May Allah swt bless him) said in one lecture is that life is a test and you have to remember if you were denied a job because of your scarf. That employer did not deny you the job, it was from Allah swt
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« Reply #10 on: Mar 24, 2010 02:57 AM »

salaam

Quote
I'm finding a lot of sisters now taking off their hijabs as they reach the age of 30... particularly early adopters of the hijab..

Yes I have also noticed that many of the ones that have taken it off had started wearing it early. Perhaps that is why it is not easy for me to take it off. I did not even start till after marriage, (when I was twenty one years old)

But the thing is that isn't it suppose to be good to start early because it is required once you reach adolocense
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« Reply #11 on: Mar 24, 2010 10:07 AM »

salam


I've worn hijab since I was in school, it feels really wierd not having it on when I'm out now.
My girls go to an Islamic school, my eldest has been pleading with me to buy her a niqb, on the grounds she wants to wear one! I suggested she can decide when she's a bit older, say when she hits double figures! I think her desire stems form the fact that she has been around many amazing niqab wearing women thro her teachers, and she currently adores the TA in her class who wears a niqab, I sincerely hope my girls grow up to be strong in iman and have the strength of faith and character to wear the niqab if thats what they want inshallah.

I wouldn't worry about hijab being a barrier to getting a job, I really do believe that a decline in a job application is because that job is not good enough for you, and also an employer that blind is going to end up with some useless person botching a job you'd have done very well, their loss.


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« Reply #12 on: Mar 24, 2010 12:13 PM »

I'm going to politely steer clear from this discussion (as someone who did take off the hijaab)...

Except to say that once I was given a high profile job (as a recent graduate, with very little experience) because I wore hijaab. In their multinational, 12 location, 3000+ employee company, they didn't have a single hijabi.

Frankly, I thought that was racist too..
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« Reply #13 on: Mar 24, 2010 02:34 PM »

salam



Hijab is so personal tho, a woman who wears it faces as many questions and looks as one who wears it and then takes it off.

I mean take this thread as an example.

Actually, I know one woman who took off her hijab, she went off the rails a bit to be honest, however, I completely didn't recognise her when I passed her without hijab.



Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #14 on: Mar 25, 2010 09:21 AM »

salaamz

Just One tell us your story!!!!!! (if you want to:)
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« Reply #15 on: Mar 25, 2010 10:49 AM »


as salaamu alaykum,

JustOne I would appreciate hearing your experiences, if you don't mind sharing with us.  I wrote the original article because I sensed a certain way of thinking in a a number of sisters who were going back and forth about taking off the hijab, and I felt that it was something that needed to be addressed sensitively but openly. Everyone's experience is different, however, so I'm not trying to impose anything on you and would actually really like to hear your insight.

salaam Smiley
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« Reply #16 on: Mar 25, 2010 05:25 PM »

There are times I really wanna take it off, because iI get so sick of being stared at. My mom will not go out with me in public because I wear it so it has hurt our relationship alot. She cannot understand why. She just says modesty starts inside and you can wear modest clothes, but no one cares if your hair is in a ponytail. I think that is because here ppl are used to not seeing hijab. I am sure being uncovered in a muslim country would be different, the uncovered there feel how the covered do here.

Just in pittsburgh I can go weeks without seeing a sister, unless I go to the masjid. I like being not noticed, so it is abit too much attention for me. It does not stop the men either, I still get hit on, especially if there is arab man.

I had a dear friend Tiffany take off her scarf about 6 months ago. She was walking from the masjid with her baby boy Laith. 3 guys jumped out for the car and started messing with her, she was holding Laith in her arms and told them to leave her be. One stepped up to her and put a gun in her face and called her a Muslim Whore and a traitor to America. He then pulled the trigger and it was a watergun so she got sprayed in the face, but she was so scared she urinated on herself. The men got in the car and left. She called her husband and the police. After that she said if/when they move to Jordan then she will cover, but as long as she is here in the USA forget it. It was very tramatic for her, and her husband is giving her a hard time because she refuses to wear it. She also stopped being my friend because she said she did not want to be around any hijabis, especially with her husband giving her a hard time. I can't say what I would do in that situation.

Allahu Alam.

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« Reply #17 on: Mar 28, 2010 03:34 PM »

Assalaamu Alaikum..

se7en, in all honesty, I don't feel as strongly about my decision to take it off anymore, and want to start again soon inshaAllah... I echo some of the reasons of the original poster...

I also feel hijaab is over-emphasized by muslims... maybe rightly so, because it is one of the strongest symbols of muslim-ness ... but I guess I struggle with how people think it's a free pass to some secret club ... because it isn't. many hijaabis are very clique-y... but then, who isn't?

so again, i no longer have very passionate or emotive reasons for taking it off or putting it on - i think keeping it simple is the key... you have to do it ONLY to please Allah... not to make a statement, not to get married, not to be the flag-bearer of Islam (although, it somehow comes with the job), not to get those freebie salaams from people you wouldn't think are muslim (although that has its perks too), not to be a part of that secret club, not for what other people think...

none of that, and you have to be very secure with this idea - within your own self.  as soon as I reach that point, i'll put it on again. i was always the least opinionated person i know - i used to pride myself in being able to see another's point of view... recently, that's changed. i have a perspective, and i finally own it. and so i think it's easier for me to draw that ever-daunting "line of moderation"... i hope, at least.

it never was the racism that bothered me...

all real scenarios:... "you wear hijaab and you wear jeans? that's haraam." and then i would stop wearing denim. the next day someone would say, "your hijaab doesn't count for anything because you wear makeup"... then i would stop doing makeup...."you can't read haraam novels and consider yourself to be a good muslim".... i stopped reading for 2 years..."you cannot wear t-shirts in front of your father." ... so i'd be in my hijaab-gear all freakin day long. "from tomorrow, wear a skirt inshaAllah" ... i changed my entire wardrobe .... "shalwar kameez is also not the most islamic dress".... okkkkkk... "niqaab is fardh" (along with a niqaab as a present)....

that was the tipping point.  so i think you have to know your own boundaries. and you have to stick with them.... otherwise (and no offense), the hijaabi crew can drive you insane.

i love living in the middle east for this reason.... hijaab is stress-free...

wasalaam.
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« Reply #18 on: Mar 28, 2010 05:32 PM »

salam


Well if we're gonna discuss the reasons why one wears hijaab here's mine;

I get earache if I don't
I can do school runs in my pyjamas and messed up hair at 6am and everyone thinks I look oh so chic.... seriously one of my neighbours was like wow you're so with it, your girls are ready and glowing and you've packed their lunch and you're ready so early too, how do you do it...to which I replied, I'm still in my pyjamas!!!!!!
It's habit, some people grab a jacket, I wind a piece of material round my head!


I guess I'm just totally shallow, it makes my life easier, and in England hijabis are two a penny, nobody gives you a second glance really...


Wassalaam
PS, my eldest is sitting beside me in a niqab (my mum bought me a niqab from India, came as part of an abaya and my eldest has been wearing it since yesterday.....I've now got to call her Umm Fatima! Roll Eyes)

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #19 on: Apr 13, 2010 10:23 PM »


as salaamu alaykum,

JustOne I totally understand your feelings, I think the world would be a much better place if people understood just one basic principle of practicing Islam which is 'la inkaara fi masa'il ikhtilaafiyah' - that a lay person does not have the right to condemn or reject another person's acting on a different opinion on an issue in which there is more than one opinion among the scholars.  A perfect example of this is hijab/niqab, jilbab/not jilbab, etc, but this extends to so many different areas of practice.  We just need to give each other some room to breathe sometimes...

Fozia your post reminds me of this poem for some reason: http://jannah.org/sisters/hijpoem.html Smiley

salaam,
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« Reply #20 on: Apr 14, 2010 05:15 PM »

salaam

I think as human beings we naturally crave attention. So as women we tend to get more attention with our looks. We want to look cute and show off. I really think this is a big reason many women end up taking off the hijab. Because they want to wear those beautiful big bangles, do their hair, wear fitting clothes, show off their good features  and basically want to look hot. There is nothing wrong with that. We all crave it.
How can we not, because when we do we get all the attention, how can we not? Because its everywhere in billboards, magazines, tv, videos, hollywood and bollywood.

Again I THINK its one of the top reasons of taking off hijab. Have I gotten the urge? Definately. Have I faltered once in a while?  Yes.  (specially for me I think I look completely diff without hijab) I think if we get chances to look and do all that in halal places then we might not feel as much urge to do it in public where there are nonmahrem.  For example infront of the husband. If you we use all our energy in getting ready for our husband it make have great results at the end;) lol And girls parties .. one should have tons of them. You get to look all cute and dress up and chit chat which is very healing. Also our immediate family they deserve to see us in our best.

Another thing which helps is looking at the BIG PICTURE. Every time I feel like I want to take it off I think how well I get so much more respected when I wear it. I feel special. more humble you know? Also it stays as a reminder, more inclined to do good I think. There is also more to 'this big picture' I think that I feel but can't remember at the moment.

Anyway my two cents,

your sis
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« Reply #21 on: Apr 14, 2010 05:46 PM »

salam


It's the keeping my ears warm that reminds you of that poem Sr Se7en.

But seriously the whole hijab thing really does pander to my vanity, I can sweep round town looking tres chic when in reality I'm wearing my pyjamas and havent bothered brushing my hair because I'm running very near to late for the school run!!!!

I'm not a morning person!



Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #22 on: Apr 14, 2010 05:50 PM »

salaam

omg I'm so not a morning person.. But my son hates if I stay in my pajamas even early in the morning. he wants me to change!
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« Reply #23 on: Apr 15, 2010 04:38 PM »

Salam alaikum

I remember back in uni when one sister took her hijaab off...she just didnt "feel right" wearing it, I dunno.  I don't think she really thought about putting it *on*, and then one day was like, who *am* I??  SuhanAllah, I saw her the other day (after not seeing her for 5 years) and she was wearing hijaab again.

There were some people at uni who used to doggg on the sisters who wore a scarf with short sleeves/jeans/pants/makeup.  And I was like, man, leave them alone, it must be hard enough to start off as it is.  Not everyone is able to go into the whole head to toe in the same day! geesshhh.  I have seen how the concept of *hijaab* has changed for me over the years...I am sure everyone has their own journey and faces their own struggles along the way.  Alhamdulillah, I have never been in a situation where I was refused a job or something due to hijaab...may Allah make things easier for all of us.

And JO, I remember us talking about your struggle way back when.  I just assumed since you were in KSA that you'd started again?   Wink

May Allah swt make it easier for us to do *everything* that pleases Him with sincerity and devotion, striving for His rewards and pleasure only, ameen.

Take care all
Salam
Shahida purplehijabisis...although today is a  sis day! Wink
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« Reply #24 on: Apr 15, 2010 11:28 PM »

I am glad you guys have been discussing this, lately I have been having a very hard time with hijab. I even told my husband I think I want to take it off for awhile, because I am feeling forced and that changes everything for me inside.

I was out with my new family. the kids were playing in there shorts and shirts, my husband had on long khaki shorts and a short sleeve shirt. then there was me in scarf and covered head to toe. I never felt so angry and jealous inside, to the point of tears. I don't know what happened to me. I feel ashamed to even talk about it, but I know you guys help. I was hot and miserable, everyone was looking, I turned to my husband and said I want to go home now. I didn't even play with the kids and run around. He said okay so we left. I went home and took off the scarf and cooled off.. prayed.. I heard laughter and outside, Walaa was playing with the kids in the back yard. they set up a blanket and were having fun, then Walaa said, come on join us .. please. I wanted to, but that meant going upstairs and finding something to put over the shorts and shirt I was wearing and then pulling my hair back up and putting the scarf back on. So I went to just come out with a robe, and he says, Chris.. what are you doing? Your scarf... there are other ppl out here. At that time.. I felt.. OMG, I am being forced. I said forget it I am staying in. I felt so .. I can't explain. My hubby came to me and said what is wrong. So I told him how I was feeling, he said.. okay, I am sorry, I will never wear shorts when out with you and I will cover more, I never thought about it, never had a wife with me...lol He is so cute. Anyway, a few days later I had to go to the DR and get a brain scan, I am okay, but they were concerned about this severe pain I was having for 4 days and my BP was very high on my left side, so I had an emergency scan, in which I took of my scarf of course. Well My husband said nothing, but my fellow sisters when I was telling them what happened freaked out, not about me having a brain scan but because I took of my scarf and my DR was a man. I was like.. OMG.. not this again. I was feeling like I did in the beginning, when I first reverted, that this scarf has been the biggest headache and source of grief for me. I did not feel like it protected me from being annoyed or molested, it just added irritation and anger. The last few days I have been praying, I have not takin it off, I know my husband wants me to talk to the Imam, but what can he say? Just it is a command from Allah. I remember that the one thing that spoke volumes to my husband was that I did cover, he saw that as a sign of the strength of my Iman.  But my mind now is questioning, why can a man wear cologne and look good, wear whatever. Then I say, who cares about them, will they save you from hell? I feel torn, sorry for such a looooong reply. But I love you guys here and you have helped me when you probably never knew, your words inspire and help.

Even hearing my husband say, but you're muslim. It fired me up.. Yes I am Muslim, I am not a scarf. Allah (swt) does not live in my scarf, My prophet is not my scarf, my prayers are not in my scarf and my character is not. I just felt so upset like I was only seen because of this cloth, like with out it I was not muslim and had not faith. My scarf off, I love Allah, my scarf on I love Allah. I am trying to regain myself. I once felt so good and proud in it. I will listen to Allah, but I feel my insides fighting and making excuses to remove it. EX: it's a minor sin, Allah can forgive everything but Shirk.. so he can forgive you, your not committing shirk..

Does not hurt when every other day someone asks or says something about my scarf at work. Not enough to go to HR about, just annoying.

I believe in Islam like the sun rising, not because I see it but because by it, I see everything else.
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