// Syria's refugee brides:'My daughter is willing to sacrifice herself for her family'
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« on: Mar 26, 2013 08:24 AM »


Story about women trying to survive in Syria. Sell your young daughter in marriage to a 70 year old Saudi or starve or become a prostitute, what would you choose? Sad

How can she go to a Muslim organization for help and they ask if she has a pretty daughter to sell! How disgusting. Allahu mustu'an we cannot stop the war, we need to do more to help the refugees.

I recommend http://www.islamic-relief.org.uk/ or http://www.handinhandforsyria.org.uk/

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Syria's refugee brides:'My daughter is willing to sacrifice herself for her family'


http://www.thestar.com/news/world/2013/03/22/young_brides_displaced_by_syria_conflict_sought_by_older_grooms.html


Refugee brides: Woman takes a cut to help Syrian refugee girls in Jordan find Arab grooms from all over Middle East
Syria's refugee brides:'My daughter is willing to sacrifice herself for her family'

/

Um Majed, a 28-year-old Syrian refugee, procures young brides for Arab men all over the Middle East.
By: Hamida Ghafour Foreign Affairs reporter, Published on Fri Mar 22 2013

AMMAN, JORDAN—Nezar’s face is tight with expectation as she arrives for the meeting. She is a heavy-set mother of 12 and as she arranges herself on the small sofa in Um Majed’s living room she removes her black veil and the pious black gloves that allow her to shake hands with men who are not her relatives.

Um Majed sets down small cups of hot Turkish coffee to ease the tension. Nezar is a Syrian refugee and looking for a husband for her daughter. She lists the girl’s qualities.

“She is tall and pretty,” she tells Um Majed. “She finished the seventh grade.”

“There is one available. He is Saudi,” Um Majed answers.

This is what Nezar wants to hear. Saudis, flush with petrodollars, will pay well. She has high hopes for this Saudi.

So does Um Majed who will earn a $287 fee if the two sides agree to the match.

Um Majed, 28, is also a Syrian refugee, a former housewife from Homs. Um Majed isn’t her actual name but a respectable Arab moniker meaning ‘mother of Majed,’ her young son. She doesn’t want her full name published because of her shame about what she does for a living: procuring brides, some as young as 12, for men as old as 70 from all over the Middle East in exchange for money.

The Star in Syria:

Acts of kindness mingle with violence and death in Aleppo

Children in Aleppo suffer horrific injuries as Assad forces target civilians

‘All my sons are dead,’ the attack that leveled a six-storey apartment

Nezar too was a homemaker in Homs who arrived in Jordan last year. Her husband was a taxi driver but he can no longer work because he has a heart condition. Her son is badly injured.

“He was a fighter with the resistance army and they were removing a roadblock the regime set up on the street when he was hit by a missile,” she explains. “Four others died. He has had three surgeries and needs another one.”

Her daughter Aya is their best hope.

“My daughter is willing to sacrifice herself for her family,” Nezar says. “If the war had not happened I would not marry my daughter to a Saudi. But the Syrians here are poor and have no money.”

Nezar’s daughter is 17. The Saudi groom is 70.

Stories of men fighting and dying to overthrow President Bashar Assad’s regime have fixated the world but for women the war has different, troubling dimensions. Syrian women and their children make up 75 per cent of the 429,000 refugees in Jordan. The vast majority do not live in the camps set up by the Jordanian authorities. They flood into cities like Amman where they live on the charity of kindly Jordanians and aid organizations.

Many of these women are not equipped to support their families, having been raised to keep the home and hearth while husbands and fathers provided for them. The true cost of how the war is ripping apart the nation is evident in the brutal life choices Syrian women are forced to make to survive.

Grasping for the security of a husband and home, hundreds of girls are being sold into early marriage. These are undoubtedly forced marriages but the truth has several shades of grey: some mothers believe they are protecting their daughters from further hardship and violence, others are desperate to pay the bills. Yet their voices are rarely heard because their lives are lived behind closed doors, their private tragedies not shared with outsiders.

“If you see how Syrians here live you will see why they marry their daughters to whoever will take them,” Um Majed says. “People are poor and they will do anything to pay the rent.”

The surplus of desperate Syrian refugees means marriage has become a buyer’s market with some grooms offering as little as $100 cash for a bride.

The legal age of marriage in Jordan is 18 but some religious clerics will marry underage girls for a small fee. This puts the girls at even greater risk for exploitation because some of Um Majed’s clients want a temporary union lasting a few weeks or months after which the girl is returned to her parents.

In other words, it is religiously sanctioned prostitution.

“One of my brides has been married three, four times,” Um Majed says. “She is 15.”

Yet Nezar believes she is saving Aya from a life of hardship. What are her daughter’s prospects in Jordan where she has no right to work? There is little hope of the war ending and returning home. She will soon become a burden on her parents. No, a life in Saudi Arabia with a husband who can provide a home and children, perhaps send money back to Jordan, is the answer.

She admits the marriage market is hazardous. Most of the potential grooms offer a few dollars to leer at her daughter.

“You are already selling your daughter, you might as well sell her to someone decent,” she says.

Nezar cuts the meeting short. Aya is having belly-dancing lessons to increase her appeal to the elderly groom.

“I will take 3,000 dinars ($4,300) from him,” she tells Um Majed. “If he was younger I would accept 2,000 dinars.”

*

In the old days, the neighbourhood busybody, a matronly figure, was the matchmaker. She would appraise the unmarried girls on her street on behalf of the grooms’ families. At the Turkish bath, the would-be bride was paraded like a prizewinning filly: her mane tugged to check she wasn’t wearing a wig, a walnut cracked between her molars to make sure her teeth were real. In a society where women, especially unmarried girls, do not mingle with men not related to them, or even venture outside the home at risk of being labelled sexually loose, many families relied on matchmakers to find the right bride for their sons.

Um Majed raises a cynical eyebrow at this innocent archetype as she strikes a match and lights a cigarette. She became a matchmaker when she approached a local Islamist charity for food and the manager asked if she “knew any pretty girls.”

“I have 10 families looking for grooms,” she says. “Their girls are between 12 and 21. The grooms are always in their 40s, 50s, or 70s. They want beautiful girls, the younger the better.”

She pauses and takes a drag of the cigarette.

“The Saudis usually ask for 12-year-olds.”

As she sees it, life has become about exploiting or being exploited.

“I have to feed my children,” she says.

“What does freedom mean?” she asks. “We were living with pride and in our own country. I asked my husband this question. He said that they are Alawites and we fight them. But the Saudis are Sunni like us and they harass Syrian girls. Is this religion? Is this freedom?”

Her husband owned a car wash in Homs. Last year, he was hit by a stray bullet and after Um Majed nursed him back to health he joined a militia fighting with the Free Syrian Army.

“I now wish the bullet pierced his heart,” she says bitterly. “He abandoned me to fight and left me with the burden of supporting the family.”

Syrian brides have always been sought after, especially by Gulf Arab men. There is an expression which roughly translates as ‘he who does not marry a Damascene will never know a night of peace.’

The stereotype of the houriya, Levantine beauties with pale faces, speaking the melodious Syrian Arabic dialect and purveyors of a famous cuisine holds great appeal. A Syrian hostess’s reputation can rest on the balance between the olive oil and lemon juice in her tabbouleh salad.

In the Middle East, the groom or his family are expected to provide maher, roughly translated as dowry. If he is a good catch he will approach the girl’s family with a fully furnished flat, perhaps a car, and bank statement proving his savings.

Zayed Hamad who runs Kitab al Sunna, a Sunni Islamist charity that helps women refugees and receives funding from Saudi Arabia, says he receives 100 phone calls, emails and even text messages a month from grooms all over the Middle East looking for wives. Some are looking for a bargain.

“Some believe if they marry a Syrian girl it is cheaper,” he says. “I get approached by the brothers but I say it is not my responsibility to find them brides.”

He says it is a good thing as these girls will have more secure futures.

*

Eman is a typical Damascene beauty with her pale skin and hazel eyes. At 29, she is considered an older bride and has two daughters from her ex-husband whom she divorced because she caught him in bed with his sister-in-law.

Eman is tired of the war and its slogans.

“I curse the people who call for freedom,” she says. “But Bashar invited the devil to Syria.”

She fled to Amman with her girls late last year. All refugees are meant to stay in the Zaatari camp, a dusty, sometimes violent shanty town on the north border. The main drag is nicknamed the Champs Elysees and sells everything from shoes to shawarmas. Women dig small holes in the ground near their tents to avoid trips in the dark to the public toilets because they are afraid.

Eman refuses to live there. “It’s horrible,” she says. Instead, she rents a small apartment in Amman with her children, sister and mother for 150 dinars a month.

But life in the capital without the protection of a husband or father is hard. When Eman first arrived she would go to charities and mosques for food and mattresses where her soft Syrian accent immediately attracted attention.

“Wherever I go I get proposals,” she says with more weariness than pride. “They ask, can I smell your perfume for 20 dinars? ($28) Can you lift your veil for 35 dinars ($50)? I’d rather die of hunger than do something wrong.”

Just yesterday she heard about a rich man giving away cash at the local mosque so she went to investigate.

“He was giving $100 and gave money to all the others and told me to wait,” Eman says. “When everyone was done he asked me to call him in the morning at his hotel. I said I’d come with my mother. He said come alone. He would give double the money. I told him he was ridiculous.”

She works from home, shelling peanuts for a factory and earning 2.5 dinars ($3.50) for every 10 kilograms of nuts she peels. Eman wants to marry soon so she doesn’t have to expose herself to unwanted attention.

“I want a real husband and a real marriage, someone like Muhandin,” she says, and giggles. He is a Turkish actor in a popular soap opera.

Um Majed, though, has no time for romantic dreams.

A new client, a Jordanian man aged 29 wants a young bride from the Zaatari camp. He will give Um Majed fake documents and they will pose as charity workers to gain access to the families and size up their daughters.

“Some families accept 50 dinars (72) to let the groom look at their girls,” she says. She has done this ruse several times.

Um Majed will get her cut for brokering the arrangement. But she insists it will be a food package, not cash.
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« Reply #1 on: Mar 26, 2013 10:21 AM »

it's pimping under the guise of marriage.

Oh Allah help our sisters in Islam.

This is horrific.

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #2 on: Mar 26, 2013 11:43 AM »

This is nothing to do with Syria, this is nothing to do with the war and this has little to do with people being poor.
This is just the way things are done in that part of the world.
looking down on them because you don't like their way of doing things is due to the affect western Imperialism has had on your mindset.

Young girls in Poor countries have always married old men in rich countries.
This happened long before the war.
There are loads of brothers here in London Married to Syrians.
I was going to marry one myself about 10 years ago but didn't because Arab food is flavourless and bland.

We shouldn't judge them. And calling their form of arranged marriage pimping is a slanderous insult. The reasons and ways they get married might seem strange to us, but our own ways will equally seem strange to them.
This is not limited to Syria. Even in Saudi, parents will marry their daughters off to old rich men. And daughters themselves would not choose young poor men. Some would prefer to grow old alone then to consider marriage to a young poor man who can't afford a descent Muhr.
I know someone in the UK who wanted to marry an Arab girl. The Arab girl mentioned a giant Mahr. The UK Guy said, I can't afford that, the girl told him, she can't live with the shame of marrying for less than that, so she will give him the money to give to her as Muhr.
When rich old men here marry teenage supermodels, no one says he is oppressing her. Or her parents sold her to him. But when the same thing happens in the Arab world people say that. It is double standards.

I am not surprised people who go there to do Charity work end up marrying there. Loads of my friends ended up marrying there when we went there as students. Others marry there when they went there as English teachers. I see nothing wrong in that at all.
In fact I see it as a good thing.
But yes, abuses do happen. People who do Mutaa in the guise of marriage. But people like that do not limit their activities to Syria. they are a scerge of the whole world.

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« Reply #3 on: Mar 26, 2013 05:54 PM »

Marrying your 12 year old daughter to a 70 year old for money is straight up exploitation and an abuse of our deen. Just because poor Muslims are forced into doing it because of circumstances does not make it ok. And no, it's not culturally acceptable anywhere, not even Syria as uve claimed to have studied there.
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« Reply #4 on: Mar 26, 2013 06:54 PM »

In this country Ladies are allowed to get married from the age of 16. In other countries it is lower.
There is no moral superiority in placing the minimum marriage at 16 as it is in many white countries, instead of puberty as exists in many Muslim countries.
Instead I believe the opposite is the case. It is these western countries with ages of concent far higher then sexual maturity which have problems with unmarried pregnancies.

On the whole cases of a 12 year old marrying a 70 year old would be very rare if they exist at all. But if it does happen, it is up to the bride whether she wants to. Not up to you. Her wali's permission is sort, not your permission or anyone elses.
If she wants to marry him for what ever reason. That is her business and no one elses.

And this is culturally acceptable in Syria. You know as well as I do, Syria is famous for this. Rich gulfers have always been going there for this stuff. Not just rich gulfers, even poor old Somalian men manage to get married to pretty young girls there. They just see girls we would regard as young as old and above their sell by date, and men who we would regard as poor as wealthy.
I am not saying this is culturally acceptable in Syria. I am saying this is culturally acceptable in every country, in every community, in every time period, all over the world.
What is different is the age of concent. In this country it is 16, in other countries it is younger. Get over it.
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« Reply #5 on: Mar 26, 2013 11:11 PM »

That is the point bruv, the girls have no choice here. No one has asked them if they want to marry a 70 year old voluntarily. They are forced to do so in order to save the family, and for the mahr that is given to the family to survive.

And yes rich gulfers have always been going to syria to marry their women, even poor one's. But it is a completely different story when it is voluntary and when it is due to extreme conditions. It isn't an opportunity for these men right now, it's exploitation. And no it's not culturally accepted, go to anyone in any country and ask them if they would voluntarily marry their daughter to a man decades older. They do it because of 1. greed or 2. despair.


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« Reply #6 on: Mar 26, 2013 11:12 PM »

Salam,

I'd just like to clarify that it is most certainly NOT normal in ANY way in Arab countries to marry off young girls to elderly men. I am Arab and lived in Arab countries - if this happens it is most certainly forced.
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« Reply #7 on: Mar 27, 2013 12:53 PM »

Jannah a side issue is you have taken the maximum age and the minimum age, put the two together and assumed that is what it is all about.
It is more likely for the males at the top end of the spectrum to marry women in their 30s with kids. And it is more likely for girls at the bottom end of the spectrum to marry guys in their teens and twenties.

"due to extreme conditions."

This makes what brothers are doing by marrying them, extremely good.
You might assume a life on charity or minimum wage Jobs with spinsterhood to look forward to would be a better choice for the parents of these girls to make. But they have chosen marriage to a rich guy instead.

Only the girl can decide whether she does it for choice or not. If hunger of herself, her parents and her siblings is the reason for her choice. That is still her choice. To say anything else without the girls themselves saying their parents forced them would mean you are behaving like white liberals that say you wear your hijab due to males forcing you.

It is acceptable in every country. Because rich old guys in every country marry poor pretty girls. When white old rich men marry girls who are 16, 17, 18, and 19 no one says that man is exploiting that girl. Some might even accuse the girl of being a gold digger and accuse her of exploiting the man.
But when a rich Arab man marries a girl 12, 13, 14 and 15 he is accused of exploiting her and it is assumed the girl is forced to marry even though she makes no statement that she is forced. This is due to a mixture of racism and cultural superiority.  In both cases men married at the lower end of what is legal.

"They do it because of 1. greed or 2. despair."

They know why they do it. Not you. You can not see in to their hearts. If their daughter married a rich older man, she would have a good life. If that is the reason for the marriage, I see nothing wrong in it.

Nature
As I mentioned before. Old rich men marrying young poor girls is the cultural norm all over the world. Not just Arab countries. Rich men everywhere are famous for that. The only difference here is the age in which marriage is allowed in countries. In India it is 21 so a lot of the aging white billionaires who married supermodels would be breaking the law if they were in India. In a lot of white countries it is 16, in Arab countries it is often lower. But what is the same is Men whose income is at the higher end of the spectom marry girls of an age at the lower age of the spectrum.
You might not want to marry a old rich guy. But most girls Arab, non-Arab, Muslim Non-Muslim would jump at the chance.
Like it or not, Men judge women by what they look like. And girls loss their attractiveness as they grow older. Women judge men by success, and men get more successful(Money is included here) as they grow older.  That is why young girls go for old men, and old men go for young girls. The rest of us have to make do with what we can get.
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« Reply #8 on: Mar 27, 2013 02:16 PM »



Its not a choice if selling yourself in exchange for the basics for your family is the 'choice'

It's never a choice if watching your family starve is the alternative.

The scenarios in the article are very clear, these are old men marrying very young girls.

That is taking advantage. If they cared they would arrange for thme to be married to men they would choose themselves.

The alternative is not spinsterhood, the alternative is dying not just for these girls but their families.

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #9 on: Mar 27, 2013 02:29 PM »

And what is wrong with that?
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« Reply #10 on: Mar 27, 2013 02:40 PM »


When it happens to you, when you have to sell yourself or die, come back and do let us know how it feels won't you or what is wrong with that particular situation.

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #11 on: Mar 27, 2013 04:15 PM »

So are you proposing death as an alternative solution?
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« Reply #12 on: Mar 27, 2013 04:19 PM »

what is wrong?
It is utterly cheap.

Give hundred explanations.All those who hear about it will see the old fellow in bad light.
And will definitely sympathize with the poor girl.Can't the old fellow on the verge of death think better than marrying?Can't he simply donate his surplus wealth to the said poor families?Does he have to play with the emotions of the little girl old enough to be his grand daughter in return?
 

Would you like your daughter to ever go through that?(God forbid,never)

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« Reply #13 on: Mar 27, 2013 04:58 PM »

We live in the real world here. And in the real world people haven't donated enough.
In the real world, people a girl these girls and their parents prefer their daughters being a man's wife then living on charity.
And you lot are being caught up in sensational journalism. On the whole it isn't about old guys marrying young girls. Yes that happens if the man is very rich. But on the whole it is guys coming in to marriageable age, choosing to marry there.
And I think it is a good thing, they are choosing to marry there.
Lets just take a look at where that didn't happen shall we?
Iraq, after the Americans slaughtered a large percentage of the men.
More than 80% of all adult males in Sunni areas.
Now one quarter of the Iraqi population are orphans.
What has happened to all those widows and Orphans?
Did they manage to marry?
No. They starve. And Iraqi women who were before the war the most educated women in the whole of the Arab world had to turn to prostitution.
Young gulf boys go there and to Syria where they pay for the services of Iraqi Girls and women instead of getting married.
That is what I call selling yourself and your daughter.
So yes, when rich Arabs marry war widows and war orphans I do see it as a good thing. Because the alternative is still plane and clear in Iraq.
If you don't want these girls marrying gulfers, find them a young man to marry.
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« Reply #14 on: Mar 27, 2013 05:10 PM »

What's being argued here is whether being sold in marriage is better or becoming a prostitute is better. Needless to say both are horrible. The main point is that they are in this terrifying position of having that choice and the Muslim world needs to wake up to that fact and start doing something about it.

Tell me who is in the wrong here, the mother who goes to a Muslim organization for help or the organization who asks her if she has any pretty young daughters. It's outright disgusting. Selling her daughters is not a charity. In this country it's called being a pimp.
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« Reply #15 on: Mar 27, 2013 05:41 PM »

It is a good thing brothers go there to do charity. It is a good thing when brothers, including brothers who go there to do charity get married there.
I can't see what your problem is with a charity guy asking if someone has a daughter for him to marry?
Or marry someone else.
That is called arranging marriages.

"Selling her daughters is not a charity. In this country it's called being a pimp."

It is prostitutes that justify their triad by saying prostitution is just like marriage.
And it is slander when you accuse parents of selling their daughters.
They are marrying off their daughters not selling them.
It is called an arranged marriage.
The way they do it maybe different to the Desi Hindu way most of us are used to where the Mahr is forgiven but the brides father must give an excessively large amount to the groom just like our Hindu ancestors did. But what you need to remember is that isn't India, it is Syria.
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« Reply #16 on: Mar 27, 2013 07:35 PM »

All this is very unfortunate.
As unfortunate as how u said people in Palestine are made to drink sewage water.
I see no difference.

No young girl likes marrying an old man.It is the truth.

Marrying little girls to older rich men is not the solution to the ongoing situation.

If all the arab world can unite and spend the same money wisely , at correct places all this can be fought back and totally prevented.
But the wealthy arab world is too busy squandering money on luxuries and women.

And this in not about brothers doing charity,it is about old lustful men marrying helpless girls in the guise of charity.







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« Reply #17 on: Mar 27, 2013 07:44 PM »

If every rich Arab old man paid their due zakat to these families this would end immediately.


And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #18 on: Mar 27, 2013 08:00 PM »

Asalaamu Alaikum bro

It is important in this debate to distinguish between the following:

1. Voluntary consent given freely and willingly without any coercion

2. 'Voluntary' consent given under duress or compulsion 

Would the fathers and walis of these girls be giving their consent if they did not feel compelled (given the current circumstances) to accept the proposals of these would be grooms?

Would the would be grooms be proposing if it was not for the current circumstances?

Ultimately, there will always be two sides to this debate with some arguing that scenario #2 is perfectly  acceptable since the consent given is still 'voluntary'.

Most would concur that a marriage should be entered into with both parties giving the type of consent as outlined in scenario #1.


Let us be clear on one thing, however, marrying with the predetermined intention of divorcing at a later date is a reprehensible act and degrades the status of marriage in Islam.

Men who entertain such a notion should be rightly castigated and walis who condone such a practice are oppressing the daughters they are meant to protect.

Marriage  is a religious act which, ultimately, means we should enter its state purely and solely for the sake of Allah.

And Allah knows best.

Wasalaam 
BrKhalid

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« Reply #19 on: Mar 27, 2013 09:52 PM »

All this is very unfortunate.
As unfortunate as how u said people in Palestine are made to drink sewage water.
I see no difference.


I see a big difference.
The Israelis have taken away the Palestinians water and then pump sewage to them.
While these girls are getting married.
That is it, half their deen. Be happy for them.

"No young girl likes marrying an old man.It is the truth."

You speak for yourself. You personally don't want to marry a older man even if he has lots of money.
Other girls do.

"Marrying little girls to older rich men is not the solution to the ongoing situation."

Well the solution to the war against the Nusayri that rule Syria is to win against them.
I find it really strange when Polygamy is mentioned, people attack it and say it is all about marrying orphans.

"And if you fear that you cannot act equitably towards orphans, then marry such women as seem good to you, two and three and four; but if you fear that you will not do justice (between them), then (marry) only one or what your right hands possess; this is more proper, that you may not deviate from the right course."

But on this instance when it is mentioned people are marrying Orphans and widows of war. People see such marriages as intrinsically exploitative even when monogamous.

Doesn't anyone else see the contradiction in that?

"If all the arab world can unite and spend the same money wisely "
It isn't the Arab world that needs to unite. It is the Muslim world that needs to unite in to one single Khilafah. And that what the Muslims in Syria are fighting for, and that is what the Nusayri and their puppets are fighting against.
Don't hold your breath while you wait for the rulers to unite. They are the grand children of the people that created this disunity. It is up to the people that remove them to create unity.
But to be honest with you. Even when we have Khilafah, some people will always be richer than others. The Khilafah isn't a communist regime. And rich men have a tendency to marry younger poorer girls. Whether you like it or not, Islam doesn't have a upper age limit on marriage and neither will the Khilafah. And its lower age limit is puberty, which often happens at 12, but can happen even younger.

And this in not about brothers doing charity,it is about old lustful men marrying helpless girls in the guise of charity.

don't slander brothers you have never ever met on the bases of your interpretation of an online newspaper article. They have left their homes to feed people there. Which is more than most people. If they want to get married there, all the best to them. I home their marriages are blessed with many children.
I think it is best if you do two rakats salatul Touba.
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« Reply #20 on: Mar 27, 2013 10:14 PM »



I speak on behalf of all women, no young nubile woman wants to marry a doddery old man.

This article is talking about men taking advantage of the plight of their sisters in Islam.

This is a deep shame, on us.

These women deserve our charity.

These sisters are owed our Duas

They deserve our awe, our duas, our sympathy, our duas, our empathy, our duas and our love and our dua.

 May Allah grant you what you want for my sisters in Islam.

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #21 on: Mar 27, 2013 10:41 PM »

Asalaamu Alaikum bro

Quote
You speak for yourself. You personally don't want to marry a older man even if he has lots of money.

Other girls do.

Money should never be the basis for marriage.

There are clear guidelines as to what one should look for in a spouse and husbands are told that marriage is more than just about satisfying carnal desire but involves responsibilities and rights.

Again, 'voluntary consent' which involves an element of coercion upon a sister should be looked down upon and brothers who knowingly take advantage of women in straitened circumstances should be fearful of their actions.

I think we all agree that coercion of any sort has no place in Islam and people should be free to choose whom they marry.


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« Reply #22 on: Mar 28, 2013 12:38 PM »

 wsalam

Money should never be the basis for marriage.

Why not?
And it almost always is, everywhere.
Would anyone say that to a white lady who sees a doctor or a businessman as a good catch?
Parents do look for financial security in marriages for their daughters. And girls look for this in their husbands too.

Yes, the fact that the Husband is Muslim, is more important. But these men are aren't they?

The girls want security, the men want carnal desires fulfilled. Marriage is a halal way of doing it for both. So what right has anyone got to criticize?

But I think there is an element of racism in the judgmentalism being shown here. When white rich men marry younger poorer women no one mentioned coercion. Would people accuse their family members who marry from back home of financial coercion? Would they say, "if all these western desi paid their zakat than these poor oppressed girls wont be sold by their parents to marry these dirty old Paki men from America and the UK?"
Because be honest, that is pretty much what is being said here.
It is all racism, cultural superiority based on anti-Arab propaganda from the Zionist press.

What people need to acknowledge is:
Syrian women can marry any Muslim they want to including gulf men.
Gulf men can marry any Muslim they want to including Syrian women.
Islam has no upper age limit for marriage including and exceeding 70.
The minimum age for marriage in Islam and many Arab countries is puberty which can be as low as or even lower than 12.
Islam does not set a maximum age gap between Husband and wife. It doesn't even state a preference that husband and wife should be a similar age.
Women asking for Muhr is in accordance with Islam. It is not a case of "Arabs selling their daughters" as I have often heard Indo/Pak/Bangladeshis often describe it.
In fact the Indo/Pak/Bang habit of forgiving the Muhr but demanding the father of the bride pay a large sum to the groom is a unislamic Hindu practice.

I think we all have male relatives who have married from back home. If the wife was younger and economically poorer than your male relative. Will any of you even dream of accusing him of what you accused the gulf brothers of doing?
If not, please explain to me why it isn't hypocritical?

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« Reply #23 on: Mar 28, 2013 01:47 PM »

Asalaamu Alaikum bro

Quote
Money should never be the basis for marriage.

Why not?

There is a lot of Islamic material on marriage out there which should be able to answer that question but ultimately the shariah does not explicitly recommend marrying for money and hence we should follow Islam (and the recommend reasons for marrying there) and not culture or own whims and desires.

Which leads to my second point...


Quote
And it almost always is, everywhere.

As Muslims, we should not follow cultural practices which deviate from agreed upon Islamic guidelines.

Even if everyone else does it, there is no excuse to leave an Islamic obligation or even an emphasised sunnah.

Unfortunately I do not have the time to go into further details but PM me and we can continue this debate offline.

Wasalaam
BrKhalid

Btw are you accusing me and the people in this thread of being racist? If not, can I ask you kindly amend your post.


Quote
But I think there is an element of racism in the judgmentalism being shown here.

Say: "O ye my servants who believe! Fear your Lord, good is (the reward) for those who do good in this world. Spacious is God's earth! those who patiently persevere will truly receive a reward without measure!" [39:10]
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« Reply #24 on: Mar 28, 2013 02:09 PM »

OK closing this thread for a little while so everyone can reflect.

Jazaks.

- The management
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