// Did I miss a memo or something?
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Author Topic: Did I miss a memo or something?  (Read 2208 times)
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« on: Jun 23, 2008 10:23 PM »

As salaamu alaikum

I feel as if I missed a critical memo because for the life of me I can't understand where the rudeness has come from that I find ...... from Muslim brothers (okay guess that reveals that I'm a sister).

I mean honestly the latest bout of rudeness came from a brother that found me on one of the matrimonial sites and who gave me his e-mail address and phone number.  We exchanged a couple of e-mails; spoke with him by phone once (yesterday actually) and answered the questions he had and posed my own including how much I dislike rude people and ; sent him a photo as he requested (although there's one on the site) and today not only did he "change his mind" and therefore "reject" me on the site but also went so far as to then block me from sending any more e-mails.  Now maybe I'm over sensitive with all the numerous rejections and all but that was so not necessary; so really did I miss a memo that says that being rude is okay?  If so then I guess I'd better reject everything I was ever taught and join the "rude brigade".

Sure I used to always blame myself and believe that there was just something fundamentally wrong with me but I've gotten over that notion because it's not me - I've gotten too many propositions and invitations from decent non-Muslim men (as if I'd be interested; they act like they don't understand that I have no interest).

So I'm back to the "still looking; still foolishly hoping; still praying for relief from the misery and the burden; and still checking for my copy of the memo that says it's okay to be rude.

As salaamu alaikum
« Reply #1 on: Jun 24, 2008 08:24 AM »


To be perfectly honest, the man sounds a bit mad. Lucky for you he showed his dumb side before things went further.

Btw, why on earth did you send him another picture of you, you should have politely pointed him to the one you had posted up on the website.

Don't become rude just because a lot of people are, you know the way it makes you feel when people are rude to you, would you want to cause someone similar pain?

Rise above it, ignore, and inshallah you will meet a decent human being soon.

« Reply #2 on: Jun 24, 2008 11:10 AM »


I hope you can have a sense of humor about when you're happily married inshaAllah.

A brother on THIS website (nice guy...don't know if he's still around), once tried to hook me up with a good friend of his who attended the same halaqa as he did...etc etc.  Anyway, I really respect the brother in the middle, so after asking my parents, I agreed to looking at his "marriage profile" (which was an endless email that went on and on about himself and how cool he is).  He also demanded I respond with a similar profile, and I sent a really funny one about my interest in water spiders or something. (I don't think he was amused).

Annnyyywaayyy... a few weeks later, we added  each other on MSN.  And he talked about himself for long spaces of time, when I would click on another window and start doing other things.  He was intelligent.  He was successful.  He also met my parents' criteria of being urdu speaking, etc etc.  But man he was soooooo boring and so full of himself (I'm the youngest person in my company to have become a partner! I'm the younngest person in the world to have (blank) certification...ENDLESS)

Anyhow, one fine day, he asked me for my picture.  He sent me 3 of his, I sent him like the best one I had. He looked.... ok.  Like he was ok looking, I wasn't horrified with his picture.  Then he dissappeared.... for a MONTH.

And then I get an email: Sorry...I was sooooo busy.  Yeah btw, I showed my mom the picture, and she said you're not physically up to par with me.  We can still be friends though.

Just so you know, we're not friends anymore Smiley

But you know what... even though I didn't like him... I was shatterred.  I felt soooo ugly for soooo long. And i realized it's not acceptable.  Not for him to have been the jerk that he was, but for me to have felt that way about a guy I didn't even know, halfway across the world.

Btw: here's your memo -- it's not okay to accept rudeness from someone else.

« Reply #3 on: Jun 24, 2008 10:37 PM »

To answer the question on "why on earth did I send another picture" can I plead "temporary insanity" or "desperation" or "stupidity" or "just plain tired of being alone" or how about "I dunno know".  Yes perhaps he was a jerk but I'll never know.  All I know is rude just seems to be the norm; I wonder if I have a sign or something that says "Go ahead be rude I don't mind" which is why I seem to always be on the receiving end of it and rarely on the giving end.

Aside from the fact that it just pains me that this process is soooooooooooo hard and long to me it is even more critical need with all the challenges that are facing the ummah today with people finding anything and everything to further divide us and thus keep us apart.

I've tried to find solace or rather some justification or logic for it and all I've gotten in a massive headache; my job is stressful enough and caring for my children is tiring enough.  All I want is some relief from all of this but even this seems harder and more stressful than a job.  Amazing how people can make something that is so clear cut so complicated.

« Reply #4 on: Jun 26, 2008 05:51 AM »

You're not the only one who has had meanness from guys. The same thing happened to me when I sent a picture. The unfortunate thing is that he sent it to his parents and the answer came back: not white enough, looked too old (was she married before?), who is the guy standing next to her (my brother), why does she call you by name (apparently "mia " or "aap" is the only appropriate thing), etc etc. And I've had someone say I was never attracted to you (why did he want to marry?) Anyway, I could go on and on but it's rather depressing :'( I console myself by knowing how cool and awesome I am. Their loss.

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