// Fear of being used?
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« on: Nov 16, 2011 04:29 PM »


Salam to bothers and sisters in islam

this is a very good islamic site.I keep going through it's topics now and then. I request you all for your advice & suggestions.I usally feel that I am being used by people,that I try to be friendly with them without any motive,but people usually are not there for me in the time of my need.Also they do not  maintain contact with me because they enjoy hanging out with me out of friendship.As long as their work is done they are all helping and cordial,as soon as I left my job and am not seeing them anymore they do not even care to maintain any contact.I feel that people are just using me and I fear to trust anyone anymore.

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« Reply #1 on: Nov 16, 2011 08:03 PM »

you'll get your reward in the Hereafter, don't worry too much
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« Reply #2 on: Nov 17, 2011 09:17 AM »

Yeh,whenever you deal with people,just make a neeyah that you are being nice and are doings things for them for the sake of Allah...inshaAllah..you will always feel satisfied and will be rewarded.

You maintain your part of goodness and have sabr...And relax!!Allah will do the rest!
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« Reply #3 on: Nov 17, 2011 05:51 PM »

Salam to bothers and sisters in islam

this is a very good islamic site.I keep going through it's topics now and then. I request you all for your advice & suggestions.I usally feel that I am being used by people,that I try to be friendly with them without any motive,but people usually are not there for me in the time of my need.Also they do not  maintain contact with me because they enjoy hanging out with me out of friendship.As long as their work is done they are all helping and cordial,as soon as I left my job and am not seeing them anymore they do not even care to maintain any contact.I feel that people are just using me and I fear to trust anyone anymore.

wsalam,

It sounds like you are expecting a lot from the wrong kinds of ppl. What you should do is try to distinguish between your friends. There are those who you are friendly to and they to you --acquaintances, and there's not much more there. If you are not in contact anymore it's no big deal. Especially work colleagues you can be very close when working but if you don't have that work environment anymore you find you don't have anything in common and it's actually very difficult to maintain that contact and that's fine.

And then there are closer friends that you can depend on and they can depend on you. But people who you try to maintain contact with and they don't return it, do yourself a favor and realize they're in the acquaintance group! If they're not there in your time of need they're not in the real friend group either. Friendship is a two way street and if someone only contacts you when they need/want something that should be a big tip off that they're using you.

I have to say that real friends are extremely rare in this world, even having one or two is a very lucky thing.

After awhile I think you'll be able to sort out these two groups better and understand who's a real friend and who isn't.

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« Reply #4 on: Nov 21, 2011 09:36 PM »

^ Sr. Jannah gave really good advice mashaAllah.

Expectations do lead to disappointment. My father always says that people will abuse me for being nice ...and he is right... but certain things I do I feel are part of my personality that I like .. and I guess that's where I have to learn how/who/when to help... not meaning I should limit myself to being helpful, but just be careful how/who I help (not sure if this makes sense)...so at the end I don't walk away being hurt?

Sometimes making the intention or telling yourself that it is simply for the sake of Allah and not that person (so you don't expect something in return or wahtever)...that helps me. Smiley
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