This is for all the Twilight fans... pretty hilarious
Zahra ran up the stairs sobbing. She plunged on top of her bed and wept into her pillow. Zahra was fed up. Marriage proposal after marriage proposal, Zahra was getting frustrated with the lack of quality Muslim men in her small town. “No mom, I’m not listening to any other offers right now!” she yelled from her room.
“Zahra! Don’t be stupid!” scoffed her mother as she entered Zahra’s room. Aunty Yasmeen was trying her best to get her daughter married but hasn’t had much luck. Smallstownburgh was surprisingly small so it was difficult to find Muslims, let alone any suitable guys for Zahra. Aunty Yasmeen recently started creating profiles for her daughter on all sorts of online Muslim matrimonial sites.
“Mom, for the last time I don’t want my picture being put on those sites! It’s filled with creepy guys!”
“But just this morning I received a “Salam” request from this doctor… he is 34 and – ”
“EW! Why not just look up pictures of dinosaurs and marry me to some of them? They’re probably better looking.”
Aunty Yasmeen bit her lip. “Yes, I think you’re right.”
Zahra and Aunty Yasmeen started laughing together. As much as the marriage process is frustrating Zahra, she still felt her own mother was her best friend. With Zahra being one of the most beautiful Muslim girls on the Eastern coast, it was natural for her to receive so many marriage proposals.
“Mom, thank you… I appreciate what you’re doing… it’s just that I really think all the guys have personalities that make werewolves look good… I may need to start looking out of state.”
“I see…” replied Aunty Yasmeen… her lips quivering. her eyes swelling with tears. She didn’t want her only daughter to move too far away.
Just then, the doorbell rang.
“Who could that be?” said Aunty Yasmeen, smiling mischievously.
“Mom… what are you up to?”
“Zahra, go get changed. Put on that pink suit that I really like.”
“Oh my God, mom! This is so dumb, I was born over a decade after this guy!”
“Oh, this is someone else… I arranged another proposal…”
When Aunty Yasmeen opened the door, she was surprised.
“Oh Zahra, it’s okay, it’s just your brother… he came back early from boarding school”
“Assalamu Alaikum…nice to see you too, mother.” sneered Abdul Wahab.
“Don’t sneer at your mother!” sneered Aunty Yasmeen.
“Sorry… I have just developed some strange quirks while I was at the school” said Abdul Wahab, his lips curling.
“How come you came back a day early?”
“There was a stupid school dance. It was filled with shirk and Haram girls.”
“Oh, you say that about everything.” said Zahra, as she came down the stairs, making the Guiness Book of World Records for fastest-getting-ready time for a female.
Abdul Wahab sneered at his older sister. “Good to see you too Zah”
Aunty Yasmeen started to do some last-minute cleaning of the foyer.
“I planned this marriage proposal as a surprise… so Zahra wouldn’t get stressed and so Abdul Wahab wouldn’t make the boy uncomfortable.”
“Well I AM stressed… what if he’s ugly?” replied Zahra.
“And I can’t wait to grill this doofus” replied Abdul Wahab.
Just then, the doorbell rang. Zahra felt a huge lump in her stomach, like a flesh-eating bacteria eating away her insides and causing her massive amounts of diarrhea. Luckily, it was just a feeling.
Abdul Wahab felt a huge lump in his fists… hoping for the right moment he’d be allowed to punch the suitor. It has always been a dream of his to punch one of Zahra’s marriage proposals for saying something stupid.
Aunty Yasmeen opened the door. There were in for a bigger surprise than they thought.
On the porch stood a tall, slender man. His skin colour was pale yet fair, as if he bathed in Fair & Lovely cream. He had a certain shimmer about him. His beard lined his jaw perfectly. His long black hair dripped behind his kufi and was shoulder length. His eyes were almond shaped and almond coloured. He even had an almond scent to him. He was ridiculously handsome. He was so handsome that even Abdul Wahab was lowering his gaze.
“Uh…” said the boy as he blushed profusely.
“Uh…” replied Zahra, as she blushed profusely.
“Assalamu Alaikum!” shouted Aunty Yasmeen happily. She ushered him inside and closed the door behind him. “This is Idris”
“Where’s your parents?” sneered Abdul Wahab. Aunty Yasmeen shot him a dirty look.
“Oh… my parents… they aren’t around anymore” said Idris.
The four of them stood in awkward silence for several minutes.
“My parents had immigration issues… they were deported back to Transylvania” he added.
“Hang on… wait a second” pressed Abdul Wahab.
“Yeah… I’m a vampire” said the boy.