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Author Topic: The Perfect Mahr.  (Read 528 times)
Fozia
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« on: Jun 22, 2013 01:35 PM »


salam


This is currently doing the rounds of f/b, regardless I think this is the perfect Mahr (finally), so which Surah would you ask for?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hiba Ammar writes:

When my father proposed to my mother... He dedicated Surah Al-Imran, which he memorized off heart, as her "Mahr" (dowry)

And when my husband proposed to me, my father told him that he would have to memorize a surah of the Quran as my mahr.. The wedding will not go on unless i'v received my mahr

I was asked to pick one of the surahs... I chose Surah Al-Noor... For all the laws that Surah contained within it and for the fact that it seemed hard to memorize on my behalf.

And before our wedding day; aside of being busy preparing for our "Newly wedded Nest"... The Quran wouldn't leave my husband's hand an entire month as he was memorizing the surah...

A few day before our wedding day, my husband came to recite to my father the surah which he had completed.

My father told him every time u make a mistake, u would have to start from the beginning all over again Smiley)

My husband began reciting surah Al-Noor with his calm/gentle voice in such a "beautiful" scene which I will never forget. My mother and I would look at one another and would smile awaiting my husband to make a mistake so he would have to start all over again and by that increase my "Reward"...

But my husband - May Allah bless him - had memorized the surah off heart and didn't even forget one single verse of it.

Once he finished my father hugged him and said to him: "Today I shall marry my daughter to u for u have fulfilled her mahr.. and your pledge to me.."

He didn't pay me a financial mahr... And we didn't buy gold worth tens of thousands...

He sufficed me with Allah's words as an oath/contract between us...

And the Question is.... I wonder what Surah my daughter will chose as her mahr in the future?

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #1 on: Jun 22, 2013 03:00 PM »

Good news for all the huffaadh out there Grin
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« Reply #2 on: Jun 22, 2013 03:09 PM »

Financial meher is prescribed in Islam for some reason. Sweet as this post may sound such ideas are not cool. They are innovations.
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« Reply #3 on: Jun 22, 2013 03:37 PM »


According to my understanding it's not always financial mahr a woman can ask for an education as Mahr etc can't they?

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #4 on: Jun 22, 2013 03:40 PM »

And a financial Mahr is supposed to be sympbolic, the whole the easiest Mahr to give is the best stuff, altho of course a woman can stipulate whatever amount large or small she pleases. Financial Mahrs don't necessarily provide any kind of financial safe guard for the bride, many brides choose to forgo & forgive their Mahr once married.

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #5 on: Jun 22, 2013 03:41 PM »



Just had another thought, how would a woman in this position get Khul? How'd you pay back the memorisation of a Quran surah?

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #6 on: Jun 22, 2013 04:03 PM »


According to my understanding it's not always financial mahr a woman can ask for an education as Mahr etc can't they?

never heard that but it sounds great because just like financial meher education is woman's asset and a safeguard for future in case marriage goes sour.....but again the same question how does a woman pay it back in case of khul.
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« Reply #7 on: Jun 22, 2013 04:36 PM »

Presumably the same rule applies as that of a woman who has forgiven her mahr.....wonder what that is tho? Just permission from the courts perhaps.

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #8 on: Jun 22, 2013 06:17 PM »

It's a nice idea, especially as a way of escaping the financial burden that is an obstacle to marriage in so many cultures. But if you really wanted 'just Quran' you should probably add something simple that can be reimbursed, like a ring, just to escape the legal difficulties.

One criticism of this that I heard, was that it can be used to take advantage of convert sisters.
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« Reply #9 on: Jun 22, 2013 08:53 PM »


Is it not acceptable legally tho? We need someone knowledgeable on this.

Revert sisters are taken advantage of a lot, we have to form the protective family they don't have to stop that. This type of Mahr is perfect for the woman who is wealthy in her own right.

I also know of men who pledge huge mahrs with NO intention of fulfilling it, they have family traditions where the bride forgives it. My friend was really surprised when I told her it was up to her if she wanted to forgive it, but the agreed Mahr was in fact her Islamic right & could not be forcibly taken from her.

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #10 on: Jun 23, 2013 03:20 AM »

I also know of men who pledge huge mahrs with NO intention of fulfilling it, they have family traditions where the bride forgives it.
You didn't mention the Indian tradition, where the groom's family demands money from the bride's and then they may pay like 5% from that as mahr.
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« Reply #11 on: Jun 23, 2013 05:34 AM »

I think we can not bluntly call this sort of Mahr an innovation. To me it is in some way similar to the scenario of the woman who offered herself to the Prophet (pbuh)  but instead paired her with a companion. Here is the hadith reported by Imam Muslim in the book of Nikah (008:3316):

Quote
Sahl b. Sa'd al-Sa'idi (Allah be pleased with him) reported: A woman came to Allah's Messenger.
(may peace be upon him) and said: Messerbger of Allah, I have come to you to entrust myself to you
(you may contract my marriage with anyone at your discretion). Allah's Messenger (may peace be
upon him) saw her and cast a glance at her from head to foot. Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon
him) then lowered his head. When the woman saw that he had made no decision in regard to her,
she sat down. There stood up a person from amongst his companions and said: Messenger of Allah,
marry her to me if you have no need of her. He (the Holy Prophet) said: is there anything with you
(which you con give as a dower)? He said: No, Messenger of Allah, by Allah I have nothing.
Thereupon Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: Go to your people (family) and see if you can
find something. He returned and said: I have found nothing. The Apostle of Allah (may peace be
upon him) said: See even if it is an Iron ring. He went and returned and said: No, by God, not even an
iron ring, but only this lower garment of mine (Sahl said that he had no upper garment), half of
which (I am prepared to part with) for her. Thereupon Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him)
said: How can your lower garment serve your purpose, for it you wear it, she would not be able to
make any use of it and if she wears it there would not be anything on you? The man sat down and as
the sitting prolonged he stood up (in disappointment) and as he was going back Allah's Messenger
(may peace be upon him) commanded (him) to be called back, and as he came, he said to him: Do
you know any part of the Qur'an? He said: I know such and such surahs (and he counted them).
whereupon he said: Can you recite them from heart (from your memory)? He said: Yes, whereupon
he (Allah's Messenger) said: Go, I have given her to you in marriage for the part of the Qur'an which
you know.


On the issue of Khul I believe the judge will always find a way of resolving it.

Wallahu a'alam.

"Whoever rejects false deities and believes in Allah has grasped a firm handhold which will never break." Q 2:256"
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« Reply #12 on: Jun 23, 2013 12:31 PM »

Alright if this is an authentic hadith then I apologize for calling such meher an innovation. But then as evident from the hadith itself that this type of meher was used as a last resort by the prophet when the man had absolutely nothing material to give to the bride. Now if materially well to do people start practicing this it will just make it more difficult for women to secure their right to meher.
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« Reply #13 on: Jun 23, 2013 02:27 PM »

You are right. But I think the security in it is that Islam bestows the setting of Mahr not on the groom but the bride. So whatever she decides to receive as Mahr is her choice (or may be her parents in case of a virgin).

"Whoever rejects false deities and believes in Allah has grasped a firm handhold which will never break." Q 2:256"
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« Reply #14 on: Jun 23, 2013 06:53 PM »


No it won't, a woman can ask for whatever she wants as Mahr, the men don't get to dictate what a woma gets as Mahr.

Pretty sure that's an authentic Hadith, also Ali (ra) gave his shield as Mahr to Fatima (ra).


Mahr very rarely amount to a significant financial settlement unless the family is hugely wealthy. Even then I don't think I've ever seen anyone I know who's Mahr would sustain a lifestyle.

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #15 on: Jun 24, 2013 07:18 AM »

nope, Mahr doesn't have to be financial.  I've seen ppl give copies of the Quraan as mahr and it was fine. 

My sister asked for a hajj package for her mahr.  Our Imams were cool with that.  It was and is perfectly acceptable.

The bride should be given the opportunity to ask for what she thinks is fair and just.  Not everyone can afford the yachts and villas on the riviera that some ppl in some parts of the world demand.  It should be just and fair for both sides.   

just my two cents   Grin
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« Reply #16 on: Jun 25, 2013 11:06 AM »

Salam,

Not sure why everyone is worried about this. Don't market economics just come into play? If her family wants a huge mahr and he pays it, the end. If he doesn't pay it, they either negotiate lower or he looks elsewhere. So it must just go up and down with economics? Most families do want their daughters to get married and ask for reasonable Mahrs, don't think I've ever heard of a guy not being able to marry someone because of the Mahr or a girl's family rejecting a good guy that couldn't pay. (Good guys are a at a premium and most unmarried girls families know this!)

Why put the onus of "being piously poor" on the woman? She can ask for anything she wants according to Quran and Sunnah. Was this not the reason the woman in the mosque remonstrated with Umar (ra) when he tried to limit it. And he (ra) then said 'Umar is wrong and the lady is right'. Most families want the reassurance that he is going to be able to take care of her and value her and the Mahr shows this. Imagine telling the parents of a girl 'I'm going to memorize some Quran for her Mahr', unless he can prove otherwise, they're going to be like... this guy is not serious and doesn't realize the responsibilities of marriage!


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« Reply #17 on: Jun 25, 2013 12:15 PM »


Lol, I cannot imagine many families taking too kindly to a guy telling the girls family what he will present as Mahr.

I thought this is a cute Mahr to ask for.

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #18 on: Jun 27, 2013 06:50 PM »

I remember this topic from Suhaib Webb's site a few years ago. The answers are very interesting reading.... http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/beforemarriage/weekly-question-for-the-brothers-and-the-sisters-imam-suhaib/
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« Reply #19 on: Jun 27, 2013 08:07 PM »

Wow just read that discussion, as those bro's are so tight and one sis thinks women should get nothing!!!!

I've deicded on my Mahr.

£3m (cos 3 is like my most favourite number),
And he needs to learn and recite with Qirayat Surah Baqrah (so if anyone tries to put the evil eye on my mahr he can do ruqyah)

Cos I don't want to end up married to anyone who thinks a woman should accept anything less than what Allah has ordained for her.

I realise after this post I will have squillionaires up and down the country knocking on my door, I've decided I will not consider any marriage proposals during Ramadan, so leave me alone!

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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