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Author Topic: confused Hijabi  (Read 3486 times)
rabid9682
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« on: Apr 05, 2011 09:37 PM »


Salaam

 I am very proud of who I am and I love my reglion. Being born Muslim is the biggest blessing that Allah (SWT) has given me. I am currently wearing the hijab but I have been questioning it as well. Even through this time of confusion, it never crossed my mind that Hijab wasn't required for Muslim woman. I just feel that at this time in my life, Hijab is just making me depressed and sad. I pray about it and ask Allah to give the knowledge that I am lacking about hijab. I honestly feel that if I was to take off the hijab, it would be just as hard as it was when I put it on 8 years ago. I feel guilty for feeling this way but I do, and I wish I didn't. I have been questioning my hijab since I put it on.I feel that Allah has tested me so many time and I have passed those test because I am still wearing it. I am so confused, depressed and hurt because of this. I just wish it wasn't this hard. I can stay modest and hide my beauty while still showing my hair. If I was to take it off, that doesn't mean I am going to walk around in tank tops and shorts. I will still be dressed modest but without a scarf. Is it wrong for me to feel this way?
tahirah
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« Reply #1 on: Apr 05, 2011 10:36 PM »

Salaam Sister,

You say that you have always believed that hijab was required, but it has still been very difficult for you. I take it then that your confusion/struggle is not about whether or not you believe you are supposed to wear it according to Islamic guidelines, but because of something else? What aspect of hijab exactly makes you sad and depressed? Maybe we can help you work through it with a better understanding of what you are going through.

tahirah
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« Reply #2 on: Apr 05, 2011 10:53 PM »

Well, I have been married since I was 17 and I started wearing the hijab at 19. When I first put it on, the reason was because I was married and there was no reason why I shouldn't wear it. So I didn't give it any thought and just started wearing it. That was the only reason. As I got older, I realized that this wasn't a good choice for me to do at that age. I've been working since I've been married and that also makes it harder. Living in the US as a muslim is not easy at all. 
rabid9682
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« Reply #3 on: Apr 07, 2011 12:12 AM »

Hi sisters,

I really hope I didn't offend anyone when I wrote my last topic "confused hijabi". I really thought you girls would give me advice. I am just looking for advice and help. I feel like everyone is judging me and they don't even know me.  Huh?
tahirah
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« Reply #4 on: Apr 07, 2011 01:39 AM »

Salaam,
Sorry for the delayed response. I didn't have much time to be online today...

Although it can be very rewarding, the choice to wear hijab can also be a difficult one. There are so many challenges and obstacles when wearing hijab that we as Muslim women face in the US, whether from family/friends, other Muslims, non Muslims, or even our own personal struggles. These obstacles can sometimes become overwhelming, but what often helps is the conviction these these are part of the guidelines that Allah has asked us to abide by, and the confidence that Allah rewards us for the struggles we endure as we strive to please Him.

I applaud you for wearing and continuing to wear hijab in a land where it is strange and often looked down upon. May Allah reward you abundantly. In your case, I don't think age necessarily made a difference in how difficult it has been, but rather the reason you chose to do it at that age. Putting on hijab without that deep conviction makes it extremely hard to handle the wave of challenges and hardships that can come with it. Working in a non-supportive environment on top of that can be brutal. I know so many sisters that have to endure harrasment, discrimination, and constant negativity from coworkers/bosses that are small minded and racist. It's hard. My advice to you is to ask Allah to bring tranquility to your heart, reward you for your struggle and remove the hardships from your path. I also suggest that if possible, you look for work in a more supportive environment. That might alleviate a significant amount of the difficulties you face. Pray istikhara for a new job, and if that is not not feasible then seek His guidance for a better solution. I hope that helps.

I'll keep you in my du'a
tahirah

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« Reply #5 on: Apr 07, 2011 03:39 AM »

as salaamu alaykum sis,

May Allah make things easy for you - I think we can all relate to going through those ups and downs and finding certain acts of obedience and worship difficult and challenging at different times, depending on our circumstances. May Allah help you get through it and make your faith, motivation and confidence stronger than ever inshaAllah.

Please check out this article from SuhaibWebb.com, you may find it beneficial inshaAllah:
http://www.suhaibwebb.com/personaldvlpt/taking-off-the-hijab/

salaam,
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« Reply #6 on: Apr 07, 2011 03:10 PM »

salam rabid,

I'm not sure if you're talking about us, but I don't think anyone's judging you. Obviously, no one knows you here and doesn't know anything except what you wrote. I think we are just trying to respond to the points in your post. Advice and help sometimes can feel like criticism and judgement so I hope you will not judge others either! Everyone's just trying to help. We support you, but not all your decisions obviously.

Also, as an aside I knew of one sister on facebook (where else!) who took off her hijab and made it a public point and wrote all these things about it justifying her decision and when anyone Muslim wrote back to her and responded to her, she would write back angrily that they were judging her etc, but when her non-Muslim friends wrote back to her saying things like 'oh your hair looks so pretty etc' she would be all happy. I think she didn't understand that as Muslims we were not going to be happy and supportive she took off her hijab!

Anyways a very complicated subject...
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« Reply #7 on: Apr 07, 2011 04:23 PM »

Salam Sister,


I want to thank you all for your honest and sweet words. I think I might just be going through a phase in my life where I feel like I need something different.
I know I can always turn to Allah (SWT) to help me with my struggles. He has always helped me and guided me the right way.

Jannah-I understand what you are saying. I just feel bad for the way I feel sometimes. I really don't have anyone around me that I can talk to about this with because I am so use to being judge right away. Alot of my friends and family are really not understanding to some questions I have about hijab. I feel like I rushed into hijab without really thinking about how it would change my life. But after 8 years of wearing it, I think it would hurt me more to take it off then to keep it on. I know my husband loves and respects me more for wearing the hijab. I also hope I made some new friends here that will not judge me and just give me good advice.

Thanks again ladies  flowersis
Nadimah86
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« Reply #8 on: Apr 12, 2011 08:38 PM »

I would say go with your heart.As long as you & your husband are comfortable with your decision then that is all that matters.If someone backsnipes & say's "She's not a good Muslimah..she doesn't Hijab" then ignore them.it's just words & they cannot harm you.
Remember the old saying "Sticks & stones may break my bones nut names will never hurt me"..

Good luck Sis.
khateeb_al_baghdadi
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« Reply #9 on: Apr 14, 2011 08:00 AM »

salam alaikum sis,

First off as muslims we are suppose to strive to better ourselves, none of us are perfect, we are opposite of that. If getting to jannah was based on good deeds, one would never enter it even if he never committed a single sin.  Hijab is mandatory for muslim women, there is no difference of opinion on the issue. its 100 percent agreed upon. Islam is in the hearts yes not on what you wear wether its hijab or growing a beard. But at the same time we have guidlines and laws we must follow even if islam is in our hearts. For women that is hijab, there is a few ayahs in quran relating to this and many hadith as well. as a muslim you shouldnt be thinking of taking it off, as that is counter productive and openly disobeying Allah.  as muslims we need to better ourselves everyday, For some women hijab is hard and difficult, in that case take your time because Allah knows whats in your heart and your struggles to please him. You should be trying to wear it, and if you cant wear it everyday then wear it somedays. because maybe Allah will put love in your heart for it. Also the scholars say if a girl who hits puberty and doesnt put on hijab her parents can force her to wear it, as well as husbands and ext.... im not sure if there is a difference of opinion on that but that is the one i know. We also must be proud we are muslims, because everything we do is dawah, and islamic awareness actually brings people to islam. How will people come to this religion if they dont see it. maybe someone seen you with hijab and that made them read about islam just from seeign you, then a year later they become muslim, you will not know but you will recieve every good deed that person does for help bring them to islam, even if it was you bringing a simple thought to there mind such as maybe i should read about islam. On the day of judgement  this will happen. and Allah says in quran, Maybe there is something you dislike and it is good for you and somethign you like that is bad for you and Allah knows best and you do not. Also dont be upset if people look down on you for not wearing it. there is a principle of fiqh in islam and that is we judge muslims based on how we see them and we leave the hearts for Allah. and after 8 years of wearing it to take it off is a huge backtrack. Because once you appear as a non muslim you act like them, and i can testify this myself when i shaved my beard once i lost all my iman and i dressed in designer clothes and all of that, aall because i did one thing most muslims see as insignificant. And remember hellfire is surrounded by desires and ease, and jannah is surrounded by hardships and trials. just remember hijab is fard, there is no difference of opinion, pray 2 rakahs, ask Allah to put love for it in your heart and he will. Hamzah bin abdul Muttalib when he said i am of my nephews religion(muhammad) lied. he wasnt a muslim, but that night he asked allah if this is the truth make me love it, if its falsehood find a way out for me, and that is when he took his shahadah. so ask Allah to make you love it and you will. And its good even if you did it for your husband, because he saved you from things you might not know and sin you might of falling into. and the sin you get for disobeyying the ayah of quran. And for guys hijab is a big deal, i know i wouldnt want to marry a sis who doesnt wear it, because in essence, if she cant follow the most simplest command of a muslim women, how will she follow the hard and coomplicated and normal things.  hijab once again is mandatory for you, as your last post seems to say why why why. We dont follow logic as muslims we follow the quran and hadith, we obey it as much as we can. Because Allah says in the quran "Obey me as much as you can".

“And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what must ordinarily appear therof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands’ fathers, their sons, their husbands’ sons, their brothers, or their brothers’ sons or their sisters’ sons, or their women or the servants whom their right hands possess, or male servants free of physical needs, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex, and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O you Believers, turn you all together towards Allah, that you may attain Bliss.” (Quran 24:31).

“O Prophet, tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks close round them (when they go abroad). That will be better, so that they may be recognised and not annoyed. Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.” (Quran 33:59)


“O you Children of Adam! We have bestowed on you raiment to cover your shame as well as to be an adornment to you. But the raiment of righteousness, that is the best. Such are among the Signs of Allah, that they may receive admonition.” (Quran 7:26)
 
These are the verses on hijab, remember when you read them it doesnt say straight out, hijab is fard wear it. But you must understand the tafsir of the ayah. your question on why cant i be modest and show my hair. well for one you can still be modest there is no doubt on that. but you also will be disobeying Allah, when you pray or go to the masjid you are suppose to cover your head, why because thats the requirements in islam. there is no need to question hijab. You do not want to be one of these muslim sisters who say i dont have to wear it islam is in my heart. Because in islam there is sharia, we must follow it even if islam is in are hearts, praying is sharia, fastign is sharia, everything is sharia it doesnt means just islamic law. if you dont want to wear the hijab than thats your choice, but dont say its not required, because then you will be changing the religion of islam with your hands, and you will be going against the consensus of not only the scholars but the sahabah and tabieen who r the ones who explained the meanings of quran to us. Just like praying is an obligation so is wearing the hijab. Also it is a source of honor. you should be proud you wear at, as there is nothing more precious than the muslim woman, but how will we know your muslim if you dont wear it, how will we say salam to you outside. Also its not wrong for you to feel you can still be modest without it. thats normal. but we dont follow our desires or are wants, we follow islam the best we can, if your not ready for hijab then make dua, take your time, everyone at one time loses there iman or is not religious and has struggles so who is anyone to judge. but just know this is somthign required on a muslim women. do your best to wear it and not take it off and may Allah make your path easy and keep you upon the haqq inshallah
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« Reply #10 on: Apr 16, 2011 10:22 PM »

mashallah sis, stay strong and keep it on, because taking it off actually will make your iman go down. May Allah keep us on the straigh path
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« Reply #11 on: Apr 19, 2011 10:58 AM »

its amazing how much struggle it takes to wrap a piece of cloth around your head! And if I were myself not among those who carry out this tedious, fearful struggle every day i would have seriously wondered what the fuss is all about.......some months back I wrote this poem when I was really distressed about my hijab issue.

POEM:
 I am not proud of the doubt that creeps from a naked corner of my heart,
Scared that the shadow of it might flicker in my eye.
And be caught by one who looks intently  to assess my clothes and skin
Amused by the fabric that covers my head
They conclude it with one fine judgment
And declare me an oppressed woman!
I am scared that this doubt might succeed to survive
Becoming immune to reasoning 
And one day when my toddler learns to read my eye
He will find it there and declare my preachings null and void
 
They say mothers and sons will not know each other on the day of judgment
I wish that does not cease even for a fleeting second
For my eyes will be downcast and full of shame
This doubt will be a giant of fear
 
Every time I turn to recheck and resettle I make it quick
For if I reflected long the mirror will know
Nevertheless I do, for there are people on the street for whom I care!!
Nameless they may be and I may not care to be their friend if they ask
 
 
 They are the representatives of time, I do not wish to offend
 So I try to put up the confident look, lest they Judge me by the cover on my head
 And I am shunned
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