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« on: Oct 29, 2012 03:21 AM »


Salam,

I'm at a loss. I need help desperately. I've searched for it and it seems its been impossible to find the appropriate resources that are easily accessible. How long does a person suffer before having a nervous breakdown? Why is it so difficult for a Muslim to get help from other Muslims especially when in desperate need. It seems to me that people go thru difficulties and then when they get to a place of stability they forget where they were once upon a time. Then they could care less about the ones who are still struggling in life. As Muslims aren't we suppose to help and support one another? Please make duaa for me. I've sunk down to the depths of darkness many times before and I'd rather not go back to that again. It seems easier to be helped or shall I say consoled by the devil then it is to be helped by my sisters or brothers in Islam. That I find to be a really sad reality.

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« Reply #1 on: Oct 29, 2012 03:27 AM »

Wsalam,

I'm so sorry! This got posted wrong as I approved it with the wrong account and ran out to Wal-mart to get some stuff before the FrankenStorm!!

Please help the sister/brother as if it had been me!!

To Anonymous:

I'm not sure what difficulties you're going thru, but if you can be more specific we might be able to help you. You should definitely keep asking people around you, and it does not have to be Muslims. I will make Dua for you inshaAllah in the meantime.

(And interesting some ppl thought I wasn't the type to be hopeless!! but I think everyone goes through difficulties and hopeless times, but important to remember that Allah does not burden a soul more than it can bear. We just need to have faith that with every difficulty, Allah gives relief. There's a cute country song with lyrics something like "If you're going thru Hell... don't be scared... it's a good time to pray... keep on going... thru to the other side...maybe the devil won't notice...and you'll get thru it..." Smiley )
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« Reply #2 on: Oct 29, 2012 07:54 AM »

Walaikumassalaam,

I think every human goes through this phase where he is on the verge of breaking down and goes into this unknown world of hopelessness.You are not a human unless you go through testing times like these.
.
But remember,disappointment is haram.It is from the shaitan and antidote to this is keeping your trust and faith in Allah.No one knows you better than Allah,He sees you all through the day and night,all things hidden and exposed are known to Him.Your deepest fears,emotions and sentiments are clearly visible to Him.

He wants you to remember Him more,He knows better,but I have heard that when Allah tests people,at times, He persists in giving hardships to his beloved servants because He loves the way his servants pray to Him.We all are born to remember and worship Allah.So persist in hoping for the best from Him.Keep remembering Him and have patience.Don't let the shaitan win here.He needs to be defeated and you can do that singlehandedly if you keep your hopes high and trust Allah.

Our Prophet saw had to face several hardships in his lifetime.And he, ofcourse,is the most beloved servant of Allah.So no one is spared from this testing time.Just hang in there,you'll sail through soon enough.

Meanwhile try and change things which bother you,try different strategies to deal with your situation.Nothing is impossible in this world if you trust Allah. 
And like sis J said,someone here could suggest something if we know what exactly is bothering you.Not that you are not good enough to solve your own problems,but you sure have a mental block right now.Relax and try analysing things from a different angle.Take  a break for a while  from your usual routine,try learning something new,make new friends.

If you were to tour the whole world in detail,you will realise that there are people who are facing more difficult times than you.They are crippled,lame,starving,homeless,uneducated even to ask for help,born with chronic and debilitating illnesses,have mental retardation,live in extreme poverty,are abused and oppressed.We have to thank Allah that we are not in that situation.You are educated enough to write this post,mashaAllah are able enough to know what is wrong with you.So take baby steps to improve yourself and shun this disappointment and start making amendments with the way you deal with things!And keep your trust in Allah.He is sufficient for you!

We will make dua for you inshaAllah.May Allah make things easy for you.Ameen
peace
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« Reply #3 on: Oct 29, 2012 08:14 AM »

As sr Jannah said it would be better if you could specify a little more about your problem or at least your socio/cultural background you would get better suggestions. As Muslims yes we should help each other in such times but I think most of the time people are not able to understand what the other person is going through. If they understood i am sure many hand will come forward to help. As for your going deep in darkness I guess everyone has these episodes but some people have it more frequently and more intensely than others. Till we know your specific problem here are some suggestions that will help in all sorts of depression and anxiety. I will make dua to Allahtala that they prove helpful to you InshAllah SmileySmiley
1. Try to do Salah with khushu and pray to Allahtala to relive you from anxiety. This is too repeated a suggestion but it helps. Believe me it does help. I know from personal experience! Just pray and believe that Allahtala is listening to you.
2. Keep yourself busy: If you don't have anything interesting to do engage yourself in mundane things. Make a list of all small things that need to be done e.g. something to be repaired, some shelf/drawer to be organized, grocery to buy, and some corner of the house to be cleaned, some pending paperwork to be done. Keep ticking the things done on the list as you go and pat your back. You won't believe where your anxiety and depression will vanish. And you will end up more organized as a fringe benefit Smiley
3. Please Allah: do good to someone keeping in mind that only Allah is watching and I will have my reward for this with Allah. This act of mine is going to make Allah pleased with me. When Allah is pleased I am more likely to have a prayer answered and then pray to Allah to relieve you from anxiety and depression. This act could be anything like feeding a poor, saying a kind word to a poor neglected child, smiling a dejected looking sad person you come across in the park or the departmental store.
4. Do everything as an act of Ibadat: You will find more meaning to life if look at the boring daily chores the very thought of which pull you down as an act of Ibadat. Getting up in the morning, going to work, cooking, cleaning, helping the kid’s with H/W if you have kids everything is an ibdat because by doing those things you are living an orderly life for which Allah made you. Even if you broom and mop the floor do it with the intention of pleasing Allah because by that you are doing your duty of keeping your surrounding clean and environment healthy and pleasing for other members of the family. When you bath you do it for your sake but in the process unknowingly you are executing the duty of keeping your body (which is Allah’s amanat to you) clean and healthy. And Allah rewards  for duties well executed . So before doing most mundane thi gs make intention of pleasing Allah. You will find so much pleasure in life inshaAllah 
5. Go to a park. Walk. Get some sunshine and fresh air.
6. Write down your thoughts, even the most absurd ones. This will help you organize your thinking. Tear the paper afterwards. You will feel very good.
7. Take yourself to a mental health professional: having an open talk with him/her will help. Just having someone to listen to eases the burden. Plus if there are physiological causes like some hormone production or some brain chemicals that make you feel down he will be able to tell that and prescribe medicine.  Choose a professional who would be able to understand your culture.
8. Listen to Surah Rehman recitation by Qari Abdul Basit: Acc to a research in Pakistan by a person named Mr. Bokhari listening to Surah Rehman will full concentration in quietness brings about immediate relief . Recitation by qari Abdul Basit is considered best for this purpose. So if you have earphones plug them in your ears….open youtube and get going!
The best thing about your post is that you said you “don’t want to sink down the depths of darkness” . When you want to stay afloat what can possible stop you from staying afloat!!? There is absolutely NOTHING that can make you sink. You have the will power to get through with this phase. You will InshaAllah!! If you need a little support we are here to support you with our bits of practical advice and loads of duas 
So cheer up and get going!!!!!!!


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« Reply #4 on: Oct 31, 2012 04:38 AM »

Salam,

I want to thank the sisters that took the time to respond. About sharing more info I would not even know where to start. I agree that I need to depend on Allah more then anything else in this world. Sometimes it's easier said then done. Sometimes you just need a shoulder to cry on or someone who cares. I try to be strong but at times I feel like I'm slowly dying inside.

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« Reply #5 on: Oct 31, 2012 10:29 AM »

Well Mr/Miss Anonymous.
You are welcome.You are going through a testing time.Like how Allah is testing few by sending the storm Sandy.(I don't know where you are from..hope you are safe from this.If yes,then alhamdulillah)

The point is,you are not the only one who is facing hardships.
So don't continue feeling bad about yourself.

Rise!

You must stop feeling disappointed with yourself.Time has come to bid your depression a good bye.You deserve better.

Look,when water remains stagnant,it is bound to be filled with impurities.It starts stinking.The water must flow to get rid of impurities and prevent itself from getting polluted.Flowing water is always purer and better.

So,you must start flowing now.Get rid of all negative thoughts.Time for a new beginning.

You must start doing something new.So add a new task in your routine.

Do you work out?Have any physical exercise in your routine?If yes,then time to change the style.If no,then time to include one.You MUST work out.
Exercising releases happy hormones in our blood.So you will be fit physically as well as mentally.Fix a target.Want that sculpted body?Those flat abs?Want to shed some kilos?This is a time for you to start.
You MUST MUST start exercising!Do a lot of cardio work outs,which increase your heartbeat and make you sweat.I presume you are relatively young and fit.Even if you are not, you MUST exercise according to your health and body.Even a simple walk will do.You can join a sports group/martial arts class/exercise class/gym if it is convenient.You can do whole lot of workouts at home too.

Fix a target.And try achieving goals within that specific time.

Plus try changing your routine.Do a part time job if you have time.Do something new.Learn new skills.Sleep on time.Eat well.Don't take too much of coffee or tea.Drink a glass of milk before going to bed.


There is no use crying over spilt milk.Yes,it is easier said than done.But who will help you other than your God and your self?No one understands you more than Allah and yourself.

And remember, there is a wisdom behind whatever Allah does and we humans can not even understand it.

Be strong and move on!
 
AND

Be happy coz you deserve to be!
peace
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« Reply #6 on: Oct 31, 2012 11:07 AM »

good points sr mubaraka!
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« Reply #7 on: Nov 02, 2012 06:39 AM »

salam

I don't know exactly what you are going through, so I can only give you general advice. What I have personally learned is that sometimes Allah takes away the things you rely on until the only direction you have to turn to, and the only one you can truly rely on is Allah (swt). Once you completely submit to that, you will find peace in the knowledge that Allah is so Capable, that He Knows everything, and that He Aides those who call upon Him. Sometimes all we need is to remember that and to trust that, so He may delay granting us what we ask for so that we continue to rely on Him. Sometimes He grants us so that we may be grateful to Him and be energized to work hard to please Him. Every hardship and difficulty is an opportunity to really develop/strengthen your relationship with Him.

I have found this amazing 2-part lecture to be incredibly uplifting during some difficult times in my own life. Maybe insha Allah you will find it beneficial also. It's called "Verily with Difficulty There is Relief"

Part 1  - http://www.islamicity.com/islamiTV/?ref=3316
Part 2 - http://www.islamicity.com/islamiTV/?ref=3317

(sorry, haven't figured out how to do the hyperlink thing yet)



The other thing is, if you have anxiety/depression problems you might need to find a counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist to determine if there is a deeper issue that causes you to be prone to falling into depression. If it is based on some events in your life, maybe you need someone to talk to to understand and resolve those issues. If it is a biochemical reason, maybe some medication (as a last resort) would help. But first, in either case is to turn to Allah and seek His aid and put complete trust in Him (awj).


May Allah grant you ease and peace.
tahirah
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« Reply #8 on: Nov 02, 2012 11:31 PM »

brother or sis

do not feel low or sad or depress at all.
if  your are going to loose a job or relation or business or friend or property or anything else, do not care until you are not loosing ALLAH.

ALLAH purposefully  put us in such harsh situations to bring the best out of us and remove the worst things that we acquired.

ALLAH built this universe ,as for as we know it ,not a perfect place but built it purposefully imperfect,ALLAH created a place this is perfect and it is JANNAH,but this universe is not perfect, there is a purpose in it ,to bring the good out of bad.

here we can have so many hair rising events on this earth so many pain and height of sadness loss of life property honer and family,i saw a 7 feet tall young man who was quadriplegic(Complete paralysis of the body from the neck down) can not move his any part of body but only head if you cut his finger or leg he will never know what is going on,no pain no sensation other than head.
what is life for him worst than hell he can imagine and think and talk and watch things but he can not do anything at all,put water in his mouth he is not able to drink it himself.

in this world no pain is permanent not joy is permanent,you can still be joyful even loosing all your business if yo decide to be joyful.


if you are going to loose a job,leave it voluntarily,look into the eyes of your worst fears and say OK here you are bothering me and you expecting me to be fearful ,to me you even do not exist,ignore the worst fear and turn your back to it as if it is not there at all,rather feeling the fear the loss you decide to ignore it completely.

if you going to be deported from a western country do not bother, go back your country there u will have so many opportunities,many have came back voluntarily from USA and having the business experience in USA now they are earning more in their countries.

if you going to loose a job, worry not there are more jobs in field you never attended to,for example if i loose a database admin job in a bank, i will go to organic animal and vegetable farming,organic or conventional.
for this first i will look inside me, if deep in me i like a living style that is close to nature,if yes then i will adopt the simple living life style ,no modern equipments at least first few years,at least via farming  i am having basic need of food and milk.once i experience this life style,based on my experience i will educate people in my vicinity to follow my path if they want and at least live a life that feeds their basic needs.living with nature and having our own food by themselves.step by step i will get some but very needed modern machinery.

if you are going to loose your wife or one you want to marry be open do not close doors to other possibilities,if you open your closed doors you will see many nice women or men if you are a woman ,whatever you want is already in this world you only have to find it,some times again and again but be thankful to ALLAH never complaint to ALLAH,ALLAH already given us so many things that we do not deserve at all ,such gifts are pure blessings of ALLAH,The Kind The Merciful.

please read story of Moses ,he lost mom while he was baby then ALLAH return her to him,he lost his native town when he killed accidentally a man,he lost his love ones as he has to move away,he lost his belonging,his fellows,his home those he love those who love him,the peace of life the homeland,the wealth,the acquittance  the home the future,the business,he was not wrong dower but accidentally he killed a human-being.

he lost peace of mind and guilty conscious the unrest of physical as well psychological,the sadness the pain of being wrong the sinner however accidentally.

he lost all inner and outer but he had ONE with him, ALLAH The Merciful The kind.

extreme hopelessness but he had one hope,a hope from ALLAH.

imagine a man lost so much in his life and now wondering for normal life no apparent hopes,no future no family no peace nothingness but nothingness.

and when he helped those girls for watering camels,point to be noted even in midst of worst situations he was helping others,bringing positive outcome into other people life's even when he was hopeless apparently,

he helped them and did not ask any reward ,ask no help ,ask not for food not for shelter ,asked nothing and go under a tree ans said a pray and please look at the wordings
                "O my Lord and Sustainer! I am truly in need of whatever good You may send down to me."(28:24)
                 (Rabb-e inni lima anzalta ilayya min khayrin faqir)'

look in the midst of hopelessness his only hope was ALLAH,he said not a single word to anyone no complaints about situation he was facing,no crying nothing but a prayer ,subhan ALLAH what a man he was his act was so much appreciated by ALLAH the ALLAH mentioned it in Quran, so we all also follow such path we all behave like this in depression and hopelessness.

and you know what he got after this prayer,just Pray ALLAH and have a strong faith in ALLAH.

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« Reply #9 on: Nov 03, 2012 12:42 AM »

I've been thro the mill a bit in life.

I've found that when I look for help from others or my own resources, the help is temporary at best, or just doesn't hit the mark.

Over a painful number of years, I've found that the only way life falls into place is when I step back and I lay my entire trust in Allah. Then events have each and every single time taken turns in such a way that I could not have possibly dreamt of the way that is suddenly presented to me.

I have literally had doors thrown open to me that I did not know existed, let alone hope for. Just for trusting in Allah.

A while back I was really upset and worried, I'm in the middle of a court case and my children are at stake. I finally told my mum and she was so surprised, she said to me 'But you always trust Allah, why are you worrying now, you know Allah is merciful and he won't cause harm to befall on your children or you....you keep your duty to Allah pray on time and Allah will safeguard your affairs for you'.

And I have found this to be the case, each and every single time.

What we do is fulfill the farad Allah has prescribed to us, we pray five times a day, we fast, we give in charity, and always treat everyone around you with kindness.

Then trust that Allah will bestow his mercy upon you.

Don't look for solutions in people or from yourself. That never works.

Every single time when life has got unbearable for me I've always prayed two rakat salat and pleaded for Allah's help, when things are bad I pray tahajjud, sometimes just sitting there in the night praying brings calm and lifts sorrows by itself.

Also do loads of istighfar, as you walk along to work or school or the shops, do istighfar.

And ask for duas, that's about the only help I ever ask from anyone, I ask for duas.

Personally I am thankful I haven't had to resort to people for help,  I hate being indebted to people. I always make duas that Allah not make me dependant on anyone but him.

Also look at least one thing in your life or your day, that you have that you can be grateful for.

Some days, after an insane day at work, I just get home and I literally want to kiss the threshold I feel so blessed for my tiny little shabby home. It's may not be the taj mahal, but to me it's far better and is a wonderful blessing from Allah. Sometimes I want to go away, just so I can come home and feel that huge surge of gratefulness at being able to come home.

Also, if you are depressed, please seek medical help, get a therapist if you can.

It's worthwhile always keeping in mind, that this is but a moment in time, time change and lives change. This is a tiny little moment in time, today may not be your turn, but our lives will not remain like this forever.

Recite the duas of Ayoub (as) and Nuh (AS).

I can personally count on one hand the times I've made duas from my heart to Allah and each time, Allah's reply has been swift, they were made of desperation and huge sorrow.

All you need to do is ask Allah for his mercy. forget people, they have limitations, Allah doesn't.

I know it sounds preachy and empty, but I cant explain in words exactly how important this is. Hold fast to your faith.

Once my best friend was complaining to me about something,  I told her you know better than that, my life is an example of Allah's mercy, I have no idea how I am here and now, certainly not on my own merit that's for sure.

Loads of duas for you, may Allah ease your hardship and encompass you in his mercy.

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #10 on: Nov 03, 2012 02:23 AM »

Sr Fozia,
May Allah help you. I will make duah for you.May Allah help and protect you and your girls in this court case.
Your post is an inspiration to all......your faith is so strong. I am so humbled by it. At times of great sorrow I have questioned Allah and why I have had to bear so much. On reading your post I felt much ashamed and you have given me the strength to continue in my prayers and trust in the Ceator.
Stay strong and may Allah Bless you and your daughters.
Salaams.
Ume Bilal
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« Reply #11 on: Nov 06, 2012 03:57 AM »

Sr. Fozia,

May Allah increase your blessings and always count you among the grateful.


Quote
Recite the duas of Ayoub (as) and Nuh (AS).

I can personally count on one hand the times I've made duas from my heart to Allah and each time, Allah's reply has been swift, they were made of desperation and huge sorrow.


Sooo true...those du'as are so profound, and Allah brought me a lot of comfort through them during some of my most difficult times. I hope though that Allah blesses you and your girls with a long happy life, full of barakah. I hope that your times of sorrows and trials are over, and that Allah blesses you with an awesome guy that is worthy of you. (Not because you need one, but because you deserve one  Wink )

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« Reply #12 on: Nov 06, 2012 06:06 AM »

Quote
(Not because you need one, but because you deserve one  Wink )

Ameen, and you as well Tahirah!!  mrdarcy
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« Reply #13 on: Nov 06, 2012 10:28 AM »

May Allah grant us all the best in this life and the hereafter, may he forgive us and have mercy on us.

Jazakallah for your duas.

Hope you're OK original poster sis/bro

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #14 on: Nov 06, 2012 08:06 PM »

A friend sent this to me, she knows its my favourite ayah in the Quran;

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright.

Allah is Near - Nouman Ali Khan - Quran Weekly



very beautifully presented, he says everything I was trying to.

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #15 on: Nov 09, 2012 11:47 PM »

I found this too;

 
Hardships and the Path to the Most Merciful - By: Yasmin Mogahed

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #16 on: Nov 30, 2012 12:53 PM »

Salam,

I'm grateful to all those who responded. May Allah awj reward each and every one of you.

 I've shared a link down below please watch it and share your thoughts. At thirteen minutes or so he gets more into the topic. 0:13:14




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEd-_cBiqFk&feature=youtube_gdata_player

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« Reply #17 on: Dec 04, 2012 08:56 AM »

 I meant to include this with what I had written in my previous message with the link.

When I heard all what the imam talked about I was a bit shocked because it seems like a lot of what he said is not acted upon or even discounted by the Muslims in general.
I feel it would make a world of difference (especially to someone in the midst and lowest depths of their misery) if those things being discussed in the video were at least implemented. I'm putting this out to myself and the Muslim ummah as well.

I felt as though it was being said to me in some of the responses that I should not reach out to anyone other then God. Yes I understand fully we should approach God first and foremost with our hardships and troubles.

However it does not hurt for us as Muslims to support and help one another along with that. Sometimes that makes the difference for someone in making it or breaking it in this sometimes chaotic world we live in.

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« Reply #18 on: Dec 04, 2012 08:57 AM »

Salam,

I posted a message yesterday to the subject "almost hopeless" and noticed today that it still has not been posted. It is in relation to my last response on there. If you could please post it as i had intended that message to be part of my last response on this matter.

Thank you kindly.

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« Reply #19 on: Dec 04, 2012 09:33 AM »

Oh sis/bro.

That's really honestly not what I meant.

It's a personal thing I suppose, asking Allah for help really does bring amazing solutions.

However I agree no man is an island and we really should try and make eachothers lives more pleasant and offer help and ask after eachother in the tradition of the beloved Prophet (saw).

But, please don't feel discouraged if people aren't turning to help you, that's what I meant.

You do have people worried for you, take this thread for example, you have all of us anxious to offer love, support and duas, we can only offer what is within our remit, so we offer words of comfort and duas.

Please don't take the advice given as negative or a personal attack, we're on a forum, we only have words to offer, I dont think any of us know where you are even or anything about your personal circumstances to offer better targetted advice. So we try to offer you hope inshallah.


May Allah place good, kind, righteous Muslims in your path to help you in your time of need.

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #20 on: Dec 04, 2012 10:12 PM »

Sr  Fozia,

Ameen to your duaa and may Allah grant you the same.

I want to clarify that I did not take any advice given negatively. Quite the contrary all the advice given was helpful and gave me some insight. Alhmdulillah.

And I agree with you when you mention amazing solutions come about when seeking help and making duaa to the Almighty.

Sometimes you need help to get to that place to be able to do so. And I felt I needed to share that along with the link to remind us all. As in my experience I've seen the opposite happening. And if it wasn't for Allah's mercy I could still be falling back in the wrong direction. Alhmdulillah that I'm not.

Peace be upon you all.

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