// Divorce
    Peace be upon you,
    Welcome to Madinat Al-Muslimeen, the City of the Muslims. Please feel free to visit the different hot spots around the Madina and post any discussion, articles, suggestions, comments, art, poetry, events, recipes, etc etc. Basically anything you would like to share with your sisters and brothers!! Non-muslims are also of course quite welcome to share their comments. If this is your first time here, you need to register with the city council. Once you register you have 15 days to post your mandatory introduction and then you will be upgraded to a Madina Citizen, God Willing. Please note that our city does have regulations which are listed in the city constitution. Read them carefully before moving in. P.S. - You can also post anonymously if you wish. P.S.S. - Also be sure to check out our ARCHIVES from 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006 & 2007. :)

Random Quote: The true greatness of man lies in his capacity for eternal progress. -The Alchemy of Happiness, Imam Al-Ghazali
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Divorce  (Read 2812 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Anonymous
Bro
Sr. Member
*

Reputation Power: 22
Anonymous barely matters :(Anonymous barely matters :(
Gender: Male
Posts: 355


ANONYMOUS Post


« on: May 24, 2008 09:46 PM »


I am a 26 year old muslim woman who has been married for 5 years. In these 5
 years of marriage there have been no relations between me and my husband as i am not
 attracted to him and do not love him. Now i wud like to divoce him but meither him or my family
 are allowing me to do it. what can i do?

This post submitted using the ANONYMOUS button on the main Madina menu. Please reply here publicly so that the original poster can read any replies.
Abdurahman
Bro
Sr. Member
*

Reputation Power: 4
Abdurahman has no influence :(
Gender: Male
Posts: 390


Oh Allah, Guide us to the Straight Path.


« Reply #1 on: May 24, 2008 11:03 PM »

Asalamualaikum wrt wb,


All praise be to Allah.



It is a good idea to get in touch with an Imam or religious scholar in your community so that he can hear the details of your situation and also speak to your husband, and counsel you as to what to do next.  This is based on the command of Allah the Almighty:


"And ask the People of Knowledge (scholars, ulema, fuqaha) if you do not know."



And Allah knows best.

Be merciful to those on earth, and the One in the Heavens will be merciful to you.
Siham
Sis
Sr. Member
*

Reputation Power: 23
Siham barely matters :(Siham barely matters :(
Gender: Female
Posts: 468


Tranquil Heart


WWW
« Reply #2 on: May 30, 2008 04:41 PM »

As-Salaamu `alaykum,
Dear Sister, 

Islam has granted you the right to dissolve a marriage through what is known as Khula`... if a husband dissolves the marriage by divorcing his wife, he cannot retrieve any of the marriage gifts he has given her.

The Qur'an explicitly prohibits the divorcing husbands from taking back their marriage gifts no matter how expensive or valuable these gifts might be ... however, in the case of the wife choosing to end the marriage, she may return the marriage gifts to her husband.

Returning the marriage gifts in this case is a fair compensation for the husband who is keen to keep his wife while she chooses to leave him.

In short, Islam has offered the Muslim woman some unequalled rights: she can end the marriage through Khula` and she can sue for a divorce. A Muslim wife can never become chained by a recalcitrant husband or family.

I hope this helps insha`Allah.

Your sister,
Siham


Quote
Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

Dear sister in Islam, we would like to thank you for your question and the great confidence you place in us. May Allah reward you abundantly for your interest in knowing the teachings of Islam!

Marriage is indeed a sacred bond that brings together a man and a woman by virtue of the teachings of the Qur'an and the Sunnah. Indeed, Allah Almighty describes this relationship is as though one is a garment to the other; “they are a libas (i.e. body cover) for you and you are the same for them” (Al-Baqarah: 187), thus illustrating the closeness, affection, warmth and love of one for the other.

Thus, each partner in this sacred relationship must treat the other beautifully and properly. A man must not divorce his wife to bring harm upon her, as this constitutes an act that demolishes this noble establishment, breaks the woman’s heart, and possibly separates the woman from her children without any reason. Thus, the separation between a man and his wife [without just reason] was considered one of the major and grave sins, and one of the most beloved actions of Satan, as was narrated in a number of hadiths.

Just as a man must never divorce his wife in order to bring harm upon her without reason, it is also forbidden for a woman to ask for a divorce without a sensible reason. However, she is allowed to ask for a divorce for an acceptable reason.

Elaborating on this issue, we'd like to cite for you the words of Sheik Yusuf Al-Qaradawi in his well-known book, The Lawful and the Prohibited in Islam. He writes:

"The woman who cannot bear to live with her husband has the right to free herself from the marriage bond by returning to her husband the mahr (required marriage gift) and gifts he has given her, or more or less than that according to their mutual agreement. It is, however, preferable that he should not ask for more than he has given her. Allah Almighty says: "...And if you (the judges) fear that the two may not be able to keep to the limits ordained by Allah, there is no blame on either of them if she redeems herself (from the marriage tie by returning all or part of the mahr)..." (Al-Baqarah: 229)

The wife of Thabit ibn Qays came to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and said, "O Messenger of Allah, I do not reproach Thabit ibn Qays in respect of character and religion, but I do not want to be guilty of showing anger to him.'' (Her meaning was that although Thabit was a good man, she was unable to get along with him and thus might not be able to show him the respect due to a husband.) The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) asked her about what she had received from him. She replied, "A garden." He asked, "Will you give him back his garden?" "Yes," she said. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) then told Thabit, "Accept the garden and make one declaration of divorce." (Reported by al-Bukhari and an-Nasa'i)


"Do not treat people with contempt, nor walk insolently on the earth. Allah does not love the arrogant or the self-conceited boaster. Be modest in your bearing and subdue your voice, for the most unpleasant of voices is the braying of the ass." [The Holy Qur'an, Surah Luqman - 31:18-19]
peaceman
Bro
Newbie
*

Reputation Power: 0
peaceman has no influence :(
Gender: Male
Posts: 38


WWW
« Reply #3 on: Jun 01, 2008 08:22 AM »

 assalamualaikum

   A woman is not allowed to divorce on her own. The right belongs to the husband, this is what the
scholars of Islam say. A woman can request her husband to divorce her, and if he refuses to do so, she
can bring the matter up in front of an Islamic judge, who will give a ruling on the matter.  She would have
to in most circumstances, unless there is a valid excuse, give back the mahr to her husband. The right
of divorce belongs to him, since he paid her the mahr, and she wants him to give up that right and
divorce her. Some of the scholars say that one of the reasons for this is that a woman may
get emotional, and would do something drastic under emotional circumstances.  That is not to say that
a man may also get angry, and say something drastic, anyway the issue is vast and the scholars have discussed
these issues in detail in the books of knowledge.

     It is not sufficient for her just to say she is divorced.

   There is also the issue of iddat, three divorces, and taking back, the wording of divorce, and many
other issues that pertain to the issue of divorce. It is encumbant on everyone to learn and study the process
and procedures of divorce from our noble ulema, and follow the commandments of  Allah and His Messenger, not
on personal opinions based on ignorance.  It is also encumbant on everyone to respect the people of knowledge and listen and learn from their words.

    That being said, I will say that shaikh Abdurrahman, soon to be Imam Abdurrahman as well, has done an excellent  job in conveying the knowledge of our scholars, and is a trustworthy Imam and scholar, who has studied for many years under many of the shuyukh, and is more than qualified to answer any and every question that one may have, and will give the answer on what he has learned throughout his vast studies from our noble predecessor scholars. It is very rude for one to say that there are no shaikhs or imams or scholars on this board. Anyway the loss is on the people that refuse to learn, as they remain ignorant. It is also encumbant on the people of knowledge to respond to the rudeness of people not respecting the knowledge with wisdom and ilm.

      It is also encumbant on everyone to brush there personal opinions and views aside, and follow and accept the commands of Allah and His messenger wholeheartedly and completely. People's views and opinions need to be changed to accept the ordainments of Allah and Islam.  The Islamic law does not change to fit people's views and opinions.

   Honorable sister Siham, I don't mean to so forward in contradicting your post. I would request you to post the procedures of divorce, as explained by our noble scholars, so that people can learn what steps are involved in divorce.  Divorce is indeed an issue that many people are ignorant about, and most do not even know the basics.

     And Allah knows.       

May Allah increase you in knowledge.
Take a look at my site:  http://www.tajwid.info

Also a good site with several mp3 durus of beneficial knowledge from our ulema, fiqh explaining the book "bulgh Maram" , Q&A, http://www.imamfaisal.com
Fozia
Sis
Hero Member
*

Reputation Power: 124
Fozia is awe-inspiring mA!Fozia is awe-inspiring mA!Fozia is awe-inspiring mA!Fozia is awe-inspiring mA!Fozia is awe-inspiring mA!Fozia is awe-inspiring mA!Fozia is awe-inspiring mA!Fozia is awe-inspiring mA!Fozia is awe-inspiring mA!Fozia is awe-inspiring mA!Fozia is awe-inspiring mA!Fozia is awe-inspiring mA!
Gender: Female
Posts: 2659



« Reply #4 on: Jun 01, 2008 11:41 PM »

salam

Isn't there a special ruling for when there has been no intimacy between husband and wife, I could swear I read somewhere that one can get an annulment if the husband and wife have stayed apart for a length of time. Moreso if they had never been intimate to begin with.

Peaceman, I think youre taking this far too personally, the madinat is a place to come for advice, it's not set up as a official place to get fatwahs, as it is not monitored so, the admins are rightly covering their backs when they say nobody on this boards is endorsed by them as Shayks, or imams or whatever.

There are sites specifically for fatwahs run by those professing to be shaykhs etc, and if you want that then its available.


Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
peaceman
Bro
Newbie
*

Reputation Power: 0
peaceman has no influence :(
Gender: Male
Posts: 38


WWW
« Reply #5 on: Jun 02, 2008 08:08 AM »

 assalamualaikum


  Sister Siham,  you have done the right thing by editing your post and adding the ruling of one of our noble shaikhs.  We should all keep up that spirit and listen and learn the knowledge from our noble ulema.

   For the madinat, as well as all the other forums, it should be a place where people are increasing there
knowledge of Islam, and learning the beneficial knowledge; not make excuses to remain on ignorance, and
leave out any postings of fatawas and ilm of our noble ulema. Any place that is deplete of ilm is instead following ignorance and the shaitan that will lead them far astray, and into committing many wrong actions.  Rather one should make efforts to learn the teachings of our noble scholars and religion, and then afterwards convey what
they have learned to there friends and colleagues.

    Also, one should use wisdom and avoid getting into disputations and argumentations, and if someone
else is not accepting and listening to the knowledge, it is best to talk about another subject, where the other person would listen and benefit from the knowledge. One should also give references on where the source of knowledge is from, i.e. not from one's personal opinion but something they learned from a particular scholar.

   And Allah knows.   

May Allah increase you in knowledge.
Take a look at my site:  http://www.tajwid.info

Also a good site with several mp3 durus of beneficial knowledge from our ulema, fiqh explaining the book "bulgh Maram" , Q&A, http://www.imamfaisal.com
peaceman
Bro
Newbie
*

Reputation Power: 0
peaceman has no influence :(
Gender: Male
Posts: 38


WWW
« Reply #6 on: Jun 02, 2008 09:16 PM »

assalamualaikum

Now back to your question.

Quote
Isn't there a special ruling for when there has been no intimacy between husband

and wife, I could swear I read somewhere that one can get an annulment if the

husband and wife have stayed apart for a length of time. Moreso if they had never

been intimate to begin with.

If there has been no intimacy between the husband and wife, and they divorce, the

scholars say the wife can keep half of the mahr if he has given it to her already.

If he has not already given it to her, he should give her a gift.

Annulment, in Islamic terminology, is different from divorce. Annulment refers to

when a marriage is invalid, because the conditions of marriage are not correct,

like for example if two people get married, and then later
one of the two spouses apostasizes and becomes a mushriq. Or two people marry, then

it is found out that they are brother and sister by suckling. The conditions of the

marriage are not correct and therefore the marriage is annulled. It is not like the

terminology used by Catholics as a substitute for divorce.

Some of the scholars of Hanafiyya, also refer to annulment when the marriage has

been dissolved by khul through a judge. This is only the view of the Hanafiyya, and

not the other three schools.

For the khul, a woman can request her husband for a divorce, as the right is his.

She can offer to give him a 'Ransom' in order to encourage him to divorce. This

ransom amount could be the amount of the mahr , or less or more, and has the same

rulings as for what is acceptable as a mahr; i.e. the ransom amount should not be

something forbidden, and something actual. Some scholars do not allow this ransom

to be greater than the amount originally given as mahr.

If the husband still refuses to divorce, she can go to an Islamic judge, who will

divorce them, and will decide on what amount, if any, the wife will have to give as ransom. 

For a woman to do a khul without a valid reason is considered forbidden, or very

much disliked at the least, as there is a hadith that says that the people that do khul are 'munafiqoon'. Some of the acceptable reasons for a khul are mentioned in the post above by the noble shaikh, and the majority of scholars also accept 'shiqaq' (discord between the spouses) as a valid reason as well.

It is also forbidden for a husband that does not want to be with his wife to keep her hanging or harm her until she does the khul, where he would be returned the mahr, but should divorce her under the proper Islamic guidelines.

   The information above is what the scholars say about khul, and Allah knows. 

assalamualaikum

May Allah increase you in knowledge.
Take a look at my site:  http://www.tajwid.info

Also a good site with several mp3 durus of beneficial knowledge from our ulema, fiqh explaining the book "bulgh Maram" , Q&A, http://www.imamfaisal.com
Fozia
Sis
Hero Member
*

Reputation Power: 124
Fozia is awe-inspiring mA!Fozia is awe-inspiring mA!Fozia is awe-inspiring mA!Fozia is awe-inspiring mA!Fozia is awe-inspiring mA!Fozia is awe-inspiring mA!Fozia is awe-inspiring mA!Fozia is awe-inspiring mA!Fozia is awe-inspiring mA!Fozia is awe-inspiring mA!Fozia is awe-inspiring mA!Fozia is awe-inspiring mA!
Gender: Female
Posts: 2659



« Reply #7 on: Jun 02, 2008 10:45 PM »

salam


With all due respect, may I suggest Peaceman, that you never ever use the word ransom with regards divorce. It suggests that Islam holds women hostage and they must buy back their freedom. Shocked

Returning the bride gift in part or completely, would be more an incentive or compensation, or merely a return in full of the gift given so no financial harm is caused the groom in the event of a short lived marriage.....

But ransom no no no. 

Thanx for clarifying the point tho.


Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
JustOne
Sis
Hero Member
*

Reputation Power: 17
JustOne has no influence :(
Gender: Female
Posts: 543


« Reply #8 on: Jun 03, 2008 03:28 AM »

Assalaamu Alaikum...

I am always surprised when people say they have been married for a number of years and have NEVER loved or been attracted to their spouse.  NEVER is a very strong word, and in this case, sounds very hurtful...but more importantly, doesn't quite make sense.  You didn't love him on the day of your wedding when you met him dressed up as a groom?  How about when you took your first drive together?  The first time he had dinner with your family? I mean...you must love something about the man -- he can't be a monster (unless there's an extreme situation of him being abusive or him cheating on you)

Maybe before jumping the gun to the ultimate: divorce -- it might be better to try and resolve your issues internally.  At least open up communication between yourself and your husband.

Also, try to imagine your life WITHOUT him.  It might not be the greatest of scenarios, wallahu alam.

Until and unless you have exhausted all options to try and SAVE your marriage (counselling, meeting an imam, dialogue, maybe taking a vacay with him to the maldives or something, etc etc.), you can't legitimately pursue the option of divorce.  Make the effort to SAVE your marriage, and in the event that you get divorced, you'll find it'll be easier to handle feelings of guilt, regret, and sorrow. 

I'm sorry sister, but I don't think any Muslim would tell you it's cool to get divorced just because you feel like it, or because you don't feel like continuing the marriage.

May Allah make it easy on you, and may He guide all of us to the straight path.

Wasalaam.

cat
Sis
Full Member
*

Reputation Power: 0
cat has no influence :(
Gender: Female
Posts: 119


« Reply #9 on: Jun 03, 2008 08:47 AM »

Slm Sister.  I just have a few words from the heart for you :-

1.  you should not expect the Love at First Site syndrome to hit your marraige unless you are prepared to give a possible friendship between the two of you a chance at least.
2.  It appears that you have already made up your mind to be unhappy or unfullfilled in this marriage and nothing we say is going to change this unless you want to change
3.  I only appreciated or understood my husband after 14 years of marriage.  It doesn't mean he has become a Saint overnight, but that we eventually fell is some sort of sync and understand each other a whole lot better than we had when we first married.  Any relationship takes time and effort.  You have to be open to that idea first and foremost before you can expect any fireworks.
4.  You may not be atracted to your husband for various reasons, however, have you tried maybe advising him on what you would like to see in him that will make him more attractive to you?  It may not seem like it but husbands are not all monsters and some do take their wives advice to heart and do something about it.

It is incorrect (and forgive me) to assume that you haven't put much effort into this marriage at all yourself and have resigned yourself to an easy way out, but from your brief post that is what comes across.  Insha Allah i wish you well in whatever you decide.
Siham
Sis
Sr. Member
*

Reputation Power: 23
Siham barely matters :(Siham barely matters :(
Gender: Female
Posts: 468


Tranquil Heart


WWW
« Reply #10 on: Jun 03, 2008 06:17 PM »



(From the hadith "Love is inherited" in Al Adab Al Mufrad, a compilation on manners and etiquettes collected by Imam Bukhari)

An anonymous sister shares her heartache at the stagnant state of her relationship – and her resolve to turn it around.
 
As a wedding gift, we received a frame, in beautiful Arabic calligraphy, of the Quranic verse: “And from His signs is that He has created for you, from among yourselves, spouses, so that you may dwell in tranquility with them. And He has placed love and Mercy between your hearts. Therein are signs for those who reflect.” Those days, we reminded ourselves that the love we shared was a mercy from Allah, the Most Loving. We knew we were each other’s garments. 
 
Somehow, as we moved house several times, and our hearts also made several moves of their own, that frame found its way to a dusty basement, among boxes of memorabilia that no one has the heart to part with, amid boxes that we hope will one day be unpacked. Whereas once it stood proud, reminding us of our love, today, it is symbolic of all the dust that has set into our lives. Our marriage lies in two boxes. The first is memories of laughter and friendship; the second is a box that is should be attended to, but neither of us has the energy to expend on it. 
 
Where did the love go? When last were we able to take delight in each other’s company? When did intellectually stimulating conversation get replaced by terse discussions about the current sad state of affairs? When did the love notes get replaced by a folder – application for khula’ – a folder that I have not yet deleted, as the possibility lies in a question mark. 
 
“Love too is inherited” our Prophet taught. And even if, for no other reason but that our children will learn from our ability to love, it is essential that we preserve that love. We serve our husbands. They learn the lesson behind the service: is it executed with ihsaan, in the best possible way, or grudgingly when we feel we have no choice. They see it in our preparation of meals, in the smile with which we great our spouse. Do we relish their company, or look for an opportunity to escape? 
 
“Love, too is inherited” said our Prophet (SAW).

I look at my daughter, and wish for her a husband who will nurture her, accept her special whimsies, and see the warmth behind her seemingly hot temperament. I look at my son, and pray that he will find a partner who will stand by him through his trials, accept his weaknesses and his strengths, who will see his sincerity. From us, they will learn to love, to accept love, and to expect love. 
 
And so, I take stock of my ledger. In the black book in the recesses of my mind, every action of his is recorded and revisited. When the going gets rough, it is almost as if I remember every negative word or action, with relish, and take pleasure in my sorrows. Will I balance that with the times he has loved me when I was unlovable? With the gentleness he showed me when I was at my weakest? When I read of the Prophet (SAW)’s tenderness to his wives, will I look at him as failing to keep up with the prophetic example, or will I see that I was no Khadija to the trials and hardships that he faced? 

Love too is inherited. What legacy will I pass on? 
 
So, tonight, while my heart is still sore, and I fear his rejection, after all I have done and said, I will risk being vulnerable. And learn the secrets that come only to those who can risk being vulnerable. 
 
I will risk making the first moves to reconciliation. 
 
Because love, too, is inherited.



"Do not treat people with contempt, nor walk insolently on the earth. Allah does not love the arrogant or the self-conceited boaster. Be modest in your bearing and subdue your voice, for the most unpleasant of voices is the braying of the ass." [The Holy Qur'an, Surah Luqman - 31:18-19]
Ehsan
Bro
Jr. Member
*

Reputation Power: 0
Ehsan has no influence :(
Gender: Male
Posts: 60



WWW
« Reply #11 on: Jun 09, 2008 12:49 PM »

Assalamualaikum,

With matters of divorce and such complexities, I would vehemently advice you follow Abdurahmans advice in clarifying the matter with the Imam in your local area.

The hikmah behind this is that there are many complications and issues that may arise that need further clarification so that a decision can be given properly.

A forum, respectfully, would not be the ideal form of communication to find out the necessary information to reach a sound judgement.


Wasaalam
Ehsan


INFORMING YOU ABOUT ISLAM

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to: