// Explaining Islam
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Nature
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« on: Feb 20, 2013 04:42 AM »


 :Salam:

Salam everyone,

I was having a conversation with my close friend on campus and our talk turned to relationships.

So these are her questions:
"How will you get married if you're not allowed to hang out with guys at all or get to know them? People change after you get into relationships - it's not at all the same talking formally in front of your family as actually talking.

Also - what's wrong with platonic relationships? Why can't you just go out together in a group to the movies for example? Being friends doesn't mean that you're going to get into a romantic relationship - I have lots of guys who are friends. Why can't you dance with guys?"

I tried to explain as best as I could but I would really like some help!
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« Reply #1 on: Feb 20, 2013 10:07 AM »

Women who date guys don't necessarily end up married to them either, people always present a front till they think they have you, then the the real person comes out. The way we do it we check out the guys back ground whether he is involved in the community what he's like, what his family is like then you talk to him and meet him and trust in Allah.

There's only so much you can learn about a person you'll never know them properly till you're married to them.

The main thing is your both roughly coming from the same point, have the same goal and similar ideas of how to achieve that goal.

People change constantly thro life. Dating does not mean you will know the guy any better than if your we're formally introduced and met only under chaperoned conditions prior to marriage.

We don't touch unrelated males full stop.

She really thinks these guys she has platonic relationships wouldn't jump at the chance to go out with her?Huh? Really?Huh? Honestly?Huh??

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #2 on: Feb 20, 2013 10:26 AM »

Tell her your parents will get you married to a first cousin from a villiage back home who you have never met and might not have even been born yet.
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« Reply #3 on: Feb 20, 2013 12:35 PM »

The one I used to use is that many people use dating agencies this is a halal more structured version and also waaaay better and safer than the western concept of a 'blind date'

The other thing is if they get to know each other soooo well then surely divorce rates would be lower... Relationships are very fluid and changing things as people grow they change, it is how you adjust to these changes that defines what your relationship is like... Sometimes it improves and sometimes it doesn't work out , but this is the case in both Muslim and non Muslim relationships.
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« Reply #4 on: Feb 20, 2013 12:47 PM »

Show her this to explain why platonic relationships are not possible. People who think these relationships are a 100% platonic are just in denial.

Why Men and Women Cant be friends


In a Relationship? Why Men and Women can't be friends (part 2)


Feminists would have a field day here Tongue
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« Reply #5 on: Feb 20, 2013 12:51 PM »

High schoolers saying the same thing lol

Truth Is 6: Why Men and Women Can't Be Just Friends
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« Reply #6 on: Feb 20, 2013 04:17 PM »

Did you notice it was the guys that said no and the girls that said yes.
That is the way it works.
Guys pretend to be just best friends in the hope of getting what they want.
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« Reply #7 on: Feb 20, 2013 05:53 PM »

The videos were really interesting! I think that the attitude at our school would DEFINITELY be lots of 'yeses' from both men and women - people here are very close. It was very, very interesting to see how they said that group interaction is fine - but one on one friendship isn't. That reflects real life A LOT.

In fact the conversation arose out of discussing a "Dear Abby" column where a girl wrote in complaining that she and her fiancé had a fight because she felt that it was inappropriate for him to slow dance with other women, and Abby replied that she was being too controlling! I felt that of course it was inappropriate - whereas my friend felt that that was ridiculous, it's just dancing and if the girl wants to dance with her fiancé herself then she should just do so. (I should mention that she's non Muslim)
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« Reply #8 on: Feb 20, 2013 06:14 PM »

It's evident that both men and women know deep down that it just isn't possible but the way the discourse has been shaped over the years, they can't admit it, to themselves or to others, for fear of coming across as being sexist and I wonder what else. But, it takes only a tiny bit of twisting the questions to get the truth out Grin


How about doing a similar video at your school? Much better, do a video of your friend's guy friends and show it to her. That would probably convince her, but I don't think she would want to remain friends with you after that Tongue


About the marriage thing, I'd simply say that what works for you won't necessarily work for me and vice versa. I have faith in my Creator and that's enough for me. I think it's about time Muslims stopped trying to be diplomatic and apologetic about our ways. That inferiority complex seems to have taken over a major chunk of the ummah. Of course, we should explain things but, I feel it's gotten to the point where trying to please everyone has become the goal. It's happening here, I hope the scene is different elsewhere.
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« Reply #9 on: Feb 20, 2013 10:26 PM »

I think that the reason that men and women won't admit it is resentment - they WANT to be able to have that companionship, and saying you can't have it makes people mad.

I don't think that the answers would be at all the same at my school, i definitely wouldnt do a video - but subhanallah she is a very sweet and kind girl and she is very interested in learning more about such a different point of view than her's.
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« Reply #10 on: Feb 20, 2013 10:43 PM »

It's flattering. I bet if she was utterly honest she'd admit that she knows her male friends find her attractive.

It's nothing to do with feeling mad about not having a platonic relationship, she likes being admired which is natural but let's not pretend its all exactly the same as her female friendships.


And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #11 on: Feb 21, 2013 06:40 PM »

Male friends are not friends with girls unless they find them attractive. It is the attractive girls who are surrounded by male friends and the ugly girls who only have female friends.
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