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Author Topic: Tips on how to get married!  (Read 11617 times)
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Anonymous
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« on: Mar 04, 2008 01:09 PM »


peace be upon you

How did i know that title would attract your attention?  Cheesy

Inspired by several threads about marriage, and a few discussions with some sisters around me, thought I would ask you single sisters out there...

What are you doing to get married?

I know of sisters who have told everyone and their uncle Bob, that they are looking...

some have moved overseas,

some have registered on a rishta/zawaj/marriage site on the Internet

As for me, I am just sitting here and doing nothing! well not NOTHING, just nothing that will end up with me saying I do. The thing is, I am feeling quite content with myself.  Is that wrong?  Will I wake up some day when I am 35 and think I should have *done* something when I was 20-something?

This is a serious issue for so many sisters...let us share some ideas.


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« Reply #1 on: Mar 04, 2008 02:31 PM »

 peace be upon you

OK , here is the thing, don't get comfortable being single if you like having a family and kids one day! don't become proud or resign to an attitude that somehow there are no good men, or not everyone is destined for marriage

pray, pray , and then pray some more. i am not kidding. pray tahajjud.  make dua during times of answer. hopefully your parents make dua for you and also pray tahajjud. the dua of a parent for son/daughter is answered, insha'llah. make dua for other sisters you know who are still single.

give sadaqah, even small amounts of sadaqah on a regular basis. 

more later ...
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #2 on: Mar 06, 2008 04:47 AM »

Reading things like this always makes me cringe.
It makes some women sound desperate and when a person
feels desperate, or not even desperate, but feeling in a hurry and like
times running out, that's a big warning sign that a woman may 'settle'
Settle for less of a man than she deserves.
Not take time to get to know about him and his family (through the proper channels of course)
When one feels in a hurry they tend to be blind to traits that they may of noticed otherwise.
Women now a days are easily having families in their 30's and 40's.
My advice, take your time, pray and stop being so worried.
And don't drop your standards and settle for less than you want.
Signed, been there, done that, please let my bad choices be wisdom for you.
I have married due to feeling alone and wanting to be married
and when it was over seen all the flags I was blind to cause of my
feeling in a hurry. I love all my sister, please don't settle, please don't be in a hurry.
purplehijabisis
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #3 on: Mar 06, 2008 06:10 AM »

Quote
Settle for less of a man than she deserves

Since when have we become barometers of our own worth? The last time I checked I thought
 that power belonged to Allah swt
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #4 on: Mar 06, 2008 06:18 AM »

To the original poster: YES YOU SHOULD BE DOING THINGS. In fact all those things you mentioned are good. We can't just sit around on the earth and expect Allah to hand us food, drink right? So why do we expect Allah to hand us over everything else too.

Also maybe the married people can tell us how they got married. That's much more practical I think.
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #5 on: Mar 06, 2008 09:10 AM »

Quote
Settle for less of a man than she deserves

Since when have we become barometers of our own worth? The last time I checked I thought
 that power belonged to Allah swt

I personally know a sister now and she is dealing with things she
doesn't deserve.
Her x husb 20 yrs plus her senior, goes to a Muslim country (from the US)
to find a young bride. He turns out to be verbally and emotional abusive.
Due to her having children, she puts up with it threatening her being sent back
and not with her children.
20 years later, the kids are grown or nearly grown, her gets physical with a minor child
and tells them to leave the house. After dragging out their divorce nearly 2 yrs
and after a court order giving her and the kids one of two homes they own
1) He doesn't get out when he was told to
2) He took the hot water heater and some other things out.
3) She gets forclosure papers like 2 or 3 weeks after she gets back in the house
she had no idea he hadn't been making the house payment nor did the judge.
Now she has to return to court.
Did she deserve this?

All I'm saying is anytime there is something done without a lot of knowledge, women
get hurt. Yes, Allah knows best but does Allah put us with the wrong people?
Or do we make that mistake ourselves by being in a hurry? Not waiting?
Feeling like time's running out? Not checking the other person out well?
Marriage is much more important than cooking right?
Well even something as simple as a recipe can be ruined if
we don't have the right ingredients, the right temp, the right TIMING
My tip for getting married?
Prayer and patience.
And don't let age nor family nor impatience lead you down the road to misery. purplehijabisis
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #6 on: Mar 06, 2008 04:56 PM »

 peace be upon you

Barometers of our own self worth?Huh? I'd say every sister deserved a man who was a kind and good husband, a man who knows and takes very seriously his duties towards his wife and family.

Like the last anonymous poster points out, there are many horrendous situations where the men have treated their wives appallingly.
I would advise a sister not to settle, by all means pray for a good and kind husband, but accepting the first proposal on the premise that one should not consider themselves worth more than that proposal, is not the best idea.

It's the rest of your life, it's the life of your future children you are staking here, and no I do not think that is a overly dramatic.


Wassalaam
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #7 on: Mar 07, 2008 11:28 AM »

Quote
I'd say every sister deserved a man who was a kind and good husband, a
 man who knows and takes very seriously his duties towards his wife and family

I am sure the poster would equally agree with me that every brother deserved a woman who
 was a kind and good wife, a woman who knows and takes very seriously her duties towards
 her husband and family.

For those people who say that this is automatic when it comes to sisters I beg to
 disagree for I personally have seen many instances when this is not true, though I must admit
 that sadly that men of our ummah have been abusive in far greater numbers.
Quote
Also maybe the married people can tell us how they got married. That's much more
 practical I think.


I agree to all the things said above about faith in Allah swt, duaa , Qadar .....I wanted
 to add a few things  and it applies to brothers and sisters equally

1.So set down your absolute 'must haves'. If a prospective proposal does not have your
 absolute core requirements you are wasting each other’s time.
 Mine were a practicing Muslim, kindness integrity, some one who could recognize the need
 of others without being told (not necessarily mine Wink ) ,some one who would treat both
 our parents with love, affection and certain amount of tolerance, some one who can accept
 me for what I am and not what they want me to be.

1.5) Don’t marry for the wrong reason, green card, tiered of home, the money, but
 wanting companionship is a legitimate human emotion/need

2. Contemplate and make a list of things. Why should this person should marry me and not
 X,Y,Z .? What do I bring to the table? What’s so special about me? Why do I deserve
 her/him?

3. Contemplate and make a list of things why is this person better of marrying X and not
 me? Please be brutally honest with your self for none of us are perfect. What are the
 things in me that could have been better? What are my circumstances?

4. What are the other things I want in my spouse? Please be realistic (I call these the
 negotiable ones)

Bros: She will never cook like your mom for she isn’t your mom, hey you a’int no Tom
 Cruise and you still want a Kidman? oops whats her name… anyways you get the point, You
 want her to be nice to your parents while you refuse to do the same, she works, cooks,
 cleans, attends halaqas and then smiles oh yeah she is a robot ! You hang out with your
 friends most of the time or spend hours on the internet and one extra halaqa/family
 engagement and you crib about lack of quality time. You don’t pick up after your self and
 don’t do the dishes and still expect none to come flying at you?

Sis: Tall dark handsome, with a full head of hair belongs to the “Mills and Boons “
 my mom used to read. Oh I have to attend this halaqa, that sheikh’s majlis, this masjids
 talk that seminar and I really don’t have time to cook/I hate cooking/I cant cook,
 well sorry the way to  a man’s heart is through his gut oops stomach. His parents are a
 bad influence, thank you very much the recipe for disaster is now complete and oh the last
 one he is going to throw the trash every time Wink

5. Having these things in hand get to know your proposal better, this will make the
 decision much easier, talk to them try to find out about their back ground and when you are
 asking/negotiating for something always have this in mind “ What do I bring to this table
 to give” 


My philosophical take: Life is a compromise but one does not compromise when it comes to
 the basic religious tenets and core human values.

My practical take: I strongly believe in compromise, for no two individuals are a 100 %
 compatible, nor will you find all the things you are looking for in a spouse. Once my core
 requirements were met I was lucky to get about 50 % of my negotiable ones (my spouse
 jokes that she just got 10 % of hers), but Alhamdullilah we are happy

Post marraige assesment of all the pre marriage  notions I had about how good I am,  and
 why I deserved such  and such: Boy I didn’t think you were so nasty.

Age is not a factor: Yes age is a factor, at least in our society the older you get its
 harder to get married to the 'ideal' person. This applies to both brothers and sisters.
 For all my pickiness in my youth  I learnt the hard way that a 'lot of water had passed
 under the bridge'. Folks, factor age in to the equation of negotiable requirements. People
 can disagree and yeah there might be some exceptions but yeah those are exceptions

Lesson:

 ‘Ideal spouses’ are nice  romantic notions, but life is a rough tumble.
Don’t delude your self about your own worth nor be blind to the fluttering red
 flags.Compromise is the essence of life but don’t bend so much that you can be trampled on.
 Hold on to your core values but do not be so rigid that the world has no use for you.
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #8 on: Mar 07, 2008 11:56 PM »

The title of this post may have to be changed to
How NOT to get married  Cheesy

Not meaning nit get married, just meaning ways and situations in which not to
get married.  Wink

If any of you were my daughter, here is what I would tell you.

PRAY
1) Don't hurry things
PRAY
2) Make sure you know what you want in a husband
PRAY
3) Let your close friends, family and aunties know exactly what you're looking for
in a husband and not to send anyone your way that doesn't fit.
PRAY
4) Don't settle and don't let relatives, friends or age and such sway and
put you on the road to 'settling'
PRAY
5) Hand potiental husbands a copy of Sr. Kathy's 100 questions to ask a
prospective husband and see their reactions.
Anyone who laughs, snickers or complains needs to be eliminated from the running immediately
PRAY
Did I happen to mention, DON'T be in a hurry. Grin
And as a last thought, before worrying about getting married,
make sure you know who you are first and when you want in life, the future and marriage.
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #9 on: Mar 08, 2008 05:13 AM »

Salam and Thanks for your post. I thought your 1. Must-haves was a good point. However both brothers and sisters tend to have ridiculous must-haves that unsurprisingly change over time. So if they could pare down these must-haves quite a bit I'm sure it would help.

Quote
2. Contemplate and make a list of things. Why should this person should marry me and not
 X,Y,Z .? What do I bring to the table? What’s so special about me? Why do I deserve
 her/him?

I find this more like a business deal? If someone asked me this I'd have to ask myself what they thought they were doing. In fact, a brother once asked me "What will you bring to the marriage?" AFTER he had proposed. I found this very offensive. Why did he propose if he didn't think there was something special about me or that we had some kind of compatibility. It's like he was waiting for me to take out some charts and graphs and pitch him a corporate business plan? Why should I sell myself to someone like a commercial? (or meat) It just seems really arrogant. A person's qualities are easily determined by getting to know them yourself.
 
Lastly about cooking, every woman really learns to cook after marriage so I don't understand why this is an issue for brothers. I know every auntie and friend in the community (except for one who wants to be a caterer) only learned to really cook after they got married.

Quote
Sis: Tall dark handsome, with a full head of hair belongs to the “Mills and Boons “
 my mom used to read. Oh I have to attend this halaqa, that sheikh’s majlis, this masjids
 talk that seminar and I really don’t have time to cook/I hate cooking/I cant cook,
 well sorry the way to  a man’s heart is through his gut oops stomach. His parents are a
 bad influence, thank you very much the recipe for disaster is now complete and oh the last
 one he is going to throw the trash every time Wink

Why not just ask the sister what her priorities are after marriage instead of 'penalizing' her for having an interest in Islamic knowledge before marriage.


Quote
What do I bring to this table to give” 

Again the business deal. Maybe this is the way all brothers deal with getting married?


Quote
Age is not a factor: Yes age is a factor, at least in our society the older you get its
 harder to get married to the 'ideal' person. This applies to both brothers and sisters.
 For all my pickiness in my youth  I learnt the hard way that a 'lot of water had passed
 under the bridge'. Folks, factor age in to the equation of negotiable requirements. People
 can disagree and yeah there might be some exceptions but yeah those are exceptions

I don't think age as a number is important. But compatibility is. If you're two different generations it is definitely an issue. If you're 2-3 years part or even 5 but have the same life experiences, ideas, beliefs and values, it should not be an issue.

Rest of your post I agreed with.
Wasalaam.
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #10 on: Mar 08, 2008 09:12 AM »

 peace be upon you

I think everyone who intends to eat should know how to cook. Shouldnt a wife be entitled to a break occassionally??? And I used to cook 365 days of the year from scratch OK, and did this make me love my husband more who prolly had more free time than I did?Huh? what

Why is it that men apparantly dont cook, but all the top chefs in the world appear to be male?Huh?


Wassalaam
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #11 on: Mar 09, 2008 12:33 AM »

Assalamu Alaikum:

This is how I married: my friend hooked me up with the friend of her husband!  Simple.   Mind you she (and everyone I know) introduced me to so many other friends before and nothing clicked.  My friend was consistent in trying to find me a husband and I was like, what the heck I am not proud.  The good thing was I did not meet a random guy.  If he was not good enough, my friend would have never suggested the he meets with my family and I.

When I met my husband we found that we have many things in common. When we talked it felt that I was talking to a friend who I knew for sometime.  It may sound liberal, but actually both of us are conservative practising muslims.  It helped a lot that he fell in love with me and kept pursuing me.   Grin

After marriage, we did discover we had differences, not major ones. We both understand that it is human nature to disagree.  We are mature  in dealing with each other.  Alhamdulillah, Allah subhanhu wa ta'ala has blessed us with  love and understanding for one another and this keeps us in check.  I pray to Allah that our peaceful and blissful marriage lasts for as long as we live.

wassalam
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #12 on: Mar 10, 2008 04:22 AM »

Quote
PRAY
3) Let your close friends, family and aunties know exactly what you're looking for
in a husband and not to send anyone your way that doesn't fit.
PRAY
4) Don't settle and don't let relatives, friends or age and such sway and
put you on the road to 'settling'

I dont know how difficult it is for getting married the second time.

 If you are getting married the first time out, a lot of aunties and friends stop sending
 proposals by your way as age progress are if you accquire a reputation of being hard to
 convince or if you start throwing Sr Kathys 100 questions all at once Wink. It is a bitter
 reality a lot of us face today esp among the Indo pak communities. Is it fair ? no but is
 it the norm? yes

The stream dries up and you are out of water

I would tell my daughter or son

I agree with you my love that you deserve the best, but may be you will find the best
 once you come down from the peak . There is a highground a low ground but hey you will find
 happiness in the middle ground.

What my parents generation lacked was people standing up for themselves when it came to
 getting married, they compromsed on almost anything and everything

The problem of my generation is we want to compromise on nothing


Where is the middle ground?
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #13 on: Mar 10, 2008 09:55 PM »

salam

it took me forever and a day to get married. i tried everything. the only thing that really helped in the end was duaa and absolute tolerance for the funny and frustrating episodes that occurred until i met my husband.

for those who struggle with finding a partner, it won't happen until you really give up and put your full faith in Allah.  in case it hasn't been made clear by the wait you have to put up with, that IS the test. inshaAllah all of you will pass it with flying colors...
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #14 on: Mar 12, 2008 12:33 PM »

salam

it took me forever and a day to get married. i tried everything. the only thing that really helped in the end was duaa and absolute tolerance for the funny and frustrating episodes that occurred until i met my husband.

for those who struggle with finding a partner, it won't happen until you really give up and put your full faith in Allah.  in case it hasn't been made clear by the wait you have to put up with, that IS the test. inshaAllah all of you will pass it with flying colors...


As salaamu alaikum

No doubt it is a matter of putting/keeping one's faith in Allah.  However, during the course of that, one continues to age, continues to become independent, depends upon self and increasingly more frustrationed/blue.  While age nor independence and self-reliance is rarely held against men, it is viewed almost as a plague when it exists in women which makes it even more difficult for such women to marry.  So I'm back to - this has benefit how?

As salaamu alaikum

Fa'izah
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #15 on: Mar 13, 2008 12:00 PM »

"While age nor independence and self-reliance is rarely held against men, it is viewed almost as a plague when it exists in women which makes it even more difficult for such women to marry. So I'm back to - this has benefit how?"

-- Asalam alaikum

I agree, Fa'izah, that these factors (age/independence) are often looked down upon in women with respect to marriage culturally. This is not an Islamic notion, however. As more American Muslim women fall into this category, I feel the stigma is loosening amongst our communities, particularly with regards to women waiting to finish their education until marriage.

What the last poster said remains true, however; no matter what, we must put our wholehearted reliance upon Allah (swt). This has benefit how? To Allah we belong, and to Him is our Return.



Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #16 on: Mar 13, 2008 11:27 PM »

"While age nor independence and self-reliance is rarely held against men, it is viewed almost as a plague when it exists in women which makes it even more difficult for such women to marry. So I'm back to - this has benefit how?"

-- Asalam alaikum

I agree, Fa'izah, that these factors (age/independence) are often looked down upon in women with respect to marriage culturally. This is not an Islamic notion, however. As more American Muslim women fall into this category, I feel the stigma is loosening amongst our communities, particularly with regards to women waiting to finish their education until marriage.

What the last poster said remains true, however; no matter what, we must put our wholehearted reliance upon Allah (swt). This has benefit how? To Allah we belong, and to Him is our Return.





I'm not in disagreement with the need for wholehearted reliane upon Allah (swt) because it has immense benefit.  (just wanted to add that point of clarity on my part since I realized after I posted it that I had included my name - oh well,  not ashamed).

Now, I'm not so sure that the stigma is loosening; now perhaps I'm just projecting my own experience and the list of insults and hurtful statements that have been hurled my way because of being "too Americanized", "too independent", "too [fill in the blank] as being the reality.  Or perhaps I've just encountered close-minded individual that are projecting other ideals.  Either way, it's frustrating, annoying, painful and worst of all tragic for those like me who have been on the receiving end of these sort of things.

As salaamu alaikum

Fa'izah
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #17 on: Jul 27, 2008 10:54 AM »

Salam alaikum

Here are the things to do to get married.  Follow them, and you will be married in no time.  Cheesy

1.    Make it known that you are looking. Especially the imam of the community. Not just once, but
keep telling him, and everyone else that you are looking until you finally find someone.

2.    Look for someone overseas. Whats keeping you here anyway? In some places people are very
very desperately looking for a spouse. For men, the place to look for is in Morocco, so many eligible sisters
there, and not enough eligible bros. For women, emirates, where the average Mahr is $100,000 .

3.  Don't reject proposals made to you, and look for someone new. If you accepted that proposal, wouldn't you have been married?  That religous person would have been good for you, even though other traits are appealing. A small Mahr is better than nothing.

4. Go the religous gatherings, like halqas, lectures, religous classes etc. You should be able to meet someone nice there.

5.  Duas. Duas. Duas.  Allah answers all duas eventually, as long as a person does not stop asking, and obeys His commands.   

brosis     arabbeardbroniqabisis    malaybropinkhijabisis    sudanibropurplehijabisis    desibrosis    thobebroshaykha

Salam alaikum
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #18 on: Aug 10, 2008 12:37 AM »

Salam alaikum

Here are the things to do to get married.  Follow them, and you will be married in no time.  Cheesy

1.    Make it known that you are looking. Especially the imam of the community. Not just once, but
keep telling him, and everyone else that you are looking until you finally find someone.

2.    Look for someone overseas. Whats keeping you here anyway? In some places people are very
very desperately looking for a spouse. For men, the place to look for is in Morocco, so many eligible sisters
there, and not enough eligible bros. For women, emirates, where the average Mahr is $100,000 .

3.  Don't reject proposals made to you, and look for someone new. If you accepted that proposal, wouldn't you have been married?  That religous person would have been good for you, even though other traits are appealing. A small Mahr is better than nothing.

4. Go the religous gatherings, like halqas, lectures, religous classes etc. You should be able to meet someone nice there.

5.  Duas. Duas. Duas.  Allah answers all duas eventually, as long as a person does not stop asking, and obeys His commands.  

brosis     arabbeardbroniqabisis    malaybropinkhijabisis    sudanibropurplehijabisis    desibrosis    thobebroshaykha

Salam alaikum

Have repeatedly done all except #2.  Not in a position to travel overseas either to visit nor to live.  And even if I could the thought of uprooting my family to move there in the hopes of finding a larger pool of eligible brothers scares me and the mere mention of it prompts arguments with my eldest child.  And I've had my dad ask me "what I have to offer another country" and without an acceptable answer I've had to drop it.

Ahhhhhh why is this sooooooooooo hard.   Guess I might as well forget about it altogether and embrace the bitterness and the emptiness.
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #19 on: Sep 02, 2009 08:42 PM »

As Salaamu Alaikum Rahmadan Karim

I would like to emphasize that the main ingredient to the recipe of "spouse seeking" is patience. I am 55 years old and got married in January 2009 to a man 25 years my junior...yes you heard right! I waited six years before this inspiring event occurred...maasha Allah-allahummah baarik feeyah/feehee. Alhamdullilah I have been married for 6 wonderful months; and I thank our Rabb each day for allowing me to be patient. And let me tell you something, Allah Subhana wa Taala is soooo awesome that he has made me appear like twenty years younger than my age; my spouse tells me this all the type-Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar; while sisters who are much much younger than I believed that I am in my thirties before I disclosed my real age(which I love to do).  Prior to my marriage I prayed Tahajjud at 3 am in the last part of the night, I fasted, I read quranic ayats and BELIEVED that my RABB can do whatever He wants. So sisters, get busy! Be patient but draw closer to your Rabb. Strengthen your deen and your relationship with Allah Subhana wa Taala. And visualize yourself with the man of your dreams. Ask your Rabb specifically during Tahajjud to send you good spouse to protect your chastity. First admit your sins, evoke blessings and peace on Rasullulah Sallalahu alahi wa salam, state the good deeds you have performed then ask Allah SWT for forgiveness and Mercy. Then you ask for a husband to protect your chastity and who will help you to reach Jannah. Wallahi-your supplication will be accepted and the outcome is going to blow you away, insha Allah. But you must BELIEVE! Do not let the shayateen give you waswas to decrease your hope. Rebuke him and his hosts vehemently! Insha Allah, your husband is already waiting for you...amin.
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #20 on: Sep 03, 2009 05:17 AM »

Asalaamu Alaikum  bro


Alhamdulillah it's nice to hear a nice story too once in a while.  bro


May Allah grant you both much blessing in your marriage.
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #21 on: Sep 06, 2009 11:40 AM »

 bisms
 salaam sis
maybe the ealier generations suggested that women get married early,
but nowadays, it's  allahs blessing- if u find a loving, caring , husband

refer ayah 32-33 of surah al noor
inshllah and women shold only pary for their part, n be patient- the quran states that the marraige tie is in the hand of the man. so a proper guy should propose u not u propose him!!![ it  is they who marry and divorce us women]

try to see how u will raise kids in this jungle of crazy kafeer n demoralised people around us, with the right guy

 I DO AGREE THAAT WOMEN ARE INCLINED TO AFFECTION AND LOVE  AND WE DO FEEL BLUE AND LONELY IF WE ARE SINGLE OR WHEN OUR HUSBANDS ARE OUT, BUT
WE SHOULD THROW OUR EMOTIONS TO GOD,

try to thik about these women :
did their husbands play a role in their faith or was it their LOVE OF ALLAH'S SUBMISSION
1.maryam   [mother of isa [a.s]]               2. hajjar -ibrahim [a.s] wife             3. asiya [pharoa's wife ]

lastly, i do understand and pary for your situation but hold on.....



Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #22 on: Sep 06, 2009 01:29 PM »

salam

Care to elaborate?

the quran states that the marraige tie is in the hand of the man. so a proper guy should propose u not u propose him!!![ it  is they who marry and divorce us women]



I've not come across that exact wording in the Quran myself!



Wassalaam
PS I know of at least one very happily married woman, who proposed to her husband. A decade on they are blissfully happy together with three young children alhumdulillah.
Anonymous
Guest
« Reply #23 on: Sep 06, 2009 05:50 PM »

 bisms

salam
surah baqarah ayah no 237...............

plus brother/sister........... i have not read of any hadith in muslim, bukhari, dawood or book of malik that
shows that women proposed marraige [ at that time]
most of the narrations state that the prophet[saw] , or the girl's father has made a request towards the girl in question.....or the companions of the prophet saw acting as representatives for the man and visiting the girl house

although the ultimate, i mean the ultimate , choice belongs to the lady....if she agrees to marry or not

allahu alam
waalikum as salam

Anonymous
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« Reply #24 on: Sep 06, 2009 05:58 PM »

Lady Khadijah proposed to our beloved Prophet saw.  SO it was and can be done.
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