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Author Topic: 7 Mistakes Women Make with Men  (Read 2806 times)
Hard2Hit
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« on: Apr 03, 2012 06:17 AM »


A.A.

Let the fireworks begin -h2h

http://www.lifescript.com/life/relationships/hang-ups/7_mistakes_youre_making_with_men.aspx?utm_source=mgid&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=010#499718

Do you sometimes feel like you’re speaking English and he’s talking Martian? Chances are it's more than bad communication. In this Lifescript exclusive, relationship guru Alison Armstrong reveals the 7 common mistakes women make with men, and how to relate to guys on their wavelength. Plus, find out if you’re in a healthy relationship…


Does this sound familiar? Your significant other hears criticism when you’re actually teasing him affectionately. Or he doesn’t ask about your job, and you’re hurt by his lack of interest. Are you a dysfunctional couple with bad communication skills?

No – just different genders.

“Women look at men and see a hairy, misbehaving woman,” says Alison Armstrong, author of Making Sense of Men: A Woman’s Guide to a Lifetime of Love, Care and Attention from All Men (Pax Programs). “Her response is to train him, punish him or keep a distance from him.”

Women are “frog farmers”: They unwittingly turn princes – good guys – into “frogs” by trying to change them, says Armstrong, who has spent decades studying men and how women relate to them.

Her conclusion: You can’t change men, and once women accept their fundamental nature, their relationships can improve.

“We don’t need to disempower men; we have enough power of our own,” Armstrong says. “That’s what’s really cool. Men love strong, competent women. It’s the ‘What-do-I-need-you-for?’ attitude women often cop – that keeps men at a distance.”

Read more here: http://www.lifescript.com/life/relationships/hang-ups/7_mistakes_youre_making_with_men.aspx?utm_source=mgid&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=010#499718


The knight doesn't wait when he's ill or has cancer brother, the knight fights on... He finds a strategy, changes tactics, and hits hard.
austmuslimah
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« Reply #1 on: Apr 05, 2012 08:54 AM »

I actually agree with this article. People dont change, or not much reallly. I do think that generally we dont appreciate each other or take the time to understand each other.

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« Reply #2 on: Apr 09, 2012 09:09 AM »

Salaams,

I actually agree with this article.

I guess rest of the sisters here agree with the article too. But they are finding it hard to admit it.

*fire starting attempt 1*

The knight doesn't wait when he's ill or has cancer brother, the knight fights on... He finds a strategy, changes tactics, and hits hard.
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« Reply #3 on: Apr 09, 2012 01:10 PM »

Hmmm the article seems really abrasive and condescending so of course sisters are not going to like it. Content wise the article is saying similar things to the Men are from Mars, Women from Venus book. But the book is definitely more interesting, positive and wayyyyyyy less abrasive than this article.

ws
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« Reply #4 on: Apr 10, 2012 01:38 AM »

just to even it out:









7 Mistakes Men Make in Relationships With Women




 by Karin Lehmann

When I ask men what mistakes they make in their relationships with women, they either tell me that they don't make any, or, that their weakness is to always do the right thing.
Hm … Let's find out what women think. Below I am listing 7 common mistakes men make, from a woman's perspective.

#1 Men Have No Weaknesses:
When you ask a man whether he is scared, nervous, tired or angry, the answer is most likely a resounding 'NO'. Men apparently don't experience those type of emotions. To women this is confusing if not slightly unsettling. How can a man have no weaknesses? It seems that they are not telling us what's really going on and this creates unease and suspicion. Often, this leads women to persist in asking more questions until men feel interrogated and pull away.
I know it's hard for men to talk about weaknesses, but if every once in a while you admit that you are tired, fed up or want to be left alone, it will help women to build trust with you.

#2 Being Too Nice:
When it comes to their relationship some men have a hard time saying no, eagerly trying to please their woman and not standing up to her. This is a double edged sword. If a man loves a woman, he more than anything wants to please her. Yet, if he turns into a push-over, it's the beginning of the end. Will women test a man's determination and will power? You bet! The paradox is, we want you to stand your ground and put some force into the relationship, however, we will challenge you all the way there. If you can't show your strength, we will lose respect for you.
The best cure for the 'nice game' is to have something to do that is so engaging and exciting that you simply don't have the time to always be around to be pushed around.

#3 Intimidation:
Finding the balance in a relationship can be hard. While some men try do please their woman to a fault, others like to show who's in charge by physical and emotional intimidation. If this is something you learned in a family where bullying women was modeled and accepted, you will have to dig deep and really look at your understanding of the other sex. By learning to appreciate women and by accepting their power, you can create an intimacy beyond anything you ever experienced.
On another level, men will sometimes use a bully or cocky attitude when they feel insecure and can't read a specific situation. If as a man you use intimidation to cover up for your insecurity, you may want to realize that your little game is actually doing the trick and that in many cases you are turning off the woman you are trying to impress.

#4 Not Telling a Woman How Much You Appreciate Her:
It's hard for men to talk about feelings (yes, we know) and a lot of times they show their affection through action. But maybe you can remember this every once in a while: We love to hear how much you appreciate us. You probably did so when we first met. Keep it up, it does NOT get old! Here are a few good phrases you can use:
Darling, you are looking great!
Thank you so much for making dinner (breakfast, lunch, etc.) for me.
I am so happy to be with you.
You look beautiful in that new dress.
I love it when you smile like that.

#5 Not Recognizing a Woman's Need for Balance and Harmony:
Men are masters of pain (just watch an action movie!), women are masters of pleasure.
Women like to have fun. We laugh, talk, cheer and giggle. We also love beauty & harmony. It's our nature and it helps us to recharge our batteries. Men often shrug their shoulders when we insist on having the best room in a hotel, take our time with picking the perfect seat in a restaurant, and expect the best service. Little do they know that it's our livelihood: It makes us feel good and helps us to relax. Being too serious and thinking about problems is not our idea of having a good time. Not so for men. They love problems, the bigger, the better. A smart man let's his woman have her way in choosing the right ambiance. He knows that when she is happy, he will be happy, too.

#6 Avoiding Conflict:
Have you ever had a conflict with a man and instead of dealing with it he withdrew? When confronted with a personal disagreement, men often disappear into their 'cave' and wait for the storm to pass. For women this can be frustrating. We solve problems by talking about them. It makes us feel better and calms us down. Men on the other hand often don't know how to respond to a personal conflict and for fear of saying something wrong (or the risk of making a fool out of themselves) they stop communicating all together. A woman may interpret this as sign of rejection or disapproval.
If as a man you can stick with a conflict and simply listen to your partner, much will be accomplished. You don't have to argue, defend yourself or try to solve the problem. Just listen and let us do the talking. Most likely, all we are trying to do is get the balance back that is so vital for our well-being. Now, if saying I am sorry seems appropriate, go for it!

#7 Ignoring Women's Wisdom:
While men are masters at planning, solving problems, creating innovative systems, and developing strategies, women are wise in a whole different way: We have the ability to 'read' our environment and easily pick up on people's thoughts and their intentions.
If a woman is skilled at this, she can translate her perceptions into valuable insights. In a relationship or business, if a man is attentive to this ability, he can pick up on important information that he may overlook otherwise. Powerful men know how to listen to women and ask them for their insights: We can be the radar that will help you navigate in an effective way.
------
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« Reply #5 on: Apr 10, 2012 04:54 PM »

Great article rebuttal sis austmuslimah!!!

Ok let's discuss these (the so-called women's mistakes  Cheesy)
Quote
Mistake #1: Seeing men as misbehaving women.
-Not true, we see men as misbehaving men. There are some things that are common to humanity like treating your spouse like a decent human being!

Quote
Mistake #2: Reading into his words.
-This I'll agree with, but it's only because we don't get the reassurance we need, so we keep trying to figure stuff out from "the words". Also, guys do say stuff but it means something else! ie 'I'll call u later' and they never call!

Quote
Mistake #3: Expecting his time to be yours.
-Hmm this goes for both, there should be some independent time and together time in a good balance where everyone's satisfied.

Quote
Mistake #4: Interrupting when he’s speaking.
-This is interesting. I think we do do this bc we think the most important info is in the first sentence!

Quote
Mistake #5: Thinking a man can multitask.
-I think this is a disservice to men. Most can juggle family/work/home/mosque life pretty well.

Quote
Mistake #6: Believing a man is ignoring you.
-Part of #2 women need reassurance all the time. So if he's busy thinking abt something/doing something they should tell us so we don't feel left out.



I agree with all the 'Men's mistakes' one's of course ;0

Ok byebye


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« Reply #6 on: Apr 10, 2012 07:06 PM »

Quote
Quote
Mistake #4: Interrupting when he’s speaking.
-This is interesting. I think we do do this bc we think the most important info is in the first sentence!
Men, unlike women need something called logic and reason when they speak. That's why the most important information is in the ending, not the beginning(so listen till the end before you speak). We build it up, but unfortunately women don't need logic. That's where the problem lies. And this is just about speaking, arguments are worse.
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« Reply #7 on: Apr 10, 2012 09:21 PM »

A.A.

Personally speaking, only point-1 from the second rebuttal article applies to me, and point-2 only partially (first 3 lines).


And isnt this the 8th mistake that women make...

Quote
#7 Ignoring Women's Wisdom: While men... (yadda yadda yadda)..... We have the ability to 'read' our environment and easily pick up on people's thoughts and their intentions.


O reeaally ??

The knight doesn't wait when he's ill or has cancer brother, the knight fights on... He finds a strategy, changes tactics, and hits hard.
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« Reply #8 on: Apr 10, 2012 10:52 PM »

Wow didnt realize everyone was taking this article so personally!! I thought it was just a good laugh, both ways for mistakes men and women make!

akhan -- thats not a fair statement -- women use logic while talking as well, you make it seem like only men are smart bc they use logic/reason while talking

of course women and men communicate differently and dont always understand each other -- but honestly, its so much better to look at ways to improve yourself than to always be picking at others.


that being said, i really thought that the first article was posted in jest (esp when i read the fireworks bit), for fun. didnt realize we were being serious about this. which is why i posted the rebuttal -- just for a good laugh.
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« Reply #9 on: Apr 11, 2012 03:02 AM »

Quote
akhan -- thats not a fair statement -- women use logic while talking as well,
yea they do, they use flawed logic Cheesy

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« Reply #10 on: Apr 11, 2012 06:47 AM »

Honesty,I am tired of witnessing gender wars in The Medina lately  Roll Eyes...More enthusiastic posts in sections where ppl get a chance to belittle the opposite gender!!

Now where has the LOGIC of all Madinites gone?Huh? Shocked
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« Reply #11 on: Apr 11, 2012 06:54 AM »

Salaams,

Quote
akhan -- thats not a fair statement -- women use logic while talking as well, you make it seem like only men are smart bc they use logic/reason while talking
yea they do, they use flawed logic Cheesy



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The knight doesn't wait when he's ill or has cancer brother, the knight fights on... He finds a strategy, changes tactics, and hits hard.
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