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[Madina Admin]

 

Preparing for the Retreat

As salamualaikum wa rahmat ullahi wa barakatuh
 
I hope that this e-mail reaches all of you in a state of rising eeman and intense preparation for the upcoming retreat.
 
I would like to share a list of things to do and things not to do before, during and after the retreat - just in case any of these have slipped your mind, I thought that the reminder might be beneficial.  Please, take only that which is good.
 
Before:
 
1.   spend a few minutes everyday - at least - in seclusion focusing on your intention for going to the retreat
2.   bring bug spray
3.   engage in much dua' that Allah facilitate this retreat for you and that he firmly implant the knowledge in your qalb
4.   read books and pamphlets related to the etiquette of seeking knowledge so that you do it in an appropriate way.  The book recommended by Shaykh Hamza is interesting by imam Zarnuji.  Also, I think I remember seeing an internet article that summarizes imam ibn al-Qayyim etiquettes of learning (some leads: http://www.ghazali.org/works/bk1-sec-1.htm, http://webpages.marshall.edu/~laher1/ilm.html, http://www.ummah.com/sunnah/printsufeature.php?sufid=12 )
5.  start talking less and trying to focus on getting up for qiyaam <- more than likely it will be an integral part of the program
6.   try to read a half hizb of qu'raan in the morning and in the evening.
7.   try to listen to at least the first khatirah from the last retreat before you go
8.   make dua' for the people in your community and all Muslims
 
During:
 
1.  Talk only when necessary, while not engaging in excessive joking
2.  Talk only when necessary, while not engaging in excessive joking
3.  Talk only when necessary, while not engaging in excessive joking
4.  Keep focus on your long-term musharatah.  Never forget that you will leave the environment of the retreat in 10 or less days, what is going to be your plan when you leave
             i.      what are things you wish to remain steadfast in after the retreat
             ii.      what are those things that you will implement daily
             iii.      what are those things from home that you will now disassociate from
5.  Take copious notes, both in sessions and in informal discussions
6.  don't be shy to ask sidi Mokhtar questions- within reason of course
7.  Do not forget to call your families and let them know how you are
8.  Take time for khalwa, that includes those of you that are going with "best" buds and even those that are married.
9.  Engage in much dua' that Allah facilitate this retreat for you and that he firmly implant the knowledge in your qalb
10.   Make dua' for the people in your community and all Muslims
 
After:
 
1.  engage in much dua' that Allah facilitated this retreat for you and that he firmly implant the knowledge in your qalb
2.  make sure to ask all of those that you interacted with to forgive you for any wrongs committed
3.  talk only when necessary, while not engaging in excessive joking -> let the car ride home be reflection time
4.  as shaykh jafar once said upon leaving a company  of students at a retreat - make istighfar, lots of it
5.  make dua' for the people in Ottawa and all Muslims
 
wa salamualaikum wa rahmat ullahi wa barakatuh


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Essential Items for the Tazkiya Retreat

1.  a good niyyah

You have before you a 10-day opportunity to disengage
from the mechanics, the routine and the stress of the
everyday, and focus on your relationship with Allah,
subhanhu wa ta'aala, and immerse yourself in
remembrance, contemplation and deep thinking about
Him.

Ask yourself:  Are you happy with your level of
practice and eman?  Does your qalb [heart] feel
connected to Allah?  Where are you in your spiritual
journey?  What would you like to achieve?  What would
you like to accomplish while there?

Build resolve in yourself; prepare yourself mentally
and spiritually for this time.

2.  transportation

As was mentioned in the previous email, if you need
transportation from the Albany area to the retreat
site, you *must* contact the retreat staff with the details of your
itinerary.  Please do not assume that filling out the
application form is sufficient.  If you are not in
contact with the retreat staffl, we will assume you do not need
transportation.

3. the proper gear

The retreat is located at a camp facility outside of
Speculator, NY in the Adirondack Mountains.  As was
mentioned on the website, this is a time intended for
focus on purification and discipline of the nafs, with
a de-emphasis on material things. We ask that you
bring with you only what is needed.

Some suggestions:

- For those in the Cabin: bedding, sleeping bag, and a
pillow

- For those in the Lodge: a sleeping bag (Due to the
limited space, many of those in the lodge will be
sleeping on the floor.)

- clothing sufficient for 10 days. (There are no
laundry facilities.  Keep in mind that outdoor
activites, such as hiking, canoeing etc, may
necessitate a change of clothes.  The weather varies
from moderately warm to chilly/rainy weather.  It is
recommended to dress in layers; a fleece, sweater, or
warm jacket is useful.  For sisters who wear
jilbabs/skirts, we recommend wearing pants underneath,
due to the mosquitoes and for ease of movement during
outdoor activities.  Warm clothing is especially
recommended for those staying in the cabins, as they
get quite cold at night (40-50F).)

- notebook and writing utensils (Classes take place
throughout the day in formal and informal settings.
We are often times asked to prepare summaries and
reflections for the next class.)

- a copy of the Qur'an
- allergy medication
- toiletries
- alarm clock
- flashlight
- towel
- hiking boots
- jacket and rain gear
- phone calling card (There is no cell phone service.)
- mosquito repellant, bug spray (The mosquitoes are
extremely distracting, especially near the lake.)


===========================================================
I'd like to compile some of the old retreat reflections that were posted on the board over the years. So inshaAllah here they are. If you've been to a previous retreat, or after you come back from one, please add yours here!!


 

[Madina Admin]

se7en
11/30/00 at 01:02:10

as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatAllahi wa barakatuh,

This retreat last year was one of the most amazing things I've ever attended.  The scene is absolutely beautiful, to the point of being surreal.  We had the main sessions in this little wooden cabin right along side this huge lake, and under br. mokhtar's words about purifying and cleansing these hard hearts of ours we could hear the waves pound against the rocks on shore.  SubhanAllah, it was a dream for me, that area one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen.

We thought we'd be roughing it in the woods, but the accomodations were like hotel rooms, and extremely cheap.  Come if you can, indeed it'll impact you.

wasalaam.

[Madina Admin]

Anonymous
06/26/01 at 14:53:11

Here's one of the retreat reflections from a participant:



the retreat..



It was at the same time one of the most beautiful and
incredible experiences of my life and one of the
hardest and most painful.  We were literally cut off from
what br M calls the "intoxicants of the qalb" -
television, music, books, excessive food, sleep,
speech.  It was literally like waking up.  You were
forced to realize where you were in your relationship
with Allah and the state of your heart and nafs.
wAllahi, it was so painful.  Painful because you
realize how far you are from where you want to be…
and you realize that there is so much you have to do.

The people there were some of the most beautiful
people on the planet.  Like effulgent with noor.  It
made me grieve to be around them, and made true the
metaphor br M always uses about the caravan of good
people moving on, and you being left behind. You seeing
how far ahead of you in this journey of ubudiyyah
other people are, as you are weighed down by dhunoob.
One sister was crying for the *entire* retreat.  I think I
saw her once without her eyes filled with tears.  She
was someone who realized her defeciencies and faults,
and knew where she stood with Allah.  I envied her,
truly envied her, more than anyone else in my life
because she housed something within her that I did
not possess. 

Once I came downstairs while everyone was in salah.
Everyone was standing, their heads lowered, all in
khushoo'.. the stillness in that room, the focus, the desire for
Allah, was so great you could almost touch it.  I felt
like my heart was *screaming* to be with these people,
to be like these people.  I felt like my nafs was
screaming to me, I want to be like that, I want to
have that…

We learned about tawbaah and how it is a burst from
the qalb, and not just a physical process.  With this
burst of nadm (regret, grief, pain at doing yet another
stupid thing to veil ones qalb from Allah and to just
increase the number of sins on your shoulders) comes
the desire to fix it… to rectify your condition, seek
forgiveness from Allah, and fix what you have messed
up.  I learned so much at this retreat... three to four
hour classes during the day, khawatir
that were so much longer than khawatir, adhkaar after
fajr and isha.. more knowledge than I was able to
absorb and take into this head.. but all I felt was
from the neck up.  The most I could feel from below,
from my heart, was the desire to feel something.. the
most I could do was cry in salah because I was
*unable* to cry in salah like the beautiful
Allah-seeking people around me.. I spent the majority
of the retreat wondering what the hell was wrong with
me.. wondering how it is that I could be around people
whose noor radiates so much so that I felt like a shadow,
against the most beautiful scenery I have ever seen
in my life and not feel anything in my heart..

The camp itself.. subhanAllah.. I saw some of the most
Beautiful, awe-inspiring, makes your whole body say la
ilaha illa Allah, 3d, surround-sound, nature than I ever
encountered in my short life..  trees, birds,
mountains, earth, water.. indescribable beauty. 
One night we snuck out and went to the lake.  The sky above
held more stars than I have ever seen in my life.  A storm
was building in the distance and we could see lightning flash on the
other side of the mountains.  Sitting there, all I could think was,
this night, this very night right here, is probably
the most beautiful thing I have ever encountered in my
life.  And at the same time, I knew there was
something wrong because it didn't *move* me as I knew
it should.. 

One of the things we learned was that everthing
everything around us, all of creation, is in dhikr of
Allah.  Two brothers went hiking, and they came back
with.. with this light just radiating from their
faces.  They told us how as they were in dhikr in the
forest, butterflies came and rested on their clothes.
They asked us: do we harmonize with this symphony of
dhikr around us?  Or do we add static?

I went hiking a few days later, and saw one lone
beautiful butterfly... that fluttered past me.
However foolish it may seem, it hurt.  It stung.  The
two brothers before me, effulgent with noor, attracted
this beautiful creature.  And it turned away from me.

The only thing I could think was, if being rejected by
this small creature in dhikr of Allah hurts me, how
will I feel on the Day of Judgement, when all that
were in dhikr in this life turn away from me?  When
the good Muslims who are to enter Jannah, disgusted by
what I am, turn away from me? 

When Rasulullah turns his face away from me? 

When Allah, the Most High, forgets me as I have
forgotten Him? 

La ilaha illa Allah. 

I want the mantle of those two brothers.  I want to
wear the noor they wear.  The look on their faces
haunts me.  I want that.  I want that pleasure that
comes from yearning for Allah's pleasure.  I want
those creatures to love me as they love any who are in
ubudiyyah to Allah..  It's as if before this, I've
never seen ubaad of Allah.. I've seen men but not men
like these men.

We went hiking by Augur Falls, this amazingly beautiful
place.. and I kept seeing myself in everything around
me.  There were roots everywhere, in every place we
stepped.  And then in the middle of the water we saw this
tree.. it was a beautiful tree but it's roots weren't deep
enough to keep it upright.  All I could think was
that tree was me.. the term br M uses all
the time is ‘rakhasu fil ilm’, being deeply rooted in
ilm.. and if you aren't, if you don't have roots in
ilm that are that deep, expansive, and strong, then
what you bring into fruition is not going to be
beneficial.. and if you don't have those deep roots
and you put yourself in dangerous situations, you’re going to
fall.. you're going to go under and you're going to be
taken in by an onslaught of doubt, loss of eman,
speculation etc etc

In the forest we saw this huuggee waterfall.  I
climbed up to these rocks high above it and looked
down to see all the ppl sitting, comtemplating, in
dhikr, and the rush of the whole waterfall over the
cliff.  In the middle of the waterfall was this huge
rock, jutting out.  The water was so powerful,
rushing, so loud you could't hear the person next to
you-- but that rock stood firm.  Unable to break.  I
kept willing, wanting, *hoping* for that rock to burst to
fall, because I felt like it was my qalb these past ten
days.  I felt like I was being bombarded with
everything that should make me turn to Allah in
complete and utter submission in an environment that
makes it impossible to NOT change, but I wasn't.  My
heart was still as hard as that rock even with the
power of all that water.  My dhikr was still
unfocused, my salah distracted.

We prayed on some land next to the rushing water and I
*still* couldn't focus.  My foreheard humbled to the
earth that I was made from, that I would be buried in
in Allah only know how much time, and no tears came.  I
couldn't force them.

We went canoeing a few days before we went hiking.
The waves were strong but we made it to the end of
the lake and into an inlet.  This inlet was like
jannah. It was so beautiful, so calm.  The water was still.
We saw the sun hitting  the mountains.  Flowers literally
growing up from the water.  Birds singing.  It was like
opening a door into another world. 

Then out of the inlet we went into another lake.  The winds
were building up so the water was so choppy.  We had to
keep rowing just to stay in the same place.  But we kept
rowing, we had to get to land.  We finally made it to an
island, but it was private so we had to leave.  We were
canoeing for six hours straight.  It was the most physically
challenging thing I've ever done in my life.  I
literally couldn't move my arms afterwards.

On the way back we hit the inlet again and one of the camp
leaders came to rescue us.  I was the only one who got
off the canoe and walked the rest of the way.  I was
the only one who didn't finish the mujahida, the only
one who didn't reach the finish line.  For the rest of
the retreat people discussed the canoe trip like the
mujahida of life.. that it was difficult and
challenging but it was so worth it in the end.. and I
didn't make it.  I didn't go the rest of the way, I
didn't push myself to finish it.  I failed that
mujahida and all I could think was, if I couldn't pass
the mujahida of reaching the end of water, how could I
complete the mujahida of life to return to Allah with
a qalbus saleem?

You guys probably know
more about me than any other people on the planet, but
you don't know me.  You don't know the things I've
kept from you out of shame, the things I've done or
haven't done that's just brought me closer to the
hellfire.  Things that I've been ashamed to tell you
that I will be held accountable for on the Day of
Judgement, that I will be forced to witness against
myself in front of Allah.

I came up with a list of resolutions at the retreat
and have broken some of them already. I learned a lot
of things about myself and I know what I need to work
on..

There are no words that I can use to describe the beautiful,
intense, and profound experiences I had there.  No words
can do them justice.

I don't know what this email sounds like to you but
the past ten days were some of the most beautiful days
of my life.  They hurt because waking up hurts but
it's necessary to begin your day.

Just make dua for me.

[Madina Admin]

B-Calm
06/27/01 at 17:22:12

wa rahmat-Ullahi wa barakatuH

I just read the reflection of the brother/sister that was posted, and subhan-Allah, tears came to my eyes...I couldn't effectively verbalize how I felt about the retreat until I read that reflection...the retreat was so amazing, and at the same time, so painful.  I did however leave with some hope alhamduliLah...I asked Sheikh M if a person really wanted to make Tawba but just couldn't seem to be able to penetrate the Raan and the veil on their qalb in order to begin to feel remorce, was that a sign that the person was doomed?  I asked him if it was possible for a person to want to get closer to Allah, but that Allah would decide not to let him/her, and decides not to send a breeze of His Rahma upon their totally covered qalb, to revive it?  I asked him, and I was so scared of his response.  Then the Sheikh reminded me of the Hadith of our beloved Prophet, salla-Allahu 3laihi wa sallam, which states that if a 3abd walks towards Allah, Allah runs to them (and Allah is truely exhalted from all analogies).  I was so happy to hear those words.  This gave me hope, and it is like the driving force behind my mujahada...I want to be close to Allah...and according to this hadith, if I work hard, I can be.  Jannah, I'm not sure if the bro/sis who wrote the reflection checks this board, but if you know that they don't, could you please pass on the Sheikh's reply to my question.

jazakum Allahu khairan
Pray for me.

your brother in Islam

  wa rahmat-Ullahi wa barakatuH

[Madina Admin]

jannah
06/30/01 at 15:09:25
brother b-calm

I've passed on the answer br M gave you. It's very beautiful and I'm sure it will help Anonymous and all of us!

Here are some of the things brother Ali mentioned at the end which we may be able to remind ourselves with:



Practical Steps We Learned @ the Retreat to Purify Ourselves:

• We need to have daily doses of Ilm.
• We should have sincere constant Tawbah.
• We need to be in Khalwah with ourselves. We should do Musharatah with the 7 keys, Muhasaba and Muraqaba.
• We need to perfect our Salah - perform it early and prepare for it.
• We need to do daily adhkaar to fight Shaitan, also reading Quran.
• We need to shut off negative means -- images, sounds, etc.
• We have to keep away from environments that lead us to disobedience.
• We must not keep company with those who keep us from our journey.
• We should sleep less, talk less and socialize less.
• We must immediately refrain from Haram and Makruh.
• We have to increase our pool of Hasanat.
• We should do all of these things continuously.
• We should do Dua for each other.

If anyone remembers any more please add them here!



Asim
06/30/01 at 12:26:25
I can think of a couple more:

• We should eat less
• We should strive and struggle to purify ourselves 'coz it is hard work and should not be taken lightly.

Wasalaam.

[Madina Admin]

Insaaf
07/16/01 at 12:40:22
Bismillah walhamdulilah wassalatu wassalamu 'ala rasoolillah

Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

SubhanaAllah, I dont know how to explain the feeling i'm experiencing right now...let alone when i read the posts about the retreat.  I feel like i'm waking up from a long sleep (literally too, i havent been on this board for a long time)

 However, the first post... the reflections, it is as if you cut open my chest and looked in upon my heart and then wrote about it.
Jazak/Jazaki Allahu khairan for that post which put me to tears.  May Allah keep you in that state of dhikr of Him, because if you stay like that, then that is a good sign.

La Hawla wala quwwata illa billah

 I felt the same thing... like why is it that i didng cry at this particular moment, when i really wanted to cry, when Sheikh M was really describing my situation, the state of MY QALB.  Because my qalb was so concealed by the raan, the veil, that i couldnt even feel the times when words were being direced towards me, when they were describing me.

 the description of the hiking trip by the two brothers really hit me, subhannAllah.  You never really know what you are missing until you see it somewhere else, and I really saw it that day.  You could literally see the purity and beauty of the state of their qulub at that moment, while they were speaking.  (Hafidhahum Allah jamee'an). I felt my qalb aching so badly that i couldnt breathe, it really hurt to see that I had a ways to go... but alhamdulilah, i wouldnt trade that moment for anything of this materialistic dunya. That reflections session had to be the most important session I have ever attended, in my life, subhanAllah.  One of the sisters talk of her experience as she was canoeing was amazing, subhanAllah, i remember it word for word.  I say i am a Abd of Allah (azza wajal) yet, how conscious am i of Him, and His creation, and that at any second, I could DIE, and will not have any more chances to utter a single tasbeeh, or to pray a single rak'a, and then what?  face Allah like this, with this stinking heart?

 I think when i fully understood what state i was in, I was able to take in every single minute of the retreat.  yes, it was extremely painful, but that is what it going to be, bittersweet... the sweetness of Ilm and the bitterness of sabr...

Alhamdulilah, as I was surrounded by some of the most amazing people i had ever met and ever will meet, I found it extremely easy to make duaa for my fellow brothers and sisters.  Even now, Wallahi, I have not forgotten any of you guys in duaa... And I ask Allah (azza wajal) to keep you in this state of dhikr and majahadah and to illuminate your qulub with His noor.

Please, Please, Please, do not forget me in your duaa as I am in great need of it.

Jazakum Allahu khairan
your sister in Islam
wasalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh


Insaaf
07/16/01 at 12:48:37
Assalamu alaikum

 I was reading Anonymous's post... and I just wanted to add to what Jannah had said ( jazaha Allahu khairan)

 is that when you are feeling so overwhelmed because you havent met your expectations and goals... you should never ever forget Allah's rahma (mercy) for His Ibad...its infinite.

 I feel the exact same way, that i have regressed back to my days before the retreat, but at the same time, I am happy that I have accomplished some things as well.

 You have to set small goals for yourself and if you walk towards Allah (azza wajjal) then He will run to you... but you have to keep walking, never stop for a breather.  If you keep on walking, Allah will give you more and more chances to breathe and relax.

 Just like we learned, one of the most beautiful acts of worship to Allah is to be always in a state of question and doubt concerning your actions and if they were accepted by Allah, because that will generate more hope and cause you to be more energetic in your Ibadah, and that is one of the most beautiful cycles of life, probably THE cycle of life.

Wallahu Allah (Allah knows best)

Your sister in Islam
Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

[Madina Admin]

halwa
07/20/01 at 02:03:32
Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahamatu ALlahi wa Barakatuh

Subhanna Allah , i cannot describe the feeling inside of me. The reflections posted here are truely from deep inside the qalb. May Allah (Swt) give us the strength to become closer to him. ameen

I have been trying ,for almost a month now, to write down wut is happening inside my qalb. I start a sentence and then i cant find the correct word to verily define wut i feel. However, i feel like these reflections have helped me decide where to begin inshallah.

I havent started yet, so ill post the reflection soon inshallah, i just wanted to say that the retreat was incredible, mashallah. I have never in my life experienced 10 days as intense and as affecting as those 10 days with Sheikh M. Things happened, emotions arose that i never thought were deep inside of me. Determination came along with the remorse inside my qalb. The reassurance taht Sheikh M informed us about, reassured me taht ALlah(swt) was all forgiving and most loving. And that he (swt) longs to help his ibaad become closer to him (swt).

MAy Allah instill that assurance and that luv for him inside all of our qulub inshallah.

please keep me in ur duas, ur are definetly in mine.

Your sister in this Beautiful deen of ALLah(swt)
nusaiba

WAsalamu ALaikum wa RAhamatu ALlahi wa Baraktuh


halwa
07/25/01 at 03:09:25
Assalamu ALaikum Wa Rahmatu ALLAhi wa BAraktuh

The problem that was brought up about doing things for only the sake of ALLAh. I think its something that always stays with a person once u hear about how it is an act of unltimate shirk. For me..when i studied the severity of the problem..i became aware. SO i think the best thing is to always stay aware. MAke sure that before u pray 2 rakka sunnah in the mesjid, that ur not doing it for the person sitting next to u or behind u. Make sure that when ur going out to class, u are not covering urself for someone else to see..but u are covering urself for the sake of ALLAh. Make sure that before u decide to do an act of good, such as visiting a fellow muslim or muslimah, that u are not doing it so that people say that u are an ideal friend.
All of these things will help you become more in control over ur nafs and the niyya (intention..dont make me break out into the MYNA Rap for u now..heh ) behind each of ur actions. I am ofcourse not speaking as someone who has overcome this mujahada, because i havent. BUt inshallah, ALLah (swt) will help all of us become closer to him and increase our mahaba (love) for him and will help us be careful about the intention behind each of our deeds. Ameeeen.

WAsalamu ALaikum Wa Rahmatu Allahi wa Baraktu
nusaiba

ps- i think it would be great if we could generate a discussion amongst the retreat people and anyone else about our experiences during and after the retreat, so that we can keep the spirit inside our qulub (hearts) alive always.

[Madina Admin]

deenb-4dunya
07/25/01 at 08:35:35
I agree with what sister Seeba is saying. We gotta keep the spirit up. I think it'll do something to our quloub to keep communicating with our retreat hommies:)

For anonoymous, maybe what u should do is not go out in public places in your community where you know you'll be acting with riyaa, you've reached a stage of ikhlaas where you do everything for Allah, notr caring whether people see you or not.

Personally, my retreat experience was beyond words. Subhanallah... just being around Br.Mokhatr and seeing the how far, far, far ahead he is than all of us was enough. Add the rest of the God fearing people, who's faces shine with nur, and the gorgeous environment, the mujahaddah trip, little food, nearly no sleep, constant silence, motivational lectures, and stories of the righteous women who are unbelievable (i still can't believe half the stories he told us), beautiful adhthaans...all of this makes one of the most beautiful yet painful expriences of my life.

subhanallah.

After the retreat I tried to implement almost everything we had learnt/ gotten from the retreat ( ok not everything, but alot of stuff). It lasted for 6 days. I guess I did too much. I dont like gradualism very much- i wish everything would just happen.  anyways..after my first big fall..I kept having little stumbles after weak mujahaddahs. I don't think I had ever conscioously, whole-heartedly entered the process of tazkiyah. I dont think I have until now. It's much harder than I though it would be...but I guess I just gotta remember that the process of tawbah is all about work, work, falling, getting up, dua, work work, stumbling, getting up, dua, work......

PLease make dua for me.

[Madina Admin]

taffi
01/15/02 at 12:22:38

going to retreats makes me feel really grateful.. i know i have had some amazing examples.. really beautiful ppl to look up to... inshALlah may Allah(swt) reward all our teachers for every little thing that they try to teach us and may he give us the toufiq to internalize the things we're blessed to learn.

the one lecture at the retreat that really had soo many things from college and highschool running through my head was the one on objectives of shariah. so i figured this would be a good place to get some of my thoughts out.

br. M talked about how even lawmakers are subject to shariah's system of law.. so it offers this stability and yet its adaptable. even when it changes its always consistent about preserving the wellbeing of the human being.( the five fundamentals that shariah came to protect: "faith", life, reason, progeny/honor, and property-- our scholors said that any civilized societies laws will seek to preserve these fundamentals)
in highschool, i remember discussing why they had to end prohibitiion... but in the end it always seems like defeated logic because whats the point of law if you have to change the law just because you know everyone will break it.
and i never really got that law about suspending civil liberties in a time of war.. never made sense: thats basically saying your rights only matter when you dont need them.
and now were  seeing this actuallized.
so it seems while secular law  has all this rhetoric about ideals and values and rights- they really dont maintain those ideals... in fact they have convenient loop holes withing their frame work to actually work against those ideals.
whats really absurd is how the concept of heritage and identity is all over western literature yet that concept is not preserved and maintained in the law. in fact its the opposite-- they allow something as dehumanizing as artificial insemination in the name of women's RIGHTs.
its amazing how shariah sought to protect these things for everyone-- muslims and nonmuslims alike. those fundamentals are what make a person feel whole.. complete and respected as a human being. some ppl spend there whole lives ACHING for islam wihout even knowing it. b/c  ultimately you cant be whole without putting your faith in the ONE creator  of our ONE humanity. MAlcolm X said "In my thirty-nine years on this earth, the Holy city of Mecca had been the first time I had ever stood before the Creator of All and felt like a complete human being. "

[Madina Admin]

nouha
06/17/02 at 16:47:07


how is everyone doin? alhumdulilah i hope. well i just got back from the retreat, it was raining the whole weekend and it was cold a bit but thats fine, it was still enjoyable,

everyone is fine alhumdulilah, some people are getting sick due to the weather  and food but nothign too serious, i had to leave early though becuase i was sent to the hospital, im the one who got REALLY sick, but im now fine alhamdulilah.

i got to meet mohja , what a lovely lady  . she thought the people from albany were all intellectual.... hahahha... the surprise on her face

arsalam was there too but i didnt meet him.

ill post my reflections later inshallah and some notes on the tazkiyah retreat, its good to be back 

wasalam
nouha:)

[Madina Admin]

betul
06/25/02 at 04:08:25

Assalamu Alaikum wa RahmatullaHi wa BarakatuHu, 
 
InshaAllah everyone is doing good, it's been a while since I've 'really' posted on the
board, I've been at the retreat and Alhamdulillah I am back now. 
 
Some of the Albanyians wanted me to start the thread about the retreat and the
experience I had, so here it goes inshaAllah. 
 
This year was my first year to attend the retreat wAlhamdulillah, and those who are
thinking about attending next year, take it from me, it is worth it and you will be
very grateful to Allahu SubhanaHu Wata'ala that you are able to go, InshaAllah. 
 
The first couple days really helped me focus, because we had 3 hr classes and a
strict schedule to follow, so Alhamdulillah not much time to waste.  I will try to
summarize my notes and inshaAllah post them up, of course other sisters and
brothers have much better notes, so I'll ask them to post first, inshaAllah. 
 
The classes were further away from the main lodge (where we ate, prayed, etc),
down by the lake, and SubhanAllah it is a sight that I will never forget.  There are
trees and mountains that sorround the entire lake, and at the edge of the lake, there
were rocks going all around. 
One look at the lake and you're breathless, SubhanAllah it is that beautiful.  You sit
on the rocks and look at nothing but the wonderful creations of Allahu SubhanaHu
Wata'ala, the waves carressing the rocks as they hit up against them, the sun
shining with it's full brightness on the lake and reflecting perfectly, the wind blowing
through the leaves, and the singing of the birds as they fly above my head,
SubhanAllah.  I felt as if everything I heard was making dhikr of Allahu SubhanaHu
Wata'ala, and as I sat there listening more, my heart joined them in harmony and
our dhikr became one, SubhanAllah.  My heart let go of all the worries of dunya and
found comfort with Allahu SubhanaHu Wata'ala, Alhamdulillah. 
 
Throughout the day, we had 'free time' for ourselves, to review over the notes, get
some rest, or go down by the lake and reflect.  After five days came the time for
outdoors day.  First day, our group went to Fawn Lake (this is a new place from last
year), and SubhanAllah the water was sooo serene and calm.  It was as if the
mountains and trees were protecting it from anything that would disturb it's peace.
 It looked like the heart that Br. Mokhtar talked about, that when a Muslim gets to a
point where their heart is so calm, nothing disturbs it's serenity, and I could see that
in the lake, the wind made waves that seemed like it disturbed the lake but the
tranquility still remained, SubhanAllah. 
 
As we were hiking up to the lake, we noticed so many trees in prostration to Allahu
SubhanaHu Wata'ala.  Some of them bent from the middle, and some of the bent
from the roots and almost cracked.  SubhanAllah they have so much humbleness, and
fear of Allahu SubhanaHu Wata'ala that it made me think.  Humans are supposed to
be the best of creatures and we were created only to worship Allahu SubhanaHu
Wata'ala.  The trees are in dhikr of Allahu SubhanaHu Wata'ala 24/7/365, yet we,
human beings, are in dhikr of Allahu SubhanaHu Wata'ala only when we remember
Him.  SubhanAllah, what an irony. 
 
On the second day, we went to Jockey Bush Lake.  The hike was somewhat more
difficult because of the steepness, but Alhamdulillah it was worth it.  All the lakes I
came across were always peaceful and showing the beauty that Allahu SubhanaHu
Wata'ala has given them.  I was able to get in touch with my heart and actually feel
it saying "La ilaha illa Allah".  Alhamdulillah those feelings I wkn't forget and
InshaAllah would like to experience over and over again. 
 
Third day, we went canoeing.  We paddled for about 2 1/2 hrs and SubhanAllah it
was so hard.  Many people reflected on canoeing as our life journey in the path to
Allahu SubhanaHu Wata'ala.  The water/our life can get hard, the waves/struggles of
life can be difficult to handle, but we must never stop paddling/striving because if we
do, we'll lose control of the canoe/life, and stray off the course/right path.  We
paddle/strive as hard as we can, and through all of that, we will reach our final
destination, the shore/Jannah.  SubhanAllah, it really showed me that even though
we are faced with challenges in life, we must never give up and always have reliance
on Allahu SubhanaHu Wata'ala with everything in life, and InshaAllah we will reach
our final abode, Jannah. 
 
The last two days of the retreat were very special but I do not have much time to
right them now.  InshaAllah I will comment more on the retreat another time.
 Please forgive me, this post has been long.  Jazakum Allahu khayran to everyone.
 
Wassalamu Alaikum,

Betul

[Madina Admin]

Aabidah
05/07/02 at 23:52:43


Reflect on this from last year's retreat, InshaAllah.  (from se7en's collection  )

Khalid al-Warraq's servant - whose name we don't know
- was constantly in worship of Allah. Once Khalid
advised her about Allah's mercy and compassion, and
she wept.  She said,

Ya Khalid, I know.  I hold hopes in Allah so big that
if the mountains carried them, they would be burdened
by their weight.  And I know that in the generosity of
Allah there is safety for every sinner.  But where
will I be when it comes to the grief of the race?

Khalid asked her, what is the grief of the race?

She said, when there is resurrection on the day of
Hashr - when all that is inside the graves will be
spread, and the abraar [the righteous servants] will
mount the most beautiful of their works and race to
the siraat.  By the dignity I hold in my heart for
you, I swear that [...] the negligent will never be
able to move ahead in this race.

What will happen to me, then?  What pain and sorrow
and grief will I feel, when the banner is lifted for
those who have mounted their beautiful deeds, and the
banner is lifted for the muhsinoon [those who dogood]; and the banner is lifted for those who yearn
for Allah, and the banner is lifted for those who love
Allah - but I have to stay back with the sinners?

And she wept.

Ya Khalid, beware of anything that will interrupt a
fast race to righteous action - for between the two
homes [of dunyaa and akhira] there is no home to make
up for what one has missed. 

Woe on the person who is negligent in the servitude of
his master, while carrying hope in him.  Shouldn't his
hopes wake him up while the lazy ones are asleep?

[Madina Admin]

Anonymous
07/01/03 at 12:00:50

as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah,

a reflection from one of the retreat participants this
year.. please make duaa for the author..
----------------

The stillness of the time before daybreak stands in
sharp distinction to the turbulence inside me.  I
study the world before me, and though the lenses of my
eyes and the synapses of my brain understand and
recognize its beauty, I feel cut off from it.  My
tongue forms words like "SubhanAllah" and
"Alhamdulillah" - and yet my Qalb feels disconnected.
My dhikr is in need of dhikr. 

I wonder... how much of my life have I have tossed
away.. finding a quick fix in a conscious ignorance,
an easy escape, or shallow promises to my self, and
neglecting the deepest part of me, thirsty for true
happiness, in connection with the Source of happiness.

I am under mental and spiritual occupation, and like a
prisoner, I long for freedom from my oppression.  Some
words from a far away song flutter by, as I try to
sort out my mind and heart:

this is why they call me a sullen girl / they don't
know I used to sail a deep and tranquil sea /  but I'm
washed ashore and I've lost my pearl / and now there's
only an empty shell of me.

Somehow, I've lost my way yet again, in the murkiness
of dunyaa, in the ocean of shahawaat, that keeps me
under the waves, immersed in ghaflah.  Somehow, I've
lost my Qalb, sick and hidden in veils of ignorance,
heedlessness and dhunoob, and I cannot describe the
yearning inside me to bring it life.

SubhanAllah, how amazing the vessel of the Qalb - that
it can house so much, and still feel such emptiness,
void and pain.  This because it longs and yearns for
Allah, and without Him it suffers and rejects all
imitations.

How have I allowed such inner damage to occur?  My
devotion misdirected, my emotions scattered, my
happiness mislaid.  I have wronged myself more than
anyone else - sold my soul for a cheap price and my
servitude to a lowly master.

I need to don the cloak of Ibraheem, alayhis salaam,
and destroy these things inside my inner ka'bah.  I
need to clean out this Qalb, remove the carefully
positioned images that have taken the place of my Lord
the Most High, scrape clean the film of dhunoob that
leave it murky and heavy.  I need to resuscitate my
inner being, bring life back to my Qalb with dhikr and
remembrance of my purpose.

Constellations beckon me to join them - come, be a
neighbor to the stars, join us in our Remembrance of
our Creator.  The birds call to me in the stillness of
early daybreak - come, release your wings, join us in
our flight ascending towards the heavens.  The grains
of sand call me, come, humble yourself and Allah will
exalt you, as the chosen of us are exalted, glinting
in wondrous beauty encased in glass. 

The universe calls me - be in ubudiyyah to Allah.
Join us in our happiness, in remembrance of Allah and
our shared purpose.  Maybe Allah will raise us
together, the stars fashioned like jewels in the
heavens, the birds swooping with the winds, the earth
rich and fertile - and you, a human being, lost for a
short while in the desert of dunyaa, but guided back
to the Straight Path, like a lost camel brought back
by a merciful guide.

The universe calls me - and I yearn to answer this
sweet adhaan, calling me to success and happiness.  I
long to find my place among Allah's creation, to
reconnect my Qalb with my Creator, and to taste the
sweetness of knowing Him, and being true to Him.

I ask Allah to make this retreat an opening for me,
for this movement of longing and desire to break
through the heavy bonds my nafs has imposed on me, and
that my returning to Him is thorough and accepted.

I ask Allah for the sweetness of Jannah; and for
enough consciousness of Him and remembrance of Him to
keep me on the path towards it.

Ameen, thumma ameen.  wAlhamdulillahi Rabbil alameen.

[Madina Admin]

Maliha
06/16/05 at 14:38:01

I know I lament every year, and probably will continue to do, as long as i suffer yet another year of no retreat.

during my evening walks across a nearby lake, i alwayz smell the fresh pine trees, feel the humid summer breeze, hear the festivities of the bugs, ducks and geeze and imagine just for a split of a moment...that I am in the mountains, reminiscing the lessons emanating from the beautiful soul of our teacher...and for a moment i am taken someplace else...

just for too brief a moment, before i wake up with an aching heart and realize not "this time"...not for a while.

i miss the retreat with a homesick feeling, that bittersweet ache that suffers from separation and yet is gladdened to have experienced something so rare, so precious, in a world full of mundane trifles and junk chaos.

May Allah reward the organizers, retreaters, and may He increase the Sheikh with ever increasing Eman and eloquence to continue moving hearts, and providing moments for the lost, stray and misguided to realize there is only One goal worth striving for...and only one short life to submit, for eternal respite...

amin.

To all the retreaters, make the most of this blessing that Allah has afforded you..and don't take one fleeting moment for granted. May Allah continue to bless and guide you all.

sigh...

[Madina Admin]

Jannah

June 25, 2007, 04:40:37 PM »     

For seven years I have been coming to this rock. Sometimes in the dead of winter, when the trees are bare and there are feet of snow outside and it is freezing cold, I think of myself here. Sitting on this rock as I am now with the green dappling leaves from the trees giving me shade. The sun sparkling on the water as far as the mountains. The mountains shades of pine, blues and grey. The clouds light and puffy, sometimes coming near, sometimes going far.

I am happy here. Why is it that only in this place, on this rock I am content with my life. Yet all through the year all I feel are anxieties and heartache. I am indeed a sinner, but thankful that this tiny slice, this tiny glimpse of peace is shown to me once a year.

There are seven years of memories here. I still remember the first time we came to this retreat site. It was un-chartered, unexplored. We walked down towards the Lakehouse and caught our breath as we saw water rising in front of it and thought it was the most magical place.

My memories are bittersweet. Some are happy memories of laughing on the canoes and making dhikr in tune to our rowing. Our ‘year of mujahadah’, which looking back on now is quite amusing. All the wonderful classes and revelations and the most beautiful group of Muslims gathered from such various far away places. Then there are the painful memories of understanding the import of our sins and feeling the anguish of our tawbah. I miss my old friends too, the fellow brothers and sisters who had started this journey with me seven years ago. Some have lagged behind the caravan and some have gone far ahead of us.

*****

This yearly spiritual retreat in the Adirondack Mountains is organized by the Shaikh and his students and held at a Christian camp/retreat site. As the legend goes, the Shaikh decided to go to a ‘Save the Adirondacks’ meeting in Albany one day and there he met Kent. Kent looks like a typical outdoorsy, surfer guy… blonde, blue eyes and long hair. They began to talk and the Shaikh found out that Kent runs a Christian camping center and since he had been looking for just such a thing they became fast friends!

The first year we came to this retreat site, we were about twenty people and we only stayed in the lodge with two or less! people per room. We had class for about two hours in the afternoon and all the rest of the time was ours to do whatever we wanted. The sisters would get together and go swimming in the evenings. Our kitchen lady ‘Margaret,’ would make us special meals and desserts. We were the first to explore the campsite and everything was a new discovery. We canoed in our lake on whichever days had good weather and held our classes on couches in the Lakehouse with the windows open so we could hear the waves against the rocks. Kent invited us to a barbeque with his camp counselors where they sang some songs for us. We used to clean the tables and kitchen after every meal until the “Ottawan brother’s clean-up crew” volunteered to take over for us. A sister, just out of camp kindness, would take our clothes, wash them for us, fold them and put everyone’s clean clothes in their room. Ahhh… those were the good old days!

Nowadays we spend months beforehand in preparation for the retreat. Updating the website, setting up registration, vetting applications, collecting deposits and answering questions. As the retreat dates comes closer there’s more and more work. Every retreat staff’s complaint is that they spend the majority of their time organizing and very little being a participant. On top of that is the constant feeling that something is wrong with us because we don’t feel the same things or reach the same spiritual levels as the others.

After seven years of organizing, things are somewhat easier, but the retreat is still a huge undertaking.

Alhamdulillah, this year we had over seventy registrants from all over the US and Canada. Ma’shaAllah they were all very dedicated, good people. There are the usual college MSA kids, some aunties, some young couples, a doctor and his wife who come every year, Canadians who love to cross the border, locals who came up for the weekend and so on.

Every retreat year has its own flavor with different people, events, and tone. This year’s retreat was 10 days, which started with 7 straight days of classes: 3 hours in the afternoon, an hour and a half after Asr, two hours after Maghrib and the majority stayed awake after Fajr until Shuruq. The tiny pieces of free time we had were spent for the staff: taking care of registration, money or other things, or for the participants: writing summaries and revising notes. The last three days were spent in outdoor events such as canoeing and hiking.

*****

This year we went to two new places. One was a very long hike to three successive waterfalls called Hope Falls. This was about a 4 mile hike one way. It was long, but seeing the waterfalls made it worth it. We also saw a baby bear climb a tree not far from us!

The second place was canoeing down Kunjamuk River, a beautiful curvy canal/creek like expedition which was absolutely stunning. We passed four beaver dams as our challenges where we had to stop and get out of our canoes in order to get them over or in some places even carry our canoes around to the other side. This definitely left a newfound respect for beavers in us!

After we made it past all of them we stopped at a little area offshore in a forest to pray and eat lunch. The skies darkened and thunder crackled above us. The sheikh came over from the woods to tell us not to be scared and related a hadith that says that during a storm, the thunder is in dhikr and the angels are in fear of Allah swt. We sat and watched the rain on the river while the tall, stately pines of the forest protected us. The rain drops hit the water in the river and created bubbles on the surface called habb al-maa. This habb we learned in class is related to the Mahabbah (love) of Allah. If one’s love is sincere it will always rise to the surface like the bubbles on water and become apparent. One simply cannot hide their true love.

After our lunch and khalwa time, we headed back through the river in the light rain. My canoeing partner and I went first and it felt like we were the first explorers to come to this place. We soon canoed right onto a beautiful little lake surrounded by mountains. It had stopped raining and there was mist and fog all around us. Long grass, bamboo and water lilies surrounded the edges. The sun was setting in the distance in a show of yellows, reds and pinks. It was like a virtual scene out of some fantasy reality. We set our paddles up and just sat floating, staring at the absolute beauty around us. We heard the birds calling each other, and the frogs singing. We watched the water begin to turn pink from the sunset. We must have stayed there for half an hour or more. No one wanted to leave. It was truly one of the most beautiful experiences I’ve ever had at the retreat and a highlight for this year.

The last day of the retreat this year, we went hiking to Augur Falls, which is an old favorite for everyone. It’s a rather large creek that starts out gently tumbling over rocks until it turns into raging rapids and at one point makes a sharp 90-degree turn. Some huge rocks overlook this turn and this is where we sat eating our lunches, contemplating and doing dhikr. After a while I decided to take off my socks and shoes and put my feet in the water.

The water from the waterfall was warm and felt so nice as it rushed past my feet. I just sat there for a long time with the water going over my feet, wondering where all this water came from, gallons and gallons every second all the way down, turning and continuing somewhere else. The water was crystal clear. It felt so refreshing and clean. I had this incredible urge to just jump into the middle of the Falls and sit there in the water, letting it rush over me and cleanse me completely of all my sins, all my memories, all my faults, all my envy, all my hate, all my mistakes. I could just sit there for hours until I was so completely clean and pure. How clean would I be then compared to just making wudu with the water. It came to me that that water rushing over a person continuously is like someone in continuous tawbah and a person who just uses the water to make wudu is like one who has made istighfar once. The difference is clearer to me now and I realize the need for being in tawbah all the time.

I am sad to be back home again, but am hopeful that the retreat memories from this year can inshaAllah carry me to the next.