I'm going through court proceedings for someone dying at my shift at a college
placement. I'm so depressed. *sobs*. God is punishing me. I could of been content with
who I'm and where I am but everytime I closed my eyes all I saw were those more
accomplished.Things could get a lot worse and the situation I'm in with the court proves it. I have
been telling myself with hardship there is ease. A little background on me. I'm a grown
woman who has yet to find who she is and where she fits in life. A wise person once said
you can lie to others but never to yourself. I haved live a lie so much I rarely know
what truth looks like. People have so many expectations as to how I should behave and act
and that leaves me confused. Things would of been better for me if my parents hadn't
blatently expressed their disappointment and remorse about my life all the time. I have reached
the epitome of depression. To escape I try to internalize others reality to identify
with them. An academic would argue that my life would be a great case study for a
criminology associated research on jealousy. I'm a very jealous person. However that is not the
main reason why I'm here. I need your prayers and support so this case may go smoothly and
advice to find who I'm and my purpose so I can experience genuine happiness.
Allah is not necessarily punishing you... he could be trying to strengthen you in ways that would help you, or that you can help others with in the future.
Narrated Abu Hurairah: Allah's Apostle said, "If Allah wants to do good to somebody, He afflicts him with trials." (Bukhari)
also says in the Quran...
Do men imagine that they will be left (at ease) because they say, We believe, and will not be tested with affliction? Lo! We tested those who were before you. Thus Allah knoweth those who are sincere, and knoweth those who feign --Ankabut Verse 2-3
The Prophet Muhammad
was the greatest man to ever live, and yet he and his companions when through the toughest trials.When the Prophet (peace be upon him) was asked which people suffered the greatest affliction, he replied, "The prophets, then those who come next to them, then those who come next to them. A man is afflicted in keeping his religion. If he is firm in his religion his trial is severe, but if there is weakness in his religion it is made light for him, and it continues like that till he walks on the earth having no sin. (Al Tirmidhi)
Allah also tells us in surah Baqarah...
Do ye think that ye shall enter the Garden (of Bliss) without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? They encountered suffering and adversity and were so shaken in spirit that even the Apostle and those of faith who were with him cried: "When (will come) the help of Allah?" Ah! verily the help of Allah is (always) near! -- Baqarah Verse 214
Remember to have faith, Allah is all merciful and he helps us in ways we wouldn't even notice. It's not always punishment, Allah may want something good for you, but it may take a while before you notice it.