// How to fix mistake I regret...?
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Anonymous
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« on: Jun 30, 2010 01:30 PM »


i have done this ne mistake in my life that i regret doing, my friends peer pressured me into going out with this boy and fell into a whole big hole where i couldnt get out of they made me kiss the guy , and everyone found out at school the teachers though bad of me and i looked very low in front of them i really regret what i have done , i want to show everyone that i regret what i have done and prove to them that i have changed entirely but i dont know how to do this, ive been praying so much to allah to forgive me for the sin i have done and that this will not occur anymore ....my mother lost trust in me andi keep trying to explain to her that ive changed but she still has a though that i have done a big sin in her mind and she lost trust in me and the worst thing in life is the mother losing trust in her daughter and this is something im wishing i could fix Sad

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« Reply #1 on: Jun 30, 2010 04:30 PM »

Asslamalaikum sister,
Your tauba should be to Allah. He is the one who created you and will insha'Allah forgive you. Any difficulties and punishments you suffer in this world are a blessing from him as they ward away punishments in the hereafter.

When it comes to the forgiveness of Allah, I am reminded of the story of Moses (AS) and his cousin Qaroun.
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Prophet Moses (as) asked Allah that he be given the power to judge a sinner and decide on what the appropriate punishment for his sin would be. Allah (swt) gave him permission. Prophet Moses (as) decided that the earth should swallow the man alive because of the enormity of his sin(which from what I recall was adultery). The earth started to open and the man started sinking into it slowly. He cried out for forgiveness, once, twice and a third and last time. Prophet Moses (as) did not relent. When the man sank into the earth completely, Allah said to Prophet Moses, that the man asked you for forgiveness three times, yet you did not find it in your heart to forgive him and had he asked Me even once, I would have forgiven him immediately because I created him and I have love and mercy for him in My heart that you couldn't find in yours because you didn't create him.


This is a story from the Bible, which has been mentioned in the Qur'aan, but the details of which are disputed.
http://www.cordobaacademy.com/story-of-musa-verification.html

However, the lesson still holds. Almighty Allah is the most forgiving, and we should place our trust in him, and be patient for the problems we face now.

Sister, be patient, and once this story is a bit old, people will not take it seriously. Your mother loves you, and only wants what is best for you. The fact that she is disappointed, and angry only shows her concern and love for you. Rely on this experience as a means to gain in wisdom and become a better person.

May Almighty Allah make it easy for you, and increase you in Iman and patience.
crazybuoy
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« Reply #2 on: Jul 01, 2010 06:57 AM »

Salam

it is good.but after death you have to face only your God not other peoples so do not care so much others.
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« Reply #3 on: Jul 01, 2010 08:36 AM »

ws,

We've all done things we regret and wish we could take back. Unfortunately your mistake had such an impact especially on ppl around u, making them lose trust in you and perhaps impacting your reputation. It is good to go through the steps of repentance for yourself so ur squared away with Allah. The steps include stopping the sin, asking Allah for forgiveness, promising to never do it again, and giving back ppls rights.

And also part of that is changing your life/yourself so if you are in a situation like this again you won't let yourself be persuaded by others to do something wrong. Can you say if this happens again in a year in a different type of environment you won't be "pressured" into it again? And maybe some good self-reflection here, why did you do something that you knew was wrong?

In the end, as ppl mentioned here, we are responsible for our own actions, we can't blame anyone else. No one can "pressure" you to do something unless they're holding a gun to your head right. So why let yourself be put into that position in the first place and make the wrong choices? There might be something missing there that needs to be worked on... Islamic knowledge, self-esteem for the self - not dependent on 'so called friends', self-respect (everyone likes to be liked by a guy but this isn't the right way), strengthening yourself to go against peer pressure, changing your perhaps bad environment, bad friends that are not beneficial, etc.

About the ppl around you, its very hard to earn back trust after it's lost but its not impossible. Change your life and actions AND FRIENDS!! and over time you'll earn back everyone's respect and trust inshaAllah Smiley

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« Reply #4 on: Jul 02, 2010 04:36 AM »

Assalamalaikum Anonymous (but very valued) Sister,
I just want to highlight the best possible advice ever from Dr. Jannah

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Change your life and actions AND FRIENDS!!

The people you hang around with will always will impact your outlook to life, down to the fundamental values you hold dear.

I, as a rule, try and spend my time with people who I consider to be better than me, and this has worked out well for me.

You can't lose with this formula.

- Shahzad
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« Reply #5 on: Jul 02, 2010 07:17 AM »

Asalaamu Alaikum bro

On a more general note and in addition to all the sound advice above, things that can help one stop falling back into sin and maintaining one's repentance include (but are not limited to) the following:


1. Avoiding the places or situations where the issue arose in the first place.


2. Trying not to rationalise one's wrongs (ie keep thinking why did I do that? why was I so silly? etc etc).

Part of repentance is to stop the bad action and move on but if one keeps thinking about it and trying to rationalize it, a person may end up falling back into it because he has not managed to let it go of it fully.

What was done was done and one has no control over the past but only of the future.



3. The third one, in my opinion, is probably the most important and involves an individual having a real aversion and disgust for the sin he committed


As long as one looks back upon a sin and feels some sort of happiness in the indulgement thereof (eg a drunkard having a lingering fondness for the taste of wine even though he has stopped drinking), there will always be a part of him which may long to return to it.

If person can convince himself of the vile nature of the thing he did and the consequences it ended up having, the chances of him returning to it are materially reduced.

In effect, learn to belittle the wrong action and look upon it as something low and unworthy.


As ever, all the above is much easier said than done but, inshaAllah, we pray sister that Allah makes you firm in your repentance and raises your status because of it.


Wasalaam
BrKhalid

Say: "O ye my servants who believe! Fear your Lord, good is (the reward) for those who do good in this world. Spacious is God's earth! those who patiently persevere will truly receive a reward without measure!" [39:10]
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« Reply #6 on: Jul 02, 2010 05:43 PM »

Assalamualaikum,

BrKhalid,

Agree with you. Very well said.

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