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Author Topic: Experiment on how women see themselves!  (Read 442 times)
jannah
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« on: Apr 17, 2013 12:49 PM »


Oh my gosh ladies this will make u cry... we are our own worst enemies Sad

=========================
Dove Real Beauty Sketches
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« Reply #1 on: Apr 17, 2013 04:23 PM »

this was sweet! But there is too much scope of the artist getting baised even unintentionally....
And I know mny women who think they are more pretty than they actually are Tongue
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« Reply #2 on: Apr 17, 2013 04:52 PM »

I've a long standing theory;

Women always underestimate themselves, their looks, abilities, potential etc.

And men always overestimate themselves on the above.

I have yet to be proved wrong on this.

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #3 on: Apr 17, 2013 04:55 PM »

I've actually met men who underestimate their own looks and abilities highly... I don't think that people realize that men also have issues when it comes to this - they may not be generally as hyper-aware as women are, but many boys I've met in the West believe themselves to be ugly, unattractive, ill proportioned etc.

I think we all know how related this is to media images and comparing yourself to others. Alhamdulillah I've always liked myself pretty well - I know that I'm not stereotypically beautiful, that i can look pretty plain, but I can truthfully say that I think I am beautiful, without being arrogant. Yay for Muslim mothers who control what messages are sent to their daughters about their looks!
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« Reply #4 on: Apr 17, 2013 05:55 PM »

most men not all then.

Women really do beat themselves up about their looks and abilities and usually they're beautiful and highly accomplished, they take it as being normal.

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #5 on: Apr 17, 2013 07:18 PM »

And I know mny women who think they are more pretty than they actually are Tongue
Me too Cheesy

Auntie your theory is flawed, because it's based on your experiences. The opposite might hold just as fine for somebody else.
In my experience, although I'm tempted to say more women than men Grin , but I've seen an equal number on both sides who think too much of themselves. There's somebody in my extended family, you'll feel embarrassed listening to him but he won't stop bragging about himself and his wife is his staunchest support. But, I can say that more women than men underestimate themselves given the kind of society I live in where women are traditionally confined to the home for the most part. There are men too though, who underestimate themselves. Seen many of those too. Mostly happens to very innocent people who get carried away believing what others tell them.

Speaking about beauty/looks, that is as subjective as the HIV virus, it keeps changing. You can be the most beautiful/handsome person on earth to person X and be the most ugly to person Y. Doesn't make sense to think too much about it because one day you'll become wrinkly anyway. And giving your mind one less thing to think about helps a lot.

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« Reply #6 on: Apr 17, 2013 10:35 PM »

Interesting criticism! Basically she says that this video highlights an even deeper problem - that we have such a specific idea of what beauty is.

http://jazzylittledrops.tumblr.com/post/48118645174/why-doves-real-beauty-sketches-video-makes-me
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« Reply #7 on: Apr 18, 2013 04:55 AM »

Self fulfillment philosophy. The society shapes us to behave this way. We work everyday to attain the expectations of the people around us. Majority of these expectations are baseless stereotypes. Some women for example could do much more greater and chivalrous things than some men but won't realize that because the society made them to think they couldn't. My wife will surely hate me for I won't be making much fuss about her looks. Instead I'll be telling her how intelligent and hard-working she is.

Isn't it paradoxical how everyone wanna look attractive to every Tom, Dick and Harry of the opposite gender and dislike being harassed? We don't wanna discuss these issues because we believe we are being natural while it is all our unfounded beliefs.

"Whoever rejects false deities and believes in Allah has grasped a firm handhold which will never break." Q 2:256"
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« Reply #8 on: Apr 18, 2013 02:40 PM »

Quote
My wife will surely hate me for I won't be making much fuss about her looks. Instead I'll be telling her how intelligent and hard-working she is.

Uhhhh bad idea bro!! U better tell ur wife she's beautiful and attractive to you everyday(and of course that includes intelligence and hard working!!!
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« Reply #9 on: Apr 18, 2013 03:02 PM »

Oh then I'm gonna be worse than sadah! Remember what I said on the other thread about shooting orders to the maid and bringing out the whip? Grin

Lol me and a friend were talking about wives who go out of control and he said "we should go to Saudi and then they'll HAVE to be obedient because otherwise I'm going to whip her and the religious police will only help me".

Awesome friend, isn't he? Cheesy

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« Reply #10 on: Apr 18, 2013 03:13 PM »

we should go to Saudi and then they'll HAVE to be obedient because otherwise I'm going to whip her and the religious police will only help me".


Whats this suppose to be?
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« Reply #11 on: Apr 18, 2013 03:20 PM »

you two like talking the talk but I bet when you marry, you will both be the kindest most attentive of husbands to your respective wives inshallah.

Kindness and sweet tongue go a long way.

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #12 on: Apr 18, 2013 03:23 PM »

True sis Fozia easier said than done.
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« Reply #13 on: Apr 18, 2013 04:07 PM »

You are surely worse than me bro Akhan.



Uhhhh bad idea bro!! U better tell ur wife she's beautiful and attractive to you everyday(and of course that includes intelligence and hard working!!!

Everyday? Whew! Even weekly would be a big burden. The point is she will be spending all her time trying to maintain her beauty and attractiveness instead of working towards her promotions (if a worker).

you two like talking the talk but I bet when you marry, you will both be the kindest most attentive of husbands to your respective wives inshallah.

Kindness and sweet tongue go a long way.

I hope to change too because I know most of my ideas don't go with the reality. Who knows, I may be lucky to find someone who will be fascinated by my principles.  Grin

"Whoever rejects false deities and believes in Allah has grasped a firm handhold which will never break." Q 2:256"
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« Reply #14 on: Apr 18, 2013 06:46 PM »

we should go to Saudi and then they'll HAVE to be obedient because otherwise I'm going to whip her and the religious police will only help me".
Whats this suppose to be?
A joke Huh? Because eventually he went to Dubai Tongue

you two like talking the talk but I bet when you marry, you will both be the kindest most attentive of husbands to your respective wives inshallah.

Kindness and sweet tongue go a long way.
You never know what the future has in store. Circumstances change and people change, today you might bet on us being kind, tomorrow, we might turn into the most tyrannical people on earth. Allah guides only those whom He wishes to, I hope we're amongst them.

I hope to change too because I know most of my ideas don't go with the reality. Who knows, I may be lucky to find someone who will be fascinated by my principles.  Grin
My ideas are crazy dude, albeit very few but there are people who are fascinated by them. So, don't hope to change, stay as you are, there will always be someone whom you'll gel with and that's when the strongest bonds are formed.
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« Reply #15 on: Apr 18, 2013 08:59 PM »

You make confident. That's why I like you bro. If atall I'd have to change to be compatible with someone, why shouldn't that someone change to be compatible with me. Afterall what we see as the realities are no more than dogmas.

"Whoever rejects false deities and believes in Allah has grasped a firm handhold which will never break." Q 2:256"
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« Reply #16 on: Apr 19, 2013 01:46 AM »

No no no! It isn't about "if I change she should too". That'll make it a competition which is never healthy. I wanted to say that everyone is different, we have to acknowledge that and move on to finding someone who is similar to us. The moment you make it a me vs you boxing match, the relationship is doomed, any relationship, not just marriage.

Lastly, changing oneself is not easy, to unlearn what you've been doing your entire life for somebody else's sake will only make life more difficult. Imagine two people struggling to please each other in a way that is not natural to themselves. Wouldn't that make a grumpy couple? You need only a single instance of ungratefulness to start a fight that'll last a lifetime. So, focus on finding someone similar, it'll make life easy.

Btw, similar doesn't translate as "exact" okay? Minor changes will always be needed.
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« Reply #17 on: Apr 19, 2013 01:54 AM »

No no no! It isn't about "if I change she should too". That'll make it a competition which is never healthy. I wanted to say that everyone is different, we have to acknowledge that and move on to finding someone who is similar to us. The moment you make it a me vs you boxing match, the relationship is doomed, any relationship, not just marriage.

Lastly, changing oneself is not easy, to unlearn what you've been doing your entire life for somebody else's sake will only make life more difficult. Imagine two people struggling to please each other in a way that is not natural to themselves. Wouldn't that make a grumpy couple? You need only a single instance of ungratefulness to start a fight that'll last a lifetime. So, focus on finding someone similar, it'll make life easy.

Btw, similar doesn't translate as "exact" okay? Minor changes will always be needed.

I don't think that when people say "oh you'll have to change when you get married!!!" means that you're supposed to CHANGE. It's more like adjusting your habits - like when people tell you "you'll have to change when you get into college!"
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« Reply #18 on: Apr 19, 2013 04:10 AM »

I suppose it's clear that Akhan is aware of the disparity that always exist even among persons of seemingly similar ideologies or opinions. His point is to set "minimization" of such disparities in a potential relationship as the target so that the tradeoffs or adjustments will be minimal.

You are now my lecturer bro.  Grin

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« Reply #19 on: Apr 19, 2013 09:07 AM »

Marriage most certainly does not change a person, mostly it brings the worst to the fore.

I meant, I bet really you both are kind people at heart, you just need to speak with a gentle tongue and that's the battle won really.

I really want to hear both your wedding anouncements Cheesy

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #20 on: Apr 19, 2013 05:58 PM »

Nature, if you've only been told that you need to change your habits and the sort then you're lucky. I've been told otherwise and that's what my opinion is based on.

Contrary to what I seem to be online, I'm an extreme introvert, so much that when I used to visit Jeddah, my mum said that she missed me only when she looked at my empty room. Once, my stepmum called me when she had to vent about something because I would listen without saying anything. When I was out of town two years ago my sister was sad because I used to talk to her only for a couple of minutes on the phone, then to keep her happy I used to think for half an hour what to talk about to prolong the conversation. I hate going to loud parties, meeting people, I'm socially awkward and can't hold a conversation with people just for the sake of it.

Now, I've been told that once I get married I'll have to change all of that to make the in-law family feel welcome and become a social person attending parties, meeting their extended family and blah blah blah. Rubbish! I haven't met some of my own extended family for years even though we live in the same neighbourhood. I don't even know the names of some of my cousins' children. There's no way I'm going to transform from a caterpillar in its cocoon into a social butterfly. The solution to that is to marry another caterpillar, so that we can live happily ever after in our own cocoon.

But, if she wants me to not leave a wet towel on the bed, to not sneak into the house like a mouse, to not creep up on her in the dark and scare the wits out of her, to not throw a bucket of water on her when she's catching that sweet post fajr nap, to not sneak a cockroach under her blanket, to not slaughter a chicken and keep it hanging at the door for a week and to stop acting like a clown, then inshallah I'm open to discussion Grin

I suppose it's clear that Akhan is aware of the disparity that always exist even among persons of seemingly similar ideologies or opinions. His point is to set "minimization" of such disparities in a potential relationship as the target so that the tradeoffs or adjustments will be minimal.
Correct!

You are now my lecturer bro.  Grin
Lecturer? What happened to shaykh? Angry
Man, people have forgotten to be grateful these days. madauntie

I meant, I bet really you both are kind people at heart, you just need to speak with a gentle tongue and that's the battle won really.
Huh? This IS our gentle tongue! You haven't seen the harsh one yet. Cheesy



Btw, an observation - isn't it amusing that three people who have absolutely no experience with marriage whatsoever are telling you what to do to make it sustainable Cheesy

That's why you should always take my advice with a pinch of salt, I can only advise on how to make someone's life horrible Tongue

PS - Excuse the craziness, it's the sugar rush from something I ate earlier.
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« Reply #21 on: Apr 19, 2013 07:05 PM »


When I was out of town two years ago my sister was sad because I used to talk to her only for a couple of minutes on the phone, then to keep her happy I used to think for half an hour what to talk about to prolong the conversation. I hate going to loud parties, meeting people, I'm socially awkward and can't hold a conversation with people just for the sake of it.


I also have that problem but I have been wanting to change as I keep hearing/seeing the importance of maintaining kinship (silatur rahim). Even 2 days ago, my step mom called me that since I left home I haven't called her at all not knowing that whenever my mom call me she will say, "if I do not call you, you will never tell yourself to call." Going to people's homes is even more difficult for me. I hope to improve on that gradually though.

On going out with friends I see no reason for that. My room, my computer and my books are my best company.

"Whoever rejects false deities and believes in Allah has grasped a firm handhold which will never break." Q 2:256"
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« Reply #22 on: Apr 19, 2013 07:38 PM »

Hmmm - I learnt how to keep up with my family when I moved away to study. I simply couldn't do the whole 'I'll ring you once in a while' thing, I had to learn how to change that.
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« Reply #23 on: Apr 20, 2013 02:15 AM »

sadah, there was an article somewhere about why introverts make good leaders. Given that, I wonder if we are looking at Nigeria's future President Roll Eyes  

Nature, introversion is different from the "I'll ring you once in a while" thing. Talking and stuff is unnatural for introverts, it's very very difficult to engage in a conversation. In a party, I was sitting with a group of relatives and didn't utter a single word for more than an hour until one of them got frustrated and said "leave your analytical skills at home and talk!". All I said was "I've nothing to talk about" and went back to being silent. I was involved in the conversation though, I was listening. That's my natural position. I can't change that.
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« Reply #24 on: Apr 20, 2013 02:35 AM »

sadah, there was an article somewhere about why introverts make good leaders. Given that, I wonder if we are looking at Nigeria's future President Roll Eyes  

Nature, introversion is different from the "I'll ring you once in a while" thing. Talking and stuff is unnatural for introverts, it's very very difficult to engage in a conversation. In a party, I was sitting with a group of relatives and didn't utter a single word for more than an hour until one of them got frustrated and said "leave your analytical skills at home and talk!". All I said was "I've nothing to talk about" and went back to being silent. I was involved in the conversation though, I was listening. That's my natural position. I can't change that.

I know, I was very introverted for years and years - I've gotten much more extroverted now, partly because I realized that I wasn't being introverted so much as anti-social.
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