Good Manners At Home
Spreading kindness in the home
'Aa'ishah (RA) said: "The Messenger of Allah (SAW) said:
'When Allah (SWT) wills some good towards the people of a household, He
introduces kindness among them.'" (Reported by Imaam Ahmad in al-Musnad,
6/71; Saheeh al-Jaami', 303)
According to another report:
"When Allah loves the people of a household, He introduces kindness
among them." (Reported by Ibn Abi al-Dunya and others; Saheeh al-Jaami',
In other words, they start to be kind to one another. This is one of the
means of attaining happiness in the home, for kindness is very
beneficial between the spouses, and with the children, and brings
results that cannot be achieved through harshness, as the Prophet (SAW)
"Allah loves kindness and rewards it in such a way that He does not
reward for harshness or for anything else." (Reported by Muslim, Kitaab
al-Birr wa'l-Sillah wa'l-Aadaab, no. 2592)
Helping one's wife with the housework
Many men think that housework is beneath them, and some of them think
that it will undermine their status and position if they help their
wives with this work.
The Messenger of Allah (SAW), however, used to "sew his own clothes,
mend his own shoes and do whatever other work men do in their homes."
(Reported by Imaam Ahmad in al-Musnad, 6/121; Saheeh al-Jaami', 4927).
This was said by his wife 'Aa'ishah (RA), when she was asked about what
the Messenger of Allah (SAW) used to do in his house; her response
described what she herself had seen. According to another report, she
"He was like any other human being: he would clean his clothes, milk his
ewe and serve himself." (Reported by Imaam Ahmad in al-Musnad, 6/256;
al-Silsilat al-Saheehah, 671)
She (RA) was also asked about what the Messenger of Allah (SAW) used to
do in his house, and she said,
"He used to serve his family, then when the time for prayer came, he
would go out to pray." (Reported by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, 2/162).
If we were to do likewise nowadays, we would achieve three things:
* We would be following the example of the Prophet (SAW).
* We would be helping our wives.
* We would feel more humble, not arrogant.
Some men demand food instantly from their wives, when the pot is on the
stove and the baby is screaming to be fed; they do not pick up the child
or wait a little while for the food. Let these Hadith be a reminder and
Being affectionate towards and joking with the members of the family
Showing affection towards one's wife and children is one of the things
that lead to creating an atmosphere of happiness and friendliness in the
home. Thus the Messenger of Allah (SAW) advised Jabir (RA) to marry a
"Why did you not marry a virgin, so you could play with her and she
could play with you, and you could make her laugh and she could make you
laugh?" (The hadeeth is reported in a number of places in the Saheehayn,
such as al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, 9/121)
The Prophet (SAW) also said:
"Everything in which Allah's name is not mentioned is idleness and play,
except for four things: a man playing with his wife." (Reported by
al-Nisaa'i in 'Ushrat al-Nisa', p. 87; also in Saheeh al-Jaami')
The Prophet (SAW) used to treat his wife 'Aa'ishah (RA) affectionately
when doing ghusl with her, as she (RA) said:
"The Messenger of Allah and I used to do ghusl together from one vessel,
and he would pretend to take all the water so that I would say, 'Leave
some for me, leave some for me,'" - and both of them were in a state of
janaabah (impurity). (Muslim bi Sharh al-Nawawi, 4/6).
The ways in which the Prophet (SAW) showed affection towards young
children are too famous to need mentioning. He often used to show his
affection towards Hasan and Husayn, as mentioned above. This is probably
one of the reason why the children used to rejoice when he came back
from travelling; they would rush to welcome him, as reported in the
"Whenever he came back from a journey, the children of his household
would be taken out to meet him." He (SAW) used to hug them close to him,
as 'Abd-Allah ibn Jafar (RA) said:
"Whenever the Prophet (SAW) came back from a journey, we would be taken
out to meet him. One day we met him, Hasan, Husayn and I. He carried one
of us in front of him, and another on his back, until we entered
Madeenah." (Saheeh Muslim, 4/1885-2772; see the commentary in Tuhfat
Compare this with the situation in some miserable homes where there are
no truthful jokes [i.e., jokes that do not involve lying], no affection
and no mercy. Whoever thinks that kissing his children goes against the
dignity of fatherhood should read the following hadeeth: from Abu
Hurayrah (RA) who said:
"The Messenger of Allah (SAW) kissed al-Hasan ibn 'Ali, and al-Aqra'
ibn Haabis al-Tameemi was sitting with him. Al-Aqra' said: 'I have ten
children and I have never kissed any one of them.' The Messenger of
Allah (SAW) looked at him and said:
'The one who does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.'"