// Losing patience with kids?
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Anonymous
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« on: Aug 15, 2011 06:57 PM »


I'm fasting and I don't know if my fasts are being accepted due to the fact that I get very cross with my kids when they misbehave. I don't seem to be able to bite my tongue & I have very little patience with the kids. I don't think it's just because I'm fasting, I'm like this when I'm not fasting. I'm disappointed that I cannot control my impatience with my kids especially during this blessed month. Alhamdulillah my kids are good kids, but maybe I have very high expectations of them & my expectations of good behaviour is not reasonable considering both kids are 5 & under. I do seek refuge in Allah when I'm getting annoyed, but after I calm down, I can go back to being annoyed literally 30 minutes later.

If anyone has any suggestions that can help, it'd be much appreciated.

Thank you for your time.

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jannah
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« Reply #1 on: Aug 15, 2011 07:06 PM »

wsalam,

I don't have any kids, (lots of nieces and nephews tho which reminds me i should be sending out some eid gifts!! Smiley) but I'm sure lots of parents on the board have some good tips for you inshaAllah.   family

I've noticed some parents do this cuz they don't have any 'discipline' system in place... like the 1 to 5 counting method or time out or whatever. Then they just yell and when the kids don't jump up and listen to them exactly the first time or don't stop doing something they don't like immediately, they're extremely frustrated. They're also not consistent, like sometimes they don't say anything and sometimes they do so the kids get confused! And sometimes it's usually just stuff that kids just do cuz they're kids! So I dunno maybe get some books on parenting methods that might help iA.
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« Reply #2 on: Aug 16, 2011 06:00 AM »

Asalaamu Alaikum bro

Quote
...but maybe I have very high expectations of them..


Perhaps they are unaware of these expectations?

Kids usually need to be informed of boundaries which they cannot cross.

Once they learn the consequences of transgressing these limits, things should become a bit easier.


InshaAllah also make du'a since the prayer of parents for their children is one of the most accepted supplications.

Say: "O ye my servants who believe! Fear your Lord, good is (the reward) for those who do good in this world. Spacious is God's earth! those who patiently persevere will truly receive a reward without measure!" [39:10]
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« Reply #3 on: Aug 16, 2011 07:27 AM »

Salam Sis/Bro anon

I red a wonderful book several years ago roughly entitled Discipline is education not punishment.  Subhanallah...it really gave me good insights on the concept of discipline. For example, character is shaped not enforced. So in shaping character one needs to educate kids on what constitutes good and what constitutes bad. Be very clear on what is childish exuberance and what is misbehaving. If they run around the house, do not scold them for running because well..children run Smiley Rather EDUCATE them on the harmful effects of running around the house.

There is also another wonderful book entitled; Talk so they will listen, listen so they will talk. Very practical book on how to communicate with children.

As a parent, I find that I have to reflect on MY value systems, MY assumptions and MY prejudices more often than I reflect on my kids' behaviour. Because after all...our children is the product of OUR parenting skills.

Hope I helped Insha'Allah.

Wassalam
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