I pray that Allah make your situation better. The major beliefs of Islam are the truth and reality.
Allah is one is true, the hereafter is true, jannah is true. It is a great blessing from Allah that He has guided us to the truth, and not left us in a state of ignorance and wrong; specifically the path of those that the shaitaan mislead
The best advice for you is to spend time with someone knwledgable, that you can ask questions,
and get answers, even thousands of questions. The person should be someone that knows the answers
from the ulema (scholars). These answers would be "explanation" of the Quran.
It is absolutely important to look for answers from the imams, shuyukh, and scholars, that will explain to you
the correct information, and not look at other directions which is actually trickery from the shaitaan to mislead
you. You may not be able to understand the Quran directly in the arabic language, you may want
to listen to many good lectures available on the Internet in English, which are explanations of
In the hereafter, there are two places. Why would one want to change their future destination? Why should someone follow a wrong belief where commercialism and materialism had changed the original correct belief in one Allah?
What you suffered in the loss of your peers in the past, you should go to the classes and events in the masajid, and you will meet many good friends. Incha
Allah, they will encourage you to be on the right way.
Again, listening to some good lectures of Islam, in English, would really
affect you in a good way, because it would increase your ilm (knolwedge).
Listening to the Quran without understanding it would not be appropriate,
rather listening to the scholars explaining would be best.
You should not listen to the old gospel music and recording from Christianity,
because they are based on shirk (associating partners to Allah), and many wrong
innovations that were introduced to the faith afterwards, from the whims
of individuals that diverged far from the correct belief. It is incumbant on
you to correct those wrong ideas to that of the truth, by listening to the
scholars of Islam. You should also stick to the effort and struggles that you
are doing to follow Allah's command. May Allah will reward you immensely
in the akhira. You should also keep in communication with the people of knowledge,
the imams, shuyukh, and be in the environments of benefit like the masajid, and
avoid the evils environments like bars, and places where people may say derogatory
things about the deen.
The imam, in your situation, may have said things that are very strong on you.
I hope you can overlook that, and in the future keep in touch with the imam, and
spend more time so that you can benefit from the Islamic advice, and learn
the beneficial knowledge, and the noble Islamic law.
And Allah knows.