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« on: Dec 12, 2012 08:35 AM »


Assalamu alaikum all,

I am feeling so frustrated now. The school that I'm studying at is very principled, with ideas about peace, sustainability, and education, with a huge emphasis on personal development and community service. I'd say that it rocks, and that I'm proud to be part of it.

Yet more and more I feel an intense guilt simply for being amongst non-Muslims. I feel bad even though I know that I'm doing good work here, studying hard and representing Islam to non-Muslims who tell me that I break so many stereotypes about Muslim women. I feel good that I'm able to represent Islam through personal example, and alhamdulillah I am practicing, so I pray, I observe hijab, I do not go to parties or date, etc and I feel fine with all that.

Yet somehow I still feel absolutely awful sometimes simply for being here. And when I turn to Islamic websites they seem to say YES you should feel awful, you should only be friends with Muslims, of course you feel awful amongst kuffar, etc etc etc. I try to consult with another religious girl who brilliantly represented Islam here a couple of years back - she constantly reassures me and tells me that I should not feel so guilty and that I'm doing good work.

I think that part of my guilt also stems from the fact that I am not as conservative as I feel I should be. Alhamdulillah I love Islam, and it took me years to learn to do so even though I come from a religious family. So I feel very bad when I turn to articles for advice and they are catered towards to conservative Muslims who don't, for example, watch movies at all, and wear only dark clothes - I'm not saying that that is bad of them, but it's difficult for me - I feel like even though I'm practicing and everything I'm being cut off - not liberal enough for the liberals and not conservative enough for the conservatives.

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« Reply #1 on: Dec 12, 2012 09:24 AM »

I'd strongly suggest you or anyone who feels guilty about being among non muslims to go through parts of the seerah that deals with this, especially, the part about Abyssinia.

To deal with the guilty feelings, sis, stop taking out time to think about feeling guilty. Occupy your time with productive things. If you think about it too much, you'll feel more and more guilty by the second.
There's a doctor here on the board who said that physical exercise releases endorphins? from the brain and that makes sad people feel better. Try that if you can. 

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I feel like even though I'm practicing and everything I'm being cut off - not liberal enough for the liberals and not conservative enough for the conservatives.
hmm...isn't that supposed to be a good thing? As far as I know, the middle path is supposed to be the best, right? Correct me if I'm wrong here.
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« Reply #2 on: Dec 12, 2012 10:35 AM »

We do not take non muslim's as allies, friendships are acceptable, how else will you do dawah if you think non-muslims are to be kept away from completely and not allowed near us...never mind that complete unfeasibility of such an attitude.

You need to observe the middle path, stop thinking everything to death.

You control your behaviour and your actions.

Be the best you can be, as a muslim, as a student as a human being.

I'm damn amazing, does not bother me one whit whether others miss that or recognise it. My only responsiblity to the world at large is to meet them with kindness and be an example of how amazing and polite muslims are.

I do not feel guilt for living my life.

Allah has put me in a situation and a world where I must live and I strive to do this in the most respectful and respectable and modest manner possible.

People with higher expectations are clearly far superior to me, I do what is within my abilities.


and I think thats what you have to do.

Stop trying to change the world, do what you have to do, and monitor and curb your actions and behaviour. Nobody expects anything more than that.

Non muslims who have touched my life come to know what a real muslimah is, not a caricature painted by the media, or the sainted impossible caricature some muslim (men) describe muslim women as, but the friend they have come to know, with the madness and laughter and tears and the lost hijab pins that entails.

Stop trying to do everything. Just study, and be a muslim.

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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