// Hijab
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Anonymous
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« on: Jun 01, 2011 02:14 PM »


Salam,

Would you ever take off your hijab for your husband even though he didnt ask you to but gave you hints that he doesnt like it?
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #1 on: Jun 01, 2011 02:38 PM »

salam


Do you want to remove your hijab?

I would only do it if I wanted to. Its really not his place to tell you to uncover if you dont want to.



Wassalaam
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #2 on: Jun 01, 2011 02:49 PM »

I'm assuming you're talking about taking it off completely, rather than in front of him, i.e. he's asking you to not wear it in front of other men. In which case the basic rule in Islaam is that one is not allowed to obey the creation if it means disobeying the Creator. Allaah is your Lord, He has Ordered the Muslim women to wear hijaab.  You never ever obey anyone if it means going against what Allaah has made obligatory for you to do.  This question is like one saying my husband has dropped hints that he wants me to stop praying, so should I stop praying?  What would the answer to that be? .... Same answer applies here.
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #3 on: Jun 01, 2011 03:49 PM »

I know that wearing hijab is obligatory, and my husband doesnt tell me that he wants me to take it off, but I can tell that he doesnt like it. He always tells me its my choice and that if I were to take it off that would be my decision not his. I think he says that because he doesnt want to be the reason why I take it off but if I ever did he would be the reason why.
Anonymous
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« Reply #4 on: Jan 01, 2012 09:55 PM »

What? You wear Hijab infront of your husband?
Hmmmm you do know you can show your hair to your husband don't you?
It is all the other men you are not allowed to show it to.

Anonymous
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« Reply #5 on: Jan 01, 2012 10:32 PM »

No I wouldn't.

Assuming you mean in public, I'm not a prize animal to be paraded in front of his friends.



Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #6 on: Jan 01, 2012 10:58 PM »

Does he only wont you to show your hair to his friends, as part of "your choice" or are you allowed to show other parts of your body to if you so desire?
How much choice has he given you on how much of your body you are allowed to show?
Ask him, hair is my choice?
How about arms? Are they my choice too?
Am I allowed to wear sleeveless?
How about legs, and how much of them is he going to allow you to show?
Are you allowed to wear knee length skirts? How about mini skirts?
What about shorts, or even less?
If not, and it is him who dictates what your choice can and can't be, it doesn't really sound like much like "your choice" does it?

And if you are willing to show your hair to his friends to please him?
How much more are you willing to show? Arms? Legs? Why not everything?
If not, and hair is the only line you are willing to cross, then it isn't really about you obeying your husband unconditionally, but you obeying yourself?
So don't even think of using him as an excuse, we are all responsible for our own actions.
So have self control and fear Allah.
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #7 on: Jan 02, 2012 03:50 PM »


as salaamu alaykum,

I have a friend who is going through a similar situation.  Her husband has even told her outright, "As long as you are 'modest', you don't have to wear it" though he hasn't pressured her.  I think he feels that way because among his group of friends, none of the wives wear hijab and he wants his wife to be comparable to them and not seem like the odd one out.

If this seems like the same line of reasoning that your husband may have, my suggestions are:
 
- Make sure you look nice, chic and put together with hijab.  This may mean exploring different hijab styles, materials, hijab pins etc as well as different kinds of abayas or skirts or other clothes.  If he's desi for example, try to find some nice loose shalwar qamees in neutral colors (that you feel are suitable/modest) and a way to wear hijab that coordinates, or wear stylish clothes underneath your abaya/jilbab with all the matching accessories, so that he sees you at home before you go out, and you can wear if there is proper separation. 

You can also try the more straight button down jilbabs for a more chic put together look, or the more flowy abayas for a more feminine look.  Especially around family, try to go with the flow - for example around a desi family, if one wears jilbab/abaya it may be nice to wear a pretty pashmina with beaded work and pattern as opposed to all black, or if one is married to a convert then a nice flowy dress with a long cardigan or patterned skirt as opposed to something that looks more foreign.

Pay attention to what he likes and try to incorporate that into what you wear, such as certain colors or certain hijab materials that flow a certain way etc.  A lot of times guys who don't want their wives to wear hijab is because they want them to look 'good' - show him that you can look nice in a way this also modest and in line with religious guidelines.

- Try to widen your circle of friends to religious people for whom wearing hijab is the norm.  Try to go to the masjid often, even if not for a class, then before or after you go out to eat or shopping try to stop by the masjid just for the prayer.  Try to find couple/family friends who will be a good influence on both of you inshaAllah.

May Allah help you and keep you and all of us on the Straight Path, Ameen!  Let us know how things work out.

Salaam 
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #8 on: Jan 04, 2012 03:10 PM »

Well, I took my hijab off for about a month, I was tired of harassment and stares. I still dressed modestly, I did not let my body be exposed. I put it back on for my husband, because I saw it bothered him. Even though he told me it was up to me to decide and he would never force the issue. I do not feel Allah commanded the hair to be covered, I believe the order was for the chest. Hijab is not even a word found in the Quran for women's dress. The women used to wear scarves but let it open in the front fully exposing their breasts. The order came telling them to pull there veil over their bosom and not to expose it. Also they wore charms on there feet, like bells to make noise for attention.

But if you feel it is against you, then I would not. I have a friend whose husband told her he hates women in hijab. He is muslim... first time I ever heard that. but he feels it is just a front and it means nothing if they are not they way inside. I guess everyone has had his/her own struggles. Just be close to your Lord and if hijab does that for you, then I would say keep it on and tell your husband how it affects your relationship with Allah.

Peace and Allah's mercy and blessings!

Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #9 on: Jan 04, 2012 07:26 PM »

The Quran does order the covering of the Hair. The word in the Quran is Khimar, which means headscarf.
Yes, true, people who hate Islam and hate Muslims claim the Quran doesn't order us to cover the hair.
But the issue is, whose interpretation is correct?
That of the Kaffir trying to ban all the rules of Islam one after the other, or the interpretation of the Prophet. Who did order Muslim women to cover the hair when this verse was revealed.

So it is an obligation:
If you do it for your husband and not Allah, you are losing a lot.
But if you obey your husband above Allah.
Wow, that is really something quite serious?
Is he the god you have taken above the one that created you?
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #10 on: Jan 04, 2012 07:27 PM »

Quote
I do not feel Allah commanded the hair to be covered, I believe the order was for the chest. Hijab is not even a word found in the Quran for women's dress. The women used to wear scarves but let it open in the front fully exposing their breasts. The order came telling them to pull there veil over their bosom and not to expose it. Also they wore charms on there feet, like bells to make noise for attention.

Salam,

I find these statements a little problematic. First, there's no Islamic scholar in the world that says Hijab is not Fard. The anti-hijab movement was started by "progressive Muslims" who kind of make up their own mind about what they want to follow.

Hijab is mentioned in the Quran by the word Khimar, which means "head covering" At that time women did cover their heads but not their bosoms. The command came down to cover their bosoms as well. It's like saying.... "close your shirts" and then someone totally takes off their shirt?? doesnt make sense.

Anyhows again, the consensus of the scholars is enough to make something Fard. It does not have to be in the Quran. No one in the centuries of scholarship has opposed this rule until today. I think that tells us a lot.

It's better to just say a person doesn't feel they want to or can't wear it right now. Believing something that is Fard is not a Fard really takes a person into hazy territory.
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #11 on: Jan 04, 2012 09:50 PM »

salam

In answer to the original question, no I would not take off the hijab, even if it bothered him. 

Why does it suddenly bother him?? What changed? Is he emabarassed to be seen with you??

 
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