// how to accept oneself ??
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duaa
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« on: Jul 06, 2010 09:26 PM »


Salaam all,

how a one can accept him/herself ?  Huh?
I mean - at least -  gain some self-acceptance, to have some belief you can overcome ur sins/mistakes ..

pls advise.
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« Reply #1 on: Jul 07, 2010 10:47 AM »

You just have to make that choice.

No one will ever knock on your door and hand you "self-acceptance" in a basket, tied up in a pretty bow, and you can't sit on a beach and wait for a wave to wash you with self-acceptance either.

Just make the choice to accept that you are human - a struggling one, one who has made mistakes, maybe some irreparable ones....

Don't forget to make taubah... to ask for His forgiveness and His acceptance - because ultimately that is most important.  But just know that once you have left the matter with Him, that it is no longer your matter to dwell upon. And make that honest effort NEVER to make the same mistakes again. 
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« Reply #2 on: Jul 07, 2010 02:59 PM »

Salaams Sister Duaa,
Self-acceptance requires that you reaffirm your relationship with Allah. Nothing beats istikhfaar, zikr and salat with sincerity.

To be satisfied with your lot in life, there is a hadith that you should look at those that are worse off than you and give shukr, rather than looking at people who have things that you don't, and being envious. The more gratefulness you show for what you have, the more they will gain in value to you, otherwise we tend to take our most valuable attributes and possessions for granted (unfortunately).

Have a sense of purpose. Adopt one project that you really care about, and spend your time on that. It should help others in the community, and can have a focus of charity, counseling, research, etc.
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« Reply #3 on: Jul 07, 2010 06:40 PM »

as-salaamu-alaikum, sister I would like to ask Allah to reward & bless you for even having this concern and trying to search out an answer. most people do not get to the point that this concerns them. if you are trying to live your life in accordance to what Allah has prescribed you may never reach the level of self-acceptance you are looking for and even though you may not think so, it is a good thing that you do not. Allah says in Surah 70 Ayat 27,28 translated by mohsin khan : and those who fear the torment of their Lord. Verily, the torment of their Lord is that before which none can feel secure. explained in sayyid abul ala maudadi-the meaning of the Qur'an: In other words, they are not like the disbelievers, who do not fear God even after they have committed every heinous sin and crime and perpetrated every cruelty in the world, but they (those who fear Allah), in spite of having adopted a righteous attitude in morals and deeds as best as they could, fear God and continue to remain in constant awe (the power of inspiring intense fear or fearful reverence) lest their shortcomings should exceed their good works before Him and they should be declared as worthy of punishment.
so sister do not worry about gaining self-acceptance only Allah can instill that feeling in us. just ask Allah for forgiveness and remember what Allah says in surah 39:53 :  Say: "O 'Ibadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! despair not of the Mercy of Allah: verily, Allah forgives all sins. Truly He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (Allah knows best)
 

LIVE YOUR LIFE FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH:
IF IT'S NOT FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH IS IT EVEN WORTH DOING?
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« Reply #4 on: Jul 22, 2010 08:28 AM »

Asalaamu Alaikum bro

Quote
how a one can accept him/herself ?
I mean - at least -  gain some self-acceptance, to have some belief you can overcome ur sins/mistakes ..


I have to say I have been thinking about this question for a while and am not sure I am any the wiser.


Part of the problem is that, to a certain extent, none of us should really accept (or more bluntly settle) for who we are.

If we are currently in a bad state, we should be aiming to rectify our errors and transgressions

If we are currently in a good state, we should be thankful and be aiming to do more.


To actually feel comfortable, therefore, with where you are and what you are doing could actually prove to be quite dangerous and counter productive.


Perhaps the self acceptance we seek revolves around knowing we are doing the right thing at the right time?

Hence, we know that once the time for prayer is here, going off to prayer is the best thing we can do. When Ramadhan approaches, we know we should be fasting and so on and so forth.


Maybe, therefore, it’s not the sins or mistakes which are the key but our response to them which ultimately makes us happy or sad.

Say: "O ye my servants who believe! Fear your Lord, good is (the reward) for those who do good in this world. Spacious is God's earth! those who patiently persevere will truly receive a reward without measure!" [39:10]
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« Reply #5 on: Jul 22, 2010 09:26 AM »

salam


My take on sins and sinning and trying to be better, is to do loads of istighfar and to firmly believe in Allahs mercy.

That's not a sign to sin away, it's a suggestion to not lose faith because Allah is the most Merciful he forgives his repentant slave Inshallah.

What it comes down to is this, we do not get to Jannah thro our own actions we get their from the mercy of Allah.


Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #6 on: Jul 23, 2010 03:05 PM »

Salaam Alikum all,

There's a nasty feeling that keeps me away from Allah, doing my worship absent mindedly,
like: there's no good in me .. whatever my tawbah I'm sure I'll do this mistake over and over again!

I think It's a matter of loosing hope more than accepting oneself.
My mum told me it's sataan that makes one feel he/she's too bad to do tawbaa.

btw .. how can one do tawbah for sins related to personality, temper etc. ?  Huh?


Thanks,
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« Reply #7 on: Jul 23, 2010 08:47 PM »

w'salaam Sister duaa,
Take some time to learn about the true meaning of Surah Fateha. You can literally see the days of judgment as if it were real when you read 'malike-yaum-ud-deen'. It is such as powerful prayer. Entire books have been written about the meaning of these seven lines.

Also try and remember that Almighty Allah is listening to you very clearly when you pray, and you should be patiently listening for Him.

If you have the yaqeen (certainty) that Allah is there, you will never pray absent-mindedly. I also try and grateful during my prayers that Almighty Allah has honored me by giving me the opportunity, the health, the eeman and the initiative to be there in front of Him, when so many others are heedlessly busy with activities that are wasting their time. Just being there in prayers is a great gift, and there is an indescribable sweetness to it. It take a second to lose your health or to go insane or to have your life ended. There is no certainty in this life, only in that we will die and we will be in front of Allah.

As for tawbah, the only criteria is that of sincerity. If you are sincere, and you sin again, you can make taubah over and over. However, if you start making taubah with a lack of sincerity (knowing that you will sin again, and will not seriously try and stop yourself), and you take Allah's forgiveness for granted, that is a dangerous path to follow.

Making a believer lose hope is one of the documented attacks of the Shaytaan. The best defense for this is to increase yourself in knowledge, and the learn more about the love that Allah has for you, so that you may be pleased with Him and He be insha'Allah pleased with you.

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« Reply #8 on: Jul 23, 2010 08:51 PM »

Asalaamu Alaikum bro

Quote
whatever my tawbah I'm sure I'll do this mistake over and over again!
I think It's a matter of loosing hope more than accepting oneself


There is no doubt that shaitan tries to incite us to transgress and if, on occasion we do, he then tries to convince us that making taubah is pointless because we’re only going to fall back into error so why be a hypocrite?


His objective is centred on us disobeying our Lord and then not repenting so we repeat the same mistake he did when he was thrown out of the Divine presence.


It is said that the name Iblis comes from the Arabic verbal root balasa meaning ‘he despaired’ or to give up hope.


In contrast, Allah tells us:


Say: "O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls!

Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

[39:53]



In fact we are expressly commanded not to despair since no sin can ever be greater than The One transgressed against.

So what is required of us is not to follow the footsteps of shaitan and give up hope but to continuously make our taubah whenever we do err.


Quote
What it comes down to is this, we do not get to Jannah thro our own actions we get their from the mercy of Allah.


If Allah took mankind to task by that which they deserve, He would not leave a living creature on the surface of the earth; but He reprieveth them unto an appointed term, and when their term cometh - then verily (they will know that) Allah is ever Seer of His slaves.

[35:45]

Say: "O ye my servants who believe! Fear your Lord, good is (the reward) for those who do good in this world. Spacious is God's earth! those who patiently persevere will truly receive a reward without measure!" [39:10]
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« Reply #9 on: Jul 24, 2010 01:35 PM »

Assalamu alikom,

Br. skhansj

Thanks for shaing this concept about Salah:

Quote
I also try and grateful during my prayers that Almighty Allah has honored me by giving me the

opportunity, the health, the eeman and the initiative to be there in front of Him, when so many others

are heedlessly busy with activities that are wasting their time. Just being there in prayers is a great

gift.



& I liked this too:


Quote
The best defense for this is to increase yourself in knowledge, and the learn more about the love that

Allah has for you, so that you may be pleased with Him and He be insha'Allah pleased with you.




BrKhalid


You're right:

Quote
In fact we are expressly commanded not to despair since no sin can ever be greater than The One

transgressed against.

So what is required of us is not to follow the footsteps of shaitan and give up hope but to continuously

make our taubah whenever we do err.


We should be in continous tawbah, without despair/boredom.

This course-of-action makes me remember Al safa-wa-al-Marwaa tawaf, in a continous round.
& somehow like sea-waves & tides!
http://think-learning.blogspot.com/2008/10/blog-post.html


I don't know however, what makes me in this crazy state!  Sad  Sad

Asking you all for dua  ..

May Allah (swt) keep our Iman & guide us.
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« Reply #10 on: Jul 26, 2010 07:23 AM »

salaam

Ask Allah swt to help you feel acceptance and help you out of the state that you are in.

contintue to do that and inshAllah you will

we are all human beings, we all make mistakes, we have to do our best and stay strong
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« Reply #11 on: Jul 26, 2010 02:31 PM »

Salaam!
All good advice, and since this verse has already been mentioned, there's not much to add:

"O My servants who have transgressed against their own souls,
do not ever despair of the Mercy of Allah..."

(Qur'an 39:53)

Except maybe get to know the names/characteristics of Allah (swt), especially Al-Ghafoor, Al-Ghafaar, Ar-Rahman, Al-Wadood, etc. When you read/hear about the mercy and forgiveness of God, it's moving. His Mercy and Forgiveness is expansive. Much moreso than the sins of our deeds. Allahu A'lim.


"My Lord! Increase me in knowledge." (Qur'aan 20.114)
"Our Lord! We believe, so forgive us, and have mercy on us, for You are the Best of all who show mercy!" (23:109)
"And hold fast, all together, by the rope which Allah (stretches out for you), and be not divided among yourselves..."(3:10)
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« Reply #12 on: Jul 28, 2010 12:48 PM »

Salaam all,

how a one can accept him/herself ?  Huh?
I mean - at least -  gain some self-acceptance, to have some belief you can overcome ur sins/mistakes ..

pls advise.

i think no sane person can have "self-acceptance" with just their ibadat (prayer activities).  the worst people i have met are the people "satisfied" with their piety level or have "self-acceptance."  they are usually arrogant and stubborn and rigid in their self-belief.

basically ibadat gets you on the role to salvation.  however, it is through actions to help people, make the lives of others better, that you get to paradise (imho).  one should try to help people, be nice to them as often as possible, wage a war against oneself not to lose one's temper or take advantage of others.  if someone does that, they will gain the confidence that allah will protect them, love them, and forgive their many mistakes, no matter how often one repeats them.  

without this "service" component, people feel anxious, they despair of obtaining God's mercy, and they can grow hard-hearted or lose their faith.  when someone is active in helping others, at least they can say "Allah, I'm trying....at least I did this...please be kind to me as I was kind to them...."

finally, the best way to increase the total faith in God -- particularly the faith of those around oneself -- is to make the lives of others easier. why?  

this is because, the primary thing that drives people away from religion is the feeling of hopelessness, despair -- that God really doesn't care about them, and that he probably doesn't exist, because if he did, he would care about us more.  

but God gave us all life to act as his intermediaries -- to be the conduits of love and kindness that people expect from the Almighty.  and thus if we really want to see people stick to faith, we need to all become agents of kindness improving others' lives...

if we do that, then we can become "satisfied" with ourselves or really hope in our hearts that Allah will forgive us and surround us with his mercy....

finally, finally, to achieve belief that you will not commit a sin/mistake again, I believe from personal experience that you must hate what you did and resolve never to do it again.  you will most surely do it again.  so the next time, you must hate just a little bit more what you did, and promise yourself again never to do it.  you will probably do it again, but as long as you hate what you did, your mistakes will not become habitual, and when you make the mistake again, it will be for some honest-to-God reason such as you were feeling really bad, etc...  but at the end of the day, we are humans. nobody save the prophets were sinless, and even they committed errors.  
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