// Pregnant and not married?
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Anonymous
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« on: Jul 08, 2010 04:10 PM »


I am so sad that my daughter has be come pregnant by a non muslim. He has said he will become muslim and marry her.

Is she allowed to get married while she is pregnant. I am so upset that she has done this and also so ashamed and worried how the family and community will react to this that (may Allah forgive me) I have prayed for her to miscarry.
Please someone tell me what I should do. I feel I will not be able to bear this.

Please make duah.
Ma Salama

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« Reply #1 on: Jul 08, 2010 05:32 PM »

Why would you pray for her to miscarry that is horrible??!!!

Yes having sex outside of marriage is a sin, but this sin is not carried over to a child who is completely innocent. It sounds like they want to fix their mistakes and get married. It is fine for her to get married when she is pregnant. May Allah guide them. I don't think it's any of the communities business and their sins and repentance is up to them. If they get married while she is pregnant I doubt anyone would notice the exact date of when the baby is born.

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« Reply #2 on: Jul 08, 2010 05:46 PM »

I agree with Jannah.. Allah makes no mistakes. Therefore this baby is his decree. Yes your daughter did not live up to the values you raised her in, but Allah is most forgiving. It seems they want to do right by this child. If he is serious and wants to become muslim, marry her and provide for her and the baby, then your daughter may by Allah's will have a blessed family. If she marries early in pregnancy, you have no way of even telling she is pregnant. And like Jannah said, it is none of their business. It is not a sin to VEIL our sins, infact it said to do so. If I am wrong some one correct me. I heard this in a Hamza Yusuf lecture.

Best wishes to you and your family. Allahu Alam.

I believe in Islam like the sun rising, not because I see it but because by it, I see everything else.
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« Reply #3 on: Jul 08, 2010 06:46 PM »

Understandably you're shocked this has happened but alhumdulilah both have owned up to their mistake and have taken responsibility for it.  Maybe this isn't what you'd wanted for your daughter, but if a guy is willing to stay, when it so much easier for him to run, especially if he is not from the same community and religion, then I think that says something about his character.  Our sins are supposed to be kept hidden, as mentioned above, so no one else really needs to know anything.  How much worse would it be for all involved if he didn't take any responsibility and chose to walk away, leaving your daughter alone to deal with the aftermath of their actions?

Whatever you do, please don't punish your grandchild for anything; he/she is the innocent party in this.

May Allaah ta^ala Guide you and make things easier for you. 

'If he woke up and had enough food for the day and shelter (a roof over his head) and he does not fear for his safety, then it is as if he has been given the dunya.'
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« Reply #4 on: Jul 08, 2010 08:01 PM »

Salam Alaikum Sister,

I can understand your shock and sadness by the situation. I am truly amazed by the young mans willingness to embrace Islam, I mean the fact that this situation may have caused a person to come to the truth is amazing in itself. I know it's difficult to focus on the positive when you are still dealing with your own emotions but just remember that Allah swt only gives as much as a person can handle and this life is a test. Instead of caring about what the community thinks, instead focus on your daughter and your future grandchild (InshAllah)
I am sure your daughter is dealing with a multitude of emotions and I am sure that if she knows that you forgive her,  then it would make things easier for her.
I pray for your family and I hope InshAllah that you can find peace in your heart.
We are here for you sister, stay strong and please please don't worry about what others think! No one is perfect and WE all have made mistakes!!  Roll Eyes
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« Reply #5 on: Jul 09, 2010 04:25 AM »

Salam Sister

It must be heartbreaking to raise a child, to love them and to nurture them and to one day find they have "betrayed" you by going against something you strongly believe in. As a mother, I totally sympathise with you. However, as a mother, I also know that as long as they are our child, we must never give up on them, stop loving them and stop guiding them.

You can start off by giving shukr for all the blessings ie, she will be married as atonement, he will embrace Islam, and you will have one more creation to love. Once you have done giving thanks to Allah SWT, sit down with BOTH of them and plan the future. When will he convert, when will they marry and more importantly, how are they going to raise that child.

When your daughter made that decision to sin, you have to ask yourself what was going through her mind, why did she come to that decision ? You would be surprised sometimes how much their opinions and feelings for their parents affect a child's decision. So, reflect on your role and rebuild your relationship.

I pray Allah SWT ease your and your daughter's troubles and give you wisdom in handling this.

Wassalam
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« Reply #6 on: Jul 10, 2010 01:49 AM »

Thank you sisters for your kind responses. Mash Allah you have given me the support I will not get from anyone else. I feel ashamed for wanting her to miscarry. May Allah forgive me. We are now discussing how to proceed please make duah that we can arrange for all to be done by Ramadaan, and while we will not be having a big bash I would like her to feel like a bride. Whatever Allah decrees, if this is his will so be it.
You have all given me strength. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

May Allah bless and reward all of you.
Ma Salaama

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« Reply #7 on: Jul 10, 2010 04:17 AM »

Asak
 I thought she had to have the baby before getting married.

"Allah surely knows the warmth of every teardrop... " Jaihoon
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« Reply #8 on: Jul 10, 2010 05:15 AM »

Salam Alaikum Sister,

I will be making Du'a for you and your family,  InshAllah everything will be taken care of before Ramadan and InshAllah your grandchild will be a wonderful addition to your family .. Soon InshAllah this will all be a distant memory  hug
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« Reply #9 on: Jul 10, 2010 05:59 AM »

Assalamualaikum,

Sisiter,

Please ensure that he  accepts Islam - converts, "prior" to the marraige.
May Allah guide us all and forgive us all.

Salaams
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« Reply #10 on: Jul 10, 2010 08:14 AM »

Quote
I thought she had to have the baby before getting married.

If she is pregnant with another man's child, he cannot marry her until she has delivered the child.

However, she is pregnant by the same person proposing to her for marriage, so he is permitted to marry her while she is pregnant.



"...Surely my prayer and my sacrifice, my life and my death are for Allah, the Lord of the Worlds..." (Qur'an, 6:162)
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« Reply #11 on: Jul 11, 2010 08:26 AM »

salaam

Ok just recently learned and old friend who actually grew up in an Islamic school (while I grew up in public) has TWO children from the same guy who she is NOT married to and is NOT Muslim.  SubhanAllah
This girl was top student, still mashAllah very good at coming to masjid regularly.
Anyway the guy doesn NOT want to become Muslim or Marry her.

So Alhumdulilah I'm very happy that the guy you are mentioning WILL become Muslim and WILL get  married. That does show a lot about his character or his feelings for your daughter. And the child is blessed to be able to have his/her both natural parents mashAllah
At the same time marriage does not cover up for the sin. So I hope they are really sorry and ask Allah swt for forgiveness many times and understand it is wrong what they did. inshAllah...

Last but NOT least

your daughter is VERY lucky to have you as a mother, as I know others would probably kick their child out. The way you are trying to get adivce and trying to do what is best shows what a  wonderful mother you are and May Allah reward you immensely for that

take care and stay strong

your sister
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« Reply #12 on: Jul 11, 2010 09:34 AM »

salam


Can I say one thing.

Please make dua for your child and her children, don't make bad duas for her, Allah listens to the duas of a mother, and I think today my happiness and wellbeing is owed a lot to the duas of my parents Alhumdulillah.

May Allah turn this hardship into a source of good for you and your family inshallah.


Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #13 on: Jul 13, 2010 04:33 PM »

Thank you all for your help.
He has said he will convert, however I do not know how sincere he is about this. She is going ahead with her plans and is not involving me . I was very upset when she first told me, I just could not believe that she would do this. She was very angry with me, so I asked her what did she expect me to say. She said I should have just said I loved her and will support her. I just hope it all works out and that he is sincere about converting.It has been made clear to him that he should not convert just for convenience, but because he believes Islam is right for him.
I have stressed to both of them that this is sinful. My daughter regards this as me being judgementful and self righteous. I am not it is simple what is forbidden is forbidden. On a personal level I feel so dissapointed.She is my only daughter and I dreamed that she would get married "nicely"...It was not to be,

As for the community they will definately talk.What can I do?I will just have to stick it out and ask for Allah's protection for her and the rest of the family.
Pray for us.
Salaam.

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« Reply #14 on: Jul 13, 2010 05:08 PM »

Asalaamu Alaikum

Quote
On a personal level I feel so disappointed.

She is my only daughter and I dreamed that she would get married "nicely"...It was not to be


Who really knows why certain things happen?

Our only comfort and solace can be that Allah knows best and we should flee to him in times of adversity and distress.

InshaAllah, with time, you may be able to see some wisdom emanating from this whole situation


I have to agree with Sr Fozia, however, in stressing the importance of a parent’s dua for their children.

It is one of the most favourable duas that can be made and readily accepted.


InshaAllah we pray that Allah makes it easy for you and the entire family and that Allah grants you ease after much hardship.

Say: "O ye my servants who believe! Fear your Lord, good is (the reward) for those who do good in this world. Spacious is God's earth! those who patiently persevere will truly receive a reward without measure!" [39:10]
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« Reply #15 on: Jul 13, 2010 07:59 PM »

Salam Alaikum Sister,

Could it be that she isn't involving you in the wedding preparations because she knows that it's not under the best circumstances ? Is it her way of shielding you from anymore involvement? She knows that you are disappointed in her and that you had higher expectations.. I know if I was in her situation, I would probably be doing the same.... Just dealing with it in the quickest way possible.
 
On a lighter note,  my husband and I didn't have a big wedding, just his parents, his brother and my grandmother and of course the Iman who also served as my Wali (sp?)  Even though his family wanted to have a big bash, I was firm in my belief that I wanted it to be simple and I just wanted the most important people there. ALhamdullah it worked out for me and although I wasn't pregnant, rumors ran rampant because we got married to quickly and everyone assumed there was something "up".. So  what I am trying to say is that people will talk and there is no way to stop it and as long as her parents and important people are there when she gets married then that's all that matters.. look at our wedding pics, even though there wasn't any pizaz it was still a perfect wedding and I am happy we did it that way  Grin
p.s
Those are his parents ... I know they look miserable but I promise they weren't!!  Cheesy
crazybuoy
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« Reply #16 on: Jul 14, 2010 08:50 AM »

Who,s pregnant your daughter. he is Muslim or non-Muslim.
if he is a Muslim. he want to marry with her daughter. 
if he want plz married with her.
seekingtawbah
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« Reply #17 on: Sep 16, 2010 04:49 AM »

im glad u were  anyonamous or i would say do not reveal the sins of another muslim even if it is your daughter. The prophet salla alayi wa salaam said whoeevr sees a muslim committing a sin, and conceals it, it is as if he has giving life to a female infant buried in the desert"
Also to whoever  sees a muslim sin or even there own sins, and keeps silent, Allah will decsend down to shoulder length with you and whisper your sins to you when he reads your deeds. While the people who reveal other muslims sins will be exposed on the day of judgement, As well as lose there hasanat on that day. And there hasanat will actually go to the person that they were exposing.  even though it was online and no one knows your daughter, please take your question to someone with knowledge, and i just wanted  to write this for muslims who do talk about other people. we all do it sometimes, and this is a reminder that if you catch yourself try to hold your tongue, or if u do it often, then fear Allah because the punishment is severe
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« Reply #18 on: Sep 16, 2010 08:45 AM »

im glad u were  anyonamous or i would say do not reveal the sins of another muslim even if it is your daughter. The prophet salla alayi wa salaam said whoeevr sees a muslim committing a sin, and conceals it, it is as if he has giving life to a female infant buried in the desert"
Also to whoever  sees a muslim sin or even there own sins, and keeps silent, Allah will decsend down to shoulder length with you and whisper your sins to you when he reads your deeds. While the people who reveal other muslims sins will be exposed on the day of judgement, As well as lose there hasanat on that day. And there hasanat will actually go to the person that they were exposing.  even though it was online and no one knows your daughter, please take your question to someone with knowledge, and i just wanted  to write this for muslims who do talk about other people. we all do it sometimes, and this is a reminder that if you catch yourself try to hold your tongue, or if u do it often, then fear Allah because the punishment is severe

Thank you sister for writing this. May Allah reward you for reminding this.
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« Reply #19 on: Sep 16, 2010 02:29 PM »

salam

Sr Azeen beat me to it, a beautiful reminder indeed Br SeekingTawbah. Thank you.



Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #20 on: Sep 16, 2010 02:44 PM »

salam

whoops sincere apologies!!!



Wassalaam
PS have changed it

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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