// Aisha Khan -College Student in Kansas Missing FOUND!!
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Fozia
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« Reply #25 on: Dec 23, 2011 10:46 AM »

salam


We deal with this by educating parents that they do not have ultimate authority over who their children marry.

They can suggest but the decision in marriage is between the two people involved.

I know of a few people pressured into marriage by their parents, the most heartbreaking was a guy. He came back to London and refused to call or speak to his 'wife' who was still back home.
And what's that achieved? Two completely ruined lives, parents aren't the ones living the nightmare of a marriage neither/one spouse does not want to be in.

I don't care if it was the done thing in their day.

She was clearly very naiive, I would think she just wanted to disappear without her parents looking for her, I doubt she expected her disappearance to become so big in the media. Her parents shoulder the blame for this too.

I have daughters, I hope to provide them with a good grounding in the deen inshallah and make lots of duas, as adults they make their own decisions, regardless of what I feel as they wil live their lives not me.





Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #26 on: Dec 23, 2011 03:57 PM »

Her behavior was inexcusable.  I understand that she is  only 19.. but she isn't a child. If you are going to run away.. as an adult, at LEAST write a note.. You don't leave a disturbing message on your sister’s voicemail and then disappear.  I am sure she didn't think this through..  Are there any Muslim women's shelters in the U.S.?
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« Reply #27 on: Dec 23, 2011 05:58 PM »

Quote
Are there any Muslim women's shelters in the U.S.?

Some, but not many in comparison to Christian or secular shelters. But even if a shelter was available to Khan, she might not have been thinking straight enough to seek help there.
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« Reply #28 on: Dec 23, 2011 07:55 PM »

Assalaam Alaikum,

There is so much anger and argumentation for and against Aisha Khan and her family. I just read an article where a Muslim author goes so far as to say Muslims wanted something bad to happen to her for positive press in the media!!!! This whole thing is getting out of control.  I don't think we as Muslims should be fighting over what happened and who's to blame. There's a larger story here and that's problems in our community.

I thought we could come up with some *positive* things we can start working on in our community instead:



1. We need more trained Muslim counselors and mediators. These are people well versed in Islam as well as social work. Communities can set aside scholarship money for students or even adults to go back to school and do a degree in counseling in exchange for having open office hours for the community. Perhaps we can bring in non-Muslim counselors along with an Imam for when there is a problem in the meantime.

2. Announce that our Mosques are safe havens and if any kids feel they cannot stand things at home anymore and want to run away they can come there and people can help take care of them and try to work out solutions with the families.

3. Educate our communities on the practice of forced marriage and how it is wrong in Islam. A girl always has the right to not marry someone.  Forced marriage nowadays is not going to be a father holding a gun to a daughter's head, but psychological pressure can be just the same and is just as wrong.

4. Educate the youth on how to deal with their problems in a mature way. They can go to other community members, family, Imams, teachers or organizations for help as well.

5. As Muslim communities we need to learn not to hide the very real problems going on among our youth and families. Yes, it is difficult to talk about domestic violence, abuse, adultery, forced marriages and so many other myriad of issues. But it's important for us to bring them out into the open and so that we can deal with them.

Please add yours...
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« Reply #29 on: Dec 23, 2011 08:36 PM »

This is so troubling....of course, glad she is safe, but I've heard things have gotten ugly on the Facebook page and I agree with Sis Um Aboodi - it is a wake-up call for us in the US and of course, in other communities as well.

It reminds me of that ayah about Allah helping those who help themselves first  - I see Sis J has posted some points on what we can do and I hope that communities do take charge, if they haven't already.


I saw that Jannah had said some people wanted it to be a tragic ending so the public would sympathize with us! Yuck! and how shameful!

Yes it was stupid of her to do things the way she did, irresponsible of her for sure - but it's clear that her family has issues and as a whole, again, we do.

This is only going to shine a bad light on us, and I think we all know we don't need that right now, with the Lowes ad issue and other issues that bigots and right-wingers are throwing at us.

It almost makes me want to cry....honestly.....this is such a great country to live in, but we have a long way to go, both internally and externally...

So is she back with her family or not? I think I've heard conflicting reports or maybe I'm just confused...

BABA
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« Reply #30 on: Dec 23, 2011 08:43 PM »

Salaams


Great points Sis Jannah - agree with all of them of course that can definitely implemented that all can agree with those who are serious about helping, can contribute with their given individual strengths in making things happen, etc.

It is just so frustrating.....

As I said in the main thread, hope people in the relevant places in the community take action in the ways you've pointed out Sis J and any other ways they find to be helpful and that make a difference.

This has just got to stop.....


BABA
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The Believers, men and women, are protectors one of another:  [9:71]
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« Reply #31 on: Dec 23, 2011 09:02 PM »

Sorry just came across this -

Looks like her parents might speak today, but I think as it says, it's a personal matter now and we aren't really entitled to know, she's safe and ok. Again, I think on the larger scale, hope we can prevent something like this from happening again. - BABA

***********************
OVERLAND PARK, Kan. – The good news is that Aisha Khan is alive and well. But many questions remain as to why the University of Kansas-Edwards student faked her own abduction, and the answers may be difficult to find.
Khan, 19, had apparently vanished last Friday, and her cell phone and school books were found on the KU-Edwards campus. The woman’s family reported her missing after her sister received a frantic voicemail from Khan saying that a man was harassing her.
On Wednesday, Overland Park Police announced that they had made contact with Khan, verified her identity and confirmed she was safe and had not been abducted or held against her will. Police also said no criminal acts were committed and the missing person investigation is complete and no further action will be taken.
In a statement Wednesday night, Kahn’s family said they are grateful Kahn has been found safe and unharmed.
“Our prayers have been answered. The family is very ecstatic about this,” said Aamer Trabu, family spokesman. “The family is very, very grateful to all the people who have been involved.”
But now that it is clear that Khan had simply walked away from her family, some people are debating whether Khan or her family owe the public an explanation of what happened. Missey and Greg Smith, parents of Kelsey Smith – who was kidnapped and murdered in 2007, consulted with Khan’s family when she disappeared last week and were called when she was found. They say that there’s a difference between public curiosity and a need to know.
“It’s a shame that community resources were expended on something that wasn’t really an emergency situation, but the bottom line I have to keep coming back to (is) she’s alive. We know she’s okay. Whatever the issues are within in that family, that’s something that they have to deal with and I don’t know that we have a right to be involved in that,” said Greg Smith.
In a statement on their blog, Overland Park Police acknowledge the questions the public may have regarding Khan’s disappearance.

In their blog, Police Chief John Douglas said:
“The most important fact for us all to remember is that she is safe. Everything else is now a personal family matter and we respect their privacy. Law enforcement officials were able to find, identify, and verify last night that she was not abducted and that no crime occurred. I want to thank everyone who dedicated their time and effort to this case. In the end, one that was missing has now been found.”

Retired FBI agent Jeff Lanza says that while the public isn’t necessarily entitled to answers, it may be in the Khan’s best interest to provide some.

“The public wants answers,” said Lanza. “Otherwise people will be speculating and comes to their own conclusions. I would rather have people understand what really happened here than to run rampant speculation.”
A family friend told FOX 4 that Aisha khan’s parents will probably speak to the media on Friday. He says that as of today, the family is hoping law enforcement will put them in touch with their daughter, as Aisha Khan still has chosen not to speak with her own family.


The Believers, men and women, are protectors one of another:  [9:71]
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« Reply #32 on: Dec 23, 2011 09:15 PM »

I am so disconnected that I only get my updates from Jannah.org it keeps me connected with the world AND I get a Muslim perspective  oldshaykha
Implementing solutions is going to be difficult since we are dealing with culturally sensitive stuff. Most foreigners I know would NEVER go to a counselor or air their dirty laundry and I don’t think the mosque would be the first place to turn  to in our community.. Things tend to get around..    
moderatesufi
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« Reply #33 on: Dec 24, 2011 05:58 PM »

I'm surprised no one is asking how we will get the police to take genuine abductions of Muslim women and girls seriously after this?
moderatesufi
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« Reply #34 on: Dec 24, 2011 06:00 PM »

We need to work out ways that we can use to get the police to seriously investigate genuine abductions without the police using this case as an excuse to ignore abductions on Muslims.
moderatesufi
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« Reply #35 on: Dec 24, 2011 06:10 PM »

This case is about a girl in Belgium. The Police didn't investigate the case properly.
Her headmaster came on tv stating her parents probably just sent her off back home to get married so there is no point investigating.
When she was discovered dead, he came on tv again, defending what he said.

Discovery of girl's body revives Belgium's child murder horrors

March 6, 1997
 Web posted at: 3:45 p.m. EST (2045 GMT)

 In this story:
Police: No connection to other child murders
Case closed, then reopened
Related stories and sites

BRUSSELS, Belgium (CNN) -- Police investigating Belgium's series of kidnappings and child murders said they had found the body of another young girl, hidden in the basement of a Brussels gas station.

 The remains of 9-year-old Loubna Benaissa, who disappeared in 1992, were found Wednesday in a metal trunk hidden among a pile of rusting auto parts.

 Her identity was confirmed Thursday. The cause of death was not immediately known.

 Police arrested convicted pedophile Patrick Derochette, 33, who worked as a mechanic at the service station, just 300 yards (meters) from Benaissa's home.

 Derochette's parents and brother also were detained as police searched the gas station -- where they lived -- but authorities said they think Derochette acted alone.
Police: No connection to other child murders

 The girl's disappearance had been thought to be linked to the child-sex and murder gang allegedly led by convicted child-rapist Marc Dutroux. But police said they found no apparent connection between Derochette and Dutroux's group.

 Derochette received a suspended sentence in 1984 for child molesting.

 "There are no words to describe the horror which inspires such (cowardly) acts," Belgian Prime Minister Jean-Luc Dehaene said in a statement, summing up the nation's feelings.
 (884K/21 sec.  QuickTime movie)

 The investigation into Benaissa's disappearance was marked by allegations of bungling by authorities, who were accused of not taking the case seriously, failing to appoint an investigating judge and closing the file on her after just two years.
Case closed, then reopened

 Derochette was first questioned by police just days after the girl went missing while on her way to a supermarket, but was released without charge, Belgian media reported on Thursday.

 He was one of two known pedophiles who live along the route taken by Benaissa when she disappeared.

 The case was only reopened last August after the discovery of the bodies of four girls murdered by the gang allegedly led by Dutroux.

 In October more than 250,000 people took to the streets of Brussels in what came to be known as the White March -- the biggest peacetime demonstration of its kind in the country.

 The so-called White Committee urged Belgians on Thursday to wear white and hang white sheets or balloons from their windows as a sign of respect for Loubna.
Brussels Bureau Chief Patricia Kelly and Reuters contributed to
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« Reply #36 on: Dec 24, 2011 11:40 PM »

I think she has a great family... One who made such a huge effort to find her, mobilizing a rescue in any way that they could.... And then one who is adamant about respecting her privacy even when she clearly screwed up.

I don't really have much to say about her. She sounds real mature.... At the very least she seems rather ungrateful.... And whatever she's going through, faking an abduction has no excuse. It going internationally viral is just her misfortune.
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« Reply #37 on: Dec 26, 2011 12:53 AM »

salam


I don't disagree, her family do clearly love her and were terrified for her safety when she disappeared. They did everything any family would do under such circumstances.

I can however see her point of view.

If a child feels she has nobody within her family to turn to, if she feels she has no other option but to run away the family the parents have to examine their own actions too.

I do not disagree that her actions were immature and very dangerous, simply leaving would have been easier, I expect on some level she felt she wouldn't be held responsible if her family thought she had been taken against her will, as apposed to have run away because that would be shameful.

Taking a further wild guess, her faimly married her to a person she was clearly not happy with and she was made to wear a hijab becasue all of the above would look good to the neighbours/social circles/people back home/whoever!

I wish parents (desi ones especially), would stop worrying about what society thinks and start prioritising their own childrens happiness instead.

There's also a very important point, when one has children, if one is lax and doesn't keep a close eye on the children, on their education, on their deeny developement, on their friends, don't turn around when the child is a young adult and expect them to be all hijab wearing, marry back home kind of people.

I have a close family member who ran away from home (thank god she didn't have the idea to stage her own kidnapping!), once we ascertained she was fine and safe, I told family members to leave her alone, as an adult it was her choice and the drama was ridiculous, eventually everyone saw my point and did as I had suggested. We all get that yes the girl was in the wrong for taking the steps she did, however her parents were the ones who drove her to it, firstly for neglecting her deeny education and then for refusing to listen when she objected to the marriage they arranged for her.

That girl is completely on her own, when the dust settles she is going to realise it and as the years pass she is going to live with it.

Nobody comes out of this looking good.



Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #38 on: Dec 26, 2011 03:59 PM »

salam

That girl is completely on her own, when the dust settles she is going to realise it and as the years pass she is going to live with it.

Nobody comes out of this looking good.

Wassalaam

Ok that made me really sad.. InshAllah she is not all alone....
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« Reply #39 on: Dec 26, 2011 06:02 PM »

wsalam,

I think we know like 10% of what happened in this whole situation. I mean who's to say the girl didn't just have psychological problems or schizophrenia and had a nervous breakdown, or who's to say the family isn't worse than don corleone's family. I'm just hoping we can learn something from this whole thing, but people are way more interested in bashing Aisha and being angry at her.  There are thousands of angry comments on the Find Aisha page. All the news articles now are about the "Facebook Mob" that all want an explanation for what happened.
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« Reply #40 on: Dec 30, 2011 06:34 PM »

Salam,

Wrote an article on this for SuhaibWebb's website: http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/what-we-can-learn-from-aisha-khan/
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« Reply #41 on: Dec 30, 2011 06:54 PM »

salam

great article! just left a reply there.  please consider the suggestion therein. i would totally support it.

take care
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« Reply #42 on: Dec 30, 2011 07:20 PM »

Salaams -

Great article of course Sis J - I tweeted it out before even reading, and I've read it now. Looks like you're getting positive feedback for the most part. Yay!

We need more like you out there Sis J - insha'allah, people can start putting suggestions like yours into action in the near future - we sure need it - as some of the comments said.

BABA
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The Believers, men and women, are protectors one of another:  [9:71]
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