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News: O rishta, rishta, wherefore art thou my rishta.
 


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Author Topic: Warning for sisters...  (Read 2145 times)
jannah
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« on: Jan 16, 2012 02:11 AM »


Don't like how they use the word "shaykh" in this, these people are no shaykhs but propped up by certain Muslim groups who like to believe that only THEY are on the Quran and Sunnah and everyone else is commiting Bidah. This goes on in regular communities too. Girls get attached to a brother and then is convinced that her father/wali doesn't know anything or is wrong and they run off and marry brothers the "sunnah way". They later find out they're the second wife or something. Then the brother never provide for them or eventually divorce them. I heard about this happening in the 90s in certain ultra salafi communities like in inner-cities like philly. So just beware, one's wali is there for a reason!

http://youtu.be/-c-Z058vITc
moderatesufi
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« Reply #1 on: Jan 16, 2012 12:49 PM »

LOL, Jannah, you love contradicting yourself!
Let me find that thread. LOL
Oh here it is:
http://jannah.org/madina/index.php?topic=6035.0

So when "Modern Muslims" who follow none of the rules of Islam in their everyday lives make up some funky new "Islamic" marriage to agree to western norms, well that is perfectly Islamic isn't it?
lol
Which includes removal of walis, lol.

lala marcy
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« Reply #2 on: Jan 16, 2012 01:49 PM »

ahh, but life is full of contradictions...brother Moderatesufi person. Common sense gets a person far you know...that's how we maneuver around things. Even if we follow ' western norms' - that means meeting the perspectives' spouse's family prior to marriage...so don't believe in sweet talkers' hype.

Sis Jannah, interesting observations/situations occuring around the place. People have too much time on their hands.

peace
um aboodi
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« Reply #3 on: Jan 16, 2012 02:23 PM »

salam

Yep, as lala marcy said, sisters don't believe in sweet talkers hype.  Use common sense and do your due diligence when screening candidates for marriage, whether they are shaykhs or not.  Running away with a person who you are going to be married to never looks or feels good after the fact. 

take care
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« Reply #4 on: Jan 16, 2012 02:35 PM »

salam


I wouldn't think this is a contradiction, this is about girls running off to marry because parents don't approve. The Islamic marriage contracts thing differs in that Walis and exclusively male witnesses to a marriage are questioned as to whether they are required by Islam or not. And after extensive research it is concluded these conditions are not necessary for a valid nikah contract.

Running off to marry someone against your family's wishes is never the best idea, future spouses should be thoroughly vetted & everyones concerns noted.

However at the end of the day it is the two people involved who will be living with the consequences so final say is always down to the bride & groom IMHO.

Bearing in mind, before marriage most men will say whatever it is they think the girl wants to hear, with bells on.



Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #5 on: Jan 16, 2012 06:25 PM »

salams,

Quote
LOL, Jannah, you love contradicting yourself!

The two things have nothing to do with each other. Are you actually condoning the behavior of these predators like shown in the video? These men prey on young women/converts that really have no idea about their rights. They're just deluded into thinking these speakers are so knowledgeable and amazing and that they're special because he chose them to marry. This is the same cult mentality with David Koresh and whoever else. They pick out wives from the congregation and brainwash them in order to use them. What's the difference here? If someone stands in the way they are just declared a kaffir or something. This phenomenon has gotten to the point where someone made a video about it to warn girls. Like I said this is a well known phenomenon in certain areas of the US. These men marry multiple women whenever they want, outside the legal system, never give them or their children their rights and then eventually divorce them. There are also names of specific speakers who travel around and do this but I won't mention them. They also tell the sisters btw that their's is a secret marriage. Honestly you'd be shocked about the big names involved. Sisters need to be aware and careful. And these speakers are not getting married without walis, they just declare the wali that has reservations/problems with the marriage as kaffir and unfit or whatever and then appoint their friend to be the representative of the girl.

As for the "new Islamic contracts", that's a whole other issue that as you can see we already discussed thoroughly in that thread. The difference being 1. that it's completely consensual no one is being brainwashed 2. the girls rights are still preserved. In both cases the end result is Halal -- marriage, but in one case the way gone about it and what happens after it is completely wrong.



This goes into the whole "rockstar imam" thing people have gotten lost into. Imams and shaykhs are people too, they make mistakes and whatever else. They're human beings and we should remember that. I've heard sisters tell me quite seriously that they would LOVE to marry a certain speaker and there are girls that throw themselves at them, thinking they would make the greatest of husbands. What a fitnah all around!
 

um aboodi I'd like to believe that sisters don't believe in sweet talkers hype, but i know that isn't true. common sense?? ermmm Smiley unfortunately sisters are very emotional and can get attached easily, especially when they believe this famous man is upholding quran and sunnah and their parents are not. they're pressured into it islamically too.  (not talking abt regular girls btw just abt the above phenomenon in some islamic 'cults')



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« Reply #6 on: Jan 16, 2012 08:24 PM »

OH Glory. This stuff is spooky Sis. What the heck......Indeed, peeps need to take it easy...so true, people are people..Either way, I'm peeved about the contradiction comment..good reply.

I'm left rather speechless....
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« Reply #7 on: Jan 20, 2012 04:17 PM »

I don't think it is all about sweet talk. I mean when your family disowns you for your conversion and you are left alone and with children or secluded/depressed. You fall for idiotic things you never would have in a normal situation. They prey on this. I have survived alot in life, yet I fell into this stupid trap. I accepted things so far beyond my character it was amazing! They also do this to use you for a greencard as well and torment you with hadith and sunnah about their rights and having every women under the sun at their disposal. Being hit and raped is also allowed, nothing I did or said was right. I remember staring at the qu'ran crying while being abused. I was emotional played with.. it was so degrading! He would quote Quran and had a prayer mark on his head. I was so stupid. I had no wali. He stated I was a big girl and that was not needed since my family was all non-muslim. Of course, my family was against everything Islam so I figured, I'll show them, he is so pious and just, he will never hurt me. UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH!!!!!

He would comment he did me a favor since I was a non-virgin and had kids no muslim settles for a woman like me. He also told me he would claim his virgin wife who had to be a palestian, since she was truly worthy and I would have to accept it. If not then hell was waiting for me. He said more than one wife would prepare me for Jannah since I would have to deal with all his virgin wives and I would be happy about him getting his due reward of sexual pleasure. He would quote "compare yourself to your husband, he is your paradise and you are hell" It was some hadith. It felt wrong, I knew it was, but I was trapped. Thank GOD for my Imam!!!!!!!!

Don't get me started! I would have been better marrying a non-believer who would have respected me more than a brother like that.

I was beyond stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I believe in Islam like the sun rising, not because I see it but because by it, I see everything else.
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« Reply #8 on: Jan 20, 2012 05:10 PM »

salam


Sr Christine, you weren't stupid. You trusted your husband.

He was wrong, abusive a liar & using his own personal brand of Islam. He will answer for it in this life & the hereafter. Allah is Al Adl.

Ex was very similar although I am more knowledgeable than him. My take is he attributed his abusive behaviour as his Islamic rights as bestowed on him by Allah. Well good luck with that when he stands in front of his creator & explains why he said Allah had allowed such & such.


Allah has given you so much better Alhumdulillah & who knows what rewards are yet to come your way for your patience & forbearance & strength of faith.

Much love.


Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #9 on: Jan 21, 2012 06:39 PM »

@ Sister Christine:

I thought of your post when I saw this article:

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/muslimahinprogress/2012/01/the-perfect-muslimah.html

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« Reply #10 on: Jan 24, 2012 03:46 PM »

They have been fed a line of crap by men who want to practice HISLAM and they are suffering because of it....lol

Thanks sis, Awesome!

I believe in Islam like the sun rising, not because I see it but because by it, I see everything else.
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