// Greeting/Salaam's not getting returned / Hijab
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Blessedgrandma
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« on: Mar 07, 2008 09:06 PM »




This is a 2 fold post  Smiley

I was recently thrilled to find a store owned by Muslims
and that doesn't sell beer and wine like most stores do.
I've talked to the brothers there, they have even asked me about
finding lamb since they know I have a farm.
One thing I noticed is all but one never return my Salaam's
when I come into the store.  Huh?
At first I thought maybe they were wanting to lay low when other customers
are in the store and then when they don't when the store is empty
I began to wonder. I don't wear the scarf, is it possible they don't take me
as a Muslim seriously? Should I not offer Salaams when I am in their store and just pay
and leave quietly? Is it rude to not offer greetings? Is it wrong for me to greet
a brother in public? What am I missing here Huh?

And I have recently met another brother at a different store, he is always kind
and returns greetings. We talked one time when I was paying for gasoline
and I mentioned about not wearing the scarf in concerns about
my family and he told me Islam is not about doing something that
can hurt you.
I was wondering how you all feel about this comment?
One sister I know, I remember the day I met her.
I was so impressed that she was covered and working in public
and was more concerned about pleasing and obeying Allah than humans. hijabisis
And now here I am, being afraid to wear a scarf and the repercusions it would
cause me among my own family.

Thank you all that I can come here and express my fears, thoughts and get feed back.
 purplehijabisis
Sr.Kathy
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« Reply #1 on: Mar 08, 2008 03:03 AM »

OMG! You aren't covering yet? It has been long enough- you really should be covering by now.
Repercussions? You are worried about the red necks and not the hellfire?
Of course the brothers aren't giving you salams back.
Most likely you are saying it wrong, or the very least with a terrible accent.
They most likely think you are a spy because what American woman would become a Muslim with out a Muslim engagement or marriage?
Keep giving salaams- it is better for you.
But why salam at all if you are not covered?

"Allah surely knows the warmth of every teardrop... " Jaihoon
Blessedgrandma
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« Reply #2 on: Mar 08, 2008 03:45 AM »

Goodness Sr. Kathy,   Shocked
I'm not worried about rednecks, I'm worried my son would cut ties with him, his family
and me over it.
At least I can see my granddaughter a little at my moms home.
If I covered I think even that would be cut off.
He has given me the green light to take my granddaughter to the park.

Hey have you seen the Little Mosque on the Prairie?
I'm kind of like Sara,  Embarrassed but would love to be like Rayyan.
I know, I should be more concerned about hellfire,
I am praying Allah will forgive me on this one.
jannah
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« Reply #3 on: Mar 08, 2008 04:43 AM »

wsalam,

whoaaa dudes, when aziza (sorry i can't use all u guys's crazy long new usernames like urs and mfs!) is ready to cover then she will cover. everyone has to do things in their own time, but you aziza yourself know whether it's time or if you're just avoiding/being lazy about it. why not start out with like hats or those bandana type hijabs tied back that just look like someone covering their bad hair day  Grin and work from there.

as for salams, some people are just weird about it and don't return salams to anyone. i meet a lot of hijabed women in the malls and when i say salam they just stare or at most give a nod. i think they're not used to random salams so hey that's ok. also in places like nyc random people say salam to you, and they're not muslim, but sometimes they're bums and scary people so when i'm alone i just mumble something and run away!
um aboodi
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« Reply #4 on: Mar 09, 2008 02:19 PM »

assalmu alaikum

although I agree it is kinda rude not to reply salams, many people feel shy to say salam or reply salam to the opposite sex.   so just don't read too much into it.
se7en
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« Reply #5 on: Mar 10, 2008 07:57 PM »


as salaamu alaykum,

I used to get really annoyed when brothers saw me and didn't say salaam.... but now that I've spent some time overseas I think I have more perspective and I understand that the culture is different for people who were born/raised in Muslim countries.  For us as minorities in the west, saying salaam to one another can be a sign of support and acknowledgement that there's someone else out there who shares your faith/struggle...  In Muslim countries, it's a little bit different... basically a good man will not really intiate any type of conversation with you, especially on the street, out of a sense of respect for you, and a lot of times they will wait for you to set the boundaries of the conversation/interaction in terms of how comfortable/friendly it will be.  As opposed to the creepy guys, they're the ones who usually greet you, ask you where you are from, try to find out more about you, etc.

I agree with sis um aboodi that you shouldn't take it to heart... I think they are probably just trying to respect your personal space/privacy. 

About not wearing hijab... they may just be confused because you don't look obviously Muslim.... I like jannah's idea, about taking it one step at a time and trying some creative things if you don't feel ready just yet... and may Allah make things easy for you and all of us Smiley

take care,

7
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« Reply #6 on: Mar 20, 2008 03:36 AM »

 Huh? I got to admit I am shocked that no one took me to task over my reply to BlessedGrandma.
She knew my reply was in jest....  Shocked well after she got up off the floor and asked me if i had lost my mind.

Especially since this kind of reply from me was totally out of character. Undecided
My remarks to her were cut like- saying she was giving salams with a terrible accent.
A spy? Why would a bro think a sis was a spy?
Why did you all let me get away with these hurtful and stupid comments? Lips Sealed

I actually posted this way to see if Muslims would stick up for each other when a bully started giving a new sis a hard time. I was thinking of the Dateline episode when the Amercians stood up for the Muslim Sis in a store when she was told to leave. I posted a viewers comment about how would the Muslims treat a Jew if the roles were reversed.

I have a theory as to why no one came to BlessedGrandma's aid, with the exception of Admin and Sis.

How come everyone else stayed so silent?



"Allah surely knows the warmth of every teardrop... " Jaihoon
blackrose
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« Reply #7 on: Mar 20, 2008 04:18 AM »

haha i stayed silent cause its the first time im actually reading this post or else you would definately get tongue lashing from me;)

but why so many excuses for the guy? in Islam arent we brothers and sisters and isnt a reply to salaam obligatory?!
seriously there is no excuse for ignorance and being rude.. culture? I mean comone she wasnt starting ne conversation she was just simply saying 'hello' in other words.. .even strangers walking or driving by say hello to me..
i think its simply ignorance and I would mention that you are muslim and its obligatory to return the salaam.. isnt there something about how you are suppose to repeat it three times if you dont get a reply and then leave or something?  and about scarf? sheeshh there are too many muslima who dont wear the scarf, a salaam should be sufficient
um aboodi
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« Reply #8 on: Mar 20, 2008 05:24 PM »

salam

@Sr. Kathy

clearing throat, well i did not want to harp on what you said seeing that Jannah already frowned on your comments. so i went right to the point of the aziza's posting, which is why some men don't reply salam.  so excuse me for being peaceful, respectful and not interested in lashing out at people (including you!)

jeez, kathy!

wassalam 
Siham
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« Reply #9 on: Mar 20, 2008 06:36 PM »

Salaams Y'all,

Sr. Kathy, I honestly thought your comment was rather amusing than anything else. Hence the silence lol

Btw, perhaps those guys are Shafi`is:

Quote
It is offensive for a male to speak without need to a young woman who is not a member of his unmarriageable kin. He should not say “Arhamkum Allah” (Allah have mercy on you) if she sneezes, greet her with “as-Salamu 'alaykum” (which is unlawful in the Shafi'i school) nor return her Salams if she says them (which is offensive for Shafi'is). He should not say these aloud, but to himself, all of which likewise holds for a young woman's speaking to a man who is not a member of her unmarriageable kin. The prohibition of these is due to the Prophet's having said (Allah bless him and give him peace) “The adultery of the tongue is speech.”

--Ahmad Ibn Naqib al-Misri trans. by Nuh Keller (Reliance of the Traveller)

"...Surely my prayer and my sacrifice, my life and my death are for Allah, the Lord of the Worlds..." (Qur'an, 6:162)
blackrose
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« Reply #10 on: Mar 20, 2008 07:40 PM »

wow thats interesting...

Also sis Kathy I  think that I would have not  'tongue lashd you' i would definately have questioned but in a respectful way, I think its because you are an old member, and from your posts we would definately know there is a reason behind what you are saying ect.  As we know this post most definately does not suit you.  If it was a new member who said that tho I would imagine there would be many replies

salaam
Blessedgrandma
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« Reply #11 on: Apr 17, 2008 03:29 AM »

You all are so funny, to all sisters  heart
When I first read her reply I was like  Shocked
It was so out of character for Sr. Kathy.
But there was a private message waiting for me explaining her little experiment.
I am no longer feeling offended, my job is to offer other Muslims Salaams,
not be offended by their lack of response.
May Allah forgive them for what ever their reason was not to return Salaams.
purplehijabisis
jamilahz
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« Reply #12 on: May 16, 2008 02:12 PM »

Asalamu Alaikum

I'm very new here but I wanted to give my bit too.  Covering is a big change, and the repercussions from family are difficult.  Can you tell me if your son even knows?  If so, starting to get more serious about things and covering might send him a message that you are committed to your new religion.

When my husband and I reverted (him a week after me), we didn't tell our family for months.  My parents were fine, his father and brother were sort of iffy... they were not mad or anything but 'concerned' and probably thought it was a phase.  It was only after they saw me start to cover that they knew it was not a phase... I went through a huge transformation.  I was the mini skirt/shirt cut down to there kind of gal... and for them to see me doing something so different told them that we were not leaving Islam any time soon.  Don't get me wrong, its not just sisters that go through this.  My husband started growing his beard in  oldshaykh and they started to worry about that too! Smiley.

The first time they saw me in niqab I thought they were going to faint BUT its not about them... its not even about me, its about what Allah wants from me. 

In any case, its really not that bad... you will get some looks and stares but Allah is there to protect you. 

The Prophet said, "The people of my generation are the best, then those who follow them"
Nadiyya
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« Reply #13 on: Jun 10, 2008 01:22 PM »

 salaam

Ok, I remember an occasion where a sister came up to me when i was shopping and Greaated with Salaam, but the thing was I was so busy looking for fabric( i was at a craft shop) It didn't even register in my head until after she had already left, then it CLICKED, so then i went around to look for the sister who had greeted me and she was gone Sad i felt slightly awful. But I now try my best to greet Muslims ( now aday's kinda hard to spot in compared with sisters, sometimes guys just have long beards lol) and Muslimas

Well, as for Hijab,

I think that's the #1 way to tell if a female is muslim, other than that how could you?! Well i'm sure if you knew the person from the Mosque or maybe friend of a friend of course, but it's  hard to know whos a sister if they are non hijabi

as for the brother's not returning the greeting, it could be very possible that they were Shafi's or maybe they thought you were not a Muslima, personally if a non muslim( or someone i thought was nonmuslim) greeted me with Salaam i would return the greeting with Mar'Haba, i honestly wouldn't know what else todo

still have to be friendly in some way.

 purplehijabisis
Nadiyya

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