// PLEASE HELP!
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blackrose
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« on: Jun 17, 2008 06:53 PM »


Asalamualaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatahu


My friend emailed me this today and with her permisson Im showing it to all of you with conviction that someone might be able to help in some way. I have erased my name and hers .. (those are the blanks)
If anyone has any suggestions, answers, ideas, plz reply. Anyone know laws, or anyone a lawyer in here or know anyone that is plz convey this message so we can get some answers. JazakAllahu Kair


Assalamalikum ---, how are you? Hope things are good with you.
---- I wanted to ask you a favor … here is information first:
Judge had ordered us ‘mediation’ in our first hearing. I was under the impression that mediation is about marriage counseling; well, its not. Its about dealing with money issues before divorce is finalized. During the mediation both parties claim what they want to keep and give.
In my case, ---- (rather his mother) is refusing to give me anything even what I’m entitled by U.S. law. They are hiding his bank statements even though I provided 2 & ½ years of every statement I had. They also have hidden whatever he had before he filed for divorce.
My ‘meher’ is being refused stating its very vague and that it has no chance in U.S. court.
---- not only that; they’ve demanded their gold back. I was told by mediator that they are asking me to return all their gold back to them because it belonged to Shakil’s maternal grand mother. And they can fight it as an item of ‘sentimental value’. I told our mediator that our gold designs also show the fashion of that current time, the designs of their gold shows its been made within last 4 years whereas his maternal grand mother had died 24 years ago. It can not be hers, they are lying.
Mediator said if not this they will try to get the gold back as ‘marital asset’. In which case it will have to be given back or equally divided. When I said it should be considered ‘gift’ and this one was a required gift to the wife and it should not be taken back. The mediator said they can do whatever they decide to.
Even when I told him I took care of my kitchen and my personal expenses while living with him, he said that does not matter anymore.
My favor to ask you is that can you tell me if he could claim and take everything from me and not give me what is rightfully mine? How can that happen in U.S.A?
I paid all of my dish network bill as it was under my name, even though he was using it. Then he made his mom call dish network posing as me and use my information to convert the account to his name (because of his poor credit history, no one would give him an account). And I’ve no way to prove it.
One of his medical bill that was put on my credit card … that has gone into collection now. I’ve made a couple of payments on it but they want lump sum. Baba is taking care of all my expenses and bought me another car.
----- Baba is getting very upset over all this and I don’t explain much of things to mom because I don’t want to hurt her even more then she already is.
These people have no shame, no fear of Allah, and don’t think about Karma.
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« Reply #1 on: Jun 17, 2008 08:10 PM »

salam

Tell her transfer everything and I mean every last thing of value to her dads name or sisters name or whatever. If anyone asks tell them she had to do it as she is re-paying loans to them.

Her money is her money islamically, if she has to do it this way to keep hold of her own assets DO IT. Islamically also he cannot demand back gifts, it's compared to a man eating his own vomit!
Having said that, tell her to get all her wedding gold authenticated with certificates from jewelers stating that the designs are of such and such an age proving that gold cannot be as old as her inlaws are claiming, hide some of it, tell them it got lost at the same time as ex left the house....

He has probably hidden all his money in his parents name.

What is her lawyer saying? She needs an amazing lawyer, mediation is the route you take when you can be amicable about things and minimise legal costs. This ex will take her for every last penny he can get.

Get her to get in writing a testimony from an imam which states very clearly, that she is entitled to her mahr regardless of whether she divorces, as it is that which made her marriage contract legal religiously, and she would never ever have been able to marry had he refused to give her this marriage gift, liken it to a catholic wedding with a ring, with this ring I thee wed kind of thing without a ring there is no wedding.

Tell the credit card company that ex fraudulently used her credit card to pay his medical bills. Call the dish company and ask them why they have changed the name on the account, when they say she asked, tell them she did not, ask for proof that she did as it looks like someone has stolen her dientity, inform the police of this, ask for a number for the phone where the call came from if it's not hers more proof it wasnt her, make them prove it was her, forget about her proving it was not her.

Above all get good legal advice, if she doesn't she is making a false economy, better a legal brief get a chunk of a large settlement than she end up on the streets because she did not know her legal rights.

And tell her to sit tight, she's not alone unfortunately, this is all too common a scourge within our community.



Wassalaam


And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #2 on: Jun 17, 2008 10:09 PM »

her reply:

----- if I could make you understand how thankful I'm to you and all the people who are reading and responding.

Now ... I've been clearly notified several times by the his lawyer as well as the mediator that 'meher' has no value under US Law.

Its hard to convince my dad that I've got a lousy lawyer because he is paying for it all.

----, I've just found out that through a family fued (which was to declare/witness ---- 2nd wife; ----as his only wife by --- Uncle) ----Uncle got 1/4 share of ---- Uncle's Flour Mill in Pakistan - as bribe and it was then put under (her exhubs name. This has been recently done. I've heard that some other lands have been divided as well and Shakil has got some other land in his name (all this after a I got married to him).

I don't know I feel like I'm up against a Pharoah (fir'on) and I'm not even Moses ... merely a weakest, scared person on earth, alone.

Person(s) who does not care about Qayamat or Karma would care less about eating their own vomit. Its just sad they are Muslims.

Anyways ---- ... thank you for reading all this. I apprecite it. Jazzakallah.

----

Fozia
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« Reply #3 on: Jun 17, 2008 10:45 PM »

salam


Don't bother convincing dad lawyer is crap, go and set up appointments with several lawyers and pick one who you click with, then tell dad you have switched lawyers, it's too precarious a time to be gentle and considerate, be firm and stay strong.
I'm in the UK, there must be someone on this board in the states who has legal knowledge, or at least can provide names of good lawyers.


Sweetheart, I am absolutely in the nightmare you're at, and after the court appearances I feel like I'm dying slowly inside. It hurts like anything all the lies and having to face ex, and his arrogance and bare faced lies.

I'm leaving the Islamic reprecussions to Allah, if he has said there is punishment for the wrongdoer, and the transgressor who steals a persons rights then he will deal with him as he sees fit in this life and the hereafter. I forgive nothing, I'll demand my justice when the hour comes if it comes down to it.

Get a good lawyer, and hide every last asset you possibly can.

Get written confirmation that ex has this land in his name in pakistan ie, amount of land, when it was bought, how much it is and get it in writing from a surveyor or someone official, and then demand a share in the financial settlement, ask for cash in dollars not strips of land you will never see.
Also when you do work through your financial setltement, tell the lawyer ex must pay for your maintenance during your iddat period as it is encumbent on you and you will not be able to work for that period of time. Demand everything.

There may now come people on this board who will say, ask for one outfit and leave the marriage...... but you were due maintenance during your marriage to your ex, you are due the mehr, you are due the gifts given to you, I'd say anything you get will pretty much even out that which was due to you, although prolly wont even begin to approach that which he should have spent on you during your marriage and now at your divorce.

Stay strong, pray lots of salat, it's my only solace at the moment, that and the thought that I cannot possibly curl up and die and leave my babies at the mercy of the monster I married.
There is a happy life waiting for you inshallah, you've just got to keep going till you turn the corner.

And I cannot emphasise enough, get a GOOD LAWYER.


Wassalaam


And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #4 on: Jun 18, 2008 06:59 AM »

Assalaamu Alaikum...

Here's what I know about American divorce proceedings.... and I'll try to make it very simple (a lot of this information is available online, and I would recommend that she read up on this stuff very thoroughly BEFORE meeting her lawyer - because unfortunately there are very few humane lawyers out there).

1. Some states favor women, and some states do not.  For example, New York and Illinois are famous for being more favorable to women and Alabama is not.  Figure out which category your state falls in.

2. Get a good lawyer - someone with a good record and someone you feel comfortable sharing information with.

3. If there is no custody issue, financial assets do not take a long time to split up.  Generally, the rule is, the spouse who will have an easier time recovering from a financial loss after a marital split ... is the one who will pay up.  If your husband earned a lot of money during the marriage, and you were a housewife (for example), sometimes the assets are even split up to 40-60 (man-woman).  If you were earning more... and he was going bankrupt... could be a problem.

4. Mahr has no value in the American system.  This is something he will have to grow a conscience to give to you.

5. Who filed for divorce? It is always favorable to file for divorce while still living together.  If custody is involved, it is then best to file, write a letter with your contact information henceforth (so that there is no kidnapping charge), and then leave.

6. Where were you guys living during your marriage.  Was the house owned, if so... who owned it.  If it was mortgaged, who was making the mortgage payments, etc.

7.  Sorry this is kind of a break from the list ... please don't refer to him as fir'aun. Divorce is a difficult time... where you feel wronged, so do they.  Even if they had entirely messed up standards while you were married, just try very hard not to say bad things about them -- inshaAllah this will be best for all of you in the long run.

8. Don't worry about him not showing his records... if you have a good lawyer, all this information can be subpoenaed.

9. Forget the flour mill man!! That's a whole other can of worms that you do NOT want to get into until and unless you know how the Pakistani legal system works. 

10.  Stay calm.  Divorce is - unfortunately - a lose-lose situation. Islamically, the only thing you are entitled to is the mahr (if he filed for divorce) ... The gold -- is it in your possession, or theirs? 

Pray tons.  Explain things to your parents - they are your support group. 

May Allah make it easy on you.
Wasalaam.
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« Reply #5 on: Jun 18, 2008 08:40 AM »

salam

I reckon it would be a good time to ask an imam exactly what you are entitled to islamically as well. I dont think the mahr is the only thing one is entitled too, maintenance during the iddat period is also included, and any monies you lent to him must be re-paid as should all maintenance entitled to you during your marriage and which he never gave you...I think.

But as you're living in the states ask for the assets you would be entitled to islamically, that's what I have done. Lucky for me, in England they do recognise that mahr is my right legally.

I'd echo Sr JO, in that dont spend your time hating your ex, it expends far too much emotional energy, which would be better directed in getting a proper financial settlement, one which you are entitled to.



Wassalaam

And when My servants question thee concerning Me, then surely I am nigh. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he crieth unto Me. So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, in order that they may be led aright. Surah 2  Verse 186
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« Reply #6 on: Jun 18, 2008 05:24 PM »

ok im not able to talk much, but i skimmed over here and wanted to menitno the maher and nikkah contract have bee n upheld in many courts,.. Its a legal contract many people did recieve their maher. I v etalked to an old contact where i used to live and shes going to talk to the girl and referred a good lawyer.. but extra advice is always good , plz feel free to post it.

salaam
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Oh Allah, Guide us to the Straight Path.


« Reply #7 on: Jun 22, 2008 11:30 PM »

Asalamualaikum wrt wb,


All praise be to Allah.


"If your husband earned a lot of money during the marriage, and you were a housewife (for example), sometimes the assets are even split up to 40-60 (man-woman). . "


May Allah make us of those who hear the words of admonition and follow them:


It is not permissible to usurp another person's money, even if the laws allow you to do that.  The proof for this is the hadith of the Messenger of Allah narrated in Bukhari when he said what means: " Some of you may be more eloquent than others in presenting their cases to me, so I judge in their favor, although they take what is not theirs.  They only eat in their bellies the Fire."

Sister Fozia gave some very good advice about speaking to a scholar or Imam to better understand what is right Islamically.  A person who does that will not only be successful in the afterlife, but they will find that Allah will ease their affairs in the dunya as well.  This is advice for those who want to please their Lord, and earn His Mercy.  I am not a compeller over people's affairs.


May Allah guide us to follow the truth. 


And Allah knows better.


Be merciful to those on earth, and the One in the Heavens will be merciful to you.
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« Reply #8 on: Jun 23, 2008 01:36 PM »

sorry i should clarify...

those are the assets accumulated during marriage.

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