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Author Topic: What do you do when a non-mohram tries to kiss you on the check or hug you?  (Read 4948 times)
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UmmWafi
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« Reply #25 on: Aug 16, 2011 07:36 AM »

Assalamu'alaikum wr wb

The first time a non-Muslim male kiss me on the cheek (as a thank you gesture and me in hijab ! ) I was so shocked but regained my composure quickly enough to say to him firmly "I wish you didn't do that because I am not comfortable with it". People around us heard that and they have never attempted it. The guy who pecked my cheek was not offended because I did not bring religion into it. I put it across as personal space, and most people can understand that.

With regards to hugging, no matter how friendly I am with the non-Mahram, I would give some sort of body signal to indicate "back off, watch the personal space" like I would be smiling and laughing with them but I would be lossely crossing my arms also etc.

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« Reply #26 on: Aug 17, 2011 03:02 AM »

Salam
Two weeks ago our classmates had a graduation dinner party. I was honoured wth an award. The presenter called a young lady(of course non-muslim) to present the award to me. When I saw that, I said to a friend nxt to me, " these people are in for a surprise, because I wont shake any non-mohram." You knw what happend? She jst tossed the award to me without offering a handshake. So one's appearance can tell them when he's not a player.

"Whoever rejects false deities and believes in Allah has grasped a firm handhold which will never break." Q 2:256"
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« Reply #27 on: Aug 31, 2011 11:12 AM »

A.A.

The part where you try to give a one liner explanation by saying something like: "So nice of you... But my religion doesnt allow me..." is probably going to give the non-mehram non-muslim some further crazy ideas about Islam, "if you are not going to meet again or meet ever so rarely". Its not like you'll be able to discuss the topic with them in detail on the spot, because neither of you would have the time and interest, there and then.

So for such non-muslims why not just try to avoid the situation by excusing on medical grounds, by saying something like: "I have a health situation and dont want to give you germs". And you wouldnt be lying either, because everyone has a health situation and some tiny germs are always there.

Just a thought.

The knight doesn't wait when he's ill or has cancer brother, the knight fights on... He finds a strategy, changes tactics, and hits hard.
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« Reply #28 on: Aug 31, 2011 01:30 PM »

Assalam alaikum wa rahmatullah,

I'd find it easier to explain the rule to someone who isn't pretty.

If they're pretty, I'd get concerned about hurting their feelings, so if they tried to hug/kiss me, I'd get them to try harder. Especially if they're Dutch.

Conscious of the excellent da'wa opportunity this scenario afforded, I'd calmly and rationally explain how ours is a religion of peace and is against unnecessary fighting, so I was not about to resist, lest it lead to an ugly confrontation (because there's too much fighting in the world, and a lot of people think it's down to religion). I would link the word Islam, to the words salam and taslim, and carefully explain the concept of submission, and how I, as a Muslim, was "submitting" to this situation.

You have to act wisely when such opportunities present themselves.

Unless their name was Bob. In which case, pretty or not, the rule is non-negotiable.

Abu Khaled
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« Reply #29 on: Aug 31, 2011 06:10 PM »



I'd find it easier to explain the rule to someone who isn't pretty.

If they're pretty, I'd get concerned about hurting their feelings, so if they tried to hug/kiss me, I'd get them to try harder. Especially if they're Dutch.


I think I am a little confused brother ...

You find it easier to tell someone who is not pretty? but you find it difficult to tell someone who is pretty?

yes I am confsued :|
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« Reply #30 on: Aug 31, 2011 08:38 PM »

Yes, Br. Abu Khaled, I didn't really get your post. Could you please explain?
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« Reply #31 on: Sep 01, 2011 12:51 AM »

ws,

brother abu khaled has finally lost his marbles  loopy

everyone back away slowly slowly.... bolt  i said slowly!!!


lol j/k i believe his whole post was part of british humor... he's the next "Badman" in making

...btw anyone remember when we used to debate about the "betsy phenomenon"...i think this theory of hugging/kissing only good looking ppl should be called the 'brangelina' phenomenon. Wink
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« Reply #32 on: Sep 01, 2011 07:55 AM »

Assalam alaikum wa rahmatullah,

I'd find it easier to explain the rule to someone who isn't pretty.

If they're pretty, I'd get concerned about hurting their feelings, so if they tried to hug/kiss me, I'd get them to try harder. Especially if they're Dutch.

Conscious of the excellent da'wa opportunity this scenario afforded, I'd calmly and rationally explain how ours is a religion of peace and is against unnecessary fighting, so I was not about to resist, lest it lead to an ugly confrontation (because there's too much fighting in the world, and a lot of people think it's down to religion). I would link the word Islam, to the words salam and taslim, and carefully explain the concept of submission, and how I, as a Muslim, was "submitting" to this situation.

You have to act wisely when such opportunities present themselves.

Unless their name was Bob. In which case, pretty or not, the rule is non-negotiable.

Abu Khaled

Abu Khaled's whole post had me shaking with laughter. I think he was being truly naughty!

The first time a non-Muslim male kiss me on the cheek (as a thank you gesture and me in hijab ! ) I was so shocked but regained my composure quickly enough to say to him firmly "I wish you didn't do that because I am not comfortable with it". People around us heard that and they have never attempted it. The guy who pecked my cheek was not offended because I did not bring religion into it. I put it across as personal space, and most people can understand that.

That is the best approach/solution.

So for such non-muslims why not just try to avoid the situation by excusing on medical grounds, by saying something like: "I have a health situation and dont want to give you germs". And you wouldnt be lying either, because everyone has a health situation and some tiny germs are always there.

So what will you say the next time since I believe you are not talking of a permanent health situation, especially with co-workers, etc.

brother abu khaled has finally lost his marbles  loopy

everyone back away slowly slowly.... bolt  i said slowly!!!

LOL!

The Almighty Allah says,

"When a servant thinks of Me, I am near.
When he invokes Me, I am with him.
If he reflects on Me in secret, I reply in secret,
And if he acknowledges Me in an assembly,
I acknowledge him in a far superior assembly."

- Prophet Muhammad (SAW), as reptd by Abu Huraira
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« Reply #33 on: Sep 01, 2011 04:19 PM »

I only say the against my religion thing when someone asks me out.
When it comes to someone trying to hug and kiss in place of a hello, goodbye, thank you or a sorry I try to anticipate it and move back or behind something or even hide.
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« Reply #34 on: Sep 01, 2011 07:48 PM »

Asalam Alaikum,

Maybe I am WAY too liberal... But when someone tries to shake my hand or hug me.. I just can't pull away or move back. I wouldn't want to hurt their feelings. I never put my hand out first or try and grab someone put if someone makes the gesture I just can't leave them hanging.  Some people are just super affectionate.. but in all honesty, it doesn't happen that often but when it does... I just can't hurt them...
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« Reply #35 on: Sep 01, 2011 08:45 PM »

I really thought this was a guy problem. I didn't think guys would try to hug and kiss hijabi/niqabi sisters.
I thought all guys, including kaffir guys knew they don't do that?
Like the Hijab/Niqab was a sign saying, don't hug or kiss me.


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« Reply #36 on: Sep 01, 2011 10:29 PM »

salam


The times I have been grabbed & hugged by people I have been far too shocked to say anything....in my head I'm screaming OMG stop touching meeeeeee. In reality I'm just very British & don't want to make a scene.

But seriously, why why why would anyone grab a woman dressed head to toe in black abaya/hijab & hug her. There is never any part of me which indicates that would be a good idea.... Mostly it's forrinurs who do it tho ze English don't touch or talk to eachother ever, I got thro a decade of work without touching anyone, which frankly is the way it should be.

I'm getting printed abayas 'don't touch me!!!!'





Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #37 on: Sep 01, 2011 11:18 PM »

Or maybe having a flower printed on it with its name typed under it "touch-me-not". lol.
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« Reply #38 on: Sep 02, 2011 11:33 AM »

Salam alaikum

Not hugging/kissing is definitely something British... Cheesy  I just *had* to hug my British professor, and she hugged me back...it was only later that I realised it must've been her first hug, like *ever* Wink  I will be more conscious of the British in future...hehehe.  So Sis Fozia, we'll just cordially shake hands when we meet inshaAllah princesssis
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« Reply #39 on: Sep 02, 2011 02:12 PM »

salam


Sis Shahida & actually most of the sisters on here, I would gladly hug you all, you all are not strangers. It's strangers & men who riiiilllllyyyyyy should not be touching a girl in hijab or any girl for that matter unless expressly invited!


Sr Shahida let's agree to hug & if you do the air kiss thing please let me know ahead of time how many times cos that really does confuse me. I actually once watched an Arab group of twenty somethings do the air kiss thing like twenty times & it was like kisskisskisskisskisskisskisss on each side! I would be so confused if I were a part of that group!




Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #40 on: Sep 02, 2011 03:01 PM »

I didn't think hugs and kisses from someone of the same sex was a problem even if they were a stranger?
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« Reply #41 on: Sep 04, 2011 01:42 PM »

salam


 In reality I'm just very British & don't want to make a scene.

 Cheesy
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« Reply #42 on: Sep 14, 2011 09:36 AM »

I nearly did it once.
Every time I went to collect my kids from madrasa I'd see a young girl helping my son put his shoes and coat on. I thought that was sweet. I can't remember hugging or kissing her. But I do hope I didn't do it because sometime later I found out she wasn't a girl, she was his teacher!!!
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« Reply #43 on: Oct 15, 2011 11:01 AM »

...so what's the right thing to do if a man wants to hug you just as a warm greeting?
I mean some people in some societies may not understand why you want to back off although it's just a warm way of saluting. Explaining to them won't help comprehend sometimes and I don't wish them to misunderstand. And accepting it may anger Allah so much, er right? :S May Allah forgive me. dua
I understand some cultures (Greeks too) don't mind men and women hugging and kissing cheek-to-cheek. It's all done only to greet warmly and I respect the intentions. :/ But how can we remain open-mided in such issues without breaking rules in Islam?
Are there any Hadiths or verses related to this issue?  Smiley  



The secret for harvesting from existence the greatest fruitfulness and the greatest enjoyment is — to live dangerously!
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« Reply #44 on: Oct 15, 2011 12:02 PM »

I dont know how this works, but I am a dentist so "non contact" is not an option. On entering the surgery, all patients will want to shake hands as a greeting, or shake hands in thanks on their way out. Ive had many old men and women so grateful after treatment that they get weepy and hug and "bless you" with all their heart. Parents of small children are so relieved after their children have a good happy session that they often want to shake hands or hug. I dont know, it would seem rude to not accept this from them.

The only one way to avoid this is keeping on dirty gloves until the patient leaves, but then patients might think that we dont change gloves which would be grosssssssssssssss.

In any case its a difficult question, but I too have wondered on this issue.
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