// What do you do when a non-mohram tries to kiss you on the check or hug you?
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Author Topic: What do you do when a non-mohram tries to kiss you on the check or hug you?  (Read 4978 times)
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moderatesufi
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« on: Jul 04, 2011 01:53 PM »


What do you do when a non-mohram Kaffir tries to kiss you on the check or hug you?

akhan
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« Reply #1 on: Jul 04, 2011 02:42 PM »

do you have an obsession with controversies?
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« Reply #2 on: Jul 04, 2011 02:55 PM »

Wholeheartedly agree with br akhan! Ditto!

وَلَسَوْفَ يُعْطِيكَ رَبُّكَ فَتَرْضَىٰ

And soon will your Lord give you so that you shall be well pleased.
Al Qur'an (93:5)
moderatesufi
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« Reply #3 on: Jul 04, 2011 03:08 PM »

I think some people just see what they want to in my posts.
What is so controversial about this?
I really didn't mean this one as a controversy, it is just a question.

Maybe I should have asked this one as anonymous, and then people would have answered it.

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« Reply #4 on: Jul 04, 2011 03:14 PM »

I think everybody should refrain from replying and let Mr moderatesufi get frustrated Wink
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« Reply #5 on: Jul 05, 2011 06:47 AM »

You know what, honestly, this is something i've had quite a bit of trouble with before.  I try my best to keep my distance from non-mahrams, muslim or not, but then you get these non-muslim girls who you might have met once on campus for some kinda study group and they become friendly way too fast... worst thing about it, they're "huggers."  Then, BAM, next thing i know, they're trying to give me a goodbye hug and i'm totally caught off guard.  Really weird and awkward.  Then i have to either fake-sneeze or be straight forward with and be like, sorry it's against my religious beliefs to give you a hug.  One of the many trials of living in a non-muslim land i guess..  bebzi
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« Reply #6 on: Jul 05, 2011 08:31 AM »

wsalam,

hmm i really don't think ppl would try to kiss you on the cheek or hug you unless they know you very well. and if they know you very well they should know by now that doesn't fly!! i think the way we carry ourselves and our demeanor to the opposite sex tells them a lot. if a bro is lowering his gaze and not chit chatting i don't think a girl would do that... w'Allahu alam. its good to kinda put these rules in place with your circle of friends/co-workers. Just be like 'it's nice to meet you/nice studying with u but i don't hug/kiss girls for religious reasons' and smile and leave byebye. I'm sure they've known some crazy orthodox xtians in their time too so they'll just shrug and be over it and you'll save yourself a haramness.  oldshaykh
moderatesufi
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« Reply #7 on: Jul 05, 2011 07:05 PM »

Staying away from them and keeping limits as jannah said does work ordinarily.
But as Al-abid said, it isn't a guarantee to stop them hugging you on the final goodbye.





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« Reply #8 on: Jul 07, 2011 08:21 PM »

hug and kiss back. life goes on.


lol

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« Reply #9 on: Jul 08, 2011 01:53 PM »

hug and kiss back. life goes on.


lol



Hide your sins sister.  Yes, life goes on but with you  holding the burden of willingly sinning and then acting as if it's no big deal. 
moderatesufi
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« Reply #10 on: Jul 08, 2011 02:43 PM »

My University days are long gone, so I don't need to worry about that.
Even though most people know Muslims don't like to be hugged, sometimes people see themselves as the exception to the rule.
Such as older and/or married ladies, who assume the fact that they are older and married means they don't mean anything by it and it is OK for them to hug and kiss.
And sometimes it is a situation, where within their culture, it is what they do just as easily as we would say, hello/goodbye.
Again they assume that because they don't mean anything sexual by it, it would be OK for us to.

Things kind of get greyer when it comes to severely disabled people/dying people on their final stages. You cant really explain the finer points of the dean to them, and because they are in so much pain, they are not in a position to understand. And are often mentally children.
This is the only situation where I hug and kiss back. And in the case of the people who are mentally children, I might even initiate the hug.
_________
Disclaimer, I wasn't justifying anything, in anyway.
This isn't a fatwa, of any kind. Don't any one dare use me as a reference or an excuse to go hug a supermodel with a bit of a cold or anything else for that matter.
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« Reply #11 on: Jul 08, 2011 02:49 PM »

Asalaamu Alaikum bro

The following is from a blog and may be helpful if anyone ever finds themselves in Southern Europe.

Thankfully the Brits are far too reserved for all this continental hi jinx!! bro





European Greetings: Sealed With A Kiss


The Netherlands

The Dutch prefer the triple kiss – one that begins and ends on the right cheek. This is such a part of culture that the triple kiss is actually expected. But, lookout – when greeting the elderly or a close family member you are quite likely to get a few more!


Belgium

The Belgians have a few rules when it comes to the number of kisses. If a person is the same age as you, one kiss is appropriate. But for someone 10 years older or more, it is a sign of respect to give three kisses, similar to the Dutch. If you’re not sure of someone’s age, I recommended going with one kiss – it’s better to error on the younger side – especially if the person you’re kissing is woman!


Spain, Austria and Scandinavia

In all three countries, the two or double kiss rule applies. I saw this quite a bit in Spain, even among men. Also, in Spain, it’s custom to always start with the right cheek. Remember this in order to avoid an embarrassing collision.


Germany

Germans tend to kiss only family and very close friends. All business and very little pleasure, handshakes are much more common and are considered the norm.


France

The French have the most confusing customs when it comes to kissing because who you kiss and how many times you kiss him/her actually depends on what part of the country you are from. According to The Times, in Paris and central France, most people give two kisses – one on each cheek. But a large portion of northern France, from Normandy to the Belgian border, opt for four. And, in southeastern France, from Marseilles to the Alps, the preference is three. What happens when a Norman greets a Parisian. I’m not quite sure, but I’d love to find out!

Say: "O ye my servants who believe! Fear your Lord, good is (the reward) for those who do good in this world. Spacious is God's earth! those who patiently persevere will truly receive a reward without measure!" [39:10]
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« Reply #12 on: Jul 08, 2011 06:49 PM »

Thanks BrKhalid..I see you have a sense of humor...unlike some of yall...! Goodness.

take it easy folkssssssssssssss
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« Reply #13 on: Jul 09, 2011 09:59 AM »

salam

Slightly confused about where all these kissy folk reside.

Close girlfriends hug and kiss on meeting.

I have never been hugged & kissed by a stranger walking past me on the street or at board meetings!

The most confusing kissing thing is when you meet someone for the first time, there's an insane variation of how many kisses and also how far apart sometimes one makes kissy noises and touches cheeks and sometimes one is about a mile apart and kissing the air.

I vote for a little wave instead. Ban all this kissing business the margin of error is too great.... But then I'm British the horror of public displays of effections makes me upper lip quiver!




Wassaalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
moderatesufi
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« Reply #14 on: Jul 09, 2011 11:42 AM »

salam

Slightly confused about where all these kissy folk reside.


Europe, but they come here on holidays.

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« Reply #15 on: Jul 09, 2011 03:30 PM »

wsalam,

that's so funny sis... i usually try for one for desi aunties and the three for arab aunties and this is usually only on Eid!! for us girls regularly it's usually an awkward kind of hug and only if we haven't seen each other for ages!!  Cheesy

i'm getting the idea that british ppl are really reserved and conservative! i think i heard a funny line in a movie once where the queen said 'my dear i'm british we only show affection to our dogs and horses' lol

but u know when u see prince william with kate, he's almost always holding her hand or has his arm around her and she's always clinging to his arm right next to him!! too cute!


The most confusing kissing thing is when you meet someone for the first time, there's an insane variation of how many kisses and also how far apart sometimes one makes kissy noises and touches cheeks and sometimes one is about a mile apart and kissing the air.

I vote for a little wave instead. Ban all this kissing business the margin of error is too great.... But then I'm British the horror of public displays of effections makes me upper lip quiver!
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« Reply #16 on: Jul 09, 2011 04:49 PM »

wsalam,

that's so funny sis... i usually try for one for desi aunties and the three for arab aunties and this is usually only on Eid!! for us girls regularly it's usually an awkward kind of hug and only if we haven't seen each other for ages!!  Cheesy

i'm getting the idea that british ppl are really reserved and conservative! i think i heard a funny line in a movie once where the queen said 'my dear i'm british we only show affection to our dogs and horses' lol

but u know when u see prince william with kate, he's almost always holding her hand or has his arm around her and she's always clinging right next to him!! too cute!

Then I think I am worse than the British in that sense. Usually, I never show any sort of emotion..happiness, sadness, affection, anger, respect..except for smiling and laughing-sometimes. I usually roam around with a blank poker face. My lil brother is worse than me, my sis says he comes across like a ghost Smiley

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« Reply #17 on: Jul 09, 2011 05:02 PM »

The topic refers to non muslims but I think it applies equally to muslims too. Today, I went for an AIESEC interview and the second round was a team simulation task. After the task I was chatting with one of the guys in the team and then a muslim girl, who was also part of the team came up and offered to shake hands with us. The other guy being a Hindu did, but when I declined it was like an express train hitting her on the forehead. She was shocked and tried to lecture me about being too conservative. I said that if something isn't allowed then it isn't, there are no two ways about it. She sort of got pissed and left. But, it gave me a good opportunity for Dawa, the Hindu guy I was chatting with became pretty interested in my reasons for not shaking hands with women and eventually we ended up talking a lot about women's rights in Islam and he was pretty impressed because Hinduism doesn't give so much of rights to women.
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« Reply #18 on: Jul 10, 2011 09:18 AM »

On my last day of work in Geneva, they wanted to give me a gift... and the guy that handed it to me, grabbed me by both my arms and gave me the two french peckers on the cheek. It was horrifying, and I think there's a picture of me moving my whole body back, but since he was clutching onto my arms, his face is kind of suspended in midair.

The director (old muslim dude) gave a speech afterwards, and he joked about doing a training on the cultural sensitivity of touching a muslim woman. it was embarrassing, but i've replayed that moment in my head hundreds of times - what i could have done to have avoided that situation, or to avoid future situations like that. At the very least, it forced me to put some thought into it.
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« Reply #19 on: Jul 10, 2011 10:39 AM »

WOW
I thought this was just a Muslim male issue, and everyone knows you don't go about kissing and hugging women in Niqab/Hijab.

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« Reply #20 on: Jul 10, 2011 11:21 PM »

as salaamu alaykum,

there's a Moroccan sister I know and when she says salaam she always kisses four times - and the first few times I met her, I stepped away after three and left her kissing nothing the 4th time!  I felt so bad.  Now I know to stay put until the other person moves away first Smiley  It's always hard to determine whether the person will be doing one, two, three or four!  

about non-Muslim (and even Muslims who do not understand or never learned the etiquette of haya') it can be awkward, but just know that it is kindly meant and try to be nice, polite and gracious.  I think the level of affection shown also depends on the culture - I know going to high school in the 'hood' and even in college, guys usually do a handshake half hug thing and girls always hug guys when they first see them.    

salaam,
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« Reply #21 on: Jul 11, 2011 02:54 AM »

If she is a sister and so are you what is the big deal about her hugging and kissing you?

Women hugging and kissing each other is something that happens all the time.
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« Reply #22 on: Jul 11, 2011 07:35 AM »

ws,

it's interesting that like a hundred years ago it would be taboo in western culture as well to actually touch a stranger. how times change! it's kind of amusing though when u kind of explain a rule to someone who doesn't know anything about islam but then they just don't realize it applies to all situations or they think it only applied to certain things!  Embarrassed
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« Reply #23 on: Jul 11, 2011 11:19 AM »

There is another problem, not kissing and hugging their Mohrams.
My wife's nephew just came in today to drop some stuff of. And when he was about to leave he just gave her a kiss on her hijab.
That's stingy!
I was Like, that is your mohram, give her a proper kiss and a Hug. But he didn't.
I tried to grab him and force him but he moved back.
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« Reply #24 on: Jul 16, 2011 11:26 PM »

Salam,

I'm not sure why some ppl were giving the poster a hard time, but I've seen this to be a problem where I live. I have found that Either some ppl are not educated in the situation & don't realize it's not proper or some do know and don't think "it's a big deal" & attempt to reel you in for the hug n kiss. I would say just to set a distance between yourself & that person & give a Salam from further away. Maybe give a hello wave from a distance, tha is what I try to do at some family functions as I do have relatives that don't keep these things in mind.

Salam
Sis Noonoo
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