// In Love
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« on: May 26, 2010 10:52 AM »


I am in love with someone named Hamza.
I am trying to be a better, happier person so that we can be together.
I love him so much. He means the world to me.
I realize more and more each day just how much a part of me he is.
It's like realizing another person lives inside you.
I've been through very distressing, difficult times since meeting him... and feeling my love for him, that beauty and warmth, has helped keep me calm and well.

I'm sending this out to the universe... so that others, everyone, God, can see my love for this person and my love for myself and life.

Please pray for us. He feels the same way. Certain troubles of the heart have prevented us from truly being together so far... but it is my wish and my will that this changes. I want my life to be with his. I love him, our loved ones, and myself.
Please pray for our love. I wish the same for everyone else.
Thank you for listening.

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crazybuoy
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« Reply #1 on: Jun 26, 2010 06:44 AM »

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

Dear bother in Islam, thank you very much for having confidence in us, and we implore Allah to guide you to the best and to direct you to that which pleases Him, Amen.

It stands to reason that having a girlfriend is not the manner of a Muslim. It is forbidden for a male Muslim to have a girlfriend, as it is forbidden for a female Muslim to have a boyfriend.

Tackling this point in details, Dr. Muzammil Siddiqi, former president of the Islamic Society of North America (ISNA) states:

Muslims should have good relations with all people, males as well as females, at school, at work, in you neighborhood etc. You should be kind and courteous to everyone. However, it is not allowed in Islam to take a non-mahram person or persons of the opposite gender as a very close friend. Such friendship often leads to haram. In the Qur’an, Allah mentioned that good men and women are those who marry, do not have fornicating relationships and do not have "paramours" or Akhdan see An-Nisaa’: 25, Al-Ma'idah: 5).

Akhdan are "sweethearts" or for a man a "mistress" and for a woman a "lover". The Prophet, peace and blessings be upom him, is reported to have stated that “whenever two strangers of the opposite gender are alone with each other, Satan becomes the third one between them.” (At-Tirmidhi)”

So it is not allowed for a Muslim boy to have a girlfriend or for a Muslim girl to have a boyfriend. Howsoever pure your intentions may be, the danger is that it will lead you to sin. Or at least you will be alone with each other and spend more time together.

Thus, you should be friendly with your classmates, boys and girls both; but do not take a girl as your intimate friend. Of course, homosexuality is also forbidden in Islam. So do not take a boy either as your intimate friend in the "gay sense" of the word.

If your friend, not girlfriend, is interested in Islam, by all means help her to become Muslim. Give her the Islamic books and ask her to attend Islamic meetings and lectures. Let her accept Islam by her own will. Do not force her or put any pressure on her to become Muslim. May Allah bless you and keep you on the right path.

Shedding more light on this, the eminent Muslim scholar, Sheikh Muhammad Al-Hanooti, member of the North American Fiqh Council, states:

A friendship wth the opposite sex is not of Islam. It used to be of the Jahiliyyah (pre-Islamic era) style of life. A friendship of the two sexes can never be safe or sex-free. I agree that in some exceptional cases, it could be innocent. But, a law is usually amended for social regulations. There is no law to be customized for a certain person or few people.

The Qur'an and Sunnah guidance for the sexes dealing with each other has a main major issue for which Islam has set principles and rules to govern. It is the desire and lust. The Qur'an prohibits anything that motivates one's heart in a seductive way towards the other. The Qur'an tells a woman when she speaks to a man to speak in a way that doesn't show any interest in him lest he should feel seduced to build up an unhealthy relationship. If there is a possibility in any kind of action that it could lead by some percentage into catastrophe, no one will ever take that risk. I can say what you call friendship could have some percentage of leading into haram. How would you go to that risk whereas if a doctor says to you an operation of a certain organ could lead you into death? You would say I don't want to risk my life, but I will take the pain.

Firstly, this is a deen but not a man's opinion. Lastly, if you take it, you certainly will be on the safe side. If you want to follow reason, reason has a lot of defects and sometimes we cannot draw the line to know who is sane and who is insane. Sometimes you cannot know which is which.
crazybuoy
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« Reply #2 on: Jun 26, 2010 06:49 AM »

Salam

it is great urgent for you to tell your parents about ur beloved one for Nikah.
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« Reply #3 on: Jun 28, 2010 04:10 AM »

Anonymous,
I can't help but question this post, what's the purpose? Are you requesting advice or just wanting to share your feelings?  idunno
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« Reply #4 on: Jun 29, 2010 07:02 PM »

I agree with everything said but I must say this

Quote
A friendship of the two sexes can never be safe or sex-free

Not true. I have many male friends before and after Islam. I can guarantee you there never-ever sex involved nor an unsafe issue. It's called being mature, respect and knowing boundries. Attraction does have lot to do with it. I am not attracted to every male nor am I attracted to my closer male friends. I see them as brothers. I have a dear friend Jamie who has been there for the past 12 years of my life. He is dear to me, but never did the idea of us as a couple come about. He is like the brother I never had, I could never visualize him in that way.. EVER.

However, I can see how mixing sexes can lead to trouble, especially to more naive boys and girls, still learning about life and love.

Best thing when making a decision for a long term is NOT to become clouded by romantic feelings, they can make one blind to important issues that need clarity.


I believe in Islam like the sun rising, not because I see it but because by it, I see everything else.
jannah
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« Reply #5 on: Jun 29, 2010 08:35 PM »

Salams,

This is an interesting topic... I think the key thing to define is the term "friends". I think of friends as two people who share their lives, ideas, hopes, inner thoughts, dreams, emotions, support each other etc in a semi-intimate manner. This does not have to be a physical relationship at all. It could be even penpals or phone or internet. So if there's a male and female doing that I think there's always the possibility that a line could be crossed. We can always say 'Oh I think of him just as a friend', but how many friends have crossed over into something more. How many friendships are there where one party likes the other a lot more and is hoping for something more. How many friendships outside a marriage have led to something else. Sometimes it's easy to fall for someone when you're in close contact to them and there's an emotional relationship already developed. I dunno, in my opinion I've seen over the years I think men and women can't be "friends" like that. They can be acquaintances or colleagues or 'family friends' or 'co-workers' but to be friends in the true sense is always asking for trouble.
 
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« Reply #6 on: Jun 30, 2010 07:17 AM »

Salaams,

I agree with you sister. There is no such thing as "friendship" between a male and a female. The best way to safeguard your faith is to avoid this. Dealing and associating with people of different sexes in a day to day life is one thing, but to develop freindships with opposite sex is not a good idea and should be avoided. This only gives an opportunity for satan to jump in and do what he does. Some chapters of life are better left alone and not explored.
I have heard of a few situations where people of opposite sexes started out as freinds and got emotionally involved. They themselves can not identify how and why that happened and get stuck up and hung up in an unwanted situation.   


Allah konows best.
Salaams.
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« Reply #7 on: Jun 30, 2010 12:10 PM »

Asalaamu Alaikum bro

Quote
They can be acquaintances or colleagues or 'family friends' or 'co-workers' but to be friends in the true sense is always asking for trouble



Indeed there is a boundary between being a ‘friend’ and being a work colleague, acquaintance etc.

I am sure we have all seen (or heard about) the dangers and ramifications of when that boundary is crossed (not only for the two parties involved) but also for their immediate family.

There is no doubt wisdom in why Islam establishes such boundaries and why they should not be crossed.



On the topic of ‘Love’, it always seems to be a perennial Madina thread favourite, so as the resident thread resurrector, please feel free to check out an older thread on the topic Wink

http://www.jannah.org/madina/archives/year2006and2007/index.php?topic=593.0


My favourite piece from that whole thread is this quote below:

Yes, love is intense.  But it's not an illness that strikes a person and can never be cured.  If we nurture it, it will strengthen; and if we deprive it of it's nourishment, it will diminish.  It's a natural human emotion; it's manifestations, and acting upon it, is what we are accountable for

Say: "O ye my servants who believe! Fear your Lord, good is (the reward) for those who do good in this world. Spacious is God's earth! those who patiently persevere will truly receive a reward without measure!" [39:10]
jannah
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« Reply #8 on: Jun 30, 2010 12:50 PM »

ws,

Aaaaahhh the days of 3 pages of long posts in discussion  bebzi I feel like we sound so young there... must be that our concept of 'Love' changes as we get older?

Anywhoo......I don't want to give anyone the impression that I'm talking about 'bizarro black purdah wall down the middle of the lecture hall with palm plants on both sides because the genders can't possibly even see each other because it might spark an illegal relationship'.

I defined what i thought of as friends...but i really think interaction in other ways is really good. In mosques, in organizations, working for a purpose, discussing issues, etc.

Perhaps this is an age thing too, when we were all young and idealistic we thought it was easy to just be "friends with the opposite sex" but over time we learn from our own and others' experiences...
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« Reply #9 on: Jun 30, 2010 10:59 PM »

For sure Jannah! I'm over the love thing:) haha
jannah
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« Reply #10 on: Jul 01, 2010 12:38 AM »

salams,

I just saw this book in the library and was like dang that should be my motto now: 'Marry Him: The Case For Settling For Mr. Good Enough'. I guess that means I'm old and mature now  Tongue
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« Reply #11 on: Jul 02, 2010 05:55 PM »


Assalam-u-alaikum,

Anytime you fall in love other than the person you are married to you leave yourself open to trouble. This is one of the reasons you avoid opposite gender friendships. We make our own choices in life and put ourselves in situations that causes the heart to get diseased. If the heart is diseased, the whole body is effected. It gives opportunity for shaytan to take control over one's actions and words and we end up saying and doing things that we may later regret.

The first step is the most important one - "make the right choices based on your values and beliefs".  "Choose" not to place yourself in a negative situation that you are not comfortable with and which are against your values and beliefs (ISLAM).

Salaams
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« Reply #12 on: Jul 15, 2010 07:20 AM »

Salams,

This is an interesting topic... I think the key thing to define is the term "friends". I think of friends as two people who share their lives, ideas, hopes, inner thoughts, dreams, emotions, support each other etc in a semi-intimate manner. This does not have to be a physical relationship at all. It could be even penpals or phone or internet. So if there's a male and female doing that I think there's always the possibility that a line could be crossed. We can always say 'Oh I think of him just as a friend', but how many friends have crossed over into something more. How many friendships are there where one party likes the other a lot more and is hoping for something more. How many friendships outside a marriage have led to something else. Sometimes it's easy to fall for someone when you're in close contact to them and there's an emotional relationship already developed. I dunno, in my opinion I've seen over the years I think men and women can't be "friends" like that. They can be acquaintances or colleagues or 'family friends' or 'co-workers' but to be friends in the true sense is always asking for trouble.
 

You've got a good point there and I partially agree with you. But many boy-girl frienships have triumphed over possibilities of attraction. I think that boy-girl frienships shouldn't be completely dismissed, as that is too limiting and denies opportunity. Personally, I wouldn't want to get close to a boy as "a friend" but talking to him and laughing with him is fine as long as I make my limits clear. Here's my stance on this: it's okay for a girl to be friends with a boy, what really is of concern is how that goes about.
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« Reply #13 on: Jul 15, 2010 08:31 PM »

Xona it is possible sure, but in 90% of the cases someone develops feelings and in general may become too lax in their interactions. better to just avoid it. just like being alone in a room with someone of the opposite gender does not mean you're going to do anything, but the temptation is there. same as being in a club surrounded by dancing, drinking... sure you could just sit there and do nothing, but why be there in the first place. it's tooo easy to get messed up. it's a slippery slope. it might be that ppl can't understand this until they've gone through it and learned their lesson.
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