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Reflections & Writings
Reflections from Upstate NY Tazkiyah Retreats
Topic: Reflections from Upstate NY Tazkiyah Retreats (Read 14196 times)
Reputation Power: 107
Reply #25 on:
Mar 09, 2008 09:03 AM »
As I was sitting in class yesterday, learning about the Painter of the
universe, I looked out through the window. I asked a question to the trees :
Who ? The same question to the stones and rocks : Who ? To the wind : Who ?
To the water : Who ? To the rain : Who ? Suddenly I received a subtle, yet
clear reply : ALLAH. Something inside me smiled and I was grinning like a
I sat beside the lake this morning, trying to find my Lord and the reason
of all creations. With my eyes closed, I heard the wind whirling,
surrounding me. Subhanallah, I heard a complete piece of music in less than
a minute. The beginning, the middle, the crescendo, the climax and the
perfect end. The subtle harmony of notes, mingled with rythmic splashes of
water, hitting against the rocks. Subhanallah, I would be lying if I tried
to describe it more. It thrilled me and this time, I gurgled deeply in
delight, again like a baby.
Everywhere I walk, I saw young shoots, young branches and trees, endowed
with freshness that soothes the eye. They were once described to me as
ghusuunun nadhirah, the branches with fresh beauty. As I saw a new pattern
of leaves, a new shade of green, I said : Look ! Look ! There it is ! That’s
another masterpiece of my Creator. And my heart skipped, again like a baby.
Ya Allah, forgive this sinner, so much. I have veiled my heart so much with
ignorance and dhunoob that I have lost my innocence, the fitra You have
bestowed upon me when I was born.
Ya Allah, grant me awareness and enlightenment as I walk upon this
beautiful world of Yours so I might not stand in darkness in the Hereafter.
Ya Allah, You have revealed so much, taught so much that if I do not
prostrate to You in consciousness and gratitude and servitude, I am indeed
Ya Allah, Your Bounties are flowing, Your Mercy has no ends, if I don’t use
Your ni’am in Your Path, then just let me be dust.
As Shaykh Abdul Qaadir once dreamed of sitting and crying with the angel of
death, thinking of death, I will have to settle for you, O tree or you, O
rock, if you don’t mind. We will sit down together, pat each other’s
shoulder, crying, thinking of death. Crying, in remembrance of my sins and
my israaf. Crying, thinking of His Majesty, Allahu Ta ‘alaa, Rabbul
* * *
Patient Name : Sinner
Date : The day she woke up from ghaflah, insha Allah
State of nafs : A combination of bahimiyy nafs and sabu’iyy nafs, however
showing pre-dominantly traits and symptoms of bahimiyy nafs
Ÿ Sincere taubah
Ÿ Mujaahadah in fulfilling requirements of sharee’ah
Ÿ A regular and wholesome diet of ‘ilm, especially on Qur’an & as-Sunnah
Ÿ A lot of dzikrullah
Ÿ Yearly retreat/khalwah
Ÿ Daily dose of tears in khashyah
Ÿ Less talk, less eating
SPECIAL NOTE: Will be referred to The Specialist of qalb, care of His Mercy
and His Beneficence
Prognosis : With proper treatment and persistence in sincerity, we
pray for her spiritual well-being, bi idznillah
Reputation Power: 107
Reply #26 on:
Mar 09, 2008 09:14 AM »
Salamu alaikkum wa rahmatullah,
Here is a relection titled the "The Call"
In confusion, In turbulence, In anxiety,
I hear the Call.
First a ripple, then a wave and then in one sweeping motion,
My entire being,
Collected, together, still and suspended,
in pain, in sweetness, in awe, and in longing,
Subhan Allah! Subhan Allah! Subhan Allah!
The glimpse of Jannah from the miseries of dunya!
Such is the awesome Power, such is the subduing strength,
in the melody, in the simplicity, in the beauty,
Of the Call for Salaat.
Reputation Power: 107
Reply #27 on:
Mar 09, 2008 09:15 AM »
Salamo alykom Wa rahmto Allah:
Here is what I wrote down regarding how to focus on Khalwa:
Focusing in Khalwa:
1) Face Qibla
2) Sit in a proper way (Like the prophet in the Hadeeth of Jibreel)
3) Clear your mind and thoughts of everything
4) Nothing else is more important. You have all the time available. (Make sure you tell yourself that)
5) First thing is Intention. Have the right intention to focus on the Heart and sincerely remember Allah. Ask Allah to help in this Ibada
6) Focus on the Heart (Lower left part)
6b) Everything around you is disappearing. The earth is empty...
7) Remember a sin you have recently made. Remember past sins even if you think you repented from them
8) Feel how Allah knows, sees, hears what is in your Heart. Feel how his knowledge completely surrounds you...
9) Realize how you appeared in front of Allah while you were doing the sin, how you were veiled from him( unlike now) and that you could not see or realize him watching and hearing everything you were doing...
10) If this does not help, imagine that you are approaching a righteous group of people. Imagine those people sitting in a Halaqa and the Prophet (PBUH) in the center. Imagine the way you look trying to approach them with your sin and filth...
11) Imagine everything around you is fading, the room,the city,earth the universe everything is going away....
12) Imagine the angel of death coming and approaching you to take your soul (with all your sins and filth around)....
13) La Ilah Ila Allah!!.....
I learned a most valuable lesson that day from Sh. Mokhtar. (may All Increase him in Knowledge). When we did what Sh. Mokhtar asked some of the meanings of La Ilah Ila Allah sank down to my Heart. Some meanings that I never actually comprehended fully before this day.
As I imagined the magnitude of my sins and saw all my filth surrounding me. As I imagined everything in this world going away, my wealth, status, my mother and father, my wife and children. As I imagined the entire earth and universe fading and leaving me Alone in the middle of Filth and sins that I accumulated through my journey in this world. As the Veil hiding the reality of my heart and Nafs is removed and my True self emerges ...There is no escape from such a situation, no one would ever accept to even look in my face if they see the reality of me and how filthy I am. Not even my very mother or father. There is no were to hide for everything is gone!
As the angel of death approaches to take my soul while I am surrounded with all this, nothing can help. Not even the entire universe... There is no real source of shelter or protection.... As I am about to despair from my situation....
Now a glimpse of light comes to the rescue!! the meaning of ILAH comes to the Heart: One of the meaning of the word Ilah by which we can actually make a verb Aliha. The arabs say 'Alihat AL Naqa', meaning that a young camel which was scared and frightened (Alihat) to its mother. I.e. Lovingly ran towards its mother seeking Shelter, Love and protection...---> La ILAH ILA ALLAH!!!!!
This is how one feels.... There is no real ILAH for one to seek shelter, protection from Except Allah. There is no other ILAH that is Loving enough, merciful enough and forgiving enough that can still love and forgive one self with all the filth and sins he accumulated except Allah.... (AL Hamd Lellah for veiling my sins and filth from my wife, children,father and mother!) There is no ILAH that is everlasting, all living and all powerful and in control other than Allah that can rescue one from such a situation. There is no ILAH that can provide aid and protection in such a state except Allah!!!!
There is no other thing worthy of one's true focus, worship,Love and fear but Allah!
I pray to Allah that the same thoughts come to my mind at the moment of death... Something that scares me is what will my last words in this life be? Will I be able to say La Ilah Ila Allah before I die? I always feared that at the moment of death, my sins and reality surrounds me to an extent that as the angel of death approaches me I will be thinking.... 'No, I cannot meet Allah with all those sins, no..no no....' and then my soul will be taken while I am saying NO..NO, my soul will be taken while I hate to meet Allah! (and in turn he will hate to meet me!!!)
But Subhan Allah, what SH. Mokhtar taught us provides hope for me that may be if I live by La Ilah Ila Allah, if I actualize the meaning of it in my Heart in this life.. may be in the moment of death, when all agonies and sins surround me, I will be seeking shelter and protection with the true ILAH: LA ILAH ILA ALLAH.
Al Hamd Lellah ya Allah that you are my Rab, AL Hamd Lellah ya Allah that you are my ILAH.
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