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Anonymous
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« on: May 30, 2013 05:06 PM »


So we have suggestions to keep your wife happy.... what about husband's?

Any suggestions on keeping husbands happy?
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Fozia
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« Reply #1 on: May 30, 2013 06:38 PM »

 
1. SHUT THE TOILET DOOR!
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And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
um aboodi
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« Reply #2 on: May 30, 2013 07:01 PM »

2.  Do not nag!!  Ask and remind gently.  Better yet, if you can do the task yourself, just do it and save yourself a headache.

3.  Cook!! men love to eat, so cook. 

4.  Let him watch sports in peace.  You can go out with your friends or do your nails.

5.  Keep a good relationship with his family and remind him to visit /call if he gets busy. 

6.  Encourage/let  him to go out with good/trustworthy friends once or twice a week.  Boys love to hang out together. 

7.  Encourage him to pray Isha and Fajr at least in masjid.   

8.  Plan date nights and go out to dinner/movie together away from the kids.
 
9.  Do NOT take him with you to the Mall.  Men hate shopping.   


Men are simple creatures.  Most of the time they just want to sleep, eat and watch sports. 
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akhan
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« Reply #3 on: May 30, 2013 07:42 PM »

I don't know if I can call this a tip but my two cents. Instead of nagging, just ask him innocently, never say 'you didn't do this you didn't do that', only ask 'did you do it?'. If the guy's decent and has self respect, he'll feel ashamed and will waste no time in doing it. Men have quite fragile egos and this will hurt a little bit so to mitigate the effect a decent husband will finish the task ASAP. It requires a lot of patience on the wife's part though.

But, this has to be applied from the very beginning of the marriage. If you've been nagging him since time immemorial and suddenly, or even gradually, if there's this paradigm shift, he'll know that you're only trying a new strategy.

Anyway, coming back to the topic, the one and only tip I have is to become his slave/maid/servant/waitress etc Grin Grin Grin
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jannah
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« Reply #4 on: May 30, 2013 09:47 PM »

Yeah, I agree nagging doesn't work for either men or women. I think the best thing is say it once, and then if it doesn't happen, figure out a different way to approach the problem or get another solution to it...

Akhan if you're looking for that, all you have to do is get a foreign maid over there or something!
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jannah
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« Reply #5 on: May 30, 2013 09:55 PM »

Pretty sure we posted this before somewhere. It's a Christian version but some good stuff in there:

=================

1. Respectfully communicate with him.
2. Let him know he’s important to you.
3. Purposefully try to understand his feelings—even when you disagree with him.
4. Show interest in his friends giving him some time with them if they’re trust-worthy.
5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
6. Tell him you both love him AND like him.
7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely. (D Ramsey)
8. Protect his dignity on a daily basis.
9. When confronting him, realize he has feelings also.
10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.
11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion, giving him time to adjust.
12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems—have fun instead.
13. Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of focusing so often on the negatives.
14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.
16. The first minutes after a spouse comes home often sets the stage for how the rest of the evening will go. Try to make that time a positive experience. (Ease into the negative.)
17. Give him time to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be much more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Don’t allow family members to treat him disrespectfully. Defend him to anyone that dishonors his place as your husband.
19. Compliment him often.
20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.
21. Talk with him about having specific family goals for each year to achieve together to feel closer as a marital team.
22. Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
23. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.
24. Find ways to show him you need him.
25. Give him time to be alone. (This energizes him to reconnect at other times.)
26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride.
27. Defend him to those who disrespectfully talk about him. Love protects (1 Cor. 13:7).
28. Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
29. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk calmly (schedule it when necessary).
31. Initiate going out on romantic outings (when he’s not tired).
32. Email him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.
33. Surprise him with a fun gift of some kind that he’d really enjoy.
34. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.
35. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is (giving him specific reasons).
36. Give advice in a loving way — not in a nagging or belittling way.
37. Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home (without “lording” it over him).
38. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you sexually.
39. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
40. Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.
41. Take special notice for what he has done for you and the family.
42. Brag about him to other people both in front of him and even when he’s not there.
43. Keep conversations brief when he’s tired—so he isn’t “flooded” by too many words.
44. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
45. Honor him in front of the children (differ respectfully in private when necessary).
46. ”Look straight into the eyes of your husband when he talks to you or if you’re speaking to him. This will make him feel that you are interested in what he wants to say.” (J. Clain)
47. Get up with him, even when he gets up earlier than you want to and pray with him (you can go back to bed afterward, if possible —it’s a sacrifice worth making.)
48. Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
49. Participate in shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him (like watching a movie and such) without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk.
50. Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best comprehends it.
51. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time to recover. Don’t crowd him.
52. Help him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education when your see he needs it.
53. Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”
54. Work to get rid of habits that annoy him.
55. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives. Don’t make him choose between you.
56. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
57. Thank him for things he’s done around the house. (It means a lot to men).
58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do it as “unto the Lord.”
59. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to do.
60. Do little things for him—let him sleep in, bring him coffee, etc.
61. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
62. Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often.
63. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.
64. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he wants them.
65. Discover his sexual needs.
66. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
67. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.
68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
69. Don’t quarrel over words.
70. Be kind and courteous with him. (Don’t be kinder to strangers than to him.)
71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.
72. As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
73. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
74. Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
75. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in public.
76. Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones.
77. Tell him you love him more often.
78. Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
79. Sit with him while he’s watching TV—even if the program doesn’t interest you.
80. Don’t expect him to read your mind (despite your thinking he should— extend grace).
81. Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
82. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff, when possible.
83. Put effort in to keep yourself in good shape so he’s especially proud to be with you.
84. Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or illogical.
85. Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”
86. Don’t criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
87. Visit his childhood home with him.
88. When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the silent treatment.
89. Pray for him.
90. Make him homemade soup when he’s sick.
91. Look your best—dress to honor him and make him proud to be seen with you when you’re out together.
92. Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer leader.
93. Don’t disagree with him in front of the children.
94. Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.
95. Cheer his successes whether in business or in other areas of everyday living.
96. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
97. Give him coupons to redeem—maybe for a back scratch or a shoulder rub.
98. Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.
99. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
100. Thank him for just being himself.

The author is unknown, for the list of “100 Ways.”
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Fozia
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« Reply #6 on: May 30, 2013 09:55 PM »


I think it's more fun doing the 'men' chores yourself, mending electrical equipment etc bleeding radiators, changing tube lights etc all light work is fun, heavy duty work, yeah leave to your husband.
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And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #7 on: May 31, 2013 02:26 AM »

Quote
43. Keep conversations brief when he’s tired—so he isn’t “flooded” by too many words.
EXTREMELY IMPORTANT!! Try conversing like a man does, logically. You can't get there entirely but even if you get half way through, it'll be appreciated. Some of the women I know are so frustrating coz one second the conversation is somewhere on earth and the next second it gets related to some other thing on some other planet. Crazy! Keep conversations to the point and don't bring in a gazillion other things that YOU think are related, coz they aren't.

101. Give him a shoulder to cry on, sometimes he needs it. Although he'll only use it if he's 100% sure his tears will only stay on your shoulder and not become public knowledge, even if it's your closest friend/relative. Build that trust. Remember, fragile egos. Anything that might hurt it will hurt the relationship.
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pearl
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« Reply #8 on: May 31, 2013 09:44 PM »

Quote
EXTREMELY IMPORTANT!! Try conversing like a man does, logically.

Sorry. You lost me at "logically"!   Cheesy
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peace
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« Reply #9 on: Jun 04, 2013 01:43 PM »

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EXTREMELY IMPORTANT!! Try conversing like a man does, logically.

Sorry. You lost me at "logically"!   Cheesy

I have not yet found a man who is actually as 'logical' as he and the rest of his breed believe themself to be. Cheesy
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akhan
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« Reply #10 on: Jun 04, 2013 04:44 PM »

See, that's the point. Women can't even recognise logic. No wonder you couldn't spot someone with it, you didn't know what to look for Wink
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Mubaraka
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« Reply #11 on: Jun 04, 2013 07:43 PM »

may be add this ?

Sometimes,act as if you are foolish and lack 'logic' so that your husband feels good about himself (it gives his ego a decent boost  Wink ) Tongue



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akhan
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« Reply #12 on: Jun 04, 2013 07:46 PM »

Oh no he won't feel that. He'll only regret marrying a fool Cheesy
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Nature
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« Reply #13 on: Jun 04, 2013 07:52 PM »

Next list - "101 ways for Muslims nowhere near marriage age to stay happy when all the articles are for married people".
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akhan
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« Reply #14 on: Jun 04, 2013 07:58 PM »

hahaha...sabr ukhti sabr
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Mubaraka
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« Reply #15 on: Jun 04, 2013 08:17 PM »

lol sis nature...i second your thoughts..

But somehow these threads seem to be a big hit....



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Mubaraka
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« Reply #16 on: Jun 04, 2013 08:18 PM »

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Oh no he won't feel that. He'll only regret marrying a fool Cheesy

LOL

Well in all honesty,I was joking(I am not married so I am not very sure if I can suggest something here..).

But I did read it somewhere-Men like to take charge of the situation.So making them feel valued for their opinion and judgement is suggested.
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akhan
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« Reply #17 on: Jun 04, 2013 08:49 PM »

Naah..it doesn't work that way. A man will know when you're deliberately trying to be foolish. Something that is genuinely an accomplishment will make a man feel good but trivial things will only seem like an added burden. My sister sometimes does things that are typically a man's job and neither me nor my brother ever thought that an opportunity to "do something" was being snatched. Men who always want to feel a sense of accomplishment are usually seeking attention coz maybe the wife ignores him. In a normal family where emotional needs are being met, nobody feels the need to "do something".
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Fozia
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« Reply #18 on: Jun 04, 2013 09:27 PM »


Pretending with your husband and posturing by the husband, won't work past the honeymoon stage....both will want to kill eachother for their sheer annoyingness.

Seriously just treat eachother with love and respect the end.

And for sisters do not attempt to micromanage your husbands, I've watched a great friend who always takes charge of everything, as she feels her husband will behave in a way that would not be appropriate for the situation or that he wouldnt be able to do it himself. On one ocassion where something quite serious happened, I told her to stop and tell her husband and let him deal with it, he surprised her by stepping up and dealing with it beautifully and it bought them closer together alhumdulillah. She was shocked at his behaviour as it was agianst what she thought his personality was.

I need to ask her if he shuts the toilet door tho.....
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And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
Fozia
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« Reply #19 on: Jun 04, 2013 09:30 PM »

 

Sis Nature, enjoy your life for the now.

The reason married people need lists is because so many are doing it so wrong!

Dunno, there got to be at least one thing in your life that you absolutely adore, enjoy it as it won't be the same when you're married and have a child swinging from your plait demanding your attention.


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And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #20 on: Jun 05, 2013 02:14 AM »

Agree with the micromanagement. Don't think any guy wants to marry his mother! Most guys were getting on fine without us and could so again. it's just that natural instinct in women is that love=mothering! we can't seem to help it.

I think not taking each other for granted and always trying to do things to please the other goes a long way!!
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Mubaraka
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« Reply #21 on: Jun 05, 2013 03:49 AM »

Ok people!!!

rule 102 was a joke!!!!!
so I am editing my post...don't want readers on the board to take it seriously!!

However I am glad that a good discussion came up at it's expense.

It is not possible to behave foolish.Nobody likes to.

But there may be times that the husband is doing some silly mistake or wants to do things his way.So,at times, it is better for a woman to allow him to make those silly mistakes for a while(unless it is a blunder and has serious consequences),than simply correcting him.Nagging and making him feel wrong for simple reasons is not very good.

Ofcourse,it all depends upon the personalities.A couple should be able to accept each other with his and her flaws.Micromanagement does not work for long.









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Siham
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« Reply #22 on: Mar 30, 2014 05:01 PM »

Quote
Better yet, if you can do the task yourself, just do it and save yourself a headache.

Ladies, if you start doing these small things now, you will end up doing everything yourself...so I'd suggest do not cross over into his territory under any circumstances  oldshaykh

Quote
I think it's more fun doing the 'men' chores yourself, mending electrical equipment etc bleeding radiators, changing tube lights etc all light work is fun, heavy duty work, yeah leave to your husband.
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"...Surely my prayer and my sacrifice, my life and my death are for Allah, the Lord of the Worlds..." (Qur'an, 6:162)
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