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Anonymous
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« on: Sep 16, 2010 01:55 PM »


i was late today from work.  i have to be home by 1;45pm so that my husband can go to work.  He has to home with 4 kids while out to work and i will be home while he is out.  I was late and i called him from work.

When i arrived home i appologize to him and try to make a joke.  He was so mad and said

"it wasn't even funny you pig. Stupid. I don't know why your mother didn't kll you when you were little"

What do you guys think

This post submitted using the ANONYMOUS button on the main Madina menu. Please reply here publicly so that the original poster can read any replies.
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« Reply #1 on: Sep 16, 2010 02:28 PM »

Brother Akhan,

Isn't it that anyone that wants to post anonymous, posts under this account called "anonymous"?

Honestly, he was angry and upset. People do and say things they shouldn't when they are angry. I am sure he doesn't mean what he said. Hopefully when he comes home he'll have calmed down and you guys can work this out.

Assalamu Alaikum
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« Reply #2 on: Sep 16, 2010 02:31 PM »

I can understand that being a woman. It must have hurt like hell. Have patience. Dont argue with him. Offer nafl sallah and cry as much as you want before allah.
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« Reply #3 on: Sep 16, 2010 02:43 PM »

salam

This whole thing depends, is he always like this when something happens?

Getting home slightly late ocassionally is an occupational hazard, you don' have control of traffic, public transport etc.

He does have control over what he says to you.

Soooo, would he be delighted if you quit work and decided to stay home, or do you work out of necessity (I would love to stay home), after all you won't ever be late home that way. If not I would have strong objections to coming home exhausted from work to a barrage of bad language......

You guys need to sit down when calm, and agree to a few rules, neither of you swears at one another nor calls eachother names, you do not wish one another dead, if either of you cannot think of anything nice to say its generally best to keep quiet.

On the other hand, next time you're late home from work for whatever reason, dont joke about it he obviously takes it as you not being adequately concerned about it.

May Allah put love between your hearts.



Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #4 on: Sep 16, 2010 03:12 PM »

Salam,

The "Anonymous" username is just an account used for posting all the Anonymous posts that come in. Anonymous is NOT a real one person. Cuz it would be amazing that anonymous posted 200+ separate problems Wink

See at the bottom it says: This post submitted using the ANONYMOUS button on the main Madina menu. Please reply here publicly so that the original poster can read any replies.

Anyways, that comment seemed vicious. Is he always like that? Look up information about verbal abuse in marriage. Might be time for you to do something. That really does not sound normal.
worshipper
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« Reply #5 on: Nov 01, 2010 10:52 PM »

sister i feel for you.be patient and allah will reward you inshallah.but his choice of words were very strong.most women would not put up with that no matter what the outcome.as others have said when hes calm you 2 need to sit down and talk this through.somthing simillar cost me my marriage so be patient plz.w/s
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« Reply #6 on: Nov 10, 2010 09:03 AM »

He's lucky he isn't married to me.
 purplehijabisis >>> Passing on one of her cast iron frying pans to any sister in need. Angry
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« Reply #7 on: Nov 10, 2010 06:36 PM »

Dont argue with him. Offer nafl sallah and cry as much as you want before allah.


Huh?

can i ask a side question to deshi sisters?  how many of you deshi sisters refuse to marry another deshi?  my only marriagable sister is refusing to marry another deshi.  you can imagine my parents reaction.  personally, although I would never support her idea, privately, i wonder to myself "why the heck would any asian sister want to marry another asian muslim boy?  they are typically sooo selfish."

am i being more idiotic than usual?

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« Reply #8 on: Nov 10, 2010 07:05 PM »

salam


I totally would not marry a desi guy. I didn't want to, I should have listened to my instincts.

A lot of desi guys are bought up to believe they are supreme the women in their lives just there to wipe their feet on...




Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #9 on: Nov 10, 2010 11:07 PM »

I truly don't mean any disrespect but the more I hear such stories the more I am
thankful to Allah I was not born in such a situation of marital cultural  type rules.
Was raised to love and respect something that was important to me.
Guess some of these poor sisters are not loved and respected like they should be.
It's pretty sad. Sad
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« Reply #10 on: Nov 10, 2010 11:31 PM »

Salams,

I know you guys want to blame this on a specific culture, but verbal abuse occurs in every culture and race. Believe me I've heard plenty of it even at my local wal-mart, so while we'd like to say desis are the worst, it does occur everywhere in any type of marriage. 
tq
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« Reply #11 on: Nov 11, 2010 01:49 PM »

Assalamo elikuim
I agree with Sr.Jannah- abuse happens in all culture, no one culture has monopoly on it.
Its just that desis know about desi abuse, other cultures know about abuse in their own culture.

Wasalam
tq
PS: have been married to desi for Alhamudllillah 17 years- though sometimes feel like killing him(I am sure he does too Smiley  )
worshipper
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« Reply #12 on: Nov 12, 2010 12:09 AM »

im sorry but i do agree.desi are so bad.i live in a small town near derby u.k.most are hippos lol.hypocrites.everything is culture to them.islam is just a word they practice on fridays.as the imam at local masjid said we have here 3 types of ppl.some who come 5 times a day to masjid.some on fridays.some on eid.my personal opinion as i have lived amongst them is that if i see one i want to run a mile.they celebrate the birth of the prophet.they deal in riba.fornicate.even say the act between 2 gay ppl is ok.the one who is dominant between the 2 gays is a real man and the other one is gay lol.trust me i live in thier small town mentality so i know.hence im moving to manchester inshallah within a few weeks.
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