// Advice needed for mother-in-law?
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Anonymous
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« on: Jul 24, 2010 07:21 AM »


salam....please advice me on an issue...my mother in law is living with me now and she finds my friends circle very rude.once when we at a friends place she felt left out and humiliated...she doesnt want to visit my friends .one particular one she dislikes her children because they are hyperactive and my son does not get along with them.what should i do. My husband insists on his mother to come because she doesnt know anyone in this area and we dont like to leave her at home and go out by ourselves.we were a group that hanged out for  every weekend..should my friends come to my house and say sorry ..also my motherinlaw doesnt know if i told my friends how she feels...the situation is very awkward..please advice

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« Reply #1 on: Jul 24, 2010 10:21 AM »

salam


Your mother in law needs friends of her own age, she's going to be uncomfortable amongst your friends as they're from a different generation, possibly backgrounds and what she would consider rude they consider as normal as you are all so close, you don't necessarily stick to social niceties (I know my friends and I don't).

Can you invite a few of your friends around to yours at a time with their mothers in law/mothers etc and encourage them to interact?

Btw, don't tell your friends your mother in law has taken acception to them and their offspring it will cause unneccessary bad feeling, and then tell your mother in law you haven't said anything either just to clear the air....unless you have in which case I have no idea on that one.

Try and maintain a respect for your mother in law, ensure she has her own space, it's hard having a third person living with you I know we had our grandmother living with us from when I was 11 years old.

Lots of duas for you all inshallah.


Wassalaam

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« Reply #2 on: Jul 24, 2010 08:20 PM »

salam

why don't you ask some of your friends to bring to their moms or their moms in law when you have your gatherings? this way your mother in law will have someone to talk to.

if you notice that your mother in law is being ignored or talked over during these gatherings, remind your friends gently to be kind to her and include her in conversation. 

if you treat your mother in law with respect and deference in these gatherings, others will follow, hopefully.


take care

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