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Author Topic: Would you marry someone less religious?  (Read 3645 times)
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Anonymous
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« on: Feb 15, 2008 08:11 AM »


someone less religious than you are? Has anyone tried that and seen how it went? Will they make you a lot less religious or can you influence them to be better? Is it worth taking the chance in order to find a mate or not?

Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #1 on: Feb 15, 2008 12:38 PM »

Interesting concept but you would need to define "religious" in the context you are speaking.  In general, having been there, done that, not recommended especially if the one that is less religious is the man.  Reason is that the less religious man will make it difficult, if not impossible for the woman to continue on her religious path at the level she was before marriage.   Jealously, neediness and ego kick in rapidly and the obligations for a woman suddenly increase thus leaving less time for religious devotion.  Ultimately it creates rifts within the household and coldness between the spouses.

Some would suggest that a man marrying a less religious woman isn't a problem because the man's influence will positively impact the woman.  Guess perhaps this is why some of our Muslim brothers opt for non-Muslim women to begin with, because it already puts the man at the advantage of looking like he's so devout to his faith.

Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #2 on: Feb 16, 2008 06:03 PM »

Well only God knows who is more religous.

But I would say you BOTH should 'want' to have the same goal of wanting ' to be a better muslim' and striving to learn and try. If you see that is not that persons goal in life you go into this marriage expecting that it wont change.  I mean every muslim will say they have that goal... but it may not be of the upmost importance to them. And if its not then there will be a problem.. so ask what is the upmost important goal in your life.
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #3 on: Feb 16, 2008 06:05 PM »

salaam so im gonna write myname ( i was the post just ontop of this one) because too many anons get very confusing

I am blackrose
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #4 on: Feb 16, 2008 06:21 PM »

I personally think that there is no diff whether your looking for a wife or husband.  it is clear in Hadith that it is recommended to marry a woman for her deen.  And just because she is a woman doesnt mean she can be molded or easily influenced you. many rebel. theymight become annoyed if you ask her to wear hijab.. or pray just because that is just not the upmost important goal to her in life.

So if you see a brother without a beard, or a lady without hijab.. doesnt mean tha t they are not that relgious.. they just havent reached that level, but theymay have reachedsome otherlevels higher than you infront of God. So I think its basically about who is trying, who is wanting, and what is it they want in this life and hereafter.

And if you see a bro or sis who doesnt have tha tgoal. maybe there goal is to be really rich ..which is okay.. but wont it be better if they said rich so i can help the poor, because the more rich u are the mor hisab you will be asked for in akkirah.. so if you realize someons utmost important goal is not trying to be a better Muslim then I would think that you would have problems in the marriage, and you should nevergo into a marriage thinkin gthey will be influenced by you , only God changeshearts and even Allah miya said that there are some people who never change. they dumb deaf and blind.

hope it helps,
once again The Black Rose....
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #5 on: Apr 06, 2008 12:54 PM »

salam
I think its best to find someone that you are religiously compartible wit and both want to increase in the deen, also to encourage each other, dont take the risk and end up wit someone that will drag you down
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #6 on: Apr 06, 2008 01:23 PM »

Marry someone you can share your religion with. 

More or less is a concept we can't define...but if you marry someone who pokes holes in, is defiant, or is indifferent towards your religion.... you may begin to resent it over time...or worse -- change.

Religion is a big, huge part of life.  If you have the chance, marry someone who walks the path of Islam with you... and please don't marry someone for the wrong reasons, inclusive of:
1. pity
2. hormones
3. desparation

Oh and make duaa.

Thanks.
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #7 on: Apr 06, 2008 10:47 PM »

Marry someone you can share your religion with. 

More or less is a concept we can't define...but if you marry someone who pokes holes in, is defiant, or is indifferent towards your religion.... you may begin to resent it over time...or worse -- change.

Religion is a big, huge part of life.  If you have the chance, marry someone who walks the path of Islam with you... and please don't marry someone for the wrong reasons, inclusive of:
1. pity
2. hormones
3. desparation

Oh and make duaa.

Thanks.

Well then the three items listed - pity, hormones and desperation - clearly explain why I've had such problems in the past and since I'm right back at the cusp of those issues again, it will probably spell disaster once again if the right brother doesn't come along like last week.

Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #8 on: Apr 07, 2008 02:47 PM »

who decides who or what is more religious than the next person? 

From my experience, being with a practicing mulsim, although deemed to be very "religious" is not open to the fact that there could be more than one approach to an idea or practise.  Basically "religious" equates to "only what i do and how i do is the right way".  There is no room for entertaining anyone elses idea(s) and that leads to stagnancy and there is no room for further education and hence growth.

Therefore, not knowing how to define what a "religious" person is suppose to be, i can only suggest that when looking for a partner that you should ensure that you have the same approach to knowledge and learning.  Hopefully, an approach that entails the embracing of new ideas and knowledge in keeping with the Haadith and Quran.  The ability to acknowledge that we are all not perfect and we should be open to correction from a knowledgable source.

Religion is a way of life and a way of life is nothing if it cannot be a journey of continual learning experiences.

cat
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