// Annoyed
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Muslimah
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« on: May 07, 2011 02:16 AM »


Ohhh I'm so annoyed right now and the person that's brought this feeling on is none other than the husband!!! Please tell me if I am the one who was in the wrong. He's a cab driver and when he got home he tells me he picked up a Muslim girl from a store she was going into the city. He asked her why she was going there when she lives in the town etc. My annoyance with him was that he didn't have the right to ask her... She had ordered a cab and it was upto her where she went and why. He shouldn't be starting conversations with non mehram girls etc. Now we have argued about it with him saying I've got no right asking him why he was speaking with her. Am totally confused was I in the wrong by saying that?Huh? Huh?
Hard2Hit
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« Reply #1 on: May 07, 2011 04:39 AM »

Salams,

I guess next time on he would not tell you that who hired the cab and what discussion did they have.

IMO we shouldnt be 'that' strict while interacting with opposite gender. I mean he obviously wasnt hitting on her, right?

While we should know who our spouse meets and interacts with, we must also give them freedom and some 'breathing space' so to speak...

The knight doesn't wait when he's ill or has cancer brother, the knight fights on... He finds a strategy, changes tactics, and hits hard.
akhan
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« Reply #2 on: May 07, 2011 11:29 AM »

I can tell you that if he had wrong intentions, then he wouldn't have told you about the conversation in the first place. When he told you about it, that means he didn't have anything to hide.
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« Reply #3 on: May 07, 2011 12:17 PM »

Thank you @ hard2hit and akhan

I'm soooo stupid I've really messed things up by saying what I did to hubby now haven't I?! Plz do dua that I am able to mend things with him soon and that Allah swt grants me the understanding to let things pass by. Me and hubby haven't had the best of relationships since we've been married... Domestic abuse... Separation etc so that's why I ask for ur dua's.

Thank you again for taking the time out to reply and set me straight.
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« Reply #4 on: May 07, 2011 12:31 PM »

salam

To be honest I wouldn't be worried about whether he is chatting the woman up, I'd be more worried he's going to tick off customers and lose money...

Any taxi driver who demanded to know why I was going somewhere given as I was living somewhere else would find a complaint waiting for him at head office!


I'm really worried that you so casually mention domestic abuse. I hope you're OK sis.



Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #5 on: May 07, 2011 12:37 PM »

Assalamu alaykum.

I disagree with H2H & akhan.

Obviously there's factors with which I'm sure they weren't aware of like 'Domestic Abuse'. So I would say You had every right to ask. I'm sorry, but these men who are abusive use this kind of way to show their wives that they're some kind of great filmi 'hero' or 'romeo'. It's a type of control in my opinion. As you said she wasn't Mahrem, so why make conversation  with a female customer? You are his wife & he your husband.. You have certain rights over each other. My problem is why did he get defensive if he had nothing to hide? He should accept that this female wasn't Mahrem & not start fights with you.

Sis I dread to think what you are going through. But if you need a listening ear or support, PM me.

 

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« Reply #6 on: May 07, 2011 04:47 PM »

Sister, I agree with Cinders.  Be careful.

According to your posts, your husband has tried to control you through domestic abuse.  Now you also find that he is harassing female customers and trying to control them, too. (Questioning and lecturing a woman about something that is none of his business is not "chatting".)

He sounds like an expert on boundaries for women, but doesn't seem to recognize boundaries for his own behavior.
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« Reply #7 on: May 07, 2011 05:48 PM »

whoa...I didn't know about the domestic abuse. And for that I take my advice back sis, I've no idea how those things work. What I said was how men operate in general, your's is a special situation so I can't comment on that.
Where I went to high school, it had just eleven muslims and I was the only one in my class, and there were two girls in the other section. So naturally we had a lot in common and that would get us talking quite often, with no negative intentions of course. The moment you see a muslim where you don't expect to see one or where there are very few, you feel the urge to connect based on that common ground. That's what I thought might've happened in your case (assuming you live in the west). But I didn't know you had special circumstances. I am sorry Sad
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« Reply #8 on: May 07, 2011 07:21 PM »

Thank you again to all of u for helping me out I can't express what it means to me when I hear bk from you all, Sis Fozia don't worry I'm ok... I had mentioned my situ of domestic abuse on here a few years ago when things were very tough for me thats y I didn't mention it in detail again now. And Sis Cinders and Pearl ur right hubby knows what the boundaries are but only for others it's a little different when it's about him! He's happy to quote on other people's lives and what they ate doing etc but if he's questioned about his then according to him he's doing right. And Bro Akhan no need to apologise u didn't know what my situ was before. I think I was very upset n emotional last night and I just needed to let it out to someone and that 'someone' was all of you! I have friends and family I could talk too but at times I can't say anything to them either.

I very much appreciate ur time... Plz remember me in ur dua's and I will also remember you all too inshallah. May Allah swt reward you.
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« Reply #9 on: May 07, 2011 07:25 PM »

Ameen sis and InshAllah all your worries will be eased out. Don't lose hope
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