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BrKhalid
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« on: Oct 04, 2010 11:41 AM »


Asalaamu Alaikum bro

So we’ve all been there, you’re in the first row of the Masjid and prayer is about to start and it’s already fully jam packed and then someone comes from way behind and tries to squeeze in….

Is there ever an excuse for incivility?




It is hot and humid, you are waiting for the bus, and just as it appears round the corner, someone barges past you to get on first. Even in a nation that prides itself on civility, queueing can bring out the worst in people. When Abu Dhabi's bus service made its debut a couple of years ago, it brought with it outbreaks of shoving, scuffles and abusive language, and concern that standards of civility were on the slide.

In the grand scheme of things, being pushed aside or having your parking space stolen may seem trivial, but it's not. Everyone from politicians to dinner party guests use incidents of rudeness as some kind of litmus test for the state of society. Yet while we all agree about the need to keep an eye on incivility, the fact is that most of what is said about it is either hearsay or anecdote. Very little research has been done into the phenomenon of rudeness: academics have preferred to focus on more extreme breaches of social norms, like vandalism, theft and murder.

Now a team of sociologists hopes to change that. Led by Philip Smith of Yale University, they have carried out a pioneering study of rudeness, in the hope of getting a better understanding of what it is, and what we can do about it. In their just-published account of their findings, Incivility: The Rude Stranger in Everyday Life, the team concedes that it is perhaps not so surprising that the phenomenon hasn't been studied sooner. For a start, the very definition of rudeness surely depends on culture, individuals and even mood.


Still, the team decided it had to start somewhere, and has got the ball rolling with a detailed survey of the nature and experience of incivility in … Australia. Why there? Because, the researchers argue, it is a multicultural nation with a large proportion of people born elsewhere, from Asia to Eastern Europe, and has social measures such as household income and fear of crime that are typical of many developed nations.

Of course, some cultures will still have radically different views of, say, the acceptability of physical contact. Even so, the team believes the findings from this first survey are likely to be relevant to many if not most developed nations. Conducted by phone among over 1,600 adults living in Australia, the survey was created to resemble crime studies, with questions designed to weed out vague hearsay by probing personal experiences in as much detail as possible.


The survey revealed that the most prevalent form of rudeness is that quintessential act of incivility, queue-jumping. Over a quarter of respondents reported having experienced this, followed by "bodily gestures" and bad language. These three categories made up almost half of all the reported types of rude behaviour. Overall, however, more than 20 types were described by respondents, everything from driving too close to not speaking English. But the researchers noticed some intriguing common factors. Only about one act in five was deemed deliberate; most people believed the rude behaviour was simply the result of a lack of thought.



The team also found that some stereotypes need to be abandoned. Perpetrators of incivility are not just rough types; they come from all social classes. Nor are people who experience rudeness just overly sensitive, fearful types; anyone can experience rudeness anywhere. But one finding stood out above all: acts of incivility are most likely to happen in the course of simple routine journeys,with people taking insufficient care about how they're moving, whether in their own car, public transport or simply walking.


So what can be done about it? According to the researchers, some potential answers come from airports, which have plenty of scope for becoming hotbeds of incivility. It is no accident that the most highly regarded airports in traveller surveys are the likes of Incheon in South Korea and Hong Kong, which are new and spacious, say the researchers: "Overburdened older structures such as Heathrow and JFK are less popular and are plagued by word-of-mouth horror stories".

The researchers also point to another, more controversial, source of remedies for incivility: theme parks. With their wide walkways, clear signs and unambiguous queuing regimes, they have succeeded in keeping even parents with screaming children staying at least reasonably civil towards each other come rain or shine. Academics usually take a dim view of such places, seeing them as imposing an insidious form of social control on visitors. Even so, they may hold some important lessons for civic designers.

Mr Smith and his colleagues accept that even if every community were like Disneyland, society would not be free of incivility. Humans in motion may be the prime source of most outbreaks of rudeness, but it is far from the only one. We will still have to deal with those annoying people who loudly munch popcorn during movies. In such cases, we will just have to hope that expressing our displeasure will have the desired effect. It will not always be enough, though - as a Frenchman discovered in Nice last month. He made the mistake of protesting when one of four men pushed ahead of him in the queue at a tobacconist. It turned out they were members of a gang from Chechnya, and they responded to the ticking-off by dragging the man outside, pushing him to the ground and beating him up.

Then it was their turn to discover they had made a mistake. Their victim was an undercover French detective, whose colleagues sprung into action and arrested the gang. Happily, rude people are sometimes their own worst enemy.



http://www.thenational.ae/news/uae-news/science/survey-finds-clues-to-rude-behaviour-in-queues?pageCount=0

Say: "O ye my servants who believe! Fear your Lord, good is (the reward) for those who do good in this world. Spacious is God's earth! those who patiently persevere will truly receive a reward without measure!" [39:10]
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« Reply #1 on: Oct 04, 2010 03:34 PM »

ws,

hah!

Quote
So what can be done about it? According to the researchers, some potential answers come from airports, which have plenty of scope for becoming hotbeds of incivility. It is no accident that the most highly regarded airports in traveller surveys are the likes of Incheon in South Korea and Hong Kong, which are new and spacious, say the researchers: "Overburdened older structures such as Heathrow and JFK are less popular and are plagued by word-of-mouth horror stories".

We were just at JFK last week in the line for Egypt air and it was a LONG lineeeeeee full of ppl with tons of luggage and then this family of two parents, an uncle, 1 son, 2 daughters and a baby boy just jumped the line and went in front. Everyone was SO MAD!!! They started yelling and shouting in Arabic and English and saying 'this wasn't egypt and ppl can't just do this!' and they called a security officer over but he was egyptian so did nothing. That family just ignored it all went up to the desk and were out. We spent an hour and a half finishing checking in!!
 
I think line jumpers just shouldn't be served. Or some kind of better system needs to be enforced like 'taking a number', like at the DMV which is REALLY strict. I don't know. Ppl in the middle east keep justifying it by saying it's because 'the one who has the most need' should be able to go first, but I think it's really just the one who is more aggressive and in the end it just isn't fair...

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« Reply #2 on: Oct 04, 2010 06:41 PM »

salam


There was a tube strike here last month (and today as it happens). Anyways, I found myself stranded at a very central location, so I figure queue for a bus, I'd be there in about an hour......


I queued for two hours (yes you read that right!). About an hour into the whole queuing thing, these French tourists suddenly walk up beside us, by then I'd made friends with the woman behind me and the guy in front of me. The tourists pretended to be checking a map, and suddenly they had slipped in front of the guy in front of me, I looked at him and asked if they'd been there all along, he went all english and said no possibly not but couldnt be sure, I just tapped the woman on the shoulder and told her to go to the back of the queue, she pretended she didn't understand, I made gestures, and repeated until she moved ...red faced.... I wouldn't normally, but my tolerance level was like in the negatives.


Why did I queue for two hours, because at first it didnt seem like it would take that long, then when you've been queuing for twenty minutes/half hour/one hour, you just don't want to leave hte queue incase it suddenly moves up fast and you've lost your place.
I think I spent a grand total of one hour at work that day!


Ze english...we know how to queue!!!!!


Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #3 on: Oct 05, 2010 06:39 AM »

Asalaamu Alaikum bro

I think it was Sh Hamza Yusuf who said Muslims should never have a problem with waiting in a queue (or waiting in general) because there is always something we could be doing (be it reading, reciting, supplicating etc)

Rather than seeing it as an inconvenience, it could be seen as a blessing in an otherwise busy day where one doesn’t get the time to just take a few minutes out of life.


Having said that if you do find yourself in a queue and someone jumps it, what do you do?


Quote
Ze english...we know how to queue!!!!!

I’d have to disagree and say we *used* to know how to queue.


I remember the days as a kid when you’d wait for a bus and the queue would be a single straight line that could go back for ages but people knew they just had to join the back of the line.

Nowadays people tend to congregate around a bus stop and it’s a complete free for all when the bus arrives!!!



A couple of years ago, I was waiting in a queue at a bank in London and it was particularly busy. A woman walked in and went straight to the front because she had to fill in a form and that’s where the only pen was. Fully expecting her to go back to the queue once she had used the pen, she simply stayed where she was.

I looked around to other people in the queue and they were all aghast but being British no one said a word. I looked around again, wondering if anyone was going to say anything but merely saw blank faces.


From an Islamic perspective, one could consider waiting in line as a right and should anyone push in there is a transgression against that right. Of course, we are all entitled to give up our rights should we wish to do so but what about all the other people in the line whose rights have been impinged upon? Can you let someone go in front of you without asking the permission of all the other people who will be faced with waiting one person longer? (Perhaps we need a book on the Fiqh of being in a queue? bro)

With that thought process, I confronted the woman and explained there was a queue. I was immediately subjected to a volley of abuse, at a decibel I dare not wish to recall and vocabulary I’m not sure to this day I quite understood.

She was so vociferous that the manager had to be called to find out what was going on and in order to quell the situation he just allowed her to go first.

I turned around to all the other people in the queue and asked why they didn’t chip in since she had pushed in front of all of them as well and not just me.

The look of apathy was quite revealing!!


I would have to agree that the ticketing system used in government departments seems to be the only way to curb such behavior and it’s interesting to see that banks in the UAE have exactly the same system.


Ultimately, it just goes to show that whilst we would like to think good of human nature, there are some situations in life where legislation needs to be prescriptive in order for there be some semblance of order.


Moreover, it also just goes to show what kind of things your mind can wander over when you find yourself waiting in a queue Wink

Say: "O ye my servants who believe! Fear your Lord, good is (the reward) for those who do good in this world. Spacious is God's earth! those who patiently persevere will truly receive a reward without measure!" [39:10]
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« Reply #4 on: Oct 05, 2010 01:33 PM »

salam


I think in inner cities in London people no longer queue for buses, but in the oustkirts, the good old tradition of queuing is alive and kicking...sometimes you just wanna join a queue because everyone else is queuing and you feel left out...!!!!


I'm shocked the bank manager didn't tell the woman to go to the back of the queue, it's the reason bullies get away with behaving badly, they are rewarded instead of chastised for their appalling behaviour.

You should have seen it tho, the last tube strikes, the area around the main railway stations was filled with people queuing....it looked like art (altho I was far too exhausted to appreciate it at the time).



Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #5 on: Oct 06, 2010 10:21 PM »

 Wink No wonder I have so much trouble getting my three year olds to walk in a straight line and not 'budging' to get ahead....  Cheesy

 oldshaykh I pledge to have them all trained by the end of the year and this will start a new generation of civil people! Insha Allah....

"Allah surely knows the warmth of every teardrop... " Jaihoon
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