// Marriage with Non-Muslims?
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« on: Feb 14, 2008 06:51 AM »

Assalam wa alaikum

Insha' Aallah you will be able to help me understand further.

My questions is about marriage with non muslims: Why can't Muslim women marry non Muslims?

I know that Muslim men can because they are seen to be the head of the family. They can
 continue to be believers and raise children as Muslims.  I do not understand why it is not
 the same for Muslim women and why is asumed that women will be deterred from practising
 their faith. If women feel comfortable to practise their faith and know their husbands
 will support them, is it a problem? If we are all equal in Islam, why are there different
 rules between the sexes? Or can we take a more progressive view of Islam.

I am really interested in finding out more.

Please can you also provide information on the difficulties/ problems with marriage with  non Musilms, and raising children.

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« Reply #1 on: Feb 15, 2008 12:24 AM »

One thing that comes to mind is a woman is suppose to submit to her
husband authority / respect he is the head of our homes,
With that being said, if a non Muslim husband later decided not to be supportive it would be
such a difficult situation for the woman.

And sometimes there is no real answer other than
Allah knows best and we, that have faith that Allah knows best,
just willing accept it.
Kind of like a child obeying their parents, they don't always understand why we
have them do something or not do something, but know for some reason
it's for their own good. And due to love, respect and fear of punishment (consequences)
they (in most cases) obey and submit to their parents rules.

Maybe others would have much better knowledge to answer this. purplehijabisis

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« Reply #2 on: Feb 15, 2008 05:20 AM »


I think there is a lot of wisdom in the rule of Muslim women not marrying non-Muslims. In many societies the children are considered to be the religion of their father. If you consider that men are the 'leader' in the household oftentimes he will make many decisions regarding the children's education and what goes on in the house. Of course there are numerous exceptions to this and I've seen many houses where it's the woman who controls what religion the children are, but we have to understand that Islam is for all times and places and cultures, not just for you or me in 2008 in the US. In general I think this rule protects and has protected Muslim women and children throughout history.

Yes, men and women are equal in the sight of God, but we ARE different. Even psychologically I think a man can "turn off" certain emotions and be stubborn about some things, while a woman wouldn't be able to do the same. That's just our different natures and I think God is the best to know about our natures and this is why this law exists. Over history too if you just look at it you can see many non-Muslim women wives of Muslims being absorbed into Muslim society and even if they are not Muslim their children most likely were. If you look at Muslim women who married non-Muslims, first because of the law, they are usually shunned from Muslim society, and their children are usually raised as "both" or none.

If someone wants to marry a non-Muslim man and the man has agreed to raise the children as Muslim etc as you have said, why not ask him to become Muslim as well. If he refuses you have to really question whether he would really accept his children to be raised strictly as Muslims when he refuses for himself or will he perhaps want them to be raised as anything/nothing/they "choose" when they're older.

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Oh Allah, Guide us to the Straight Path.

« Reply #3 on: Feb 16, 2008 11:15 PM »

Asalamu alaikum wrt,

All praise be to Allah.

The basis and rule laid down in the Quran is that the believers should not marry non-believers until they believe, as Allah has said what means:

"And do not marry (your daughters to) the Mushrikeen until they believe (accept Islam), and a believing slave is better than a disbeliever though he may appear pleasing to you."

The verse continues to say the same about marrying a disbelieving women.

We are encouraged to choose a spouse based on their Deen (ie. religious committment).

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one with whose character and religious commitment you are pleased, then marry (your female relative under your guardianship) to him, for if you do not do so, there will be tribulation and great mischief on earth.” 

The Fuqahaa have stated that under certain circumstances, it may be permissable for a Muslim man to marry a woman from the People of the Book, if she is known to have good morals and is chaste.

This permission, however, should not be taken as a general rule as one should seek a spouse based on religion and character.  The legal reasoning for it is that it would be expected that the woman would accept Islam, and not influence the husband and children negatively in terms of their religion.

Many Ulema in the West today refuse to perform marriages between a Muslim man and a non-Muslim woman due to the uncertainity of the above mentioned reasoning.

If it is said: "What if a Muslim woman is strong, and can maintain her deen, and make her children Muslims."  the response is:  That is not the general case, rather it is rare and Islamic Law is not based on exceptional circumstances, rather it is built on what is prevelant and well known. 

Furthermore, there is no guarantee that the woman would be able to materialize her goal of staying Muslim, as future circumstances are unknown.

Finally, it is wrong for a Muslim woman's guardian to prevent her from marrying a righteous Muslim man of good character, based on culture or any other reason.  This often results in illicit relationships being formed, and the sin will be on the guardian.

And Allah knows best.

Shaykh Abdurahman

Be merciful to those on earth, and the One in the Heavens will be merciful to you.

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« Reply #4 on: Feb 17, 2008 08:11 PM »

 peace be upon you

This is regarded this as absolutely Haram for both men and women, and I'm not sure exactly why there are so many excuses for it. Let me cite evidence from the source of absolute truth, the Quran.

And hold not the disbelieving women as wives. -- Surah Mumtahina verse 10

O ye who believe! Take not the Jews and the Christians for friends. They are friends one to another. He among you who taketh them for friends is (one) of them. Lo! Allah guideth not wrongdoing folk. -- Surah Ma'idah verse 51

On top of that... Allah also says in Surah Mumtahina verse 4...

There is a goodly pattern for you in Abraham and those with him, when they told their folk: Lo! we are guiltless of you and all that ye worship beside Allah. We have done with you. And there hath arisen between us and you hostility and hate for ever until ye believe in Allah only - save that which Abraham promised his father (when he said): I will ask forgiveness for thee, though I own nothing for thee from Allah - Our Lord! In Thee we put our trust, and unto Thee we turn repentant, and unto Thee is the journeying.

A goodly pattern. I can barely associate my self with Muslims who practice excessive sin without will or desire to change. And the worst Muslim is better than the best Non-muslim. Personally, I believe a lot of us have deceived ourselves into believing we're doing good by behaving all friendly with these non-mulsims and getting all close to them.

The Prophet Muhammad  saw once said: Only associate with believing folk and only let a god fearing man eat your food.

We're supposed to love for Allah and hate for Allah. It's not good and kind to be all nice and intimate with non-muslims, just as it is the same if you do that to a Muslim who practices excessive sin in the open (Drinking alcohol for example). This only corrupts them further. We aren't to mistreat them in anyway, though we aren't supposed to be intimate with them either. When you condone and accept them, it makes them feel justified and fine with their lifestyle and beliefs... beliefs that will take them to the hell fire, and we fuel it by being impartial about it. People call it care and love, though I call it selfishness, only after the pleasure and enjoyment they give you but hardly considerate to where they'll end up in the future.

Allah swt also says in the Quran...

O ye who believe! Take not for intimates others than your own folk, who would spare no pains to ruin you; they love to hamper you. -- Surah Ali Imran verse 118.

They also ruin our mode, attitude and devotion towards the straight path. The Prophet Muhammad once also said: Show me your friends and I'll show you who you are.

It's not that they're inherently evil and wicked people, though more that they badly need guidance. Taking them for intimates, saying it's Dawa or something like that is also farcical to me. A lot of us tend to have our own ideas and conceptions of how to behave and act in our lives while they go against the denotations of Quran and Sunnah. No one know how best to run our lives than Allah and his Rasool, though we fill our minds with all these excuses and ignore the truth.

If we really cared about them, we wouldn't get so close to them, laughing and joking with them while they're walking the path to hell fire. I find this sort of behavior very perturbing.

Yes, there are those that have succeeded in converting their non-muslim spouses, though that doens't make it right to go against Quran and Sunnah.

Please forgive me if any of you take offense to this. It's really something that gets to me that so many Muslims can think that way.

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